--

Jiyong.

I heard him call my name, one last time. I was happy I could hear his voice again, but also so bitterly sad, because his voice was not teasing or playful… instead, it was full of sorrow and desperation. I ran, blood streaming from my arm, away from Seunghyun and from the doctors and from my life as I knew it.

I knew I was hurting Seunghyun, but I had to hurt him now, lest I hurt him beyond repair later. I knew that in my condition I was susceptible to die any second, and I knew I couldn’t put Top through that kind of strife. Even though the doctors said I had a few months, I knew it was only a matter of time until I died, and I couldn’t bear to see Seunghyun finally achieve his mutual love… just for me to leave him, forever. My eyes stung as tears rolled down my face, chilled by the winter air.

I lost track of time. It felt like I had run for an eternity, the cold harsh on my lungs and numbing my legs and feet. I could vaguely tell that my arm was still bleeding, but otherwise, all was void.

Somehow I finally reached the dorm, nose running, blood flowing, limbs numb to the point I could barely walk, and a sharp, indescribable pain in my chest. I threw my weight on the door, bursting in and trying to stop the blood flow from my arm. I didn’t know how much I had lost, but I felt dizzy. Deliberately, I struggled to climb the steps to my room, head spinning. I forced myself to move, trying to collect some possessions from my room into a duffle bag.

My body was sore at such a small task and I was tempted to collapse in my room and give up, but I had to press on. Scraping my way past the door frame, I struggled to pull myself through the hall, and somehow I was able to leave and say goodbye to my home, forever.

--

Seunghyun.

I saw him run away. Perhaps for the last time, I saw his slim figure, sprinting away from me.

Anger boiled within me as they dragged me into a room and sat me down.

“Mr. Choi…” the doctor began to say, but my mind filled with rage as I shoved him aside, throwing him onto the floor. He cried out in pain, but truly, I didn’t give a single ____ about him. Besides, he deserved it. Without saying another word, I stalked out of the room and out of the hospital, relishing the feeling of revenge.

--

Jiyong.

Somehow, with some strength I was able to muster from inside of me, I made my way onto the subway without being recognized and without passing out. As soon as I got on the subway, I collapsed on one of the seats and covered my face quickly. I could tell my arm was still bleeding slightly, but I couldn’t worry about that right now. With difficulty, I pulled out my cell phone to text Seunghyun. I felt a bit cruel for reopening his wound, but I had to send the message. It didn’t matter anyway, since I couldn’t hurt him anymore, now that I had gotten away…

I sat on the subway for God knows how long, but when I opened my eyes it was already night, and the subway had reached its farthest point. I struggled out of the subway train, and suddenly realized... where am I going to go? I cursed myself for being so stupid. I could only comfort my pitiful self with one thought: In the end, it’s better for me to be this way, so I don’t waste anyone’s time trying to take care of me, since I’m going to die anyway…

--

Jiyong’s body slumped as he leaned against the wall of the subway tunnel, hugging his duffle bag for the little warmth it provided him.

--

Seunghyun.

I drove home faster than I had come to the hospital, and upon arrival, I threw open the door, but the only sight that met my eyes was a small trail of blood, tracing from the entryway up the stairs…

I wasted no time sprinting up the stairs, following the trail… only to find an empty room and no Jiyong.

The room was disheveled, as if someone arbitrarily shoved things into a bag and left, still bleeding and not at all recovered in any way. There were signs of destruction all over the room: clothes strewn all over the bed and the floor and blood streaks on the ground, the bed, and on the chairs…

Crushed, I sat on the side of his bed, and put my head in my hands. I could still hear his laugh, see his smile, and, sitting in his room, I could almost feel his presence. But that feeling quickly disappeared… Jiyong only had one month to live, and now I didn’t even know where he was or how he was doing. I buried my face in my arms, trying to think of what to do. The other members were still out until the next day, but that wasn’t enough time to find him, I didn’t even know how long since he had been in this room. As I was on the verge of tears, my phone suddenly beeped. I was about to dismiss the message, when my eye caught on the sender: Jiyong!

Quickly, I opened my phone to see this message:

_______________________

From: Jiyong

To: Seunghyun

Seung,

Take care… I’m sorry.

-Jiyong

________________________

I flipped my phone shut, unsure what to make of the message. Was Jiyong saying, I’m sorry I don’t love you, or was he saying… he was never coming back…?

I wanted desperately for him to come back. I knew I was in love with him, but it wasn’t until now that I realized how much I needed him. Without him, I couldn’t think of anything else. Without his comforting smile, confident gaze… how was I supposed to get through my days? How did he expect me to exist without him?

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Ack, sorry for the long hiatus... sudden burst of tests without any warning ><...

Thanks for all the support~ I promise, more interesting chapters will come soon!