Chapter 3: I Am (Not) Falling For You

“You look ready,”

The man stuck his hand out, waiting for Himchan to grab it. But for a second there, Himchan just froze on the spot where he sat. He did not know what to do, much less how to react. After all these months spent on just getting on this man’s good side, now Himchan is at a loss at what he wants to do – and what he actually wants. Is this what he really wanted? And really, right now? His head was in a haze of blur and emotions and for a second there he was doubting himself. This was a totally different side to Jepp Blackman. The young man was not exactly the most complicated of people, but he was, by himself, very mysterious. And this was just one of the many mysteries that surrounded him.

“What? Isn’t this what you have always wanted?”

He smiled, gums, fangs and all, with his hand still stuck out. Himchan noted that if he was going to be honest, he didn’t really know what he wanted anymore. For the longest time, he knew he wanted this man – for reasons, but the reasons have been left so unclear. He thought he was in it for the game, for the chase, but now that he’s getting it – he’s no longer too sure. He’s no longer sure of his motivations, of the feelings he had, or himself. Wait, did he just say feelings?

The young man had grown pretty impatient, he went in for the plunge and grabbed the visual’s hand who was pretty much stuck on the couch. He chuckled feeling the man tense up, Himchan never thought the man could grow to be even more attractive – when he looked too excited and too gorgeous for his own good. It was this dominant side of Jepp that he found pretty endearing. There was this side to him, this far superior side of him that Himchan enjoyed. When he was on stage and catering to his adoring fans, or when he was practicing his rap. But right now, right here, it only made Himchan shrink to pieces, to think he had wanted the man to submit to him so he could devour and dominate him. But as it stands – the way things are right now, there’s no way he could win over him.

“Ah- I like it on the couch, I liked it the—there!” Himchan mentally hit himself, that didn’t sound y at all, did not even sound coherent at all. This never happened to him before, he never sounded this bad before – all these firsts, only on Jepp.

“The couch isn’t that much exciting,” Jepp told him in his low, smooth voice, laughing even harder at the way he’s stammering.

The man half pulled, half dragged him to the other side of the room. Himchan didn’t understand himself either at the way he was resisting. What was there to resist anyways? This beautiful man was dragging him to a destination he had long wanted, or at least he thought he did. He was ready, as it showed in the confidence he had. He may have tipped the kettle a long time ago, making Jepp understand what it was he was after, and now he’s giving it to him. Himchan noted how hot his face felt when he was reminded that Jepp just had told him that he was gonna make his fantasies come true.

“Are you ready?” he asked, as they stood by the door. It looked like they were doing it in the bathroom. He didn’t think he liked it in small places.

“Wait, I don’t think-”

And the door swings open, Himchan just closed his eyes shut as Jepp held him close, is he going in for a kiss? And drags him,

“I’d like you to meet my good friend, Kim Himchan!”

And he opened his eyes, to see himself surrounded with a crowd of people cheering.

What the f---?

Himchan looked around, he was onstage, standing before a crowd of people as Jepp continued to walk him to the center of the platform.

“I remember you said you’ve always wanted to give it a try, I thought you’d love it,” Jepp flashed a smile at him as he enthusiastically told him about the time he said he wanted to perform with the rest of the crew.

“You know my song, y Clap, right?”

Himchan could only absent mindedly nod, “I’ll rap first, then you give it a go, let’s do it alternately then a duet at the chorus – you got it?”

“Y… yeah, I got it.”

The music went on and the crowd went wild as Jepp jumped up and down the stage with the rest of the people cheering and singing with him. Himchan felt himself get consumed with the music and with the heat of the moment. The lights were upon him and the crowd was cheering their names, Jepp Blackman, Kim Himchan. The charismatic man was loud and active on stage, far different from how he was offstage,

“Onstage, I know I am doing something I am good at which is why I feel confident, but off stage, I’m just eternally unsure, which is why I stay calm and quiet,”

Jepp gives him a pat for his turn and he enthusiastically does his best to satisfy. He messed up a few lines here and there but the other man had his mic ready just in case. He saved him a few times until Himchan found himself getting better. He realized that he had memorized all of Jepp’s songs just by religiously going to his shows and listening to his recordings.

It was this deep passion that made him see how special this man was. He was so talented and irresistibly charismatic that just by one word off of his mouth on stage, you would know instantly that he was truly quite an irresistible force. And then, during moments like these, he remembers the more quiet, calmer and sweeter Jepp – the one who would walk him home every night and offer him a hot cup of coffee or maybe even sweets to eat. These were all the different sides of him that he felt nobody else knew, and he felt entitled to experience all these. And now, as he stood by him on stage, it dawned on him, that he was no longer playing that game. There was a realization, a fleeting feeling that has become quite evident, dismissing all the idea of games and foul fun that he had originally intended, that feeling that he could only be afraid of.

I think I’m falling for you.

And at the end of the song, Jepp proudly cheers with the crowd, introducing him once again as a dear friend and announcing that they would see more of him these days. He walks off the stage back to the room where they had waited, the dazed boy still in tow, shutting the door shut leaving the people and the noise behind.

He faces him, looks at him, with a huge smile on his face. He draws him closer and gives him a very tight hug, to tell him that he had succeeded, that he did great and he was so happy for him. Himchan felt his insides burst, and the heat from his stomach going up to his face. He felt a tear forming, as he held him back.

I am in love with you.

Without knowing your name, I love you.

And the hug stopped, Jepp looking at him, his smile fading into concern, seeing a tear on the man’s face.

“Himchannie…?”

That name, your voice… I…

“Jepp, I—”

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Note: Jepp, I...... Thank you for reading, I hope you haven't grown impatient with me. Things are still pretty hectic but I am holding up. I promise, come October 20, I will be more faithful with my updates. Thank you!