Chapter 10: I Am (Not) Ambitious

“Oh, God, you were so good back there!”

He exclaimed, and Himchan felt like he would burst in the seams.

“You were like, the folk-whisperer or something, my parents just loved you, so much!”

He repeated, as he bounced in his every step, spinning as he walked in the pavements. Himchan wished that someone else loved him as much as his parents did.

“I… I don’t know how to thank you,” he paused in his steps, facing him, with a smile.

Himchan found himself caught off guard, for the tenth time that day, as the man stepped closer, their bodies inches apart.

And then he held him close.

He could only close his eyes at the contact, he thought he could stay in this warmth forever, lingering at the touch.

“Oh, God, Himchan, you’re the best.”

I love you too.

---

It felt like the world suddenly got brighter. Himchan mused at the idea that he had been getting a bout of depression due to the wrong ideas that he had been getting. He wondered if he had been too obsessive or if he had been pretty paranoid. Whatever it was, he was glad that it was over. What matters now is that he was wrong, and that he could walk next to the man with ease.

It felt like he really did turn a new leaf. It was different, and it was refreshing, gone were the days of him wallowing in his misery as he found himself more immersed in the life that Yongguk introduced to him. It was bright, and he liked it. Loved it, even.

“So…”

“Yeah?”

Himchan slowed down his steps as he found the other man fiddling with a fallen leaf with his toes. He noted at how cute the grown man looked as he played with the leaves further. He wondered how could a grown man be like this, and how endearing he could ever be.

“Do you like bulgogi?”

“What?”

“Do you like bulgogi?”

Just what possessed the man was beyond him.

“I’m Korean, what do you think?”

“Y-yeah, haha,”

The man was pretty awkward about a lot of things. If there was anything he had observed about the man, it was that he was far different from his persona onstage. He was shy, and funny, and awkward. He would never make the first move, and he would never introduce himself. It was just the way he was. Many thought that it was just his lack of interest for bland people or maybe a hint of arrogance, but knowing him for quite some time had hinted Himchan that it was different from all these assumptions. He was quiet, he was reserved, not because he was arrogant nor because he thought highly of himself. He was the way he was because he was shy, and he was awkward, and he loved observing people, and most of all – he feared rejection.

So Himchan had to remind himself to stop being his sassy usual self whenever the man was around. He just shot him down like that, and he should think more before saying or doing anything.

“I like bulgogi,” he repeated, more of a prompt for the man to say something, anything.

But the man kept silent, he kept fiddling with the leaves and just continued walking, Himchan wondered if he was too much, or if the man just forgot what he was to say, but he spun around as quickly as he smiled, his gums and teeth.

“Dinner at my place?”

- - -

“Your parents aren’t home?”

The visual looked around, it didn’t seem like people were hiding out. Yongguk’s home was a humble one, and you could plainly see everything from the door step. The kitchen was on the other side, but it was not impossible to see everything. He wondered if everyone had left and if they were really alone. If they were, Himchan wondered to whom he owed such great blessing.

“Nope, Yongnam too,”

Himchan eyed the setting before him. It felt pretty extravagant and wondered why Yongguk would invite him over. Personally, had he had the meat they were set to devour, he would have eaten everything by himself.

“So…”

“Yeah?”

“What’s the occasion?”

Yongguk laughed as he grilled a few more pieces of meat before placing some on Himchan’s bowl. He actually cooks, and he’s pretty good. Must be because he’s the younger kid on the house.

“Nothing,”

“Really? With all this meat?”

Another laugh. He wished he could hear his laugh forever, but he would appreciate answers better.

“Nothing, I just wanted to celebrate a little,”

The contract, it was probably the contract which Himchan helped his parents understand. It was a tense night when Himchan agreed to help Yongnam out, but it didn’t match the happiness he felt when he realized that what he thought was entirely wrong.

“Really? Just the two of us?”

Oops.

That came a little too fast, he didn’t think that through.

“No, it’s just that, I bought all these but suddenly they had to go off somewhere, it’s best when it’s at its freshest,” he smiled as he took another mouthful and passed another piece to the lanky boy.

“Oh, okay,”

“And I didn’t want to eat alone,”

He guessed he understood. He was the shy one in the lot, but it didn’t mean he doesn’t get lonely.

“And I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done,”

Feathers, in his chest. Butterflies, in his stomach.

He didn’t need to be thanked, seeing how happy he was – it was more than enough. If there was anything, just about anything he could do to make him happy, he was sure he was going to jump the gun.

A few laughs here and there, and small pieces of facts that Himchan learned a little later. Himchan felt that people do connect well with food, and this man – with himself, was no exception. It felt light, and yet pretty heavy at the same time. Light with the feeling of happiness, as if in the clouds, but at the same time heavy, as if busting with joy.

He wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything in the world.

If he could take more time to just eat with him, share pieces of meat with him, talk to him, and know him more, then he knows he would be the happiest man in the world.

“Next time, how about dinner at my place?”

Yongguk looks up, some grains of rice on his lips, it was adorable, and Himchan just wanted to go romantic movie on him and take them off and eat them off his fingers. Or maybe his lips. But the man’s tongue darted out as quickly as he gulped, smiled and nodded maybe too enthusiastically,

“I’d love that.”

Please love me too.

- - -

“I’ll take care of the dishes,”

“No, no, you’re the guest, just sit there, did you want something to drink? My dad has a lot of soju in here,”

“No, you don’t want me drunk,”

“That makes me want to see it more,”

It was like an episode taken out of a romantic series. The type you replay over and over, and wish you could live it. And Himchan is living it, as he sat blindly looking at the TV, when in reality he was stealing glances off of the young man who was pacing back and forth, retrieving dirty dishes as he set everything in place.

Himchan was no longer an ambitious man, his ambitions had become a lot less extravagant. His ambitions have gone from luxurious meals, to simpler dinners at home. But maybe, he’s actually really pretty ambitious. Among his ambitions is this beautiful man who was humming tunes as he washed dishes they had eaten from earlier. Maybe, it was ideal. Him washing dishes, no. Them sharing meals together, then maybe spending their lives together. Maybe a kid, too. Wait where did that come—

A ring.

Himchan looked around to see where the ring was coming from. He found Yongguk’s phone lying nearby as the ring continued.

“Yongguk, your phone’s—”

He was nowhere in sight. He probably went to get something or maybe in the bathroom.

--------------------------

xoxo is calling…

--------------------------

It’s his agent. He should probably pick it up for him.

“Hello?”

“Y… Yonggukkie?”

Or maybe not.

Himchan had to take a bit more time before registering the fact that Mr. Park, xoxo, strangely – sounded like a girl.

- - -

Note: Oh whoaaaa! I'm back! Sorry for the long wait. It had been pretty hectic, but I'm back now! I hope you enjoyed this long awaited chapter. And sorry for being unable to reply to your comments/messages! I print them out and read them on the road. I'll get back to you as soon as I catch up some sleep.

Also, thank you for being very patient with me and the story. Happy tenth chapteeeer! Thank you so much for the patience, the comments and messages. And for a mini celebration (a token of appreciation, gratitude as well as my peace offering for the lack of updates ;_;) have some two one shots (two shots! lol)! 

What, When, How and Why For some role reversal.

And One of Those Days for a happier note!

Enjoy!

Lots of love, Klein