-Chapter Twenty-

Breaking

Sometimes life plays its cruel tricks on you. It will make you think that today will be the day that you have been waiting for. The day that you finally moved on, that it was about time to let go and be happy. You think it finally let you escape the horrible memories that you kept hidden within you, that you finally able to cure that sadness that keeps you down.

He tried. God knows how much he tried. He tried putting her back to pieces. He tried fixing her. He tried loving her for her to forget the pain. He tried only to realize that no matter how much he try, how hard he try and how much emotions and love he gave her he can never fix her for she was the only one who can do that.

He can’t fix her. He can’t save her. That was something only she can do.

‘Dara please you have to eat,’ he whispered in a low voice begging but then she stayed firm curling in her bed hugging herself, staring blankly in the air, tears streaming down on her cheeks. Dongwook’s words were echoing in her head, his disgusted stares still lingered inside her. She deserved every word he said, she deserved the hate, she deserved all of it.

He was right after all. He was damn right and she even tried to lie and deny every of it.

 He raked his hair as he knelt down on the floor leaning his head on the bed as he tightened his fist. He stared at her as she was curling in a ball, slowly letting pain and guilt eat her whole. He felt so helpless. He felt so useless, he felt every little pain pricked him in his skin, slowly, painfully as it dig deep within him.

It has been days since she stopped talking, she stopped eating. Since she stopped living and just lay there and let life and time passed her by. She finally give in to the pain, to the suffering, to the guilt. She let the pain and guilt eat every sliver of her, everything that was left of her.

‘Dara…’ he called to her as she turned away from him and soon he let out a sigh. He stood up as he walked out of her room. He slowly went to the studio as he sat in the middle of the room. Soon his tears streamed down his cheeks as he clutched his chest, nails digging on his skin. ‘You’re useless,’ he spat bitterly to himself. ‘You’re useless,’ he repeated as he ran his finger on his hair.

Everything was supposed to be okay. She finally smiled, she finally laughed but it was as if fate was playing with him as those smiles and her laugh was quickly taken away from his reach, from her reach.

Just when he thought that, that day could be the beginning of her healing it never was. Just when he thought that happiness finally presented itself to her, to him, it never was.

It was all a dream.

What could have been more painful than watching her punish herself for everything? She was punishing herself for everything she had done and he can’t do anything but stand there and be there for her when she clearly needed something more.

It breaks him to pieces seeing that no matter how hard he try nothing could seem to reach her. 

She was drowning, sinking deeply to all her frustrations, to all that damn pain and he can’t dive enough to save her. He tried. God knows how he tried reaching for her hands but how will you save someone who was refusing to be saved?

When she doesn’t even want to save herself anymore?

All he could think about was her. All he could feel was the pain she was feeling. All he cared about was her, every inch of her, every little thing about her that without noticing it he already forgot himself. He forgot that he was also hurting. He forgot that he also needed someone to lean on, a shoulder to cry on. That he was also hurting so much.

Everything was too much to take. There were so many emotions his small heart had to deal with. There were so many things coming to him all at once and he was not strong enough to stand firm in front of those.

The thing was he love her too much, he was hurting too much that he finally forgot to live between all the hurting and loving that he finally forgot who he was. He doesn’t know how to place himself in between all these things.

He lost his way half through it all.

And soon he started to change. It was not small changes, it was drastic change that everyone noticed. He started to drift himself away from everyone. His laughter they all perished, his smiles they all vanished and was lost in the wind.

 Pain changed him.  Pain killed him.

He died.

 Peter Pan died in the most painful death… being forgotten by his own self. 

As soon as their professor left he pushed himself to stand up as he gently grabbed his things. Everyone were staring at his every move. His silence was like piercing coldness. Like a splinter  plunging deeply into their skin. They have always wished him to grow up. Heck they wish for the day in which he will soon learn to shut himself up arrive and in its arrival never would they thought that it will hurt like this. Never did they thought that they will regret even wishing it.

‘Jiyong,’ Daesung breathed out as Jiyong lifted his gaze to him. He tried to smile as he just stared at him. ‘We will go to karaoke today… if you wan-,’

‘No, I need to go home,’ he answered plainly as he slid his bag on his arm. ‘Thanks for offering though, just enjoy yourselves,’ he added as he walked his way out of the classroom leaving Daesung pressing his lips together as he weakly nodded to him. Bom bit her lips as she quickly dashed to him grabbing his wrist before he could even get out of their room.

Jiyong turned to face her as silence consumed them. Bom bit her lips as she started trembling. She reached her hand on his face as she shut her eyes tightly. ‘I hate what she did to you,’ she mumbled as she started trembling. She lifted her gaze and met his eyes. They were cold, they were in pain. They were exhausted, terribly exhausted. Her tears soon fell as she broke into cries.

‘Why did you let her do this to you?’ she asked. ‘Why did you let her do all these damn things to you?!’ she broke into louder cries. Jiyong smiled faintly holding her hand. He gave it a small squeeze. ‘I love her,’ he whispered. ‘But she doesn’t love you!’ she shouted as he chuckled bitterly, painfully.

‘I know,’ he answered with a smile and it broke her more. ‘Then why? You’re better off with someone else! You should love someone else! I don’t care if it’s not me just love someone else… just love yourself… please,’ she sobbed as she hanged her head low crying.

Jiyong placed his fingers below her chin lifting her gaze meeting his. ‘I want no one else,’ he answered. ‘Bom…’ he trailed off as Bom roughly wiped her tears away. ‘This is how much I love her… this much and so much more,’ he smiled as he turned around and walked out of the room leaving her standing there crying for him. Yes, she was hurt. It ing hurts. But then her pain it’s not even inch close on how he was suffering.

She cried her eyes out for him, for his love, for his broken heart. Every tears was for him. She then felt Minzy’s hands on her shoulder as she moved and hugged her burying her face on her friend’s shoulder as she started crying harder, louder. 

Jiyong gently pushed the door close as he went inside the dark house. He soon dropped his bag as h