-Chapter Nineteen-

Falling

Sometimes it’s not that we don’t try to stop hurting, it’s not that we don’t try to shed away the pain, the scars, the tears and the doubts. There will always those moments that you try to rid yourselves all those scars.

‘Dara,’ he called as she stopped walking. She then snapped her body to him. ‘Why didn’t you tell me that you have a girlfriend?!’ she asked finally bursting. Jiyong ran his fingers on his hair as he walked to her pulling her into a hug as she pushed him away. She was pushing her with all of her like a child trying to escape. He hugged her tighter as he was receiving scratch and slapped from her and that’s when he noticed her breath tinged with the smell of whiskey.

She soon started to break into sobs as she was still pushing him away as it was slowly getting weak. ‘You should know that I never wanted to be part of your betrayal! I am facing my own evil! Why are you doing this to me?’ she cried giving up as her knees felt weak and if he was not holding her she would have fall on the floor. She was crying as he shut his eyes. ‘Why are you doing all of these?’ she asked as she gripped tightly on his clothes.

Their eyes met as she looked at him leaning her forehead against his. ‘Why are you doing this to me?’ she asked as Jiyong held her tightly to him. ‘Believe me,’ he whispered. ‘I don’t have a girlfriend,’ he said. Dara pushed him away as she raked her hair turning away from him. ‘Just please stop lying!’ she exclaimed covering her ears, shaking her head. ‘Just stop lying…’ she whispered.

‘Dara you have to believe me,’ he whispered wrapping his arms around her as she tried her best to removed his arms only to fail. ‘You’re the only one I love,’ he whispered breath touching her nape as she stood there burying her face on her palms. Maybe she was going crazy, maybe she was being selfish. Maybe she was punishing herself. Maybe. Maybe.

She just don’t know anymore. She was tired thinking. She was tired feeling. She wanted to stop feeling and maybe it was the loneliest point in her life that she just gave up fighting for everything.

She then turned and face him throwing herself to him hugging him tightly to her. ‘You can’t leave me,’ she whispered. ‘You’ll never leave me,’ she added as he wrapped his arms over her. ‘I will never leave you,’ he whispered against her hair. Dara cupped his face as she claimed her lips kissing him roughly and hungrily as he can taste her tears mixed with the faint taste of liquor as he accepted her wild kisses.

Dara was pulling him more as their kiss deepened, their tongues moving wildly fighting for domination. They were in that dim lit living room with nothing but the sound of the forgotten running water in the sink and the sounds created by their hungry kisses. Jiyong took off his shirt throwing it in the floor as Dara roamed her hands over his body.

Soon they just found themselves in the sofa with him hovering above her kissing every inch of her as she was throwing her head left and right letting out small cries as she bit her lips trying to suppress all the leaking shameful cries of pleasure. Her cries of how she was aching so much to feel him against her, to feel him skin to skin. The cries of wanting to feel that she was not alone that she had him, that he will be there.

She hated herself. She hated herself so much for needing him, for wanting him, for locking him.

She just wanted to have someone to hold her, someone to accept her and made her feel that there were still things that were waiting for her to discover. Emotions that were waiting to be felt and realized. That there were still so many kisses and laughs and nights and days and risks worth taking. That there were still so many road trips, foods that the whole world still got so many colours that she was still to discover.

Maybe she was asking too much. Maybe everything were too much. Maybe she was asking him to fix her. Maybe she was asking him to love her unconditionally, to take her as she was. To love her scars, to love her pains, to love her everything, her every little broken pieces.

But what she doesn’t know was he was loving her more than what she was asking for. He was giving every love inside him to her, even the love that was supposedly for himself.

He was giving it all to her with no restraints.

He fluttered his eyes open as the darkness and the silence swallowed him. he pushed himself to sit as he stared blankly in the air. He stared all over the place as he stood up grabbing his clothes putting it on. He then walked looking for her only to see a leaking light on that one room in her house that no one ever dared to go nor touch even the door.

His heart was hammering against his chest as he was walking his way to that room. Every step was guided by an excruciating pain. He swallowed hard as he peeked in the small opening of the door. He saw her there sitting in the middle of the room hugging her knees to herself, crying to herself.

He felt his heart was squeezed tightly at the sight. That’s when he finally knew that the tears cried by the people you love the most hurts million times than your own. It was heartbreaking and that was an understatement.

‘Seunghyun,’ she cried as she lifted her gaze on the canvas in front of her. ‘Tell me where did I go wrong… please tell me,’ she begged in between her sobs as she started crying and he felt like he was dying. He then leaned on the wall biting his lips hard. He slowly slid down as he sat on the wall crying softly as he heard her anguish.

‘I’ll trade everything,’ she said. ‘Just comeback to me,’ she added and it felt like he was falling to pieces. ‘Just comeback to me…’ she begged. ‘I need you back…’ she cried as he leaned his head on the wall staring at the ceiling tears streaming down his cheeks smile painfully curving in his lips.

I am not asking you to say I love you too or love me too… I just wanted you to know, I needed you to know that I love you.

He wiped his tears away as he pulled his knees to his chest hugging it as her cries filled his ears, ripped him to pieces. God knows how much he wanted to bust in the door pull her into a tight hug. Kiss her tears away. Kiss her every pain away. Or just take her away, they will escape everything, the past, the present and run to the future.

I love you with no restraints. I will always love you.

He started asking questions to himself. Was everything not enough? Was loving her this much not enough? Will he really be enough? He just wanted to love her. He just wanted to make her happy. He just wanted to see her smile. He just wanted to free her.

I’ll love you when you’re sick… when you’re sad and when you can’t think straight.

I love you through your mood swings and rough patches.

Maybe fixing her was too much for him. Maybe he also wanted some credit for what he was doing. He just wanted to be appreciated. He just wanted her to know that he will never give up on her.

I love you even if you don’t love me.

And maybe somewhere in him he wanted her to love him. He wanted her to return the love he was giving.

Is he being selfish in asking for that? Is asking her to love him back selfish? Was it too much? Was it wrong?

Dara stirred from her sleep when she heard his desperate attempt on suppressing his chuckles. She fluttered her eyes open as she shifted to him. he was sitting next to her on the bed as he was staring at something. He was biting his lips. Dara pushed herself to sit as she looked at him. he was holding a camera on his hand staring at the pictures of her sleeping as she quickly turned red.

He then turned back on her as he was planning to take another round of pictures only to see her staring at him making him panic as he quickly hid the camera behind him. There was silence between them as they were staring at each other. Jiyong pouted before letting a groan as she remained there staring at him.

He then smiled widely as he snapped a picture of her and then laughed as he looked at it. Dara grimaced as he just took a picture of her once more. He let out a chuckle. He then pushed himself closer to her as he showed her the camera. ‘Look,’ he breathed out smiling. ‘You look adorable here with your brows meeting in the center,’ he said chuckling as Dara stared at the camera.

‘Where did you get that?’ she asked looking at him. as he was s