Jiyong opens the door to their room. The moment he did, he knows Dara’s inside. He didn’t need to open the lights to see. He’s sure of it. His heartbeat is doubling up, like it usually does, whenever she’s nearby. 


He already started to turn his back to leave, when he sees something from the corner of his eye. He just saw himself walking towards the table, his gaze not wavering from it. After he switched the lamp open, he sees that it is a notebook, sitting on top of the table. 


He sat down on the chair, hands outstretched, tracing the designs Dara made on the cover to make it more personalize. Jiyong concluded it was Dara’s journal.


He could only stare at it, for God knows how long. His moral battling, whether or not he’ll take a peek on his wife’s own thoughts. Especially that they had a misunderstanding earlier.


With a deep breath, he opened the cover and he couldn’t help but smile on what his eyes sees on the first page. It was their first picture together in public. The circumstances can be considered not normal, as everything is for show. Even now, their situation is far from being one. 


Yet, there are things that were not staged or deliberate. Their love for each other was never made up. The smile and the way they were looking into each other’s eyes aren’t of farce.


Jiyong began to flip through the pages of Dara’s journal, his smile getting wider at the memories she had jotted down and how she felt during those times. Her emotions were mirroring his.


Later, after riffling through about a quarter, a frown appears on his forehead. The entries were no longer as happy as it was from the recent pages. 

It now had her thoughts during the times they have an argument. Moments when tears fall from her eyes. And with him causing it.


Each words in the pages he’s reading, scathes his entire being. He knew she was hurting during those times as he was, but he never realized how deep her hurt was. How grave her pain is. 


His breath got caught, when he read the last page that has an entry. It was dated today, a few hours ago. Some of the words were streaky, an indication that before the ink fully dried, tears dropped on it.


Jiyong couldn’t move. Staring blankly at the wall before him, his head is reeling from the pain tearing through his heart.


It took a while before he budges from where he was sitting. He walks towards the bed, gazing down at Dara’s sleeping face. His heart constricts more, seeing the traces of tears that had dried out.


“You must’ve been crying yourself to sleep again” Jiyong whispers into the quiet night, brushing aside the lock of hair that fell on her face.


Dara remains asleep.


“It didn’t occur to me that I’ve been hurting you this bad.” He drops a gentle kiss on her forehead “I’m sorry”


Jiyong gets up and walks to the door.


___________




It’s been a few days since they had the misunderstanding. Jiyong is inside one of the recording studios in YG building. He should be busy working on things for their upcoming album, but his mind is wandering elsewhere.


“Hyung” Jiyong calls out to Teddy, who was with him “I’ll just go get some fresh air”


Teddy gives a small nod, as he continued on playing out the few notes he had composed.



___________




Dara is missing Jiyong. She hasn’t seen him since they argued. Dara’s puzzled that until now he hasn’t been making any attempt to patch things up. 


“I’ll go drop by and see how he’s doing” She went near the table, grabbing her phone and keys.


Dara frowns as her eyes landing on her journal. It wasn’t on the same position as she left it a few nights ago. Her journal is now open. And it’s at the page of her last entry.


A cold feeling envelopes her, she whispers, “Jiyong”


Dara rushes out of the door.



___________




JIyong took the elevator and a flight or two of stairs before reaching his destination. The only place in the whole building, he could find solace. He tiredly slumps on one of the chairs at the rooftop, stretching his legs as he lifts his head upwards, to watch the clouds drifting slowly.


Unconsciously, he started toying with the wedding ring on his finger as he sorts out his thoughts.


All I know is I love Dara. And there’s no one I’d want to spend the rest of my life with but with her. Was it a mistake that I didn’t listen to what my head had told me? I guess the consequence of my rash action will be exactly what I fear of the most. Getting her hurt.



___________



Dara is trying to catch her breath as she arrives at the rooftop. She sees Jiyong staring up at the sky looking like someone who’s lost in thought. She quietly approaches him and takes the seat on his right.


Jiyong is still unaware of Dara’s presence. 


“A penny for your thoughts” Dara says, breaking through his thoughts.


“Dara” Jiyong’s eyes widen “You’re here”


Dara giggles at his expression “Yes, I’m here”


Jiyong already knows that it’s Dara’s way of making up with him. He’s glad but the thoughts running inside his head still bothers him. No one spoke. They just stared at the horizon before them.


“I’m sorry” JIyong starts, ending the silence.


“I know….”


“Dara” Jiyong cuts her off “Can I tell you something?”


She never spoke, so he treated it as her agreeing. He continues.


“I have a lot to apologize. I read your journal. And it got me thinking after reading your thoughts. Your feelings. I was….am being selfish. Thinking of my own happiness at your own expense. I was gullible enough to think that things would fall into place once we get married. It was so wrong of me, to think that just like the fairy tales, I could give you a happy ever after.”


“Ji…" Dara whispers, trying to stop him, as she sees the anguish in his eyes.


“It never crossed my mind that I’ll hurt you. That was the second mistake I made. Because I am the reason you’re hurting now.” A muscle at his jaw ticks. “Having known how you felt, made me think. What if I didn’t pursue you? Probably you won’t be crying as much as you’re crying. You won’t have many heart breaks as you do now. Someone could be better in protecting you, making you happy”


He pauses, to take in a deep breath.


“Then it dawned to me, I’d rather be selfish keeping you at my side, loving you as I do. Than see you be with someone else, and be unsure if he can love you the same way I do. People say they admire me for my confidence. Little did they know my heart quivers at the thought of losing you. I think I might die” Jiyong turns his head to the side, he shakes his head as he sees Dara’s tear stricken face. He faces her, running his thumb to wipe away the tears that seem to keep on falling “I’m making you cry again.”


Dara sniffs before she answers “Yes, I am crying. Do you want to know why?”


“Why?” Jiyong’s pulse is now racing.


“I’m hurting because of you”


Her words bring a twinge to his heart.


“Since you confessed about reading my journal, do you remember what I wrote down?”


“You’re tired and you’d like to give up” Jiyong says in a hushed voice.


“It’s true.”


Jiyong wanted to say something, anything to convince Dara that they can still work things out. His throat feels constricted, he can’t even make a small sound of protest. He feels as if he’s dying slowly.


“I want you to listen to what I’m about to say”


“I wrote that because I can’t bear to see you hurting more than I do. I never regretted when I agreed to your proposal. Much more when I said my vows. I meant every word, when I said I will love you forever. I knew that it’s never going to be easy for us with our current situation. It would’ve been easier if I just walk out and leave, but I can’t. Let's take each day as it is. I'm also scared with what tomorrow has for us, but as long as I have you, I’ll be alright.”


Dara gives him a smile, “So you see, I am as selfish as you are.” 


Capturing both his hands, intertwining hers” I am crazily in love with you, Kwon Jiyong. Now it’s your turn.”


“I am crazy in love with you, Sandara Park” He then gives out a genuine smile. A smile that can only be seen whenever he’s with her.

feeling too lazy to edit 

then again, i never proof read....LOL