When There Was Only You

"I know I can believe..."

He didnt want to believe it.

He wouldnt believe it.

He shouldnt believe it...

he shook his head and reminded himself, 'no i cant believe that... they were lying.. they dont know what they are doing..'

He took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind. 

But he couldnt escape anymore...

he couldnt deny it anymore...

"hyunjoong - ah.." came the worried voice of his mother.

He shook his head again trying to erase everything and anything that was trying to destroy his world.

"hyunjoong-ah.. talk to me" her mother called again.

 he opened his eyes and looked at the beautiful horizon. The 3pm sun covered the black walls like a blanket of velvet, the trees uniformly swayed as the passing pacific wind came fresh and strong while people were purposely walking to their intended destination. Everything seemed so normal.

The world was moving the same as usual, everybody's world was moving as usual

....except for his

His world was slowly being destroyed and he couldnt do anything about it. No one can do anything about it. he thought he could fight it. for one year he had fought it. but bnow he resigned himself...

He turned to his mother, he saw the tears that were falling her eyes, her tears reflected the sorrow that was in him. He realized that as his world was slowly falling, his mothers hope and dreams were falling with him. He called her. "mother.."

"please hyunjong come back.. lets do this together" his mother suggested

He forced a smile on his for his mother.

"please hyunjoong... maybe they were just wrong. We could get another advise" his mother begged.

He could feel his tears at the bay of his eyes, but he controlled them, it was not the time to cry. he needed to be stronger, he needed to stand strong for all that was left for him, after his shattered dreams, after his mother's broken hopes and for his future, "i dont want to hear anymore. its been one year and the results are still the same. i dont want to stay couped up again...."

he stared at her mother and begged, "please mother, please let me be..."

he saw her mother's shoulder sag in defeat. and with tears briming in her eyes she noodded and accepted his decision.

He smiled and walked to her mother and said, "its okay mother, everything is going to be okay..."

He gave her a hug, trying to give some of strength to his mother, "its going to be okay mother, its going to be okay..."

Together they went inside and went to the room he had been stying in for the past week. there was a lot to do. and it was best to do it as soon as possible. there were goodbyes to be done, contracts to be halted and activities to forget..

Their things packing was interrupted by a cheerful and loud knocking. they both looked at the door and they both saw a head popped in saying, "Sunbae.." 

"Somin.. you are here.." called his mom at the smiling face of his hoobae0-partner in school.

She came waltzing in, bringing in a large bouquet of flowers.

"flowers again..?" he . she pouted and sticked her tongue out to him..

She went to her mom and kissed her by her cheeks, her mom looked at her and she nodded. They were that close. their relation that started through him and unravelled due to their harmonious personality. they looked like mother and daughter, but mother was still my mother and not her mother.

Understanding that he needed to talk with somin, his mother excused herself, "SoMin could you mind watching Hyunjoong for a while, I need to talk to the receptionist about something.."

SoMin asked, "wouldnt it be better if i was the one to talk to them and you stay here with him, Omoni?"

"annyo, i think its better that i go. i need to ask them some questions..." her mother said and she was gone through the door.

somin looked at her mom as she left and she stared at somin. Her brows were coming together, he knew that she was finally getting suspicous about something. 

he knew he had to tell her, his decision. he owed her that. But he was afraid, 'no i am terrified'.

His world was crumbling down, his dreams were fading before his eyes, his mom's hope were also withering, and he could not do anything. and looking at somin he knew that he didnt want to bring her in with his abysmal excistence.

He owed her that much. 

They dreamed together, she was by his side since they have known each other.  she shared his passion. she encouraged him more than anyone had. she was his inspiration as he was her guide.

They were together since the start but he needed to cut that connection now, it was for her won good. But at the moment, while staing at her as she looked at him suspicously he couldnt bring himself to tell her of the future that cannot be.

But he knew he had tell her, the sooner the better.

He was the only one who can tell her, about his decision. he was the only one who should tell her of the thing thatcould affect her own life.

"hey can you accompany me somewhere..?" he asked

She smiled and asked, "is it okay for you to go out now..?"

He smiled back and nodded. He stood up she came to his side and the women they passed by smiled at him, they knew who he was due to his on and off stay there. but no one knew him more than the girl beside him.

The a couple of male in white then turned to stare at her, everybody would always be in awe of her, but none more than him, who had been with her for far too long, he who knew for all her talents and kindness.

The cab ride was fast and uneventful. except for a few times he glared at the driver who seemed to stare at Somin while she hummed happily unconcious of the interest she was getting it was pretty normal.

As they entered the very familiar building where his dreams was built brick by brick. he looke at the walls that were the witness at how his dreams intertwined with hers. and he for the first time in five years her knew here grabbed her hand and enclosed it with his.

he saw her surprise but felt her relax after a second and her hand enclosed his hand tightly.

Their time together was coming to an end and he wanted to be as close to her as he can be, as near to her as he could accomplish. he wanted to devour as much of her as he can before everything comes to an end...

"Sunbae, why are we here?" somin turned to him

he smiled and asked…"somin, can i ask you for a favor?"

she looked at him quite suspiciously. in the three years that they had been partners, he had never asked for a favor. he ordered, demanded and harassed but he never asked for a favor.

he was asking now. he needed to ask her.

"sunbae what is wrong?" she asked

he pulled onto her hand and they stood in standstill, he knew it was time to tell her. he couldn’t side step anymore, he couldnt delay. but he wasnt ready he was still not yet ready to give it all up.

he then grabbed her hand and pulled her into a ran as she cried, "sunbae..."

since the hallway was empty, they could ran as fast as he could and no one was in the way. "sunbae slow down..." he whispered

he opened and pushed through the door that was his intended destination. the room was empty but he knew his way and she knew her way, he had walked this hallways and aisle for 6 long years, he knew his way even in the darkness. at last he reached the wall and he pushed no the button.

Instantly a dim light came at the stage

he let go of his hand and walked to the steps up the stage and she heard her ask, "sunbae what are we doing here?"

he walked until he was in the middle of the stage where a desolate grand piano stood. he then told her, "do you remember the first time we met?"

he didnt wait for her reply and he continued to speak,"It was the same as today, it was also a weekend. i come to practice the piece i was going to perform for the Monday opening day here, I played to my hearts content and when i finished I heard an applause that was suppose to be absent. it was you, you had came inside the school..."

I heard her footsteps as she climb the stairs to the stage and she added her own version of that memory, "I didnt expect anyone to be, t being sunday and all. I had thought that the stories about ghost in this chool were true. i had thought when i heard the piano's melody that it was a shost. I was scared of ghosts but somehow your music had more power to pull me in more than my fear to ran away. I came ans say you play and i knew i did the right thing of deciding to stay here ins Seoul..." 

he walked and ran his fingers and flip the top open of the grand piano while listening to her. he smiled, "hmmn while you thought i was a ghost, i thought you were an apparition.."

she giggled. it was melodic and sunny, it was her.

"sunbae what is wrong..?" she asked again

he sighed, he could feel his hands tremble, he didnt know how to tell her. he didnt want to tell her. but it was inevitable.

"do you know that every time i played here, i was always nervous. I always felt that however much i practiced, or however much people praise me, I always end up fearing people's reaction of how i play. I always felt that every piece i feel will always be not good enough..."

"sunbae, dont say that.."

he shook his head and continued, "well that was true until we played together for the first time..."

"the first time we played together I was infuriated, I knew you as the freshman who was allowed a solo performance for the foundation say, no one n the entire history of the academy was their a solo performance of a freshman. I thought the director was mad and so biased. I didnt stay to hear you play, so when the teacher said that you would be subbing for yuri, i was flabbergasted. you haven’t practice with me yet and we were to play in front of everyone. I was ready to vold and protest until you showed me hot you play Chopin’s Fantasia in the practice room...."

she sat beside me and answered, "i remember you were shouting one minute and i was getting scared, so i did the one thing that calm me, playing chopin. after i played you stood there looking at me like you were going to kill me, i thought you were angry that i was disrespectful cause i didnt listen and just played out of the blue.."

I touched the black and white keys of the piano and started a tune of abcd rhyme as i replied, "far from it, i was floored in. It was then that i realized you were a genius. i keep thinking that you look down on me though..."

she laughed,then replied, "nah, how could I, when i heard you as a ghost played i was totally hooked on your playing..."

her fingers started to skim the keys of the piano as i confessed "well anyway as i have said that was the first performance i wasn’t nervous or scared. as you played with me i was like a slave following a master..."

she tapped her shoulder gently and replied, "nah, it was more like I was a puppy following her owner... or like the rats in peter piper fable.. i was totally playing in your zone and not mine..."

she laughed, and he laughed. together they laughed. it was always like that, laughter was always between them.

he stopped playing and asked, "So MIn can we play Chopins's fantasia again..."

"sunbae... why..?" she asked as her had halted her movements

"I will tell you after we play. Please grant me this wish.." he pleaded.

she turned to him, and she brushed her har to her ears and she nodded. she stood up and went to get a violin.

when she came back, he was ready.

"are you ready somin?" he asked

she nodded.

he gave a signal and they started playing.

the notes carried its resonance in the auditorium, the melody carried the perfect harmony between her violin and his piano. the music was enclosing him like a warm blanket and her violin was like possessing every cell and molecule in his body.

the perfection and maelstrom of feelings assailed his senses that it was making him tremble, palpitate and take his breath.

he was going to say goodbye, this would be his last performance in this stage. the road after this day was dark and desolate but today at that moment he had this perfection to cherish.

when the music finished,a all his energy was drained from his body and somin was beside her in an instant.

he was glad and happy at the same time, he had made his goodbye in the most profound and amazing goodbye he could ever think of. as his sorrow and happiness combined together in his heart, soul, spirit and body, somin’s voice came, "sunbae what is wrong..."

he looked at her, and he saw tears spilling over her beautiful face and he asked, "why are you crying min?"

he reached up and gentle brushed the tears always with his thumb as he heard her reply, "because you are crying..."

he realized then that the dampness in his face was his won tears, he had thought it was only sweat but as he reached into his own cheeks he knew he had cried

"sunbae what is wrong... sunbae..." she asked now her sobs rocking her body.

he pulled her to him and comforted and patted her, "shhhhusshhhh, its going to be okay... its going to be okay..."

"Sunbae.. please what is it.. please tell me.. i can help..." she begged

he sighed, it was clearly time, he couldn’t delay any longer. The time was NOW..

"Somin, i already got the results from the hospital..." he started

he sighed again and closed his eyes, when his mother heard the news she had sobbed hysterically. he knew why, his mother had given almost everything to support him in his music but fate played them false, he was given an amazing gift but even before he could reach it, it was taken from him without warning. he had felt numb then. he knew that nothing is ever going to be the same. it was the end

she squeezed his hand, he smiled, she was giving him strength to confess, "its bad somin, they said that he within this 3 months my eyes would continue to get blurry, and then within this year my hearing would be impaired by 20pecent and by next year it would be impaired 50%. they said that it would be hard to distinguish low pitches and tone...."

"but why?" she asked shocked and now tearful

"its hereditary, my grandfather had one and now i have... even now the sounds outside are hazy, that was not like that ive years ago.." he admitted

"sunbae... dont say that. we can go to other hospitals we can have a 2nd opinion.. they could be wrong" she suggested

he smiled at her, somin was always like that, optimistic in everything, he needed to burst his bubble, "I dont think that is possible, this had been the fifth hospital and the 7th doctor we consulted, the diagnosis has always been the same..."

"but yu have only been searching here in Korea, what about if we go to Europe or America, the doctors there are more knowledgeable.." she insisted

he shook his head and took her hand into his, " we already consulted an American doctor, we sent my results to him and he said the same thing that the doctor here said..."

"but.." she argued

"no you listen to me somin... it is final. we cant do anything about it.." He argued back

"she stood up and threw his hands away, "why are you calm about this. how can you just sit there and accept this. Why are you not fighting back?"

his shoulder dropped, he understood his frustrations, he had felt the same way before, one year ago. he didnt accept anything a year ago. he couldnt allow any doctor to dictate to him that he should give up his dream. but things were inevitable. it was final and nature had dictated to him that his dreams of renowned acknowledgement and perfection of music was at an end...

"somin.." he called her

but she turned her back to him, she saw her back rock with her tears and sobbing and she reached out, "its not a matter of fighting back, if i could i would fight with every single ounce of my strength but it is impossible.."

he enclosed her in his arms, it was the first time he had hugged her. for five years he had kept his distance from her. that was what professionalism dictated him but now when he knew that it was inevitable that they could be separated he couldn’t hold back anymore. he hugged her like his life depended on it.

this was the girl whose passion for music rivaled his own. this was the girl who made her see that although the classics was to be revered, all music in all forms of rap, r&b, jazz, blues and etc was to be delighted of.

this was the girl who he formed dreams together for 5 years. this was the girl who he had come to love as much as he had loved music.

"min... i dont think i can fulfill my promise to you anymore.." he gently told her.

"No dont say that.." she shouted

"min i am sorry." he apologized

she pushed him hard and she glared at him, "no you have no right. you!! you..!!! you dont say sorry like this..!!! you !!"

he walked to her and hugged her now even though she struggled, "i am sorry..."

"why.. why are you giving up music... why are you giving up.. why are you giving up me" her voice carried pain, and her pain was my anguish

Tears blurred his eyes. he knew that even though he can try he knew that he could never give up on somin and music. both were in his blood, if he gave up it would the same thing as dying, but he knew his dreams if greatness was gone. and his dreams of being with her was gone. his dreams of making music together with her was gone and he had a choice to let her go and fulfill her dreams, to fulfill her potential he owed her that much. he loved music that much to give up on somin so that the music world will know her.

"shhhh... its okay min.. its all going to be okay... you are going to be okay.." he rocked her

"how is it going to be okay when you are not by my side.. how is it going to be okay when your are not going to make music?" she asked

he admitted, "I am not really giving up music, I am just giving up reaching for the impossible, and that is reaching to greatness that has been denied me now. I know i cant create music that would make people cry and fear and scared and angry because of my illness but i can still make music. I know I can. I will. Music is in my blood i could never give that up but as for going out to the world that is at an end... that is impossible... but i love music tha much to turn my back on it or steal one f its greatst musicians"

"so what are you saying..? what do yo mean? " he asked confused

"what i am saying is that, I withdraw from this school and as yor partner.. I already located someone who would be your accompany in piano.." he admitted

"NO..!!! when did you do this...! HOw could you do this? how could you throw me out just like that" she shouted

she pushed him now with more force that she could have every faught in her small frame.

he staggered back but he held his ground, this was the only way he could show his love for her, "So min, listen to me, there is no other choice. I cant play and you need someone. please please..."

"NO..!!!" she shouted running

he shouted at her, "this is the favor i would be asking you... this is the ast favor i am asking you.."

"you dont know how hard this is for me. i am giving up the world of music, music is everything to me. you are my partner and you are every thing music is to me... I cant let you be with me like this.. I can’t be the baggage in you shoulder. I will not be that..." he shouted more

he stopped running and turned around, he continued, "Please do this for me. please continue music for me. Please I am begging you. please do this for me and for you... and somehow or someway I will be by your side. I will strive hard to make music again. Strive hard to be by your side again, making music together…"

he sat down at the piano chair. as stubborn as somin was he knew that even if she begged she wouldn’t listen to him

so when he felt her arms encircle him he was over whelmed. He could do anything but hug her back and her heard her say, "when there is only you I know I can believe..."

‘yes I can believe that I can do it. if she would wait for me. I would do everything to be by her side again...…’

- The End -