Nothing. That’s all I feel: nothing. As I look out onto the city lights and the people below there is not one emotion that runs through my system. I feel numb. How did I even reach this point? This point where nothing even matters anymore.

            “Tao! Please come inside its cold!”

I heard my name being called and all I could do was smile.

            “Kris are you here to see me off?”

            “What?! Tao please stop you’re scaring me now.”

            “The lights, they’re so bright,” I said as I stuck my hand out to try and reach the lights in the horizon of the sky. I don’t even know how Kris found me but I will set him free soon. He shouldn’t have to be with someone as dirty as me.

            I shouldn’t have let Lay touch me. I shouldn’t have let him take everything away from me. My happiness, my pride, my self-esteem, even my first time; something I was saving for Kris. I knew if Kris ever found out he would leave me anyway. So this was the only way, for everyone to be happy. My grandparents wouldn’t have to spend all their money on me and could be free to live the rest of their lives not worrying about their weak grandson. All the kids that are scared of me won’t have to be afraid any longer. And Kris…Kris will be able to be with someone better. Someone that suits him better and isn’t weak like me. Someone that doesn’t need protection and will give him the love he deserves.

The cold night air blew against my face but I couldn’t even feel the cold anymore. I knew Kris was still there because he kept calling my name. Just a little longer and it will be over.

            “Kris…can you sing that song for me?” I asked him. My last selfish request that I would ever ask of him.

            “Tao, I’ll sing anything you want. Just please get down from there.”

            “Please, just sing me that song that you’re always humming.” I wanted to hear it before leaving this earth.

            There was silence for a little while until I heard Kris’ deep voice vibrating as he sang the song. His voice sounded shaky as if he was trying not to cry but the song sounded so beautiful coming from his lips. A smile stretched across my lips and I whispered out a thank you before closing my eyes and stepping off the roof, giving myself over to the bright lights. Mom, dad… I’m coming home.

3^rd POV

            Kris ran as fast as he could but he wasn’t fast enough. He watched as his boyfriend jumped off the roof and landed on the concrete below. Tears were streaming down his face by this point blurring his vision. He was grateful for them because he couldn’t bear to see Tao’s bloody body on the pavement any longer.

            The next thing he knew his legs collapsed and he was sitting on the roof not knowing what to do next. His boyfriend just killed himself and he couldn’t stop it. He felt weak, useless, and sick. The sick feeling took over though and he turned his head to throw up.

          “I should have tried harder!! I should have pulled him off of that ledge as soon as I saw him!! ! !!” Kris exclaimed as he continued to cry while punishing himself for Tao’s death. He should have known something was wrong with the younger boy when he didn’t show up to his apartment all weekend and wasn’t answering his phone but he didn’t pay any attention to it. He just figured that Tao became busy and didn’t have time to tell him that he couldn’t make it.

Something told Kris to come to the roof today though but he might as well of just stayed home if he couldn’t even stop Tao from jumping. What was the point of him being there if he was going to be useless? As Kris continued beating himself up he heard the sound of an ambulance approaching. Someone probably saw Tao and called. He still couldn’t stand to go down and see for himself but he knew that someone would need to identify who the boy was. So Kris got up on shaky legs about to leave the roof when something caught his eyes.

It was a manila envelope that was on the ground. As he approached it he saw that it had his name on it in Tao’s handwriting. With pale trembling hands he picked it up and held it close to his chest as he left the roof. He saw the paramedics loading Tao onto the stretcher. Tao was covered by a white sheet to signify that he was indeed gone. Kris could hardly rest his eyes on Tao’s lifeless body as he told the paramedics who the boy was. He gave them his name and address before leaving the scene. No longer able to face the reality that Tao was actually on that stretcher and that he was gone forever.

There will be an epilouge. 

~Lolo