Chapter 9
Thin Line Between Love and Hate
The first few seconds that he woke up, he tried to convince himself that the accident didn't happen. But reality was different.
Curled up into a fetal position as he drowned himself in the scent that Yunho left, Jaejoong spent thirty minutes crying on his bed. His heart was hurting too much. He felt like he didn't have the needed energy to move. But then he remembered. The hope that Yunho might have possibly woken up by now was more than enough to rouse him from his depression. In a flash, he got out of bed, took a bath and ate his breakfast. Putting on a pair of designer shirt and jeans, he hurriedly left the mansion and drove straight to the hospital.
When he got there, Yoochun was stretching his limbs, yawning and half awake by Yunho's bedside. The question if Yunho had gained consciousness fell from his lips before he could stop himself. Glancing at Jaejoong's figure by the door, Yoochun weakly shook his head.
Jaejoong felt the hope that he desperately clung on to get crushed. But he forced himself to think on the positive side of things. It had still been a day after all. Maybe tomorrow, Yunho would wake up. With that in mind, he smiled at Yoochun and pulled up a chair to sit on.
They shared small talk while watching Yunho's prone form on the bed. Gradually, a small blotch of blood at the right side of his head stained the white cloth that was wrapped around it. Terror instantly gripped Jaejoong and Yoochun's hearts at the sight.
Quickly, they called for the doctor's aid. Tears began to sting Jaejoong's eyes again as he watched in stark worry. Yoochun felt himself tearing up too but he was determined to keep it all in. Yunho always told him before that he didn't like a whiny, crybaby for a friend.
Jerk. Yoochun rubbed viciously at his face, swallowing a lump in his throat. Making me worry like this.
Once the doctor was done examining Yunho, he smiled and assured them that the small bleeding was normal since the wound was still fresh.
He walked out of the room, leaving them sitting on either side of the patient's bed.
Minute passed. Yoochun watched Jaejoong in silence.
Jaejoong's lips were kissing the back of Yunho's hand in what Yoochun could only guess was a silent prayer. Jaejoong's eyes were closed, tears rolling down his cheeks, accompanied with soft murmurings under his breath that he couldn't quite hear.
Yoochun didn't think it was possible at all. But everything that he had seen so far from Jaejoong's actions was proving him right.
Yesterday at lunch, while he kept digging for details to his hyung's apparent love life before the chase and accident happened, Yunho clarified to him that there was no such thing as a hidden past between him and Jaejoong. Before the documentary, he was only given the chance to be graced with the Council President's attention whenever he was in his detention class. It wasn't a secret to Yoochun how obsessive Yunho had gotten ever since he knew of him. Sure, he masked every glare he sent his way as hate, but as his best friend, he knew better.
But what baffled him was Jaejoong's reaction to everything. He thought that Jaejoong hated being forced together with Yunho, and as soon as the documentary was done or even before that if he could, he would be more than happy to stay away from him as far as possible.
Sure Jaejoong's life was saved by Yunho, sure he looked hurt when Yunho told him about the non-existent bet. But given the situation, he had the right to be hurt since the general idea was he got played into believing. Anyone who would find out that they've been fooled would be livid. And regarding the saving his life situation, why had he screamed at school and cried like he lost someone important?
Jaejoong was too emotionally affected, Yoochun observed. It was strange, seeing someone other than him to be gravely worried for Yunho. Even if they had made friends, as what Yunho said, they weren't friends long enough for Jaejoong to be bawling his eyes out for him.
It was hard to believe. But maybe he shouldn't be skeptic about it.
After all, didn't people say that when you fall in love, it's not a decision you make but a feeling you can't control?
"Jaejoong-sshi."
The smaller man didn't seem to hear him.
Yoochun opened his mouth again, deciding to brave the question as he slowly asked - but louder this time. "Do you... love him?"
In his spot, Jaejoong's shoulders tensed. Then he lowered his head, tears intensifying.
Yes. He lifted his face and reached out an arm, threading his fingers on Yunho's hair. Yunho. He held the hand he was holding tighter in his grasp, placing it against his chest. I love you, Yunho. Can't you feel my heart beating for you? A choked sob left him. Please wake up.
But no matter how much he cried, Yunho remained asleep.
Monday came and to the teachers' disappointment, their Student Council President wasn't able to carry out his duties. The VP had to fill in for Jaejoong in showing the evaluators around campus. Jaejoong didn't feel like attending today at all. If only he wasn't a bleeding school officer, maybe he'd have the liberty to cut class. But he guessed, what he was doing right now could be considered as cutting class in a sense. His body was in the classroom as if he was in auto pilot, but his mind was drifting off elsewhere.
The violent act that he did on Saturday to a Council Member at the hospital spread throughout the campus like wildfire.
Some who hadn't been there, refused to believe such a rumor. And so they still went on and approached Jaejoong with the same exuberance that could be compared to a puppy starving for affection. But instead of a smile and encouraging words coming from him, Jaejoong gave them a dark glare, and from what he heard, looked like the same glares that Jung Yunho usually wore.
It seemed that he picked up a few habits from Yunho. Jaejoong felt himself inwardly smile at the thought.
It was refreshing to have this kind of freedom. If he was his normal self, he knew that he wouldn't feel this detached towards school, the students and it's teachers. But he couldn't care less about them right now. He had other more important things to think about.
The number of annoying pests approaching him dramatically lowered down. But there were always the pushy ones who couldn't seem to understand what "Don't talk to me. Leave me alone dammit!" meant. Completely fed up, Jaejoong pulled a girl's hair that morning.
After talking with Yoochun during lunch, he found out that Yunho still wasn't waking up. The overwhelming worry in his heart spiraled out of control. He couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling off. Every few minutes he'd get chills. Whenever the thought of Yunho never gaining consciousness flashed through his mind, he'd feel like something was the air from his lungs.
That afternoon, he locked himself in the Conference Room and spilled tears again. He remembered the time when he had been crying for a different reason. He had wanted for Yunho to get out of his life, wanted him to be erased from his thoughts and for him to forget all the things that Yunho made him feel. But right now, he was hoping for the opposite. Jaejoong just completely, desperately, wanted him back.
Tuesday arrived and the students weren't surprised anymore when they didn't have any Kim Jaejoong documentary to watch.
Wednesday also arrived and Yunho still hadn't opened his eyes.
The whole day, it was painfully evident how Jaejoong's mood had changed. He didn't smile anymore. A permanent scowl marred his face and he refused to talk to anyone. He cursed at a teacher, screamed at a girl, got into a fist fight with a guy who called him a pathetic waiting for his equally pathetic boyfriend to wake up and how he wished all the disgusting homos in the world would just drop dead.
"I'll show you who's the ing homo!" was all Jaejoong yelled before he pushed the guy to the ground and broke his nose.
But fortunately, not everyone in their academy was an .
Some did try to give Jaejoong comfort. Some girls approached him and told him to be strong for Yunho. And whenever he visited Yunho, sometimes he'd find flowers on his bedside from their school mates. Some guys would give him encouraging words as well. Telling him to ignore the homophobes in school who were still living under a rock. Jaejoong was grateful for their efforts in cheering him up. But despite all the rumors floating in school, he never denied or admitted being gay so everyone just speculated.
It was already Thursday and yet, there was still no progress with Yunho. The morning simply passed by like a big black hole right in front of his eyes. Jaejoong couldn't remember anything after that. But when he came to, he was in the infirmary with Yoochun sitting by his side.
When he asked what happened, the other man directed him with sad eyes before recounting to him how while walking aimlessly in the hallways, he just suddenly began punching the concrete wall until his hands were coated with blood.
A female student saw him and was the one that called for their schoolmates' help. When Yoochun arrived and crouched down beside him, he was passed out, muttering Yunho's name even in his semi-unconscious state as tears tricked down the side of his eyes.
"Looking at you is painful Jaejoong-sshi." Yoochun morosely said as he held the other man's bandaged hand. "You're just like him."
"What do you mean?" He asked, voice low as he stared forlornly at his lap. This bed here, was where he and Yunho first kissed.
Suddenly, Yoochun was enveloping him in a hug, his broken voice reaching his ears. "A few months ago, he used to do this too. Punch a wall until he was bleeding. He was miserable those times, dealing with his jealousy at watching you being surrounded by people at a distance."
Giving his back gentle rubs, Yoochun proceeded to tell him about all the times that Yunho glared at him, explaining that all his hostile gestures and actions was just his way of protecting himself from the pain that practically eats him alive. Yunho's love for him was strong. And at times it just becomes too much for him to deal with his feelings, thus he made himself believe that his emotions were that of hatred.
Jaejoong listened, feeling the regret in his heart weighing heavier with every word coming out of Yoochun's mouth.
"I... I thought he hated me."
"No. He's always loved you from the start... too much perhaps. That's why he tricked himself that he hated you. To lessen the pain."
Jaejoong's lower lip trembled menacingly, head dropping on Yoochun's shoulder as he felt fresh tears in his eyes.
"Y-Yunho... has always... loved me?"
"Yes." Yoochun replied, pulling back. "And It hurts seeing you like this." he added as he wiped his tears. "Because I can see him in you."
By Friday, Jaejoong's parents were called for a meeting. But it was only Siwon who came, saying how the couple were at the opposite side of the planet, literally as of the meantime. And any concern that they had about Jaejoong, they could tell it to him.
Jaejoong guessed that money really was the power in this world. Because Siwon was able to settle the troubles that he did.
If only it would make Yunho wake up.
After engaging in a screaming contest with Siwon that night, as he spat into his face how he wasn't his father and he had no right to give him lectures when his Umma and Appa wouldn't even bother with him, Jaejoong stormed to his room and slammed the door violently shut.
Jaejoong dialed his parent's numbers, but like always, all he got was their voice mail. "I need you guys." He murmured in misery as he broke down into tears. Slumping by his bedside, Jaejoong let out a loud frustrated, angry scream before throwing his phone against the wall.
For five nights in a row, Jaejoong cried himself to sleep.
It was another Saturday and they were in Yunho's hospital room.
Heechulnim, the Dean and a few other teachers talked a few feet away from them. Jaejoong's drastic change over the weekend was what consisted of their conversation. It was Heechul that proposed the project on Yunho for his failing grades to take documentary footages of Jaejoong. And right now, the young teacher was being partly blamed for his behavior.
He didn't show it, but he was listening attentively to every word. Especially when they dropped most of the blame on Yunho, pointing out how they've always tried to understand him because of his tragic background, making it sound like they were to be considered martyrs.
They said that it was obvious with Yunho's school record, he couldn't have gotten into their school but since Heechul had done greatly for their academy over the years that he's worked there, they allowed Yunho to attend. All of the students that got into prestigious schools like Seoul University, the Valedictorians, the honors list, most of them had been under him. Heechul had a great record in teaching.
And so that's why they thought he could handle one Jung Yunho.
But now, that brat had only not brought shame to their school's reputation with his gang-fighting background but influenced their top student with all kinds of immoral and disgusting acts as well. The homouality for example. Yes, Jaejoong never disclosed if he was actually gay but his actions already did it for him. Once, he disrespected a teacher, he didn't focus in class, he barely carried out his duties, and he had beaten up a fellow student - twice. And just last Thursday, he lost control of his sanity and repeatedly punched a wall.
"You leave us with no choice. Unless that brat doesn't stop being a problem to everyone. I'm afraid we'll have to suspend him."
"Suspend him?!" The anger in Heechul's eyes was clear. "Did you already forget what the kid did a week ago? He came to the rescue of another student, never giving any value to his life, not caring how dangerous it was as long as he could help him!"
The Dean adjusted his glasses. "Yes, we do but..."
"And what do you mean he's causing a problem?" Heechul's tone rose with every word as he advance on the other man. "He's lying down in that bed over there with a broken skull. He hasn't opened his eyes even for a second and you accuse him of causing trouble?"
"It doesn't change the fact that since Kim Jaejoong had been with him, he's changed into this... something short of a delinquent."
"That is not Yunho's fault. You can't blame him for another student's actions."
"That kid even claimed Jaejoong as his lover. He forced himself on him, or haven't you seen that picture that was posted last week."
"He should be accused of attempted ." Another one joined in. "Jaejoong might be brainwashed too. There is that possibility."
Heechul pinched the bridge of his nose, fighting off a headache. "God! I can't believe I'm actually hearing all of these from you."
It was taking all of Jaejoong's self-control to not turn around and strangle the Dean and those teachers for talking jack about Yunho. But Yoochun kept giving him these warning looks that said "Don't cause further trouble" and so he stayed put.
But still, how could they put the blame on him after everything that he did to save him? If they wanted to blame anyone, then it should be Jaejoong. Why don't they suspend him instead? But he guessed since his family owned half of the school's shares, they didn't want to get into bad blood with his parents. Because if they did pulled out their shares, that would put the academy into a shaky standing.
Shortly after, the mild-argument was put to a stop. Or more likely, they stopped arguing inside the room and took it outside since there was still a patient resting. A few students came by to bring Yunho flowers. Smiling at Yoochun and Jaejoong, they decided to lounge for a bit.
When the argument didn't seem to end, Jaejoong decided to go out, saying how he should at least say something in the matter at hand. The conversation only went about a few minutes, which consisted of him defending Yunho and if they wanted to punish anyone then it should be him, Kim Jaejoong, when Yoochun suddenly burst out of the door, wide-eyed and a huge relieved smile plastered on his face.
He locked gazes with Jaejoong and Jaejoong immediately got the message.
"He's awake!"
"Yunho!" Tearing himself away from his spot, he rushed back to Yunho's side. The female students were huddled by the window as they watched. It couldn't be helped since there was still that underlying fear that they had for the former-gang leader.
The second Jaejoong saw his gaze, overwhelming relief washed over him. Salty liquid poured down his cheeks in torrents - tears of happiness flowing freely out of his system as he let the floodgates open. He leaned down beside him, cradling Yunho's face in his hands, drinking in the sight of his beautiful eyes. It felt like forever since he had seen them. "Yunho-yah." Jaejoong smiled through his tears. In that moment, he didn't care at all if there was the Dean behind him, or if there were the students in a corner. What mattered was only Yunho.
"You're awake." Without wasting a moment's breath, Jaejoong closed the gap between them and passionately kissed him. The man's eyes beneath him widened. The teachers watched in shocked surprise, while Yoochun thought he heard the girls giggle behind them.
Jaejoong cupped Yunho's cheeks as his kiss deepened, lips moving against Yunho's own in raw need and want. He longed for Yunho to kiss him back, but Yunho remained unresponsive. Slowly, he released his mouth, thinking that maybe he was still disoriented from his sleep. Pulling away a little, Jaejoong smiled and brushed a thumb on Yunho's bottom lip, his gaze awashed with love. "I missed you, you jerk."
Yunho stared at him with eyes for saucers before his frightened gaze moved to Yoochun, then to the rest of the occupants in the room.
"W-what's happening?" He stammered in growing fear as he scooted back towards the headboard.
Jaejoong tried to reach for him once more. "What's wrong?" Yunho seemed to flinch. Jaejoong pulled his hand back.
"Who are you?" Yunho asked, looking at him with wary and guarded eyes.
Jaejoong could only gape at Yunho, feeling his heart break into a million pieces with those three words. "W-what?"
The young man clutched at his head as if he was trying to remember something, his expression turning exceedingly distraught.
His next question elicited a sharp gasp from everyone.
"Who am I?!"
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