Yixing couldn't remember who he was, what he was doing or who he was with. He had lost all senses that allowed him to retain his sanity. He felt numb, like a complete rack of shacks. The cool air didn't do a good job in helping him with his fresh new wounds. It did stung but nothing could be compared to the level of pain that his heart was taking on. There was this thought that gushed through his mind, maybe if he had a little bit more strength, maybe if he was a little more aware of the consequences of following a man whom he had lost total contact with for a year. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. If only he was smarter, if only he had chose not to lose his temper at home, on that very day he ran to school and into the back of the man he used to love so much.

It all came to one thing.

It was his entire fault.

Everything that had happened from years back till now had been solely his own act of stupidity.

Yixing winced in pain as he felt his back crushing against the badly vandalised wall. It reminded him of something. The condition it was in, made his already torn heart disintegrate into fine dust. It resembled him. The lines of cracks that ran mercilessly through its once white and smooth surface were just like another version of how he was. Completely ripped off of its original state and purity within him which accompanied the collapsed figure for many years. It’s not that he hadn't done that before but he still considered himself to be clean, because before that it all happened for love.

It wasn't love this time however.

Yixing simply wanted to die. Right on the spot where he was lying on, in front of Suho.

"You have became so weak," the other man placed a hand under his chin, lifting his tear stained face with so much force that the other had cried out.

"Please...let...me...go," Yixing barely managed to make out a sound.

Suho had a habit of showing his front teeth while smiling. Yixing used to think that it was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen. Used to.

What was left of him was just a monster. A monster that had taken over his body. His humanity.

"You sure read my mind, I had enough for tonight anyway," Suho pinched Yixing's nose at the tip, wriggling his finger a little. For a split second or so, Yixing felt like he teleported back to the past. The feeling was nice, he remembered how he adored being treated like a child.

Maybe it wasn't entirely his fault.

~~~

Not far away a man had his back turned away from the nameless bar and the other bright lights of the street. He stayed right there, watching the endless traffic pass by him. His fingers clutched onto his phone, which was already running out of battery for calling repeatedly. For a split second, Yifan thought that he saw Yixing and he quickly stood up. The alcohol has taken effect, causing his mind to stir uncontrollably, his legs felt extremely light.

One step.

Two steps.

Three ste--

"YIFAN GE! WATCH OUT!" Someone called out to him.

Yifan felt a warm torso behind his back before he realised that the world had tumbled beneath his feet. He noticed that the sky had no stars. It was empty. Yifan did not even like half of what he was seeing.

~~~

Chanyeol groaned for the third time as Yifan had miraculously slipped off his shoulder. They were practically tangled together, all limbs and sides pressed up. Yet Chanyeol finds himself slowing down to take a few rests now and then. Yifan wasn't made up of feather and if he was, those feathers must have been coated with gold.

"Ughh...Yifan ge! Or rather Wu Yifan! Why are you so damn heavy?!" Chanyeol literally screamed as he shifted the latter to his side, making sure that they did not have to trip over their own feet.

"Oh...and that alley looks so creepy...if it’s not for you being here I think I'd be freaking out now," the bubbly musician or therapist said with a smile as he continued to mumble on with his monologue.

As they made their way to Chanyeol’s apartment, Baekhyun came rushing out of the elevator, nearly bumping into the two towers, but he had failed to notice Yifan. He was caught between calling the police and the ambulance because over the phone, his friend sounded as if he was going to die. A hundred thoughts ran through his mind as he prayed that his friend was not in danger, at least for now.

~

“Yixing!” Baekhyun managed to find his way through the lightless alley.

“Baekhyun…” Yixing mumbled as he remained on the ground, hugging his knees to his chest.

What happened? Baekhyun had wanted to ask but nothing came out from his trembling lips as he reached out to embrace the broken boy. There wasn’t a need to ask because all that mattered was for Yixing to be safe.

“It’s ok now, I’m here for you,” Baekhyun tried to sound as calm as possible because his friend needed all the security in the world now.

Yixing got off his back but refused to let go of his hand, his cheeks stained with tears and his nose was flushing red from the crying. Baekhyun let him cry against his chest and spoke no words, the silence between them was mixed with some sniffles and Baekhyun could feel his own tears at the back of his eyes because Yixing was a great friend and a wonderful person, there was no reason for him to be in such a state. He hugged the other until soft breathes were heard. It was the best comfort that he could offer his friend.

The white lights blinded him. Yifan shield his eyes afterwards, groaning in pain because his throat felt like it was on fire. He had been running for quite a while now, the cold beads of perspiration on his back told much of the story. He couldn't stop however, not until he finds his angel.

"Yixing! Where are you?! Please...be safe..." Yifan fell on his knees when his legs gave way to his drained body.

"YI XING!" His eyes shot opened with the sound of a huge object tumbling over and down.

"That...was terrifying..." a voice echoed in his ears.

Yifan had a hand over his throbbing head when he saw someone who had never imagined seeing in the morning.

"Chan-"

"No need for greetings teacher," Chanyeol smiled like his usual derpy self as he brought his fallen chair off the ground.

"Why--"

"Oh i guess you had too many drinks and nearly got ran over by some trucks, pretty shocking for a tough looking dude, haha," Chanyeol had once again interrupted his speech but Yifan had to thank his student this time.

"Thank--"

"No problem teacher, but you should really stop wandering around in this vulnerable state," Chanyeol frowned in an attempt to look serious but it didn't work.

Yifan had thought of laughing at his student's fail but he was quickly reminded of Yixing.

Yixing. Date. Last night. Disappeared.

"...I have to find him," Yifan cursed as he tried to sit up, but his left ankle hurt so much that he actually winced.

"Oh! And I forgot to tell you that you tripped over my feet last night and sprained your ankle!" Chanyeol came rushing to his side, dropping the towel that he was using to wipe Yifan's face last night.

"What?" Yifan sighed. Now he can't even go searching for his lover.

While things were finally making sense over at Yifan's side, Baekhyun was on the verge of crying because Yixing had refused to eat or have anything edible near him.

"Please...you have to eat...for Yifan's sake?" Baekhyun tried his tactic but it only made things worse.

Yixing started crying again.

"I'm so sorry ...Yifan... I couldn't protect myself and now..." Baekhyun heard his friend choke on his tears and decided that he couldn't just sit around doing nothing.

"Go home, Yixing," his voice was firm.

His friend turned a deaf ear on his words as he mumbled apologies after apologies.

Baekhyun gave in. He couldn't just leave his friend to himself, which resulted in Yixing inhabiting himself at his place for another month.

~

Yifan wasn't devastated. He was simply dumbfounded and speechless because Yixing had vaporised on one night. Like a bubble, popping and disappearing in an instance, making the individual question his own sanity.

"Are you sure that you have searched and enquired everyone that he knew of?" The police officer eyed him with the tinniest interest.

"Yes most of them. But actually...I don't really know about his family and fri--"

"I see that you have been looking for this person," the officer said carelessly as he flipped the report.

"Yes...shouldn't someone be searching for him already? It had been a month since he last appeared and--"

"It says that this individual have been confirming his presence but preferred not to disclose his whereabouts," the officer looked more than displeased," we did our job Mr Wu, maybe you should think about the reasons that this individual had been avoiding you for."

Yifan felt his mind swirl again. He couldn't believe his ears. But he was sure that his angel was save now. But why did he hide from him?

~

Baekhyun tightened his grip on his chopsticks, he was determined to send his friend back onto track, even if his friend hates on him afterwards.

"Yixing, go home, go back to him, you know that you can't hide from him forever, just go back to him," Baekhyun tried to sound encouraging but his feelings were wavering now, because Yixing was staring at him emotionlessly, chewing on small bits of rice which he had finally agreed onto eating after fainting twice for malnutrition and a mild case of gastric problem.

"Are you kicking me out?" Yixing sounded almost bored with his tone.

"No...what I said was that...you shouldn't carry on being like that, missing school was enough for that tug at your bright future and now...do you even know how worried everyone was? And that I had to lie numerous times so that you can continue to hide in your shell, Yixing..." Baekhyun clutched his head; he was tired for all that happened.

"I'm sorry," Yixing said after hesitating.

Baekhyun remained face down on the dining table, not catching his friend standing up and leaving for the door. When he finally heard the click at the lock, Yixing was already gone.

~

It started drizzling then. Yifan had managed to walk out of the police station without fainting due to happiness. At least his angel was safe and probably feeling better elsewhere. An image of a smiling Yixing came into his mind making his lips tug at the end, slowing sprouting into a small smile, but Yifan felt the weight on his chest again.

He doesn’t want to see me.

With those words lingering behind his mind, Yifan continued his way back to their once shared apartment until the light drizzle turned into a shower of raindrops. He looked at his empty hands and sighed. He had become too light headed and forgetful these days that even Luhan had noticed his absentmindedness. Fortunately Yifan reached a nearby bus stop and was safe from the rain.

There was a young girl with her mother sitting on the bench beside him, her little fingers tracing on the huge words printed on her book, round eyes looking at the book with determination. Her mother, a middle aged lady was busy speaking through the phone and had her back turned away from her daughter. Yifan saw her little nose scrunched up as she tried to read aloud but was having some difficulties.

“Happy,” he said, while looking away but it was audible enough for the young girl to hear.

She crocked her head to his direction and Yifan thought that he wasn’t loud enough, and tried again.

“ha-ppy,” Yifan made sure he was heard and ended up looking at an idiot because his head was nodding forward as he articulated each syllable clearly. The little girl giggled and Yifan returned the child’s smile with a smile of his own, a real smile behind his mask that he had to put up during the day because he didn’t want anyone to worry over him. He saw her pink lips turning into a pout and wondered why.

“Are you happy ahjusshi?” her small voice barely made it through the sound of the rain but Yifan still caught it, his heart quivering at her question.

“I don’t…know actually…” Yifan answered, his gaze landing on the puddles of rainwater, which were slowly pooling up near the pavement.

As long as you’re happy now, Yixing…

Before Yifan could sink deeper into his thoughts, the rumbling of engines came along with a few splashes of rain as the bus arrived at the bus stop. The middle aged lady hurriedly boarded the bus while calling out to her daughter, telling the little one to follow her. Yifan smiled gently at her when the young girl turned her head towards him, as if she had something to tell him.

“Don’t be sad ahjusshi, you will find ‘happy’ soon~” the little girl said, handling her umbrella to Yifan, who grabbed onto it before it fell off her little fingers.

“But—your umbrella--,” Yifan stuttered, he quickly stood up but the bus had its engines working again, the little girl waved from the bus, biding goodbye.

“Thank you…” Yifan mumbled to himself as he looked at the umbrella in his hand.  His worn out heart feeling alive for a moment.

He raised his head to see another bus arriving at the opposite bus stop; only one passenger alighted from the packed bus.

Yixing.

---

A/n : Hi there! sorry for the longggg disappearance! Have been caught up by school T^T and finally the final exams. Happening in 20 days T^T . please stay with me until I come back with the next chapter! Angst for Kray and fluff for xiuhan but don’t worry! Because Yifan and Yixing will patch things up! Pretty soon! :DDDDDDDDD yay~! *dances around like crazy*

thanks for checking my work wenxin~~!

Leave me some food (comments) QAQ I don’t know why but I sound like…some animal TAT

Readers are my vitamins! ♥ (just how cheesy can I get…) *crawls back into rabbit hole*

-next chap is xiuhan!-