God loves Bakla (Gay) // Two-Shots ;3,153 words // One-Sided!KyuWon, KyuMin ; told in Siwon's POV // angst, drama, romance // PG-13
summary : “Is it really so wrong to love?”

inspired by an article of the same title (article was posted in Phil Star if i remembered it right)

Growing up in a Christian-oriented family, I was raised believing that there's a higher entity above all. It was already patterned in my young mind that we should obey all His teachings and what's written in the holy book. And I grew up taking that to heart. Memorizing almost every inch of the bible, every scripture and every words, it had already been a part of me, a basis that defined my life and actions.

***

I've always heard from my parents mouth, that God only created two men, the man and the woman, that a third gender wasn't mentioned in the holy book. Then what about the so-called third ? I remember the young me blabbing that question to them, and was only answered by laughter. And as times past by the question just irks curiosity inside me.
I was young when I first heard the word gay, but only when I grew up did I realized the real meaning that comes with it. It was all over the place, being the subject of gossips and public ridicule. It had been a cliché, passing in every body's life. I always saw them being teased and humiliated, being made fun of and being belittled. But I didn't really cared; it's as if it’s a part of life that you just have to live with.
I’ve never really questioned any of those, until I’ve met one.
I first met Cho Kyuhyun in my math class, and my dear teacher just happened to pair me with him. Being part of the jocks, I had a lot of "-hole" friends, a lot of times that I felt like I didn't belong, that I just want to break free and oppose all of their doings but then again, I guess its also part of the law of life.. They say that we have a choice.. but sometimes I can't help but question.. Do we really?
I remember hearing from one of my "friends" that I should distance myself from the "-nerd" a nickname they somehow pegged for the poor guy.
But no matter how unbelievable the orders are I still found myself being awkward with the tall lanky man.
"Im not gonna you, you know." I found myself choking in the cold-frap I was drinking at that moment, probably from the words, and most probably because it was the first sentence he uttered the whole uncomfortable hour.
"I.. I didn't thought..-"
"-Don't worry you're not my type." 
"Excuse me?!"
The guy suddenly laughed, and I actually found myself being attracted at his melodious laughter. I immediately erased the thoughts away, thinking of how gayer I seemed than him.
"Why? Do you actually wish I were?"
I could remember my jaw literally dropping from my face as I stared at him with disbelief.
"Aish.. you should calm down! Seriously you have nothing to worry about." The guy laughed. The side of his beautiful orbs creasing as he does so. And I found myself laughing along with him. 
After the encounter I found myself slowly putting my guard down, and being more comfortable with him. 

***

I was on my way to the lockers to meet up with Kyuhyun for our report when I saw a group of students huddled together towards the hallway, a hoard of laughter and murmurs could be heard as I went nearer. 
My eyes suddenly doubled in size as I saw what everyone's been looking at.
Kyuhyun was standing still in front of his locker, a group of man, whom I called as "friends" shooting words at him, words that I couldn't fully comprehend as all I can see is Kyuhyun, face showing no emotion at all as he stand still in front of his locker, I tilted my head and my heart broke apart as I see what was the cost of it all.. , gay, other words of similar meaning sprayed all over his locker. I looked at Kyuhyun, his face blank as he remains frozen at his place. After a few seconds, he slowly opened his locker and grabs some of his books. The murmurs grew louder because of the action but not enough to distract my attention from the single soul that's been drawing my mind. I locked my gaze at Kyuhyun’s figure as he close the locker and turns around when he suddenly met my eye. My heart pounded like drums playing a crazy beat as I look deep in his eyes, his orbs as if conveying a message I couldn’t grasp on. I wanted to say something, .. I’m not sure of what words.. but something, anything. He looked at me for another brief second before dropping his head down and then he walked away.

***

That night, I was slumped in my bed, in deep thoughts. The look in Kyuhyun's eyes hunting me.
I was almost drifting to dreamland when I suddenly remember my math assignment that’s due tom. I was so affected of what had happened earlier that I went straight at home and forgot to look over at my locker. It was an important assignment so I lazily dragged my self to school. 
I was on my way to my locker when I saw a familiar figure amidst the dark; it was blurry at first but my heart starts to beat on that familiar beat its thumping these past few days when the image starts to get clearer.
I went closer to make sure if it was really him and my heart drops down as I confirmed it, but what made my heart drop lower was the state he was in. Sweat dripping from the side of his beautiful face, his eyes focused on the locker in front of him as he scrape hard on the red ink that’s plastered on the metal.
"Ky..Kyuhyun-ssi?" I murmured but the man didn't budge as he continue scraping the locker with a thin cloth tightly gripped by his hands that it seems it's about to tore apart soon.

"Kyuhyun-ssi"I muttered, this time much louder as I carefully put a hand on his shoulder.
He suddenly flinched at the touch hiking a little from his long sleeves. He quickly covered the small exposed skin but it wasn't fast enough for me to not notice the black marks that are imperfectly etched to his pale skin. Due to curiosity, I grabbed his hand gently, and lifted his sleeves up. He was protesting at first, but after seeing my determination he just let me, and what I saw made my heart tremble in pain. 
His beautiful skin fully covered with bruises made my heart sink bottom pit.
"Who did this to you?" I asked, my mind still comprehending how such lovely soul could deserve such treatment.
"I'm fine.. it's, it's just nothing.. " Kyuhyun stuttered, pulling his hand way from my grip and hurriedly covering his skin.
"What do you mean nothing?! Only a heartless animal could take doing such things."
"You have no idea!” Kyuhyun suddenly screamed making me flinch. He realized it so he softened his voice as he continues. “He.. he's just disappointed of who I am.. but no matter what he loves me..I know that he still loves me.." He's voice cracked and I was surprised by the sudden break down. I could see the side of his eyes wetting but then he straightened up his face, trying to act strong but as I look deep in to his orbs, I could see the soul of a young hurt man. A kid trying to assure himself of love and affection.
"Sssh.. I believe you.." I hugged him and I felt him succumbing in the embrace and by that moment I swore that all I wanted to do is to take care of him for the rest of my life.
*
Once I get to know him, I found out that he doesn't even show any gay cells in his system Heck! I found myself even gayer, remembering those thoughts when I first met him. The guy, just like any ordinary guy, was a game-addict, even more than the normal, I must say. 
I found myself asking him why the people even called him gay.
"I was the one who admitted it myself." He muttered casually.
"What?"
"I admitted that I'm gay."
"How did you even think you're gay? Seriously man! A lot of self-proclaimed "machos" are even gayer than you!"
And then he laughed that melodious laughter of his again, that I found myself sinfully being addicted to. But I can’t put a word in that foreign feeling suddenly tugging in my heart as I hear his answer.
"Because I’m in love with another man."

***

And said man, I only found out after a series of begging, and a brand new Starcraft from my pocket that is, was Lee Sungmin, a guy from the music department. 
I could see a slight glimmer in his eyes as he recalls his encounter with the said guy. 
He was in a park when a group of 3 kids larger than him came up snatching his PSP away. It wasn’t anything new as it already seems a routine for him to be bullied by said guys. He wouldn’t utter a thing nor would he tell on them, he’ll just stand in his place, face blank as they pick on him. They’ll grew tired after a few hours and leave him anyway. That had always been a routine to him so as usual he patiently waits for the bullies to finish and endures every punch and hits coming his way when one day, that one particular day, a guy in pink bravely stepped in and stopped the guys.
The bullies just laughed at him seeing how a guy in pink, holding a stuffed bunny could be a match to all of them. Kyuhyun on the other hand just stared confusedly at the cute kid, it was the first time someone had the courage to step up on the bullies, everybody was afraid of them thus letting them bully kid over kid afraid that the bullying would be divert to them. But here was this kid, standing courageous as if not even caring of the danger he just stepped in. He admired the kid for that, thus not wanting him to get hurt so he was about to tell the kid to just go away and don’t mind him when the cute kid suddenly kicked one of the guy who was about to grab him with practice ease and grab the other’s hand pushing him away and doing the same thing to the other one. The scared bullies came running away now afraid of the little boy.
The little boy just chuckled at the cowards then went nearer to Kyuhyun. He then lends Kyuhyun a hand, which Kyuhyun gladly accepted. Kyuhyun suddenly felt a foreign feeling encircling his heart as his hand touched the smaller male. Its as if he's in heaven, the feeling even better than what he feels whenever he levels up on a Starcraft game.. he didn't really know what that meant at that moment.. but whatever it was.. it felt so great that he wanted it to stay.. 
and it did stayed until he was old enough to name feelings, stayed until he could fully say he was in love with Lee Sungmin.
"Have u told him how you feel?" I reluctantly asked as Kyuhyun finishes his story, a sincere smile plastered on the younger’s face. A smile I haven’t seen before.
Kyuhyun laughed, "I'm not even sure if his gay. Yah he loves pink and stuffed bunnies but the guy's also a martial artist!”
"You should at least try right?" I asked, hesitant of my own words.
"I.. I don’t know.. I mean.. I don’t really think I could take rejection." 

Then I saw a flash of fear in his eyes, exactly what I saw from that night I sworn I’d protect him. I saw the guy who was unsure if his loved. The guy who grew up from this world full of hatred and cruelty, full of people’s unequal judgment. 
I hugged him as I question why do such person even deserve such treatment.
“You love him right?” I felt a sharp tug in my heart as I let the question roll out from my mouth.
He nodded and my heart completely broke down in pieces but I smiled knowing this is the best thing to do. I broke the hug and looked straight at him.
“Then go for it. Tell it to him.”
“I.. I don’t know hyung.” He muttered in a soft voice fear clearly shown in his voice.
“It’s okay. I’ll help you. I won’t leave you.” He looked up at me, the worries in his face being replace with a relieved and thankful smile. 
“Really? You.. you’ll do that?”
“O -ofcourse” I managed to fake a smile despite of the trembling feeling slowly encircling my heart.
“Thanks hyung. Thank you.” He replied as he came up and hugged me. I just smiled, savoring the wonderful sensation it feels inside Kyuhyun’s arms finally realizing that foreign feeling I’ve been having for the past few weeks.

***

"You're Kyuhyun right?" 
"Y-y.. yes?" I heard Kyuhyun stutter as his eyes suddenly widen when Sungmin spoke up. I can’t believe him after knowing that he actually avoided the older man after their meeting way back when they we’re young and just settled on looking and admiring the other man from afar so I was persuading him for days to already confess his feelings for Sungmin. But he always comes up with silly excuses to prevent it, thus irritating me so I decided to just pull him to the music department not caring of all the excuses and resisting he does. I was looking for Sungmin when Kyuhyun suddenly broke from my tight grasp and run away earning him a not so gracious fall in the department’s lawn.
But it seems that luck is with me, or not, when a guy suddenly went near him and offered him a hand. Kyuhyun accepted it and a shock could be clearly seen on his face when he saw the man that helped him. Only then I realized that this was Lee Sungmin.
"Don't you remember me?" Sungmin asked with a sheepish smile on his face.
"Of course I remember you!.. Lee Sungmin!" There's a huge smile etched on Kyuhyun's face, different from his serious persona nor even the snarky laid back guy he's showing when we're together. With Sungmin he smiles as if the whole world is laid off from his shoulder, as if he’s free from all the hurt and pain he’d been thru.
And my heart silently weeps, as I can’t hide the jealousy I feel towards Sungmin. The two seems to catch on and is conversing comfortably. I saw the smile permanently plastered in Kyuhyun’s face and it somehow brings my pained heart in glee. So I reluctantly turned away and left the two. As long as his happy.

***

"Hyung! I did it!"
"What?" I asked as I try to calm an over ecstatic Kyuhyun running towards my room. 
“I’ve already confessed! He also likes me hyung! He also likes me!" I stayed still in my seat as I watch Kyuhyun literally bouncing for the first time.
“Aren’t you happy hyung?” He asked as he sat beside me.
I looked deep in his eyes, his orbs b with joy. My heart somehow cracks knowing who was the cause of all of it, silently wishing it was me.
“Hyung?” Kyuhyun asked, his eyes suddenly filled with worries and confusion. I suddenly remembered how his eyes only filled with emptiness and pain before. And I forced a smile as I mutter a reply. “Of course.” It’s worth the pain if it means his happiness. 

***

The feelings inside my heart plays like a roller coaster going up and down. I’m happy that Kyuhyun’s finally happy but I still can’t deny that tug of pain burning in my inside. But not wanting to burden Kyuhyun, I tried to show that I’m happy whenever he and Sungmin are together. I’ve never seen Kyuhyun this happy so no matter how much it hurts I let them be and tried to forget that lingering feeling in my heart.
Everything was fine until one night… I saw Kyuhyun crying.
"Kyuhyun?.. whats wrong?" I asked as I immediately went near him, patting his back.
"We broke up.." He muttered, his head still bowed down low.
"W.. what?!" I asked in shocked. They we’re just so happy yesterday as if no one can break them apart. 
"My..my parents found out about us and ... and they made me choose between them and Sungmin.. they said they'll disown me if.. if i choose to be with him." His sobs visibly get louder as his voice cracks as he shares his story.
"So what did you do?" I asked as I continue patting his back, not knowing what to do.
"I.. I choose them."
"What?! After the things they've done, you still chose them?!" 
"What do you want me to do then?!”
I was silenced as I realize how I answered in impulse not considering logic and reasoning. He bowed his head again when I didn’t utter a reply. It was silent for a few minutes, when Kyuhyun finally spoke up. 
"Is there actually a right answer when it comes to choosing between people you both love so much?" 
“I.. I don’t know.” I answered with hesitation, not really knowing how to answer. 
"B... but it hurts.. I I love him so much hyung.. I love him so much." More tears started flooding from his orbs, the immense pain in his heart clearly being shown in his voice. I hugged him tight not knowing what to do. I just realized that it was actually the first time I saw him cry; he never cried when he was being bullied, nor when he silently questions his parents love for him. But now here he was crying over a guy. A guy, the world said he shouldn’t love. A love they said was wrong and being judged. But as I hear him repeat his words of love for the guy, only did I felt how right the wrong words are. How the love that’s being hindered means even more than those people who just says love as if it’s just something so random, not really caring to mean it and blatantly throwing it to anyone they please. And here are two people meaning love with their whole hearts, meaning love like their whole world, not even being given the chance to experience it. 
I tilted my head up as I tighten my hug on Kyuhyun’s trembling body and asked. “Is it really so wrong to love?”



FOR THE RECORD! .. i dont mean to question the bible nor anything of God's words.. this is just a fic.. just saying ;)