Chapter 18 Three Words

“Ahh..”

The hot water caressed your toes and ankle, surrounding your whole foot. The tv served as background noise as you sat back in your sofa. This past week had not been the easiest. Homework was light but having to balance a boyfriend with a neighbor like Nick. You tried to push the talk the two of you had last night out of your mind and it generally worked. You finished letting your feet soak before you dried your feet with a nearby towel. You let your mind wander as you gathered your towel and the foot bath. You began thinking about the homework due Wednesday and what you would have for dinner the next day. Suddenly, you phone rang. You wrapped your towel around your shoulders and picked up your phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi sweetie. What are you doing?”

“Just giving myself a pedicure,” you said slyly. You didn’t want him to think that you were soaking your feet like an old woman.

“Really? I didn’t know you were that type of girl.”

“There are probably a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

“I’d like to spend the rest of my life getting to know you then.”

You made an exaggerated gasp and clenched your heart as if he could see.

“You’re such a romantic,” you said sarcastically.

“I have to go. I love you~”

“You too,” you say before hanging up.

‘Why couldn’t I say it?’ You thought as you lay in bed, sweat forcing your pajamas to stick to your skin. He had told you he did, why couldn’t you? You quickly got out of bed and made your way to the kitchen. You found a light switch and turned it up. You walked over to the refrigerator and took out the container filled with water. You pulled yourself a cup from one of the cabinets and poured yourself a glass. The floor was cool to your bare feet. Insomnia had kicked in. Since there was no getting rid of it, you decided to watch some television. You aren’t sure when exactly but you fell asleep not too long after.

You were standing outside of Nick’s apartment. Everything seemed normal until you looked down at your hands. In your right hand, was your heart. It wasn’t the cute version that people often thought of that kids drew in red crayon. The heart in your hand had the vena cava, arteries, and the aorta. You dropped it in shock and felt a tinge of pain the moment it hit the floor.

You heard footsteps coming from inside. You quickly picked it back up. There was darkness around you. You tried to run left but couldn’t. You tried to run right as well but couldn’t. The door made a mechanical noise signifying that it was about to open. You finally spun around and  started to run the opposite direction of Nick’s apartment. You were successful this time. You looked back to see if Nick’s door opened and if he had seen you. The door was still shut. You stopped and tried to catch your breath. You glanced back and when you turned around again there was a door in front of you. You had never seen this door before but you felt it belonged to Kyung Soo. You reached for the handle but stopped. ‘Did you really want to open that door?’

You woke up to the sound of your alarm.  Roy Kim’s ‘Spring Spring Spring’ echoed throughout your apartment. It took you a few minutes to realize you weren’t breathing. You scratched your head with frustration. ‘What was that dream about?’ Most of your dreams were about ponies and school. (You’ve always loved ponies. Out of all the things you grew out of, your feelings towards ponies has never wavered.) It had been five days since you last spoke to Nick and yet he worked his way into your thoughts. However, you were more worried about why you did not feel like opening Kyung’s Soo’s door.You stretched your arms out and turned your face upward. You walked down the stairs to the kitchen. There were eggs in your refrigerator so you decided to make omurice. The past few breakfasts consisted of bland cereal and a stale muffin. You were able to scrounge together some chicken and other things to go in the omurice.

You dusts your hands off sarcastically as you looked down at the fruit of your work. The omurice only lacked ketchup masterpiece to go on the outside. This was your favorite part of the process because you could let your inner artist show. You started out drawing zig zags and swirly lines. You found yourself often drawing sunshines and very elaborate stick figures. While you knew your artwork would not be photographed and published in art or food magazines, you loved to create and admire your artwork. Today, you decided to draw a boy and his puppy and kitten who were running across a grassy yard. You were about to draw the boy’s legs when you received a call.

“Guess what?”

“What?”

“I made it to the second round of interviews for that internship I applied to.”

“That’s awesome!”

“No jokes? No smart remarks?”

“Nope. I can conjure up something if you would like.”

“One would be nice. You are starting to sound a little to supportive.”

“Well I’m all out right now. I’ll get back to you though. I’m working on a masterpiece.”

“Oh really?”

“Yep. And in honor of your good news, I think we should go out. How’s later tonight?”

“I have something tonight. What about Sunday night?”

“You aren’t cheating on me are you? Because if you are that paid internship better be enough to cover my gifts and her’s. You can’t show favoritism to one girlfriend unless that girlfriend is me.”

“Haha. No and I will definitely keep that in mind if I do pick up another girlfriend.”

“That’s good. I’m going to eat breakfast soon so I will talk to you later.”

“Okay! I love you!”

“Me too!”

“Wait, you didn’t say it back?”

“Say what back?”

“I love you. I don’t think you said it the other day either.”

“You’re just being forgetful.”

“Then say it for me this time.”

“I don’t like being pressured into it.”

“Why is there pressure? You do love me right?”

There was a short silence. It didn’t drag but Kyung Soo got the message.

“Don’t misunderstand. I do care about you Kyung Soo.”

“So why can’t you say it.”

“I just...can’t.”

“Well, I just wanted to call and tell you the good news,” he said in a melancholy tone.

“I’m so happy for you. I know you were worried about this. You can definitely get this internship.”

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later then.”

“Okay,”

“Love you.”

“Yeah you too,” you reply weakly.

“Bye.”

You know Kyung Soo is upset. You just couldn’t do it. You weren’t going to change yourself for a guy. Well maybe the guy. The guy that made you nervous and confused. The guy who was sweet to you but would tell you when you did something wrong so you would be a better you. ‘Kyung Soo could be that guy,’ you thought. You put the finishing touches on your omurice. You had forgotten how big these things were. You were hungry but you knew you couldn’t finish it all by yourself. You knew Ma Ri was not feeling well this past week and didn’t want to risk getting sick. There was Nick, you guessed. Suddenly, an idea popped into your head.

“A peace offering!”

It had been a while since you two had talked. The last time was when you two were fighting. Well, you guessed it was fighting. It was not a physical fight but it did not feel so much like a verbal fight. More like a disagreement or a heated discussion. You two did not cause a huge commotion. Besides, like he said, you two are not boyfriend and girlfriend.

You were never good at holding grudges. It was too much work staying mad. Nick was not too happy before but I’m sure that’s nothing half of an omurice couldn’t fix. Well, it was a start at least. Nick was pretty upset. People generally do not turn down food so it was worth a shot. You took two spoons, your fob, and the plate steaming with omurice goodness and made your way to Nick’s apartment.

You rang the doorbell and waited. ‘What if-’ you began to think before the door clicked and Nick swung the door open with an emotionless expression. He did not seem mad. (Which you took as a good thing.)

“Hey..” you said a little more slowly than you intended.

“Did you need something?”

It hurt you a little bit that he did not even return your greeting but you assumed you deserved it.

“So I made omurice. I can’t finish it on my own and since Ma Ri has the plague I was wondering if you would like some.” You felt yourself speaking faster at the end.

“Oh and I do apologize,” you added in a serious tone. “About last time. I was being unfair.”

“You know most people apologize first, then give a peace offering,” Nick criticized.

“I guess you’re right. Should I go back and try again?” you asked unsarcastically.

“Sounds good.”

Before you had the chance to argue, Nick swung the door in your face. You couldn’t help but pout. However, the door quickly swung open again to reveal a gleeful Nick.

“You really thought I would do something like that?”

“Well you did didn’t you?”

“I opened the door again. Come on in,” he said trying not to laugh too much. “You’re face is priceless.”

“That’s why I couldn’t become a model. No one would know what to do with a face this beautiful.”

“Have you looked in the mirror?” Nick asked jokingly.

“Everyday and all I see is perfection. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Sure.”

Vanilla purrs softly as she came to greet you at the entrance of Nick’s apartment. “Hey Vanilla.” You walked over to the table and set the plate down on.

“I do apologize though. For what happened. I was wrong-”

“You were and I know.”

“Can you forgive me?”

“I’m sure we can work something out,” he said coming over to the table. You took your spoon to begin cutting the omurice in half.

“Did you draw this?” Nick asked taking a better look at the ketchup image on the omurice.

“I admit. It’s not my best work,” you begin.

“Where did all that confidence go from earlier?”

“I’m not that narcissistic.” you said before cutting the omurice in half.

“Awe. You ruined it.”

“You can take a picture next time. I’m hungry.” you began to scoop up some and stuff it into your mouth. “Do you have juice?”

“I thought you would bring it since you brought over the spoons. So much for a peace offering.”

“I couldn’t carry that and the plate,” you whine.

“Don’t whine. Only unattractive girls whine,” Nick said before taking in his first spoonful.

“So how is it?” you ask.

"It's edible," he said as one corner of his mouth turned upward. Nick went over to the fridge and pulled out some juice and poured them into two cups he had taken from the sink.

You two kept talking, sometimes in between chews. You two became quiet as the food began to settle and only a few bits are left. You send your spoon in for the last of it but come up short as Nick has already scooped up what is left.

“You are too slow grasshopper,” Nick says smuggly.

“You’re so corny.”

You insist on washing the dishes; claiming it is another part of your peace offering. Nick insists that you cannot meet his ‘high standards of clean’. This results in the two of you both washing dishes. You agree to rinse and he washes.

“So have you talked to Tiffany lately?” you ask innocently. “I feel a little bad about the other day. Maybe we could double date.”

“What is with you girls and double dating?” Nick asks. “The only ones who enjoy them are you girls and its awkward for everyone at the beginning.”

“Says who?”

“Says every man who has ever been on a double date. And no. She has sent me a couple of messages on KaKao but that’s it.” He responded handing you the plate.

“That’s too bad. Why would guys hate them though? It is much easier for guys to bond since all you guys do is play games and work out.”

“Even though that’s true, it is usually one couple being more into each other and not wanting to talk with the other couple. I went on two double date in high school and the same thing happened both times.”

“Kyungsoo and I would not get too lovey dovey. I hate excessive displays of affection. Isn’t saying ‘I love you’ enough?”

Nick held the spoon out for you to take but kept his hold on it. “You girls may not realize it but us guys need to not only hear that you love us but to also see it. I don’t like being excessive but I enjoy it sometimes. You girls are the overly emotional ones who have to act out what they see in those dramas. You should be telling him you love him every day.”

“Doesn’t that cheapen it though? ‘I love you’ should mean something. It isn’t something you say quickly.” You tug hard at the spoon and he lets you have it this time. He gives you a curious look and reaches for a towel to dry his hands.

“That’s why you do things to show the person you love them. You don’t always have to bluntly say it. There’s the saying, ‘your actions speak for themselves’.”

“Thank you for the life lesson Nick.”

“You’re welcome. But I am being serious though.”

“I know,” you said. Your dream from the previous night comes flooding into your head.

You are running to Kyung Soo’s apartment. You aren’t sure why. You don’t even know what to say. Your talk with Nick and the dream got you thinking. You stopped short of his door hesitant before pushing the door bell aggressively. You tried to create some plan in your head before he came to the door. The door slowly opens up and you, out of nervousness, burst out into what turns out to be a short speech.

“Kyung Soo, it’s me. I know it is late and I know you don’t like for me to come unannounced because you are a borderline hoarder but I needed to talk to you tonight. I have been thinking. I know, that’s a bad thing in my case but all jokes aside, I have been thinking about us, well me. You always say ‘I love you’ and I realize I just can’t do that. I’ve never told anyone I loved them outside of my family and Andy-oppa. And the last one doesn’t really count because it is more of a fan love rather than a crazy obsessive stalker-fan love. I know I’m babbling. I’m sorry. But I want to be able to say ‘I love you.’ It just isn’t something that is easy for me to do since I assumed I didn’t need to say it. I don’t like being emotional and open to people. Once you say those words to someone, you shouldn’t, cannot, take them back. I know you know that I care for you. I just want to be honest with you. If you can give me time, someday, I can say those three words. I’m sure I can. I just need time-”

A woman appeared in the doorway. It was Kyung Soo’s mother.

“Oh, hello Kyung Soo’s mother. I apologize. I thought you were Kyung Soo.”

She cast a judgemental eye on you before calling Kyung Soo to the door.

Kyung Soo came quickly and was extremely surprised and a bit uncomfortable when he saw you.

“Da Eun? What are you doing here?”

[CHAPTER 19 TEASER]

You continued to cross and recross your legs; left over right and right over left. The environment was a bit odd. You were sitting beside Kyung Soo while Jun Hee and Jung Ah sat across from both of you. Papers were laid out across the table as well as pencil without erasers and pencil sharpeners.

“Why are we studying here again?”

“Because I’m hunger and this place is pretty good, according to Da Eun,” Kyung Soo answered.

“Wouldn’t it have been more convenient to meet at burger place? I love burgers,” Jung Ah whined.

“I’m sure you have had a burger before. Have you ever tried Thai food?” Kyung Soo asked.

“Only when I was little. I hated it then,” Jung Ah remarked.

“Well maybe it will be good this time,” Jun Hee interjected. She slid her chair a little closer to Kyung Soo.

“Jun Hee is right. Thai food is very good,” you added.

“I like this place,” Kyung Soo replied.

“Yeah,” said Jun Hee, “It’s like a mom and pop restaurant. My grandparents own the largest mom and pop restaurant in Busan.”

“We should start studying,” Jung Ah said trying to change the subject.

You pick up your pen and slide your paper over to Jung Ah. “So what answers did you get for this question?”

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A lot has happened since my last update. (Not really but still.) For one, 2PM CAME BACK! I actually really liked ‘Comeback When You Hear This Song’. It reminds me a lot of NeYo’s ‘Let Me Love You’ in that it was an upbeat ballad. A.D.T.O.Y. Let’s just say my heart couldn’t take it. Taecyeon’s rap was AMAZING and Nichkhun hitting that high note at the end! Everyone, Jun.K, Junho, Chansung, and Wooyoung, was great! I’ve been struggling with finding a bias for this group. Nichkhun was my original bias but all of my bias are main or lead vocalists. While I still have a special place in my kpop heart for Nichkhun, Junho is definitely my bias. Now that that is out of the way, I just want to give a HUGE thank you to everyone for reading and subscribing. Thank you for sticking with me through this journey.  I’ve been in summer school the past five weeks and I’ve been EXTREMELY burnt out. I don’t want to pick up another book for a week (and I love reading!). I want to have twenty chapters and it looks like I will. The last chapter will be a little epilogue. I realize the irony in my next story choice now (Choosing to write a Block B story having a Nichkhun story under my belt.) I love both (we all make mistakes, that is what makes us beautiful). I didn’t want to give too much away or dig myself into a whole I couldn’t get out of by writing too much or anything REALLY juicy but out of place so the teaser is so-so I guess. While this will be more of a serious writer piece I will possible write a short story series. Considering I am still working on my Zelo story (which I hope you are all reading!) and starting another story after this ends, I do not want to put too much on me. It will probably be more reminiscent of this story in terms of the mood and genre.