Chapter 17:  Needs

Your shoulders are forced up as Kyung Soo squeezes you.

“I was worried about you,” Kyung Soo replied.

“Same here. Fortunately she is fine,” Nick remarked.

Kyung Soo let go and backed away from you.

“This is what you get for drinking too much,” Kyung Soo criticized.

“It wasn’t that. I-”

“I don’t know what would have happened to you if it had not been for Nick over here,” Kyung Soo interrupted. He walked back over to Nick and gave him a pat on the back. You couldn’t tell if Kyung Soo was naturally heavy handed or if that pat was meant to be a bit harsh. Nick looked over at you as if he felt your unease with Kyung Soo talking over you. You turned your head away so your eyes would not meet his.

“I just didn’t eat much today.”

Kyung Soo’s attention returned back to you. “This doesn’t have to do with what my mother said to you earlier right?”

Your face turned bright red. “No,” you said in a low voice. Nick’s apartment was not the place to have this conversation.

It was silent for a few minutes. You could see how uncomfortable everyone was.

“Um, thank you Nick for everything. I should probably get up and head back to my apartment.” You get up slowly. Vanilla walks in a figure eight around your feet.

“Are you sure you feel okay?” Nick asked.

Kyung Soo rushes over to you and holds his arm out for you to hold on to.

“I’m okay,” you assure Kyung Soo and pack up your food that had been sitting on the table. You were feeling uncomfortable. A part of you wanted to stay in Nick’s warm apartment with Vanilla rubbing up against you but you were feeling like a nuisance. You didn’t want to fight again with Kyung Soo and drag Nick into this even more. This wasn’t helping the fact that your ex thought you two were more than neighbors.

“Goodnight,” you say with a small smile. Nick smiles and nods in return.

You and Kyung Soo make your way to the door. He turns the knob and just before he steps out you two hear a purr. You look back and see Vanilla walking slowly towards you.

“Goodnight Vanilla,” you call back.

You let yourself and Kyung Soo into your apartment. You could not muster the strength to send him away.

“I didn’t expect to get a call from Nick tonight. The guy was really freaking out. I could barely understand him at first when he called.”

You plopped onto your couch and began reopening the containers of  food. It was still warm enough to eat. You could hear Kyung Soo going on about something but you decided to focus on your food.

“Hey!” You hear Kyung Soo shout and you jump..

“Hey to you too,” you reply back.

“Well at least you still have your sense of humor. Do you want me to get you anything to drink.”

“Water would be nice.”

Kyung Soo went over to your refrigerator and returned in a minute with a cup of water.  

“Thanks.”

“So, I realized I am being a horrible boyfriend.”

“Aww,” you reply, “I wouldn’t say that. Your behavior the past few weeks won’t win you the Boyfriend of the Year award..”

“That exists?”

“Sure does.”

He scoffed.

“Can you stop being so cute!” He jumped over and began pinching your cheeks.

“Hey! Cut that out!” you yell in defense.

He stops only after kissing you on the forehead. “I was really worried about you.”

“You said that earlier. I’m fine now.”

“I know.”

You two are silent for a few minutes. You continue to chew  your food but choke when Kyung Soo starts to speak.

“I...I love you. You know that right?” He looks at you with the most earnest eyes. You could have sworn those eyes of his belonged to a wide eyed puppy and not a twenty five year old man.

“I know.”  You get up and snuggle next to him, still holding on to your food.

The next week go by slowly. You meet again with Kyung Soo’s mother who is behaving better than she had been at the dinner party. She even offered to teach you how to knit. Kyung Soo goes out of his way to plan cute couple dates for you two to make up for what happened the week before. One day you two rode in a paddle boat. Even though it rained, it was sweet and you could not help but laugh when Kyung Soo pouted as the first few drops of rain fell from the sky. You also worked out with Nick. You two even went out for coffee after. Everything seemed to settle nicely.

It was no wonder then that you woke up that Saturday morning in such a good mood. You were going to go ice skating with Kyung Soo that night. You were eating a well balanced breakfast of rice and kimchi when your phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Honey! I had something come up so we will have to go skating later.”

“Awww,” you pout.

“I’m sorry. My little brother decided he wanted to sneak out last night. I’m on babysitting duty until 8.”

“I should come over there and give him a piece of my mind.”

He laughed light-heartedly. “You don’t have to. My parents already already did. Grandmother too.”

“Okay then. I will see you at 9:30 then?”

“Sounds good. I love you!”

“You too,” you answer.

You slide your finger on the screen surface of your phone  to end the call. You finish your breakfast and walk to the sink only to find that you are out of dishwashing liquid. It would not have been a big deal if there weren’t already dishes in the sink. Fortunately nothing was growing in there but you did not want to create a breeding ground for bacteria and other creepy things.

You set your dishes in the sink and go up the stairs to get dressed. There is a convenience mart around the corner. You want to start the day off being productive so you slip on some clothes and shoes at the door. You backtrack to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything. ‘Wallet?’ You feel you pocket. ‘Check.’ ‘Fob?’ you check your other pocket. It’s empty. You reach go back to the island and snatch your fob before heading out the door.

You begin to hum as you shut the door and let your fob in slide into your pocket. You are about to turn and head down the stairs when you hear the click of from Nick’s door.

You open your mouth to say ‘good morning’ only to have your voice taken from you. Instead of Nick, a girl steps out from the apartment. You see hands reaching out to her but she just shakes them off gently. She is smiling and playing coy before her eyes meet yours. She looks back at you confused. She looked familiar.

“What is it?” you hear from a voice inside.

“You’re not seeing anyone right?” she asks.

No sound comes from the apartment. You can only assume the person is shaking their head. The person who is speaking from within peaks out.

His eyes meet your’s instantly. At first he looks like a teenage kid whose mom had just caught him smoking. However, his facial expression changes to one of confusion and curiousity.

“That’s just my neighbor.”

“Oh,” the girl says. She hugs him and waves goodbye before walking past you and heading down the stairs.

Nick waves back before closing the door and heading back inside.

You slammed the bottle of dish detergent down. ‘It didn’t bother you. It really didn’t.’ It isn’t that he was with that girl. It was that he didn’t tell you he was seeing someone. ‘Why was he being so secretive?’ you squeeze your sponge so that the detergent and soap plop onto the bowl you had cooked rice in last night. ‘We are friends right? Friends tell each other things.’ You proceed to scrub, rather viciously.

“Why are you thinking about it so much!” you finally yell after scrubbing a stubborn spot for five minutes. ‘It shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.’ You shake your head as if to clear your thoughts before finish up your dishes. You stand with your hands straddling the sink. ‘It would be weird if you went over there,’ you tried to convince yourself. If you went over there, it would have to not look suspicious. Maybe she was just a friend stopping by. It isn’t the first time he had a girl stay at his place.

You just wanted to get a glimpse of his place. Maybe there would be some clue that would prove that it wasn’t what it looked like. You get an idea. It was stupid but it gave you an excuse to go to his place and snoop around. You quickly find the empty measuring cup in your sink, your fob, and briskly walk out of the apartment. You ring the doorbell and wait for Nick to answer.

“Hey..” Nick says slowly.

You show him your sweetest smile. “Hey, can I have a cup of sugar?”

He smirks at you not sure if you are serious or joking.

“I’m going to bake something for Kyung Soo and I ran out of sugar.”

His expression relaxes as he nods. “That is thoughtful of you.”  He hold out his hand to take the cup. You give it to him and he walks back into his apartment and you follow.

“I know. I’m a pretty good girlfriend,” you reply quickly. You hoped to see a blanket on the couch. That would mean she slept there last night. There is none. You also look around the rest of the apartment for signs of that something other than had taken place in the past 24 hours.

“So how is the boyfriend?” Nick asks as he opens one cabinet after another.

“He’s good. Busy. Where’s Vanilla?” you ask, still looking. Your eyes pick up on an earring laying on one of the steps leading to Nick’s bed.

“Somewhere around here. I had a guest over that doesn’t like cats. Had to put her away for a while.”

Nick walks back with the cup filled to the  brim with sugar.

“Looks like Cinderella left something behind,” you say quietly.

“Huh?”

You quickly take the cup and thank him before dashing out of the apartment and back into yours.

You hold on to the cup with both hands and your back to the door. Your mind was filled with a few thoughts but one question bothered you even more than those thoughts. ‘He didn’t hear what you said...Right?’

It had been almost three weeks since then. You had been avoiding Nick to the best of your ability. You believed that he had gone on a trip one of those weeks which made avoiding him a lot easier.  You couldn’t face him. Partly because of the shame. Part of it was also that you were still mad at him. You began waking up early in the morning and getting back early at night. When he came by your apartment to work out with you Tuesday, you let the doorbell ring. He must have gotten the hint considering he did not come back Thursday.

You read somewhere that it takes 21 days for a certain behavior to become a habit. You just had to avoid him for a few more days then maybe you would not feel as guilty and it will happen naturally. You had a few scares where you two almost ran into each other but you were able to avoid him those times. You reminded yourself of this as you walked up the steps to your apartment that Thursday evening. Little did you know, your streak was about to end..

You pulled out your fob and pressed it against your door.

“Long time no see.”

You froze. You looked over and sure enough there was Nick. “Hey. You’re back early.”

“Yeah, I had a few cancellations in my schedule today. Have you always gotten back this early?”

“The library has been closed the past few weeks so I’ve been coming home earlier,” you lied.

He is silent for a few minutes. You hate how awkward this feels.

"I feel like you have been avoiding me."

"Really?"

He is silent.

“I feel like you have been avoiding me for the past three weeks.”

“You were out of town one of those weeks right? Maybe... you are the one that is avoiding me. Your mind tricks won’t work.”

“Stop trying to be cute.”

“I’m not trying to be cute. I am. Isn’t obvious?” you ask pouting and looking up at him with your eyes wide open.

He was silent and unamused.

“Does it have to do with what happened three weeks ago?”

“What happened?” you ask  putting your fob up to the door.

“You are avoiding.”

“No I’m not. What you do in your private life is your business,” you reply.

“Exactly. So why are you avoiding me?”

He was silent. You waited for him to say something but he didn’t. You take a deep breath. It was amazing that you were able to avoid him before but now you couldn’t.

"It isn't what you did that bothered me. It's that you didn't tell me. As if it were some kind of secret."

“What? Are you talking about Tiffany?” Nick asked.

So it was Tiffany. Her hair had hidden part of her face so you couldn’t recognize her at the time.

"It shouldn't mean anything to you," he said a little harshly.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"We aren't dating."

"I thought at the very least we were friends."

"A friend wouldn't look at me the way you did that day."

That statement bothered you. Something ugly crept up within you.

“Well that was my ‘surprised’ face. I didn’t know you had read into it more than that. You don’t know everything about me, Nick.”

Nick scoffed.

“I didn’t think you would be the critical type.”

“Excuse me?” you almost yelled.

“I’m human and humans have physical needs. There is nothing wrong with satisfying those needs.”

You open your mouth for a witty comeback but nothing comes out. Instead, you bite the inside of your lip as you think of something to say. He smiled and ran his right hand through his hair.

“I know but...” you start.

“But what?” Nick asks. His walked closer, decreasing the space between the two of you. He looked extremely tense as he stared at you.

You couldn’t remember what you were going to say. This conversation was getting heated. You weren’t sure if you wanted to go where this conversation was going.  

Nick huffed in frustration and gave you a little less than a minutes to speak before going into his apartment.

[CHAPTER 18 TEASER]

‘Why couldn’t I say it?’ You thought as you lay in bed, sweat forcing your pajamas to stick to your skin. He had told you he did, why couldn’t you? You quickly got out of bed and made your way to the kitchen. You found a light switch and turned it up. You walked over to the refrigerator and took out the container filled with water. You pulled yourself a cup from one of the cabinets and poured yourself a glass. The floor was cool to your bare feet. Insomnia had kicked in. Since there was no getting rid of it, you decided to watch some television. You aren’t sure when exactly but you fell asleep not too long after.

You were standing outside of Nick’s apartment. Everything seemed normal until you looked down at your hands. In your right hand, was your heart. It wasn’t the cute version that people often thought of that kids drew in red crayon. The heart in your hand had the vena cava, arteries, and the aorta. You dropped it in shock and felt a tinge of pain the moment it hit the floor.

You heard footsteps coming from inside. You quickly picked it back up. There was darkness around you. You tried to run left but couldn’t. You tried to run right as well but couldn’t. The door made a mechanical noise signifying that it was about to open. You finally spun around and  started to run the opposite direction of Nick’s apartment. You were successful this time. You looked back to see if Nick’s door opened and if he had seen you. The door was still shut. You stopped and tried to catch your breath. You glanced back and when you turned around again there was a door in front of you. You had never seen this door before but you felt it belonged to Kyung Soo. You reached for the handle but stopped. ‘Did you really want to open that door?’