Chapter 14: Waking Up

A/N: The Song for this entire chapter is “Marching Bands of Manhattan” by Deathcab for Cutie.

Yonghwa woke up in a daze. The van had come to a halt, but there was noise all around him. He blinked a couple of times, looking around, and saw two people outside, running around the van and smacking their hands against the windows.

“Wake up!” they chanted and screamed one right after another.

Slowly but surely, everyone in the van began to move around and awaken from the noise.

Seohyun was the last to rise. She looked up at him, confused, and he grinned at her lovingly.

“WAKE UP!” shouted a girl who then giggled. Yonghwa looked up toward the driver’s seat and front passenger seat. They were empty.

He looked out the window again and caught site of the silhouette of Hyoyeon’s long hair.

“What are they doing?” asked Jungshin groggily.

Jonghyun and Hyoyeon, again, ran circles around the van, beating it with their hands and laughing.

“We’re at the beach!” screamed Jonghyun.

Seohyun moved away from him as Minhyuk pushed open the doors and hopped out. Yonghwa checked his phone. It was almost 5 in the morning.

Everyone who exited the van received a chuckle and a shoulder slap from Hyoyeon and Jonghyun. Then, they all went running toward the ocean. It was still dark out, but there was a small slither of light. Yonghwa and Seohyun walked slowly, side by side. It was a bit chilly out now, and Seohyun hugged herself, stepping over the rocks and sand. She must’ve been extremely tired, Yonghwa thought. He hoped his shoulder had been enough.

The waves continued to crash against the shore as Jonghyun, Hyoyeon, Minhyuk, Jungshin, and Sooyoung kicked their feet in the water and chase each other around, laughing out loud. This is what life should’ve been like all of the time. Having fun with friends and feeling in love.

Yonghwa reached over slowly and gingerly took Seohyun’s hand into his. Startled, she looked from their clasped hands up to him. He had a billion things to say to her in this moment but didn’t quite know how to say any of it. They held hands, looking toward the sea and felt the cool breeze on their face.

And then he knew how to say it, kind of.

“Joohyun-ah” said Yonghwa lovingly. She looked up into his eyes, unsure. He took her face in his hands, leaning down slowly and cautiously to kiss her.

It was supposed to be perfect. He could almost feel the wetness and soft cushion of her lips on his.

But instead, Seohyun pushed him away softly, dropping her eyes. “Don’t do it”.

“I said I wanted to show you how I felt,” he persisted, feeling the sting of her rejection.

She shook her head. “I can’t.”

“Seo—“ he reached out to her but she backed away.

“You’re not thinking, so I’ll do it for the both of us,” she said with an empty gaze, then turned and walked away toward the beach. Hyoyeon seized her and together, they began laughing with joy.

Yonghwa stood there in shock. What had just happened? Hadn’t they been sleeping together in the back of the van, and sharing whispers and grins right before then? Hadn’t he diligently fought for her affection all night? What had happened within an hours time that she was pushing him away.

Apparently Jonghyun had seen the whole thing. He approached him, hands in his pockets, but Yonghwa stood motionless.

“Hyung, you tried. That’s what matters.” The boy said quietly. “You had her for one night. You made more memories.”

Yonghwa felt his heart breaking, a long crack spreading straight through the middle. He must’ve been the stupidest person on earth, chasing after a girl who was never sure about what she felt.  But still, he loved her. He loved Seohyun.

“Come play with us,” Jonghyun offered.

Yonghwa nodded, looking away from Seohyun. But he didn’t follow Jonghyun back to the beach. He took one last look at the crashing waves before heading back to the van.

……………………..

Right there, on the beach, Yonghwa had just tried to kiss Seohyun, and she had flat out refused him.

She really wanted his kiss, but that was the problem. If she let him kiss her, then there would be no going back. If they kissed, her emotions would take over and who knew what would happen to the both of them. She couldn’t have a boyfriend right now. She just couldn’t. She needed to focus on music, improving her voice, stage presence, and dance technique. That was what was important.

Yonghwa would be able to understand, she thought. He was a musician too. Surely he knew that a kiss meant that they were something, something that could possibly throw his career straight into the ground. She didn’t want him to face that, nor did she want CN Blue or her unnies to suffer. It was so complicated. A single kiss, one moment of passion would throw their lives into chaos. Seohyun didn’t like chaos, externally or in her mind. Tonight, she had tolerated it, but the sun would rise soon.

It broke her heart to leave him like that, but she had to tell herself that he would forgive her. It wasn’t like he loved her. He would not try to hang on to her. Maybe tonight was just what they needed. One more time together to separate on their own terms. But why did it feel like it feel like she hadn’t taken his terms into consideration?

Seohyun walked away from him, hoping that the refusal would not break his heart. He was Yong choding. Maybe he would bounce back from the moment and hold her hand within the next five minutes. They could pretend like the almost kiss didn’t happen.

After making her way to the water, she was happy that Hyoyeon’s smiling face greeted her first. Had it been anyone else, even Sooyoung, Seohyun wouldn’t have been able to pull herself together.

Yes, any minute, Yong choding would take effect, and he’d by splashing water onto her legs. Then they could promise to let things go and be friends. Still be special in each other’s lives, but nothing else. Their dreams were more important. Yes, when the sun came up, they could still have friendship.

Seohyun focused on Hyoyeon’s smiling face, but eventually Jonghyun came up and splashed her unnie, and she went chasing after him playfully. He picked her up, threatening to toss her into the water. He held her like that while she protested and flailed, and Seohyun had to tear her eyes away. Since when had Jonghyun and Hyoyeon become close enough to act like that? She looked the other way, only to see Sooyoung and Jungshin taking a stroll hand in hand heading away from everyone. They were both smiling at each other, sharing some private joke. It was so easy for them to throw caution to the wind.

She turned around, not wanting to look into Yonghwa’s eyes, but there was no need to avoid it. He wasn’t there but had gone back to the van. The only person left was Minhyuk, sitting in the sand with a slight smirk.

“Hey,” Seohyun approached him and sat beside him. She felt bad for not including him much that night.

“Hey.”

“Are you ok?”

“I should be asking you the same thing,” Minhyuk smiled sadly at her.

“I’m fine,” Seohyun said quietly. “Just tired. I really want to go home.”

“By the time we get there, we should be waking up,” Minhyuk joked, then sighed. “There wasn’t anyone else that could’ve come with us tonight?”

“Sorry, Minhyuk-ah. There was no one. I didn’t think it would turn out like this.”

“Annio,” he chuckled softly. “It’s ok. No one ever knows how these things will turn out. But next time, I’m bringing my own date. I’ll rope Juniel into it if I have to.”

They laughed together. Minhyuk picked at his shoe and Seohyun drew in the sand.

“Seohyun-ah,” Minhyuk smiled at her warmly. “You should give Hyung a chance. I know it seems dangerous, but you won’t regret it.”

She smiled back, feeling sadder than she ever had. “But that’s what makes me different. Any route that may be a dangerous one usually isn’t suited for me.”

For the rest of the time, they stared out at the water and were the first ones to see the small slither of light appear in the horizon. Seohyun wondered if Yonghwa could see it from the van and mourned that fact that he hadn’t come to claim her hand. Now he could never claim it again.