The nightmare came again that night. Luckily I was able to force myself to wake up without screaming bloody murder again. However, a small squeak still managed to escape my mouth, and my forehead was covered in beads of sweat. Heaving a sigh of relief, I sat up slowly and found myself in Sungmin’s room.

“I must have fallen asleep here while listening to Sungmin playing last night… Luckily I didn’t scream this time round or I’ll disturb the boys’ sleep…” I thought as I looked around the room. Sungmin was fast asleep at the study desk with him sitting on the chair and body bent over against the desk. He must have moved me onto the bed as I recalled falling asleep while sitting on the floor the previous night. Sunlight was streaming into the room through the closed curtains, lighting up the room slightly with natural light. Staring at his peaceful face, I suddenly remembered what he said about his past.

“Not all scars show, and not all wounds heal. Sungmin looks so carefree and happy… Sometimes when you look at somebody, you really cannot see the pains that this person might have went through… Thinking about it, I am really lucky… even though I lost my parents, I gained another loving family. He’s so much worse off than me…” I shook my head sadly as the thought crossed my mind.

I was just about to get up and ask Sungmin to sleep in the bed when he stirred in his sleep. Rubbing his eyes sleepily, he sat up and gave a huge yawn while stretching his back. Grimacing in pain, he rubbed his neck as he rotated his head in a clockwise direction.

“Sore neck?” I asked as I straightened up his bed covers. Sungmin turned around abruptly, and gave me a smile when he saw me standing by his bed. “Good morning!” he said cheerily as he walked over to me, still rubbing his neck, “Must be because of my lousy sleeping posture,”

“You should have woken me up instead of giving up the bed to me,” I chided softly. He smiled again and shook his head, “You were sleeping soundly, so I just carried you into the bed… You’re not going to have me up for molestation right?”

“We’re even then, since I ‘molested’ you too!” I grinned as I walked towards the door. “You go wash up first, I’ll get my things from my room,” I told Sungmin as I turned the knob and pushed the door open. I heard him laughing behind me as I closed the door.

There was a weird burning smell in the house when I exited Sungmin’s room, but it was really faint so I simply ignored it. Walking into my room, I heard my phone beeped, signaling that there was a notification. I saw that I had received a missed call from Ryeowook, who called last night when I was in Sungmin’s room.

Tapping my fingers against the number keys which I knew so well, I sat down on my bed as I returned a call to him. I absentmindedly traced circles with my fingers on the bed as I waited for Ryeowook to pick up my call. The ringing tone was soon replaced by Ryeowook gentle voice as the call connected.

“Yonni! You finally called back?” his joyous voice came through from the other side.

“I’m sorry, Ryeowook, I didn’t hear my phone ring last night…”

“I know, Brother told me that you had already gone to sleep when I called him last night after you didn’t pick up. It has been a long time since you called me! Did you forget me already?”

“Of course not! It’s just that exams are coming, so I had been really busy… I started work at a café! And there a new guy staying with us now…”

“So I heard. Is he nice?”

“Not bad, he’s pretty awesome!” I smiled as Sungmin’s image popped up in my mind, “There was some embarrassing incidents at first but everything’s fine now.”

“That’s good… Do you miss me?”

“Of course I miss you! Staying with Heechul makes me miss you even more! Haha! Do you miss me too?” I asked I saw Sungmin entered my room from the corner of my eye. I looked up at him as Ryeowook answered that he missed us too. Interrupting Ryeowook, I held up a hand to motion for Sungmin to wait for a while. “Ryeowook-ah, give me a minute. There’s someone who needs to speak to me.”

“Ok, I’ll wait.”

“Yes Sungmin?” I asked as I put a hand over the receiver part of my phone, looking up at Sungmin in the process.

“Oh, I just wanted to ask you go ahead and wash up first… But since you’re on the phone, I’ll go first.” Sungmin answered as he smiled at me. I nodded, “Okay, just give me a holler after you’re done.” He nodded and left the room.

Going back to my phone call, Ryeowook and I made some more small talks about our daily hassles before he delved into the main point of his call. He wanted to ask if Heechul and I would be going back to our town during the school holidays. I told him that I would definitely be going back just as I promised him before I came to the city at the start of the year.

He sounded especially happy as he did a little victory cheer over the phone, “Oley! Oley oley oley!!! That’s what Heechul said too! I can’t wait to see you both! I’m so bored here! Its just so quiet at home since both of you went to the city. Oh! Mum’s calling me, I’ll have to go now. I’ll miss you okay?”

Sungmin came back into my room just as I ended the call with Ryeowook, “Okay! I’ll miss you too, love you lots!” Throwing my phone onto the bed casually, I stood up and walked over to him. He had a smile that looked somewhat forced as he asked, “A call of love from your boyfriend early in the morning?”

I laughed and was about to correct him when Kyuhyun’s thunderous voice interrupted me, “SUNGMIN! YONNI! HEECHUL! WAKE UP! BREAKFAST’S READY!!!” I stared at Sungmin with my mouth wide opened in shock from what I heard.

Breakfast’s ready?

Kyuhyun prepared it?

NO WONDER THERE WAS A BURNING SMELL JUST NOW!!!

I dragged a confused Sungmin behind me as I rushed into the living room, just as Heechul’s door flew opened and an equally horrified Heechul burst into the living room. Heechul and I stared at each other for a moment before we turned to look at the dining table in unison. There were a couple of plates that were covered with plate-lids. Kyuhyun walked out of the kitchen, clad in a red apron, holding another plate in one hand and a glass of milk on the other.

“Oh that’s fast! Come, settle down and have your breakfast!” Kyuhyun smiled happily as he set down the things in his hands, “Yonni, this glass of milk is for you!”

Heechul and I exchanged looks and stood our grounds. I swallowed the lump in my throat before asking fearfully, “Kyu… Kyuhyun-ah… What’s this about?”

He looked at me with a confused look, “What what’s about?”

“This… This whole breakfast thingy?”

“Oh! This?” Kyuhyun laughed as he took off his apron, throwing it casually onto the bar top, “I didn’t sleep last night… So I thought I’ll prepare breakfast for you guys! Didn’t you always complain that I don’t help out at home? So I did this!”

I threw a side glance at Heechul and jerked my head slightly towards Kyuhyun, motioning for him to say something. “Why didn’t you sleep?” Heechul asked, walking nearer to the table while I stood rooted to the ground.

“Haha… I was playing Star Craft… And I won every single round of that game! HAHA! I’m soooo happy!!” Kyuhyun exclaimed as he threw a fist up in the air excitedly. Heechul reached out tentatively and lifted the covers of one of the dish. It was pancakes with honey and butter blocks at the top. He stared at the pancakes with fear written all over his face. Sungmin was already sitting at the dinning table, waiting for me and Heechul to take our places.

Heechul and I had good reasons to be fearful. The last time Kyuhyun prepared a meal for us, the both of us ended up rushing in and out of the washroom for the entire night, alternating between vomiting and having diarrhea.

“Come on Yonni! What are you waiting for?” Kyuhyun said as he lifted the lid off another bowl. It was creamy soup this time.

“I… I need to wash up first…” I answered, turning around to go into the washroom. By the time I came out, everyone else was already settled in and waiting for me. I sat down in my usual seat, staring wearily at the remaining uncovered dishes. Heechul also had an unwilling look on his face. Sungmin however, unaware of the risks, was happily helping Kyuhyun remove all the plate-lids.

Kyuhyun had prepared a spread for us that morning. There were pancakes, scrambled eggs, toast, bacon, a pot of coffee, a glass of milk for me, and also soup. “Well… At least they look normal this time…” Heechul, who was sitting beside me, muttered softly under his breath.

“Try the toast! It’s done really well! Nice and crispy!” Kyuhyun handed out plates for us, then holding out the glass of milk, “Yonni! Your milk! I made it just as you always make it!” I had a very unique way of drinking my morning milk. I like to add in little pieces of canned peach as peach was my favourite fruit. Lifting up the glass, I saw the little bits of the fruit floating inside and smiled, “Thanks Kyuhyun,”

Thinking that nothing could ever go wrong with milk with peach, I took a big gulp.

… Urm…

WHAT’S THIS TASTE?

I accidentally spat out some of the milk before I grabbed the glass and emptied the remaining milk inside. There was a lingering sour aftertaste to the milk, and it tasted exactly like milk that had gone bad. Sungmin jumped up from the table and grabbed the box of tissue that was on the counter top while Heechul sprang forth with the table cloth to wipe up the spat-out milk.

All three of us turned and looked at Kyuhyun, with varying looks on our faces. Kyuhyun had a innocent look on his face, “What? What’s wrong with the milk?”

“What did you put inside?! It tasted as if it had gone bad for a million years!” I exclaimed as I pointed to the glass of horror that was standing on the table.

“Pineapples! You always added pineapple to your morning milk!”

“PINEAPPLES? WHO ON EARTH PUTS PINEAPPLES INTO THEIR MILK?!” It was Sungmin’s turn to scream.

“Don’t Yonni always put pineapples?” Kyuhyun asked, obviously confused.

“YAH! Peaches! She puts in canned peaches! Not pineapples!” Heechul scolded as he gave Kyuhyun a whack on the head, “Who would put sour things into their milk? Babo-ya?!”

“Oh! Peaches…Yonni-ah, I’m really sorry! I thought you liked Hawaiian pizza so you would put pineapples… Try the rest of the food then!” Kyuhyun pushed the plate of pancakes towards Sungmin and the toast and bacon towards Heechul.

“Try the rest of the food?” I thought grudgingly as I cleaned my mouth with a piece of tissue, “I’ll be damn if I still dare to eat anything you make without someone else trying first….” Heechul picked up a piece of the toast and the bacon with each hand, inspecting them closely while Sungmin, who was totally unaware of the risks associated with eating Kyuhyun’s cooking, took a huge bite out of the scrambled eggs after grabbing a portion. I watched their faces closely in order to identify which of the food was actually edible.

Sungmin only chewed for 3 seconds before spitting them out with a disgusted look on his face, “Kyuhyun-ah… What seasoning did you use to make this scrambled egg? Why does it taste so weird?” he asked as he took the piece of tissue that I passed to him.

“The eggs? I used… Salt and sesame oil!”

“Sesame oil?” I repeated, “Where did you get sesame oil from? I finished using it yesterday!”

All of our heads followed Kyuhyun as he stood up and went into the kitchen. Then, leaning over the bar top separating the kitchen and the living room, he held out a small red-capped container of white substance and a bottle of clear yellow liquid. “I used this salt and this sesame oil,” he answered.

I smacked my head in resignation, “My dear Kyuhyun-ah… Mr Cho… How many times have I told you that the container with the red cap is sugar… Salt is in the one with the blue cap… And this?” I picked up the bottle of yellow liquid, “This is white wine! Not sesame oil! Can’t you differentiate the smell?”

“The bacon’s nice though,” Heechul suddenly said behind us. I turned my head around and found Heechul munching on a squarish piece of bacon. I was about to turn back to continue scolding Kyuhyun about his lack of knowledge about seasoning when I realized something weird.

Since when did bacon come in squares?

However, Kyuhyun answered my query before I could say anything, “That’s not bacon. That’s ham.”

“HAM?!” Heechul, Sungmin and I exclaimed at the same time. Staring at the crispy brown squares of meat, there was no way they looked like ham. Sungmin was obviously thinking of the same thing for he picked up a piece of the ‘ham’ and snapped it into half, saying, “You call this crispy thing ham?”

“Well… That WAS ham. Before I fried it with oil…”

“This oil?” I asked, holding up the bottle of white wine. Kyuhyun nodded. I wanted to scold him, but staring at all the food that he managed to mess up, I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. Once I started laughing, the other three boys also started laughing. We settled back down at the table and started eating the only edible food- the toast and ‘ham’.

“So… What are your plans for the holiday?” I asked as I sipped a mouthful of milk, milk that I had prepared for myself, not the horrible one that Kyuhyun made.

“I haven’t thought about it,” Sungmin smiled at me before taking another bite of buttered toast.

“I guess I’ll just stay here and stick with my computer,” Kyuhyun answered without looking up from the Sudoku book that he was working on.

I rolled my eyes at Kyuhyun’s answer. I swear that this man can probably stay locked in his room for a million years just playing with his computer if he could. Then, a wonderful idea struck me. “Why don’t you two join us in the countryside?” I asked as I clapped my hands once in excitement.

“The countryside?” Sungmin’s interest was roused.

“Ya, the countryside that Heechul and I grew up in! We’ll be going back during the holidays, aren’t we?” I looked over at Heechul, who nodded without looking up from the comic book that he had been reading for the past 15 minutes.

“You mean where Heechul went last year? No thanks,” Kyuhyun said as he looked up momentarily before going back to his work.

“Why not?” I whined as I set down my glass, “It’ll be fun! Sungmin, you will be coming right?”

“Okay, since I have nothing else to do anyway,” Sungmin nodded and resumed eating his toast.

“See? Sungmin’s coming as well… Come on Kyuhyun… You can always play your stupid games there! Come on! Don’t be a spoilsport!”

“How am I going to play my Star Craft when there’s no internet there?” Kyuhyun shook his head.

“Who says there’s no internet? We have wireless at home! Where do you think we were living? In a cave?”

“You have internet?” Kyuhyun looked up at me in shock, “But… Heechul said that you guys don’t have internet at home!”

We turned and looked at Heechul, who answered without looking up from his book, “If he goes, Mum would probably cancel the internet cause of the high bills he incurred. So, isn’t it the same as not having internet?”

We all laughed at his cynical comment. In the end, it was settled that all four of us would be going back to the town during the holidays. As usual, Sungmin offered to do the dishes this time round, and thus I volunteered to help him. The other two young masters just went about their own businesses. Just as we finished cleaning up the huge mess that Kyuhyun made in the kitchen and the dishes, there was a loud eruption of laughter.

We dried our hands and went into the living room, just in time to see Kyuhyun stumbling out, holding onto the wall for support as he was all out of breath from laughing. Heechul also came out from his room to check out the noise that Kyuhyun was making. Finally, after about 3 minutes, his laughter ceased. Then he used the back of his hands to wipe away the tears in his eyes.

“So that’s what you were doing yesterday? Painting Sungmin’s room… Painting his room…” the laughter was starting again as he spoke to me. Sungmin and I exchanged glances at each other while Heechul turned and walked into Sungmin’s room. When he came out, Kyuhyun had already collapsed on the floor with laughter.

Heechul walked over to me and whacked me on my head, “Babo! Did you do that to his room?!” Kyuhyun laughed even harder. “I was just trying to help!” I whined as I scooted away from Heechul who had raised his hands to hit my head again.

“It’s okay! We will be redoing it today!” Sungmin said as he placed himself between us. I hid behind him, seeking safety. “Oh… My stomach really hurts… What did our Sungmin do to you to make you seek revenge in this way?” Kyuhyun commented as his laughter stopped.

“CHO KYUHYUN!” I yelled in anger. Kyuhyun flinched and faked a look of horror, “Oh no! Miss Yonni is angry! PLEASE DON’T PAINT MY ROOM PINK~~!!!!” Sungmin went over and hit him on the head. Then the four of us started laughing. In the end, we decided that we should all combine our efforts to compensate for my destruction of his room.

For the rest of the day, we went out and bought paint and decorations in order to start our project. By dusk, we had managed to repaint half of Sungmin’s room. Being too tired, we agreed to resume work the next day, and Sungmin bunked in with Kyuhyun in the meanwhile. The next day, we finished up the remaining work, and Sungmin now had a cozy, yellow room instead of the pinkish one. He decided to keep the pink door though. He later told me in private that he wanted to keep it as a memento of finding someone he could trust and talk to. I was really flattered by his words.

That night, as I laid my head down on my pillow, body aching from the three continuous days of paintwork, I digested Sungmin’s words. “Do I have someone whom I can tell all my secrets to without having to hold back?” I thought as I to my side, facing my teddy bear. I knew that I could talk about anything to either one of my brothers and neither Heechul nor Ryeowook would ever judge me based on my words.

But to the extent of every secrets, every feeling?

I didn’t think I would be able to do that.

At least, I had never told either of them about my past. Didn’t let anyone know that I was still being haunted by my parents’ murder. Didn’t tell them that I still tremble in bed alone in the nights after the nightmare came. Didn’t tell them that sometimes, I wished I had parents to run back to when things got tough…

Even though Auntie Yuri was like a mother to me, she would never be able to replace the feeling of a real mother. I love her, I love her like my mother. But… The special bond between parents and their child just isn’t there… Without this bond, there will always be this small corner in my heart that feels like it’s wondering around aimlessly. I treasure the relationship that I share with the Kim family because I still feel that one day, all these may just disappear without a trace. Just like how my parents disappeared from my life…

Wiping the drop of tear that had flowed down from the corner of my eye, I reached out and grabbed the old bear. “You’re that person,” I told it as I its head lovingly, “You’re the one that I tell every one of my feelings and secrets to… You’ll always be here right?” I cuddled the teddy tightly as I closed my eyes and fell into a secured sleep…