Minho hated the locker rooms. He absolutely loathed them. If he had to choose between changing in a sewer or changing in a locker room, he'd choose the sewer in a heartbeat. What man would nonchalantly just dangle his and balls around in a shower with open curtains, all sweaty and dirty and disgusting? It was almost as bad as being dropped in a bin of fags.

"Yo! Minho!" Jonghyun called as Minho finished showering. The taller boy turned his back to everyone and focused on just getting dressed, trying not to think about all of those pricks (literally) that were so passively walking around with at most a towel on. It was almost scary.He yanked on his boxers and had to toss on an undershirt before he felt alright. At least he was normal.

"What?" Minho asked, irritated when Jonghyun called him again. He turned to see Jonghyun, fully dressed, waiting with his backpack on his shoulders. Wow, he was a fast dresser.

"Hurry up, lead-," the shorter boy growled. He hated how Minho had to turn away to dress, like he was scared of anyone seeing his privates. How attractive did he think he was? For 's sake, no one else was going to him. Not in this school. Finally, Minho turned and flexed his arms, groaning.

"Running today was a ," he chuckled. Jonghyun smirked and crossed his arms, meeting Minho's look with a complacent grin. When Minho was playing football, he was a damn streak on the field, but on the track, he'd and complain like nothing else. He was fast, sure. He was a damn bullet, but he hated running on the track. Jonghyun just chalked it up to a 'Minho' thing.

"Maybe you're just getting too old for this, gramps," Jonghyun chuckled as he headed for the door. Minho swung his bag onto his back and sprinted after his friend. He smacked the back of Jonghyun's head with his palm as they stepped into the hallway, their feet touching the linoleum tiles just as the bell rang.

" you," Minho snarled humorously. Jonghyun laughed, but it stung a little to not be able to say, "You know you want to" or something like that, even as a joke, because Minho would flip out. The hardships of having a homophobe for a friend. Even the straight side of Jonghyun, or whatever was left of him, wanted to tear his hair out in aggravation.

Minho noticed the change in Jonghyun's demeanor. He might have been an , but he knew his friend like the back of his hand. He nudged Jonghyun's shoulder slowly and waited for his friend to look up.

"You okay?" he asked worriedly. Jonghyun sighed. No matter how much of a jerk Minho was, he was still an exceptional friend when he needed to be. Jonghyun forced a smile and shook his head, patting Minho's arm reassuringly.

"Nothing, buddy. I'm fine." With that, he quickened his pace and marched to his next class. Minho followed, but he wasn't convinced. Not in the least. Then again, maybe it was just nothing. Who knew? But with Jonghyun, nothing was nothing...

"You!" Minho hissed as soon as he stepped foot into the classroom, seeing the one straggler from the senior physics class that had just ended. Onew looked up and his eyes narrowed.

"If I knew there were so many rats in this school, I would've transferred a while ago," he hissed, strapping his bag on his shoulder. Minho gritted his teeth and shoved past the older male, their shoulders colliding harshly.

"Where's your ing boyfriend?" Minho sneered, setting his backpack down at his seat. He turned and saw the fierceness in Onew's eyes. It was impressive... For a . The older boy's arms bulged slightly, his muscles outlined by his well-fitting shirt. His face was twisted in fury.

"He's not my boyfriend, first of all. Second of all, he's a freshman. He's in a damn freshman class. How you two managed to get two classes together, I have no idea," he scoffed. He smirked and crossed his arms, his eyes playing cruelly with the light that beaconed down from the ceiling.

"Did you ever consider that he's a genius?" Minho scoffed, but he knew that he'd failed English and History and last year. He hated losing in any front, and scholastics was no exception, despite being too stupid to ever excel. The very thought pissed him off enough to take a swing at Onew, and in a chemistry room, who knew how that would have ended?

Jonghyun's hands grabbed both boy's raised fists. He would hate to see anything blow up because too boys that hated each other fought in a chemistry room. He glared at both of them and released Minho's fist. He gave Onew a warning shove.

"Your class is gonna start soon. Get out," he said sternly. Onew snarled, but Jonghyun grabbed him by the arm and dragged him from the room. Minho didn't really care, as long as that was gone from his presence. The few moments they had had to spend in each other's proximity was already making Minho's skin crawl with disgust.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Jonghyun succumbed to Onew's struggling and let the older push him off. The two stood, stances ready to fight. Onew wasn't ready to trust this short stack of muscle and skin, while Jonghyun was just testing him out. Innocent, sweet Taemin trusted this guy, but that didn't mean Jonghyun had to.

"What do you want?" Onew demanded as the bell rang. Knowing they didn't have much time, Jonghyun shoved Onew down the hall.

"Key's my boyfriend, and Taemin's Key's friend. I just want to make sure everyone's safe," he said curtly. Onew's eyes widened. Surely, this friend of Minho's couldn't be...

"Boyfriend?" Onew asked, stunned. He'd never seen who Key's mystery chauffeur had been the day Key had left Taemin's house, but now it was becoming apparent. Jonghyun looked at the crowd slowly trickling down the hall, taking the last second to get to class. He sighed and nodded before turning away, hearing Onew do the same. They'd crossed paths, taken a few tidbits from the other, and then they were gone.

~

Taemin curled up in a corner, not from pain, but from thinking. He had been struck by an epiphany in the middle of Algebra, so he faked bowel distress (among many other things, he was a splendid actor) and skidded to the bathroom. Now, curled between a sink and a wall, he was brushing the surface of the realms of his Mind Palace.

Minho wasn't a particularly hard person to figure out. He was an idiot, a homophobe, and most likely a closeted homoual himself, although Taemin couldn't determine the last fact. However, to bring out that possibility would require something that Taemin didn't know how to provide: appeal.  

appeal... A thousand images ran in Taemin's mind of people that could help him. For example, there was Natalie Portman, or maybe Anne Hathaway. He couldn't rely on male appeal, seeing as it would only disgust Minho. Plus, hacking into their security systems should be easy enough.

But these actresses couldn't help him, Taemin realized. Quite frankly, he didn't have one thing they did: s. He needed to either have female parts or put on the impression of having them, at least enough to make Minho attracted to him. He needed a male, but one who was so outrageous that he'd mastered the art of femininity. He needed...

Oh no.

With a sigh, Taemin ran through all of his options while knowing that it would always end the same. He pulled out his phone and saw the flashy contact sticking out from all of the others.

To: KEY-UMMA-KISSES~

Teach me how to be you.

No sooner had he sent the text that there was a shriek heard from three hallways down. Well, at least Taemin knew the signals in here was good...

"OF COURSE I'LL TEACH MY BABY BOY TO BE Y AND SWAY HIS FINE AROUND LIKE A CLASSY !" Key squealed, and Taemin heard the shrill voice as if Key was right next to him. The younger flinched and scurried to his feet, hurrying back to class.

As soon as Algebra ended, Taemin was ambushed by Key's killer hug. He didn't even have the strength to squirm.

"MY BABY WANTS TO LEARN HOW TO BE A Y !" Key exclaimed, and Taemin felt the urge to just die on the spot. Did this... this diva know nothing of humility?!

"Key, must you scream it to the world?" he whimpered into Key's chest. Key yanked him by the arm and pulled him onward down the hallway. The smaller boy was barely on his feet. As they half-ran, Key wasted no breath in explaining his method of madness to turn Taemin into, well, a stripper.

"First, we're gonna go shopping, and then we're gonna go to my house and I'm going to teach you all about -, and then I'm going to teach you how to strip, and we're going to do your hair and f-" Taemin squeaked, which cut off Key's -shopping-list.

"How much is that going to cost?" Taemin asked, wide eyed. Clothes alone could reach over 300 dollars, and makeup could be anywhere from 100-350, judging by Key's taste. And a pole, which Taemin didn't know where to buy, could cost any amount of money and he was already at 10% of his mother's monthly salary and there was still so much to buy and-

"Don't fret, princess," Key chuckled, pulling out a wallet. To Taemin's astonishment, the cat-eyed boy held up a Gold Card. "I've got your Fairy Godmother right here."

"Key, I can't possibly ask you to..." Taemin was still too shocked at the endless wealth of money in Key's hand. How in the world had Key even gotten that thing?

"Leave it all to me, sweetie," Key said with an evil little smirk. He put his wallet back and took Taemin's hand. "I promised to take care of you, and I definitely will. You're my son, you're in my care, and I'm going to make sure you succeed."

"Neh..." Taemin said, and his throat clogged with emotion. Sure, Key was over-the-top. Dramatic. Completely irrational. Yet, he was still a great friend, and a great person, and before he knew it, Taemin had hugged his "umma."

"My baby boy," Key cooed, Taemin's hair. He really did love Taemin like a son. Maybe it was just because Taemin was so sweet and cute and helpless, but Key was past asking why. He just kissed Taemin's forehead and smiled. "Now come on. After school, we're going shopping."

Taemin nodded and followed his umma like a good boy, gratefully blinking up at his friend. At least, amidst all of the homophobia and all of the bullying, he had friends. Onew met them in the hallway, and the smile on Taemin's face made the older boy's heart warm up considerably. He liked Taemin's smile, seeing as it was so rare. He had treated Key. They had both grown to trust Key.

"Key, can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. Key nodded and patted Taemin's to tell the younger to run ahead first. Then, he and Onew stepped to the side. Neither really cared about class anymore.

"So, what's going on?" Key asked, tilting his head. Onew smiled and shrugged. He didn't really know how to go about telling Key about anything. Truth be told, the crazy little diva scared him.

"I just wanted to say that... you have a really good man in Jonghyun," he said with a smile. The way Key's cheeks tinted red and the way he looked down bashfully said it all.

"Thank you," Key whispered, and Onew patted Key's shoulder. It was rare to see Key blush like this. Onew didn't have to know Key to know that much. He could take apart Key's personality pretty well. Throwing an arm around Key's shoulder, he sent the younger boy to class.

A/N - So I've sort of kind of maybe lost use of my iPod at night, which is when I do most of my writing. You're gonna see me slow down significantly on all of my stuff >.< parents...

But anyway, shopping with Key~ What fun!

More to come, comments are love <3