On the ride, some were up, some were down. In the front middle, Kris had his eyes closed, arms neatly folded over his lap. On both sides of him, sat Lu Han and Xiumin, who refused to make eye contact, turning their attentions to the ever-changing  scene outside the windows. In the back row, Lay taught Chen some Chinese puns and Tao watched attentively, smiling.

 

Kris found his place in the suburban very uncomfortable. He could feel the tension emanating from both sides of him, and knew that the two dark auras were fighting each other, like one willingly ventured into the other's precious territory, a fight of ground. Eventually, he opened his eyes and asked accusingly, "Alright, what happened?"

 

This caught everyone's attention, even Lu Han and Xiu's, but they continued to stare out the windows, as if they didn't hear. Lay wrapped an arm around Kris' neck, playfully asking, "What are you talking about?" The other two in the back crowded their heads to the front, listening expectantly.

 

"These two. They're fighting. I've felt their spirits clawing at each other across me, and I'm tired of it."

 

"Nothing's wrong," Lu Han spoke, slightly muffled, since he spoke with his face resting on his hand as he looked out the window.

 

"Minseok?" Kris inquired.

 

"Ask him," he said, with an accent of repugnance.

 

To this, Lu Han reacted. "Me? Me?" he asked, stupefied. "You just like to get mad at everything I say! I tell you that you look good or that you smell good, and you storm off like I had slapped you in the face. Nothing I do is good; it's just irritating to you. Enough! If you're going to be like that, I won't talk to you then!"

 

"Hey, hey, calm it, toots. Yelling never helped anything," Kris said as he put a hand over Lu Han's mouth.

 

"Duizhang's right," agreed his fan club in the back row.

 

"Talk it out, you guys. . ."

 

"No," Xiumin and Lu Han synchronized, and turned back away from each other, and refused to speak another word.

 

"Really, you guys. You're the oldest, yet act like children," Kris scoffed, arms folded again.

 

"We'll give you time, but please make up."

 

"How can we perform if you guys hate each other all the time?"

 

"Hey, we're almost there!" Lay shouted, and so all of them crowded to the windows.

 

They all examined their surroundings and observed in awe. Lay spoke to Tao about what places they could visit, but Tao said he'd never been, so he didn't know. Then Lay tapped Lu Han's shoulder, and they made plans to shop together. Kris heaved a loud sigh and slumped down. It was clear that he didn't want to spend too much time here. He'd rather have stayed home. As the leader, he was increasingly wary of public exposure, and wanted to stay in safe, secure, un-paparazzi-able places as much as possible.

 

Still looking out the window, Xiumin tugged on Kris' sleeve, which surprised him. But he understood all the same.

 

"Don't leave me alone,^[1]" he read.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They split up like this: Xiumin with Kris, Tao with Chen, and Lay with Lu Han. Tao and Chen were actually just following around Kris, since they didn't really want to do anything in particular. Just wanted to walk around until they found something interesting to try out. Lay and Lu Han immediately broke out and headed out to department stores, their sling bags on the backs, laughing with each other all the while. Kris acknowledged their leave by waving them goodbye. His motion made Xiumin look up, only to see Lay holding on to Lu Han's arm as they walked away, side by side. They were laughing and having a good time.

 

Somehow, it set Xiumin's heart on fire.

 

He cast his eyes back down, and began to count how many steps he took, finding his way by keeping close to Kris' footsteps and seeing out of his peripheral vision. They walked for a while in silence until Kris stopped at the patio-esque food court, so he could sit, and relax. He seated himself at a round booth off to the side, and Xiumin sat next to him, Tao and Chen at another table adjacent from them.

 

Kris outstretched his arms and posted his elbows on top of the booth, and laid his head back to look at the ceiling. Xiumin still had his eyes downcast, and began to fiddle with his thumbs, uncomfortably. He was waiting.

 

"So. . ." Kris started, and he removed his elbows from the top of the booth, replacing his hands to his lap, "what did he do?"

 

Xiumin's bottom lip quivered a little. He tried to search for words, but none would come to mind, just abrupt flashes of white and images of Lu Han. Tao ditched Chen and slipped over into the booth, trapping Xiumin in between him and Kris. Chen shrugged, and stayed back, not wanting to crowd Xiumin in his time of difficulty. Tao placed his hands on the table, and gazed onto Xiumin's pale, dispirited face.

 

"Gege. . . don't cry. You don't have to speak," he said, and placed his arms around him. Kris watched Xiumin's hands rise to cover his face, and as he secured himself onto Tao's chest. He rocked Xiumin gently, patting the top of his head. There, Xiumin silently cried, finding immense warmth in Tao's arms.

 

In his head, Xiumin started thinking about things. When did he get to be so emotional? He was never like this before. It was all freedom and fun back then. Now everything he did had to be moderated. He couldn't eat what he wanted; he didn't want to get fat. He had to make sure to be poised and keep his thoughts on filter. He may be the oldest in the group, but he sure didn't feel like it. He still felt like a kid. Why did he have to take on all this stress now?

 

 He felt pathetic, worthless, and it didn't help that everyone was being so affectionate and inviting. No, it didn't. It was cruel. It made him realize how much Lu Han actually hurt him. Every word he mocked him with. He thought about them and it stung straight into his heart, and made his stomach drop. The tears came. He wished the others would tell him to stop. Stop crying. Stop being so pathetic. it up and stop being such a kid.

 

But they were too compassionate, and that made him cry harder. Xiumin felt like he had hit a new low, and that drove him more and more into insecurity and despair.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"How does it look?" Lu Han smiled as he cheekily posed in the mirror.

 

"It looks good," Lay nodded, expressing his approval.

 

"Great! I'll take this shirt, too, then," he said, and took it off right there, revealing the shirt he put on this morning. He tossed the shirt into his "do want" pile and cleaned up his "do not want" pile and gave it back to a shop lady. Lay thanked the lady and bowed even though it wasn't his clothes that she took, then walked with Lu Han to the cashier.

 

Lay offered to help carry bags, but Lu Han laughed saying that he shouldn't take advantage of Lay like that. The trip just started after all. Lay would find things he liked, too, and have his own bags to carry, so Lu Han insisted that he hold his own things. He had already gotten everything he wanted. No, wait, actually, he wanted a new watch, too. Something vintage rather than classic. He looked at his watch a little, then looked up to see where he was walking.

 

"Hey. . . um, so what did happen?" asked Lay. He was curious.

 

Luhan sighed as he recalled it. "Argh, it makes me mad just thinking of it."

 

"Huh, why? What did he do?"

 

"He yelled at me."

 

"Minseok? Yell? You're kidding."

 

"You didn't hear him earlier? Whatever. He just hates me. I know it."

 

"Then why do you do things to make him yell at you. . ." Lay had a point, "and I'm pretty sure it's your fault, anyway," he continued his thought to himself.

 

Suddenly a couple of pretty ladies whistled at the two men. The girls walked past in their designer chic clothes and then looked back, flirtatiously, and stopped, their heads turned to the handsome men in front of them. "Hey~" the taller girl winked. The younger cocked her head cutely, and waved. The guys also stopped in their tracks and smiled, surprised. 

 

"Score! Two hot girls!" thought Lu Han.

 

Lay smiled at them and winked back.

 

"So where are you headed?" asked the taller girl, as she clicked the back of her heels.

 

"Not anywhere in particular?" replied Lu Han.

 

"Mmm, then I suppose you could accompany us with a little date? You see, our dates ditched us and now we're all dressed up here for nothing. You don't have to take us anywhere, just have a lunch date here."

 

Lu Han his lips at the opportunity. The girls were drop dead gorgeous upon closer inspection. They could be models. And it seemed like they didn't know that they were celebrities. Shoot, the girls themselves could be celebrities.

 

"Okay," he said, rubbing his hands together, "where to?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kris had since ordered a salad and some smoothies, and Tao fanned the puffy-eyed Xiumin, who sat  with his head laid down Tao's lap, with a paper fan that Chen volunteered to go get at a nearby shop. Kris left the booth to sit next to Chen, whom he thought felt lonely, and they eventually left together to the restroom. The still space next to Xiumin that Kris used to occupy suddenly felt cold and unforgiving, like a solemn wind brushing across the night sea. It chilled Xiumin's exposed skin, which felt light goosebumps forming.

 

After a minute, Xiumin sat upright, his shoulders still drooping. He sniffled and rubbed at his puffed eyes again, then let the side of his head plop down onto Tao's shoulder. Tao lifted up one of Xiumin's fingers, his index, and laced his own around them, as if to say, "I'm here supporting you."

 

"It hurts. . ." Xiumin croaked, his voice dry and hoarse from the break down. Tao loosened his grip on Xiu's finger and apologized, lightly, causing Xiumin to chuckle, once.

 

"No, not you, Tao," he whispered, and Tao wrapped his hand around Xiu's finger once again.

 

"Whenever he says things to me. 'Cute, soft, pretty~'" he mocked Lu Han's taunting voice, as he believed he had heard it, "he's making fun of me." He sniffled again.

 

"He knows I get angry. But it's like he doesn't care. He wants to bring me down, and I let him. I'm so pathetic, Tao. . ."

 

"You're not, Min-gege. Surely not. You're the strongest person I know," Tao assured him, which made Xiumin laugh.

 

"Me? No. You're really strong, Tao. And tall. . . I wish I could be like you," he said, with a wistful look in his eyes. They were starting to stop puffing and were  returning to normal.

 

"Please don't," Tao laughed, "we don't need more Taos here. You're perfect as you, a cheerful and lovely baozi." This was the first time Xiumin had heard the word baozi said of him and didn't cringe. When Lu Han said it, he was making fun of him. But when Tao said it, he meant it nicely, lovingly. Xiumin closed his eyes and enjoyed this moment with Tao, who could calm him even in his time of self-destructiveness. Xiumin slipped his finger out of Tao's grasp and placed all of his fingers inside instead. They held hands together like this in silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

 

1. ["Don't leave me alone," he read.] It meant that Kris read Xiumin's intention or thought behind Xiumin's seizure of his sleeve. Xiumin wanted to hang out with Kris, since Lu Han was being a butthead.

 

 

 

 

 

A/N: I'm really sorry for making Lu Han such an . He has such a strong, willful personality after all. ;~~~; I think I would get irritated too if my compliments to someone only made them mad at me. Remember that Lu Han doesn't understand that he's hurting Xiumin, and he thinks he's just hateful towards him.

 

I think I'll take out the twisted Lu Han parts. He seems like such a jerk already, oh gosh. /sobsob.