My whole body went into shock. I was hurt ,I was angry, I was confused, I was scared. In 20 hours, Yesung would be telling the secrets of the members, live to the world. 'What would he say, what does he know about about us, about me?' And I felt sick to my stomach, the tears fell down my face as I realized he would most likely expose my uality, knowing that it would destroy any and every chance I ever had of ever being hired again. I had to run to the bathroom to vomit intensely, a mixture of sickness and tears leaving me. After several minutes of pain, I crawled into my bed, and had a long, sleepless night of soaking my pillow with my tears. 

My mother came into my room in the morning to wake me, only to find me tired and emotional. It turns out they knew about it, for a couple of weeks, but they hadn't been able to tell me, my wonderful parents.That day, was a long, long day. I let it drag by. while I lay motionless on the sofa, while my parents tried to converse with me, distract me. Eventually, it was almost time for the show to start. With two minutes to go, I made a mental note, a promise to myself. That tomorrow I would release a statement to the public, about my uality -should Yesung talk about it in the live show - and either confirm or deny anything that was made about me. As for the other ex-members, I wouldn't say anything about them, it was their decision about that. 8:30 arrived, and I huddled under a cover, clutching a mug of tea, barely daring to breath,

"Hi, and welcome to a once off special of "Celebrity Secrets". We're here with ex-Super Junior member, Yesung, who's here to tell us the truth about what really went on between the members. In a few minutes, we'll be talking live to Yesung, exposing secrets live on air, but until then, please enjoy this montage video of Super Junior, and their highs and lows." 
And the video went from the quirky presenter to a black & white video of the band. Clips of music videos, pictures of concerts, samples of reality shows. Then it shot to an old news article about when Hangeng filed his lawsuit, and the clips that followed after showed the teasers for  "Feels Good". And finished with a few shots of Yesung, staring into the camera with those startling eyes, hair sweeping over his forehead. 
"Aaaand we're back. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please welcome Yesung!" The presenter yelled. and Yesung swagged on, looking very different from what I last remembered. He was thinner, a lot thinner. His face wasn't glowing as it used to, small bags lazed under his eyes. He was dressed in a plain black shirt, matched with cool white jeans, soft white shoes to match. As Yesung made his way to the presenter, they quickly exchanged greetings, and she offered him a seat.
"Hi Yesung, thank you so much for arranging this show, I know there's a lot of excited people that are very keen to know what you have to tell us about Super Junior."
"Hello, and you're welcome. I think it's about time people really knew the truth about what went on between us. Everyone only ever really saw the 'Happy cheerful' side to the band, but it wasn't always like that."
"Ahhh. But before you start, tell us what you've been doing since the split, we've only heard about a few members..."
"Yes, I've only heard a few as well. Leeteuk's still in the army, Kibum just carried on with his acting I guess, Siwon moved back to his home city, to work in church, and Sungmin's went to become a child's entertainer, I think. But as for Shindong, Eunhyuk, Donghae,  Heechul, Kyuhyun and Kangin, I don't know. But me, I've been working on some solo stuff. They all seem to have given up, I knew they didn't want it like I did, but I thought they would try harder."
"Oh right, well I know we're so excited for your new stuff, but -and she counted silently on her fingers - didn't you forget a member?"
And my heart was pounding so loudly in my ears, my pulse thumping in my wrist. And although the fact that Yesung was doing this show, I urged him with all my heart to remember me. But he remained silent.
"Oh, Kim Ryeowook of course!"
"Oh...yeah..."
"But now, it's the moment we've all been waiting for, the Super Junior secrets! I understand you're going to talk us through some of the members?"
"Yeah,that's right. I...I guess I'll start with Leeteuk. You all think he was the amazing, wonderful leader who cared about us all right? You're wrong. He used to beat us a lot, if we didn't do exactly what he ordered. He was so strict. I remember this one time, I came home from a party, and I was maybe 10 minutes after my curfew, and when I crept into my room, he was waiting on my bed. And that night, he kicked the out of me." And he looked away, wiping the corner of his eyes..
I felt beyond sick. Leeteuk was beyond caring, the most perfect father figure, and he had been a rock to both Yesung and I, how could he say such lies?! I wondered if Leeteuk would be watching right now, if they army would allow it or not. I hoped not, I knew it would kill him to hear such untruths.
"Shocking..." the presenter whispered.
"I know. It's taken me a long time to start accepting it, but I'm getting there. I know that the effects wore off onto Kangin, why do you think he went out of control one time? You remember when he got that DUI? That's why. He was so fed up of being beat by Leeteuk, and it was his way of escaping."
 

And for the next hour, Yesung told more stories, some I knew were lies, some I knew were truths, some I had never heard before. But at 9:38, there was something that caught my ear. And I knew, that within minutes, my whole life would come crashing down.
"You've told us about several members, and told us some secrets that have truly shocked us, such as Heechul's ion, Donghae's suicide attempt after the death of his father and Kyuhyun's intense drug taking, but you have failed to mention Ryeowook, the second youngest member. You have no secrets on him, was he really as sweet as he seems?"
A small smirk played on the corners of his mouth, and he the corners of his lips with the soft tongue I knew he kept inside.
"Ah. Most defiantly not. He used to party beyond belief, you'd always find him, in the middle of the dance floor, groping some stranger. Or ... " And he took a wicked pause, "in the bed...of a male."
He had said it. Live. On television. Broadcast to the whole of Korea and China, which would no doubt end up on YouTube, letting people globally see it.
"Ahh, wow! Are you saying he is a homoual?!" The presenter asked with glee.
"Indeed I am. He tried it on with some members too, waited until they were drunk,and tried to shove his tongue into their mouths. And he even told me he loved me, several times a day. But I told him I wasn't interested like that, I'm a ladies man!" And the women in the audience swooned, while I died of hurt a thousand times. He was such a liar! He had loved me, we had made love under the stars when camping, in the privacy of our shared room, in the shower after practice, and for him to lie, to say he had rejected me, made me ill. Although I was sickened, I wondered, did that mean he wasn't with Park anymore? 

I had spaced out for a few minutes, thinking things over, while the presenter had talked about the events that had apparently happened between us. I couldn't listen to anymore. I couldn't handle it. The pain was searing through me like no pain before. Every inch of my body ached, like it had been stabbed by a tiny pin everywhere. I attacked the 'mute' button and jumped under the covers, sobbing, in fear of everything. But as I cried, clutching my body, I lost my mind in thought of the next day, and how I would have to announce the truth to the public. I fell asleep that night, longing for Leeteuk to come and protect me, but he wasn't there to protect me, and I was more alone than ever.