There was no saving me. There never was any chance of saving me. No matter how hard everyone tried, I couldn’t handle the task of living anymore. Waking up hurt. Breathing hurt. Being alive, it really hurt a lot. I didn’t feel like there was anything good coming out of me being alive. Dara was falling to pieces because she couldn’t handle the fact that I was slowly slipping through her fingers.

I hated seeing people, and I hated hanging out with some of my best friends. My brother became a constant bother to me, and I never wanted to talk to my parents. Even Dara, she became a nuisance.

The kids at school were horrible. Every time one of them told me to go kill myself, my heart shut down just that much more. It was a horrible feeling. The names all stuck and stung, and hurt really badly. They were all like needles boring into my skin, grinding themselves into my bones. After a while, I grew numb. All of the pain made me numb, and I liked it.

I just hated waking up, and looking in the mirror to see a boy that was still breathing. The lumpy scars that littered my arms were a constant reminder of just how much I hated being alive.

But somehow, Dara managed to stretch my time just a bit more that I had wished for. I wanted a quick death, I wanted to end everything quickly. I promised myself, it’d always be after school, as soon as a I got home. I’d just go into the bathroom, and slit my wrist. It would have been that simple. But somehow, every time my mom told me Dara was coming over, I could never bring myself to do it.

Maybe I just felt bad about leaving her so abruptly, and maybe I was afraid she’d follow me into the dark world in which I was slowly immersing myself in. Knowing her, she probably would have. I guess I wanted to leave on good terms, and slowly ease herself out of our friendship. I didn’t want to hurt her.

I remember the day Dara and I kissed. She told me that it was such a bother that everyone was freaking out about their first kiss. I, a careless boy, nodded my head and agreed. Then she looked at me with those eyes of hers, and I knew what she was trying to say.

She and I shared a sweet, cute kiss. But it meant nothing to either of us. It was just to get it out of the way. It was a relief to know that there was nothing more than a friendship between us. It would have made leaving her much more difficult, had she and I grown any closer.

Leaving wasn’t easy. Leaving was the hardest thing I had ever done in my short life. As I was falling over the edge of the building, I let a tear slip past my eyes. And when I held that gun to my temple, ready to pull the trigger, I held Dara’s smiling face in my mind. And for the first time, everything was okay.

Lights out.