'Y'
'Love Day' - HIATUS
Crowd murmured.
Surprised gasps.
Words of denial and unbelieve.
Yang Yoseob found himself drown among those. He stayed petrified, not shifting even a bit. His head was stuck, facing the board, eyes glued to a piece of newspaper cut in front. He read the title, but soon decided to read again from the begining. He even blinked, hoping those Times New Roman text would tell different news, but they didn't. It was direct and clear. Yoseob didn't even bother to read the rest of the article. The title said it all.
"Stop gossiping!" barked Mr. Choi. The stern P.E teacher ripped the newspaper cut off the board and eyed the students one by one. "Go to your class now!"
The swarming crowd soon broke away, but the whispers didn't stop.
"Jung Eunji is a daughter of a crook!"
"And she is such a great actress too, putting on such an angelic mask at school."
"Maybe the school should take away her homecoming queen crown or something."
"Yeah, totally. She has detained the school's name."
"These people..." hissed Yoseob as he crushed rapidly into his patbingsoo ice with the spoon.
"Ignore them," Junhyung said with a mouth full of melon.
Yoseob sighed. He looked down at his bowl of melon mix strawberry and chocolate patbingsoo, courtesy of the school cafetaria Friday special menu. He had always been excited for patbingsoo, especially since Junhyung paid for it, but not today. Not when Eunji was nowhere to be found. Not when out of all sudden the news broke out that her father was arrested for stock fraud. Not when he wasn't feeling well and he couldn't tell how he actually felt.
Worried. He couldn't stand still about Eunji. Was she okay? Had she eaten? Where was she?
Angry. He wondered if these people at school had gone crazy. Were they in their right minds? Have they ever put themselves in her shoe? How could they treat people differently in a blink of an eye?
Lost. He missed her presence, the way she made his heart beat suddenly accerelate its pace just at a glance of her. What was he was supposed to look forward today?
"Hey, man," called Junhyung, "Don't give it too much thought, eh? She'd be fine. I mean, her father's trial has not begun, right? There are chances he is innocent."
"By the way, now that she is most probably can't perform at the showcase, whom are you going to sing with?"
Yoseob put down his spoon. Junhyung's question hit him straight in the bull's eye. "I... I don't know, man. I..."
He asked himself, would he perform without Eunji by his side? Technically he still could. There were quite a lot of great singers who also took the vocal class although in his eyes, no one beat the flaming feeling he got everytime he heard Jung Eunji sang. Yes, he could sing without her, if she wasn't his source of inspiration, if she wasn't source of power, if she wasn't... The girl he was madly in love with.
It was so meaningless without her.
"Attention, student Yang Yoseob from class 3-D is expected by Mrs. Kim Taeyeon at the teacher's room now. I repeat, student Yang Yoseob from class 3-D is expected by Mrs. Kim at teacher's room."
The two friends squnited their eyes at the radio announcement.
"Are they calling for you?" asked Junhyung, "You haven't been causing trouble, right?"
Yoseob shook his head.
"Aish! Could it be, someone from the underground dance club told the teachers Hyunseung and I have been going there?"
"You've been... Where?"
"Ah- Nevermind," snapped Junhyung. "You should go now."
"Wait," he said again as Yoseob was about to get up from the chair, "Can I have your patbingsoo? You know, you haven't even placed the spoon into your mouth."
He grinned.
Yoseob didn't answer and just waved him goodbye. Junhyung would dig into his patbingsoo no matter he agreed to let him have it or not. He knew him too well.
Heedlessly, Yang Yoseob made his way out of the cafetaria. The walk to the teacher's room felt long.. And heavy. He really wished there were ear buds so he wouldn't have to hear more bad talks about Eunji from the students at the hallway. It was suffocating for him missing her, yet it was worse when he had to hear other people, who freaking had no idea how Jung Eunji was really like, bad mouthing her and called her with inappropriate words.
Just then, he spotted Park Chorong and the other five girls. They walked pass each other as if they never talked before, but Yoseob caught something as Son Naeun threw a glance at him. Sadness was all over face. He could only guess they felt the same. Eunji would be happy to know her best friends were as true as ever.
He had reached his destination. Taking a deep breath, he knocked at the glass door and slided it open.
"Yang Yoseob!" Mrs. Kim was already near the door to welcome him. Now he really wondered what made him got called to the teacher's room out of the blue.
"Ssam, I- I was told you're looking for me?"
Mrs. Kim only nodded and directed him to her cubicle.
"I guess you have seen the news," she said as she plopped herself on the office chair.
So this is why..., Yoseob thought, fidgeting in his place.
"About your Winter Showcase stage. Jung Eunji has called in sick and she will be absent until further notice... Which leads us to find you a new singing partner who can master the song in... Two days."
The teacher's word caught him off guard. He had not really decided if he would sing the song with someone else. He wasn't sure he'd be able to do that. He thought about Eunji. One main reason he took vocal class and had always been so excited about it that he rushed to get a good seat was her. It had always been her. The reason why he finally put interest in arranging songs, why he wrote his first lyrics, why he suddenly found joy in music, even why he braced himself up to sing in public again... Was her.
"Well... We have Kim Namjoo, Park Gyuri, Bae Suzy, Nam Woohyun, whoops that's a boy, um, Heo Gayoon, Choi Gina-" Mrs. Kim trailed off.
Yoseob didn't hear the rest of her sentence. His mind was so tangled that the surrounding became a blur. Really, he just had to determine one thing, an answer to one simple question; perform or not.
If he was asked before he was in this project with Eunji, he would undeniably said "No". But things were different now. They were not the same anymore since he got close with.
If he had to describe it, Jung Eunji was like a paint. A streak of bold red paint that just by one touch on the plain canvas, it left a strong mark. Jung Eunji was like a drop of ink. Once it fell into a blank paper, it was almost impossible to erase completely. Jung Eunji was like sugar. One spoon of sugar for a cup of tea changed the tea taste. Jung Eunji was the strongest magnet Yang Yoseob ever met.
He could hardly pulled himself away from her.
They were walking down from Namsan Tower to the nearby bus stop. Along the way, trees that had lost their leaves filled the scenery. Though the air was cold, he found himself enjoying every moment. It was somewhat romantic. He wondered if she felt the same.
"So, you will sing, right, Yoseob?" she said with a happy tone. Hope filled her dark brown orbs.
"I- I'm not sure-"
"Come on, Yoseob! We have such a nice song!"
"The- the song has not fi- finished yet..."
"Ah, you're right...," she said in a low voice that it almost sounded like a whisper. "Ah! Don't you want my to listen to my answer?"
He gulped.
"Then perform with me!"
"What i- if I tr- trembled really bad?"
"I'll hold your hand, like this."
She really wrapped his fist with her warm, soft hand. For a few moments, he felt as if someone had turn on the heater and directed it to him because it felt nice, really, and comfortable too, as if he was holding a plush toy.
Yet another form of Jung Eunji's magic touch.
"You'll perform, right?"
Deep down, he groaned. Really, who could resist if she kept flashing that adorable smile? He slowly nodded.
"Promise?" she shrieked, "That's great! Thank you, Yoseob..."
"Why... Why thank m- me?"
She sighed. "This project... When I think about the song melody.. And my partner," she said, nudging him on the shoulder and caused heat crept up to his cheek, "Kekeke you're blushing!"
"I- I don't-"
"When my mind thinks about the song, for that moment, every sadness, worries, nervous, all gone. It gives me a piece of happiness to think about that boy I really like. And knowing that he turns out to have such a gentle heart, I just can't push him away."
"W- Why would you pu- push him away?"
"He starts to be too good for me."
"How c-can that be? You're a talented singer, you're beauti-"
He immediately stopped, and mentally punch himself. She soon erupted in laughter upon listening to his words. After she calmed down, she said the sentence that brought him to cloud nine, "I'm glad you're the one who found me at the rooftop, Yang Yoseob. I'm happy I skipped class to spend time with you."
Flashes of the small talk they had that afternoon crossed his mind. Unconciously smile crept up to his face. He had known his answer.
"I'm not choosing- I'm not choosing anyone to sing with me."
"But, Jung Eunji-"
"I'll wait for her, Mrs. Kim."
"She-"
"She'll come."
Mrs. Kim squinted her eyes in disbelief. "And how do you know that, Yang Yoseob?"
He didn't answer. He wasn't sure either. In fact, he didn't know where did that answer came from. It sounded foolish, but he just believed his heart. Eunji, you'll come, right?
D-Day.
No matter how you read it, it sounded heart-thumping.
Originally, in 1944, D-Day was June 6th, the day when the Allies troops landed at Normandy beach and began invading the Nazi area. Nowadays, it simply meant The Day although the term 'Day' was far different to each individual.
To president candidates, D-Day was the day of the election. To police men, D-Day could mean the day of the big operation. To employees, D-Day might be the day of monthly evaluation. To students, D-Day was the day of test.
However, to a hopeless Romeo, like Yoseob himself, D-Day meant the day he received the answer to his confession, the day of the Winter Showcase.
His hand went to his right chest, touching the fine silk of his father's old suit. The suit was in black and it came with a pair of black trousers. In addition, he wore his plain white shirt and a bow around his neck which his Mom insisted that it made him looked like a prince.
No offense to his mother's taste, but Yoseob knew well even to this day his Mom still prefer he went with a teddy-bear-cute-like look more than gentle-handsome-prince-charming style. He stared to the mirror. Yep, he looked like a junior high schooler. He wished he had a simple thin tie like those flower-boy idols wore on TV.
He could see it in the mirror, the condition at the backstage. The never-before-seen panic Mrs. Kim, sound coordinators who moved here and there as if they were ironing clothes, students with thick make-ups, all the things that made Yang Yoseob hard to breath.
"Yang Yoseob! Thank God I find you!" called Mrs. Kim who appeared from his behind out of the blue. "So you are performer number ten, you get that? Number ten, okay- Wait, where is Jung Eunji?"
"She... Um, she hasn't come, Ssam."
Mrs. Kim groaned in frustration. Yoseob was kind of afraid she'd cry soon. "Argh, why now? Just standby, okay? I'll find you a partner-"
"But-"
"I'll find some girl, even though she has to sing by holding the lyrics paper, we'll have to do it." And she stormed away.
"But..." He couldn't finish his sentence.
"Ladies and gentlemen, fellow teachers, parents, and students, welcome to the Freezing Winter Showcase!"
The show had started and still, no sight of Eunji. Yoseob took a deep breath, patting his chest as if it could ease his crazy heart beat. There was no Eunji, but the loud cheer, applause, and the very bright spotlight stimulated his heart tempo.
Eunji will come... I'll be fine... I'm going to sing...
Repeating the sentence as if it was a jinx, he let his feet moved back and forth, counting as each seconds passed by.
It'd be great if scheduler didn't remind people of things they had known, but also things they had yet known.
What were in one's scheduler? That day's meetings with important people, booked seats at restaurant for dinner appoinment, or merely just deadlines and homeworks to be done. It didn't tell that that day your umbrella would break while it was raining heavily or...your partner didn't show up to sing duet song at a showcase, did it?
"Jung Eunji?"
Yoseob shivered in startled as Mrs. Kim appeared out of no where beside him and handed him a mic. He shook his head.
"Well, Kim Namjoo would sing with you," said Mrs. Kim, glancing at a short-haired girl beside her. Yoseob immediately recognized her as one of Eunji's friend.
She flashed him a small smile. "Let's do well, eh?" she said when Mrs. Kim had gone off to check on another contestants, "For Eunji eonnie..."
"She d- doesn't come?"
"No, not at a time like this. We went to see her yesterday, she was staying at a motel near the prison facility where his father was held."
Yoseob felt like a jelly upon hearing her words. It was as if the joints between his bones were melting. He lost it. Out of sudden, the excitement, the anticipation, the spirit that had been piled up bit by bit crumbled down. He let himself fell seated at the stage stair. He wondered, had he ever felt worse than this very moment?
"Now, let us welcome them to the stage, a duet song by Yang Yoseob and Kim Namjoo, 'Love Day'!"
Yoseob was snapped out from his deep thoughts. 'Love Day'... The MC voice when he mentioned the song title resonated in his ears. Eunji named this song 'Love Day'?
"Come on, Yoseob, off you go to the stage," whispered Mrs. Kim, "Now!"
She pushed his back a little too hard.
The next second, Yoseob found himself stumbled as he entered the stage. He immediately stabilized himself and looked around. Kim Namjoo was already there, standing at one point where the spotlight shone above her. She smiled to the audience looking absolutely calm.
How Yoseob wished he was in her position now.
He successfully dragged his feet which suddenly felt like they were chained to a ship anchor, to somewhere beside Namjoo. As soon as he found his stand, another spotlight was directed to him. He started to tremble. He didn't dare to look up. The bright light felt like thousand of needles ready to stab into his skin.
"Yoseob, look up..." Namjoo whispered.
He closed his eyes tightly. His breath was becoming short. He could practically hear his heart pounding really fast. He tried to think about Eunji. He tried to fill his mind with the sight of her smile when she played the song for the first time in that old music room. He tried to picture the view of her back, the red coat she wore that afternoon at Namsan. But they only brought hurt to his chest.
Eunji, didn't you promise you'll hold my hand?
Seriously, he felt so childish and very un-gentleman like, but he couldn't help it. His emotion was a mess right now. Nervous, scare, worry, it was as if they were all scattered and he couldn't tell why, ugh, he felt weird!
Then the sound of piano filled the silence. He remembered the tune very well. It was the intro. He combined Eunji's piano play with strings to bring up the exciting feeling of someone who was in love. After the intro, it should be Eunji's part... From the corner of his eye, he saw Namjoo brought up the mic to and she started.
"I'm very curious, I'm curious about everything"
It didn't feel right. Although Namjoo had a great voice, it felt wrong to his ears.
"Why can't I go to sleep and can only see your face?"
This time, it was his part. Mustering up bits of courage that were still left in him, he raised his head to face the audience.
Horror soon filled in.
Perhaps his hand was shaking too much, perhaps his muscle was weak, perhaps he was simply being clumsy, he wasn't sure what caused it; the mic fell from his grip.
Loud schreech soon followed, then awkward silence before 'Boooo' was heard from all corners of the amphitheatre.
That was how Yoseob's D-Day ended.
The days after Winter Showcase passed by just like that.
Even a week after, the showcase's performances were still a hot topic. Some complimented the new lighting that the school just installed special for the showcase. Some loved the fake snow flakes that fell at the end of the event. Some loved Ms. X's singing. Some thought Mr. Y looked like Won Bin. And so on so on so on.
All were in for the after-showcase euphoria, all but Yang Yoseob.
To start with, he didn't know how well it went. He went home before directly after the music stopped and he was asked to get down from stage.
He spent last weekend laying on bed while occasionally found himself staring at the Namsan Tower from his balcony. He couldn't stop playing sad love songs on repeat. He even went to the almost extreme point where he cuts 'love' word from every love songs and put them together, so he got to hear the word 'love' in different tones in one song.
That was how he turned into a pathetic young man.
He couldn't walk in the hallway as the invisible Yang Yoseob like before, instead he would find some people acted out mic that fell from their hands. He couldn't not cringe in vocal class these days because Mrs. Kim still called her name when she was checking attendance list although he was sure Mrs. Kim knew she wouldn't return so soon. There are two things he still could do: write a more and more angsty poem in Literature Class and... Isolating himself at the school roof top.
Yoseob strengthened his grip on the railings, inhaling the cold air as he gazed into the light grey sky. The sun hadn't been showing itself the last few days and Yoseob found such weather actually suit his heart mood.
He felt... Bland.
No running in the hallway, no searching for a good seat in panic, no rushing to vocal class, no trying to take every chance to get a glimpse of... Jung Eunji.
Where was she now?
That was a good question. Though school had forbid any publication on Eunji's dad case to be spread in the school area, talks and gossips among students just couldn't stop. Eunji's latest sighting, her father's trials, even ridiculous stories such as Eunji was caught shoplifting could be heard along the school hallway, especially between class exhanges and break times.
The latest update was Eunji's father was decided as a suspect of the fake stock sellings.
He sighed. He looked around. No one at the roof top, but him. Suddenly he remembered few weeks ago when he found her crying alone here. It was such a sad view. He hoped she would not cry over again after that. Smile fit her best.
He ruffled his hair in frustration. He felt useless, really. There was nothing he could do for her at times like this. Perhaps it was not his place to care so much about her, but his heart just couldn't take it. No matter what her answer was, he couldn't help but to keep thinking about her.
And talking about her answer... Yoseob sighed again. He remembered his conversation with Mrs. Kim one day after the showcase.
"You do realize you still need to fill the blank on the performance score, right?" said Mrs. Kim, looked annoyed.
"I'm sorry, I should've talked to you... I have a terrible stage fright."
"But weren't you going to perform the song with Jung Eunji?"
Yoseob didn't answer.
"It's not because of the stage fright, isn't it?" asked Mrs. Kim.
Yoseob refused to answer again.
"Jung Eunji is a great girl," said Mrs. Kim with a smile, "a talented singer too. She has a big presence among her friends, in classes, among the teachers... Her presence is missed by many, but looks like she took away a lot of things from you, doesn't she, Yang Yoseob?"
"I get it from your song. It's outstanding. I'm very impressed by you two, especially coming from you, Yoseob. You've always been a quite one, but looks like you finally show yourself. This is wonderful. The melody, the beat, the arrangement, the lyrics... They all blend well together, conveying one clear feeling that I'm sure anyone who listen to it will soon grasp what it's trying to say."
"What is it, Mrs. Kim?"
"In love."
Yoseob squinted his eyes. Absolutely confused.
"You don't look like you know your own song, Yoseob," said Mrs. Kim.
"I... haven't got to hear it,"
"Here." She took out a CD from her drawer and handed it to Yoseob. "You should take a listen. I think it contained a rather special meaning."
Yoseob rummaged through his bag and took out the CD. 'Love Day' was written on it. It stayed there in his hand like any other dead objects, but he swore for a moment it felt like it scremed to him "Listen to me now!". He had been taking it with him wherever he went, but he had never listened to it.
His reason was simple, he was unsure. Would he be ready if she rejected him? He suddenly felt foolish for confessing to her when he had already known she had been harbouring a crush on another man.
"Argh," he groaned.
His head started to throb. It had been such a long day and he still had two last lessons before home. He checked the time. The next period bell could ring anytime now.
I should go down.
He headed to the stairs and went down, bumping some students along the way who were rushing to their next classes. He ignored them and kept walking mindlessly to the ground floor where his Math class was located.
Then he felt a tap on his shoulder.
"Yang Yoseob." The ever cold expression of Son Naeun greeeted him.
"H- hi, Naeun-ssi."
She took out an envelope from her blazer pocket. It was in baby pink with swirls all over it, something that felt like Eunji.
"Eunji eonnie... She left this for you," she said.
"Where... Where is she now?" Yoseob's voice started to shake.
Naeun eyed him with a sad look. "She moves to Busan. The court decided to put her in government care for parentless children and young adults. People get to adopt her and she was taken by a couple from Busan few days ago. They'll move again to America soon after."
"Before she went, she came to me and asked me to give you this letter."
The bell that marked the end of today's school had rung since one hour ago, but one male student seemed to miss that.
In one class, he was sitting on a table that faced the school backyard. His eyes were on the two-meter fence which he found out to be quite a challenge to climb over it. He suddenly smiled at the thoughts of it.
He glanced at a piece of paper beside him. LIghts had been turned off, so the gleam of setting sun crept through the unclosed curtain, making the creme-colored paper shone, emphasizing the beautiful written letters on it.
A bead of water fell on his cheek. Then soon some more followed. He took a deep breath and let the tears flowed from his cheek to his neck to his shirt. Perhaps, that way they could ease his sadness.
His first love and his first heart break.
So this was why they said love is beautiful, love is nefarious; love strengthens, love... Hurts.
Dear Yoseob,
When you read this, I've probably started my new life at Busan or America.
What a cliche opening for a goodbye letter, isn't it?
Kekeke. But it's true, I'm saying good bye to you. We haven't got to meet again after... Well, you've probably heard from people at school.
You were right, Yoseob. Not all the people around me like me because I'm in the clique.
My friends, the six of them, they were there for me when the police took my father. They even came to the hearing. I cried a lot on their shoulders and they didn't mind, at all. Though others treat me differently, I can still raise my head up because there are people who actualy cared for me.
I'm touched. I'm touched that I'm so blessed to meet such kind people... And to meet you.
Have you listened to the song? I wonder if Ms. Kim gives you the CD that I handed to her to score. Did she say it was good? DId you get to sing it at the showcase?
Ah, I wish I was there. I wanna be there for you when you stepped out to crush your fear. You have such a beautiful voice.
Since you've known my answer to your confession at Namsan, by the way I think it was so romantic of you to confess there even though you kind of blurted it out of sudden, you probably wonder what will happen between us next.
I... I have to tell you, no matter how you feel or how I feel, we can't be together.
The reason why I never try to confess to the person that I like is because I know things like this could happen. I don't like to interfere with my father's business even though I know his area of work is not healthy. My father was set up, but that didn't help him much, did it? All proves pointed at him. He stays in jail while I'm at foster care, now adopted by a very lovely old couple from Busan, but this time I won't be the same.
I'll take care of my new parents just like they take care of me. I won't lose a Mom or Dad ever again. I won't be scared to tell people how I truly feel. I didn't tell Appa I didn't like his job and asked him to quit. In the end, I lose him. I can't say he is in jail entirely his fault. I feel like I play a part too... Do you know how it feels,Yoseob? Endless regret and sorrow... Scare keeps people out from doing great things, even from saving himself.
So,sing Yoseob! Sing again!
Admitting you're scared is brave, but turn it into something real. Face your fear. You have it in you. And if you did decide to make singing as profession, I'd make sure to be your no.1 fan. Sing,Yoseob! Voice out your talent 'tillI can hear it even from far away then perhaps, I'll know where to find you, so we'll meet again.
I can't promise you, but I'm sure about one thing: Destiny will find its way.
With much love, Jung Eunji
Guysss! OMG we have finally here! Just one chapter away before you get to see 'The End' word.
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'Love Day' is in hiatus, but I'm writing a new chapter. Thank you for keep subscribing, you give me strength to write!
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