Memories of our relationship played in my mind as I said those words – words that brought more pain to me yet more happiness to other people.

Jaejoong was confused. But after realizing what I really meant, I missed to see how a hint of delight and relief showed on his face. I didn’t see it because I don’t want to. I know that he would react that way; I know that he would be happy that I’m letting him and Jessica be together. I know it all, and I hate it.

I didn’t talk anymore. I didn’t say more words because I know that he already understands the point I’m getting into. I didn’t even bother to look up to see his face full of mere happiness. I just let this moment pass by and wish that all of these were just part of my nightmare and when I wake up, Jaejoong would be beside me and tell me that all of it is not so going to happen. But no, this is reality. I messed up their love story, thinking that Jaejoong and I are the main couple and we will fight together. I was tangled in their ‘red string’. I was the one who is supposed to let go for their happiness. I’m the villain. I’m the antagonist. I’m the third party.

Crickets can be heard as silence filled the air for the umpteenth time that night. Jaejoong broke it as he said, “Thank you.”

My heart was shuddered into more pieces as he said that. Thank you for what? For letting him go so he can go back to his real love? Thank you for sacrificing my own happiness for theirs? Thank you for the pain I’m feeling and how it stabbed through my heart? For not being selfish and being so kind and a good friend to both of them? Thank you for being a chapter of his life yet my name wouldn’t be written on the epilogue?

I didn’t show any reaction. I just keep it all to myself. “But –“ Jaejoong started. But what? But he doesn’t want to be free? Oh how I wish in a wishing well full of coins tossed by me. “ – what about you?” he continued. I looked up. Me? Oh maybe I’ll just lock myself up in my room and cry myself out and don’t eat until I starve and die. Maybe I’ll go to the rooftop of my company’s building and stand on the edge then on the count of three I will jump. Or I will run myself into a car. “Don’t worry about me. I’m okay,” I told him. No, I’m not. “I have a business trip in London next week and I’ll be heading a new branch of our company there. I don’t know though if I’m going to go back – “ Why would I go back when there’s nothing to return here for? “Just don’t mind me. I’ll be okay. I can handle myself. I can beat you in Starcraft remember?” I tried to laugh, but only made more tears fall from my eyes.

“Just go to her and tell her how much you love her and how you miss her for these past 3 years,” I continued, emphasizing the words 3 years, hoping it would bring him back to me, hoping that he would regret choosing Jessica over our 3 years of relationship. But fate doesn’t agree with me, “Thank you,” Jaejoong said for the second time, telling me that I made the right choice, for the second time.

With that, he left me.