Being a mother, you tend to do things you normally didn't do. Kumbaga, ingrained na siya sa utak mo since naging routine mo siyang gawin ever since your child was born. 

It's a habit basically.

And more often than not, hindi mo namamalayan na ginagawa mo na pala siya until someone points it out.

Gaya na lang ng milk ko. I don't produce enough pero I still leak. Lately, I've been pumping less for Luna kasi nagwowork na ako and it's better for my mental health. I don't stress about it anymore while I'm busy running around the ER. 

But here's the downside of that. Every time na may umiiyak na baby sa ER or anywhere man lang, I unknowingly rub my s to prevent it from leaking. Kasi one time talaga, hindi ako nakadala ng pads for it that it leaked through my scrubs. 

Hindi naman siya nakakahiya. It's a natural occuring thing naman sa mga nanay and we shouldn't be shamed for it. At hindi ako nahihiya dahil milk is like gold. 

Buti na lang, mga ka-age ko ang mga katrabaho ko when that happened. They were more understanding of that happening kesa sa mga senior nurses na kaedad ng mommy ko. 

Kung makajudge kasi when they found out I was a working single mother, tinaasan ako ng kilay at pinagsabihan! 

Bakit daw walang tatay when a child needs a complete family? Bakit daw ako nagwowork when my child needs their mother?

I wanted to say so much na walang kwenta ang tatay ni Luna and I'm not going to subject both of us in a miserable life just because of the so-called conventional family na sinasabi nila. Luna and I are very happy with Winter, thank you very much.

At kung makajudge kung bakit ako magwowork as if sila yung gumagastos sa anak ko? As if the government gives mothers anything para matulungan man lang? Diba wala? 

But I digress.

Minsan din habang nagpeprepare ako ng food for Luna, I also cut up Winter's food into bite-sized pieces. Natatawa na lang si Winter when she receives her plate. Pero tatanungin niya ako kung pagod ba ako or if need ko ba ng break because I'm running on autopilot.

She's so sweet honestly.

Hindi ko lang talaga alam kung anong nagawa ko sa past life ko to have someone like her in my life. It's hard to date a single mother, let alone take care of their child pero walang-wala lang kay Winter. 

Which brings us to this situation. 

Naglilinis kasi ako ng apartment since day off ko naman. Winter and Luna went out to play at si Ginger, she was just chilling on the couch while I was sweeping the floor. 

Sobrang mundane lang ng araw ko but it brought me a little bit of peace. Parang binuhos ko lahat ng stress ko scrubbing the toilet kanina. Muntikan na talaga akong mawalan ng hininga because of how strong the chemicals were pero sabi nga nila, "are you really cleaning the toilet if you don't feel like you're dying?" 

So ayun.