"You amaze me, Winter Kim," sabi ng manager ko na si Rosie. It's one of those days that I have to go onsite for an important meeting. Once or twice a month lang ako pumapasok sa office. "I don't know if I could take care of someone else's baby. It's already hard as it is but you took on the responsibility like it's nothing." 

When I told people that I would be taking care of Karina's baby, maraming nagtatanong kung sure na ba ako.

Mismong si Mama, tinanong ako kung sure na ba ako sa gagawin ko at kung kakayanin ko ba. Kahit na kilala na ni Mama si Karina, hindi naman biro ang mag-alaga ng bata — and a child that isn't mine no less. 

Yung mga katrabaho ko, grabe kung makapagsabi sa akin. Na offend pa ako nung sinabi ni Chaewon na kaya ko ba mag-alaga ng bata when I'm still a child myself.

Magaling kaya ako mag-alaga! Ginger is very healthy! And so am I!

Mismong si Karina ay ayaw niya akong payagan. Kasi nga it's a big responsibility.

But I insisted. 

Kasi gusto ko safe at comfortable sila. After what happened kay Karina at sa family ng walang kwenta niyang ex, deserve ni Karina at ni Luna ng safe space.

Ang layo pa naman ng family namin. Nasa province pa sila. Sino naman ang magtutulungan kung hindi kami?

Hindi lang naman kasi ako lang ang gustong tumulong.

Giselle and Ning would have done the same if they had the time.

I would do it for anyone of the three. 

Kami-kami lang naman apat dito sa city who are like family. Malalim na ang pinagsamahan namin not to help each other out in any way.

And helping Karina was a no brainer. 

I was there from the beginning. Hindi lang kasi na childhood friends kami pero being with Karina throughout her pregnancy opened my eyes.

Kaming tatlo nila Giselle at Ning ang salitan sa pagaalaga kay Karina. But since mas maraming akong time dahil WFH lang ako, I was around Karina often.

From going to her check ups to literally everything in between, ako yung kasama ni Karina.

Hindi naman kasi biro yung pregnancy ni Karina. Natakot ako for her. She had a difficult pregnancy. Wala naman complications yung pagbubuntis niya, it was more the mental and emotional exhaustion na nakita ko kay Karina.

Kasi every after check up, there would be something that Karina had to take extra extra measures to be careful. Careful na nga siya pero extra! 

In the beginning pa lang, puno na ng anxiety si Karina.

Bilang isang nurse, kailangan niyang maging up to date sa vaccinations niya. At that time,  may chicken pox outbreak sa pediatrics and Karina hasn't had chicken pox yet. Hindi rin siya vaccinated against chicken pox that time.

So nagpavaccine siya without knowing she was pregnant. 

Pero bad yun!

Nang malaman niya na pregnant siya and had her chicken pox vaccine, she was marked as a high risk pregnancy by her doctor. Kasi baka may complication sa bata dahil sa vaccine.

Kalmado lang si Karina ng malaman niya yun but I know her well enough to know that she was dying from worry at that time.

Sino ba ang hindi? 

Not only did her boyfriend leave her ( you to hell talaga), her pregnancy might not be viable.

Diba nakakatakot yun? 

Ako yung natakot!

"Karina, anong mangyayari sa baby?" Tanong ko sa kanya nang sabihan niya kami tungkol sa nangyari. "May problem ba kay baby?" 

Umiling lang si Karina at bumuntong hininga. "As far as I know, walang literature pa about a baby not growing to full term because of the vaccine. Ginawa lang to ni doc to be sure. Para ma monitor ako ng mabuti." 

"Sabi mo wala pa…pero…" hindi ko na lang tinuloy ang iniisip ko. Baka mahawa pa si Karina sa akin. I'm sure she has worries. 

From then on, kaming lahat ay sobra sa pag-alaga kay Karina. Sinabihan pa nga siya ni Giselle na mag leave na so she can rest and make sure the baby is okay pero sabi ni Karina okay pa naman daw. The doctor gave her the green light to continue working.

If I didn't know any better, Karina worked so she would worry less. 

Hindi na rin siya binigyan ng maduguang shifts since she got preggy. No more graveyard shifts or afternoon shifts. Puro sa umaga na siya so she could have proper rest.

I don't know how Karina was able to take in every single worry sa katawan niya every time we went to her check ups.

One time ako yung kasama niya para sa anatomy scan niya — yung malalaman mo if there are any chromosomal problems sa baby or if the pregnancy is still viable. 

Knowing what we knew then about the vaccine, I was super nervous about it. Sobrang kinakabahan ako habang tinitingnan ng sonographer yung tiyan ni Karina.

But then we heard the heartbeat. 

And I cried.

It was my first time hearing it. It echoed throughout the tiny room that it gave me goosebumps.

Lumapit pa ako sa bed at hinawakan ang kamay ni Karina.

We were both crying.

And slowly, the sonographer was showing us the baby's limbs — yung mga paa niya, yung kamay, yung pwet. Yung ulo ni baby pinakita niya rin.

She showed us the baby's kidney and liver, her spine. 

"Gusto niyo malaman ang ng baby, Mama?" Tanong na sonographer.

"Alam niyo na po?" I asked, dumbly. Syempre alam niya. Tinanong nga kami diba? 

Karina didn't waste any time saying yes. Pinakita agad ng sonograph