Author's note: Hello, I am not expert on family law in the PH or any laws actually so forgive me if I wrote something incorrect and not factual. Let me know and I will correct it. Thanks!

Mommy Win

Ang hirap magpanggap na okay ka sa harap ng anak mo.

Anak ko…

Ang hirap maging matapang. 

I’ve been trying to not let Jared's words get to me pero mahirap kasi tama siya. I have no legal rights to Luna. Sa mga panahon na kailangan kong maging ina and make decisions for her, I can't do that. In case of health emergencies, especially kapag wala si Karina to make a medical decision, wala din akong karapatan magdecide para kay Luna.

Kahit bali-baliktaran man ang mundo, in the Philippines, they will never see me as Luna’s legal guardian. I’m not even Karina's common-law partner. Not a relative. Nothing. 

I’m terrified.

Nang inuwi ni Giselle si Luna sa bahay, I couldn't help but cry when Luna ran to greet me.

Mommy Win.

I’m Mommy Win. Pero hanggang kailan? 

Nagulat na lang si Giselle nang makita niya ang itsura namin ni Karina — bloodshot eyes and red noses. Hindi naman nagaksaya ng panahon si Karina and got Giselle up to speed sa nangyari sa amin. 

I don't know the details of their conversation, only that Giselle told Karina about taking care of getting us lawyers. 

I was too caught up sa nararamdaman ko that I failed to realize just how much Karina was hurting too. She's the one who's hurting the most pero hindi niya pinakita kahit isang beses kay Luna. Kahit sa akin.

And I had unknowingly neglected her while she was busy comforting me. 

Mommy K 

I just got off the phone with Giselle. She had updated me about the lawyers who were willing to work on our case. Corporate lawyers kasi ang mga kakilala niya because of the nature of their business pero we were lucky enough that there was one who did a previous case na kagaya sa amin. 

It’s overwhelming. I didn’t want it to get this far but Jared had no right to demand and make threats sa family ko, especially tungkol kay Winter kasi wala siyang alam. 

Nagwoworry ako. I know Winter is trying hard to be okay pero wala siya sa sarili lately. It’s hard keeping it together when all I want to do is curl up and cry. I don’t have the privilege to stop and think about how I’m feeling. Kasi if I do that, saan kami pupulutin? If I don’t act now, baka mawala pa sa akin ang family ko — my little family that I tried so hard to build with Winter.

“Win, Giselle set up a meeting na with the lawyers,” I whispered. Nakatunganga lang siya sa couch while watching Luna. Hindi siya umimik. “Winter…”

“Hm?” 

“We’re meeting with the lawyers next week.”

She nodded absentmindedly and said, “okay” without even looking at me. 

“We’ll be okay,” I reassured. I know we will be kasi alam ko Jared is all talk. And I know that he has nothing against us. 

But Winter has been out of it. I don’t know how to keep up my facade and comfort my partner and make sure Luna is well taken care of. 

Napapagod na ako. 

Our situation right now reminded me of the time kami lang dalawa ni Luna and I had no one. I want to understand Winter and comfort her as much as I can. But I also need it, too. 

I can’t juggle all of this alone. 

When I got home from a 12-hr shift, hindi ko na kinaya. I appreciate Winter for all that she does and for trying her best to take care of Luna pero nasasaktan din ako. When I saw her walk like a zombie, trying to put a smile on her face while getting Luna ready for bed, my heart broke. The apartment was a mess. Winter had put on dirty pajamas on Luna. Hindi ko na lang pinansin yung bahay and took over getting Luna for bed. Nag apologize naman si Winter sa akin when I pointed out na madumi na yung pajamas ni Luna.

I brushed her teeth. I combed her hair. I put lotion on her. And I put on fresh pajamas on Luna all the while Winter was just staring blankly at us. 

Nagpigil ako ng luha while I gave Luna her milk and put her down for bed. W