“What am I going to do with you? I am going to see if you really are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.”

I raise my eyebrows. What?

“What?”

What the hell? Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay. Oh my God.

“What I said was pretty clear. Shall I repeat it? I’m going to see if you really are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside, or if you are as fake as the plastic on your face.”

Doctors don’t use plastic. I should know. Bit ch.

“You’re going to me? I thought you said you weren’t going to me!”

He tilts his head and looks at me with amused eyes.

“What is that phrase the young use far too much these days? Oh yes, “LOL”. I am a faithful man. Like I said, I would never betray my wife with a monkey like you.”

WHAT THE FU CK IS A MONKEY??????

That’s it. I’ve lost my cool.

“THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO ME????”

“Yoona. Yoona. Yoona. Why don’t you calm down? I’m not going to you. I already told you. Frankly, this is not only for my enlightenment, it’s also for yours. Haven’t you heard that someone is only beautiful if they are beautiful on the inside? Well, don’t you want to know if you are beautiful? I mean wasn’t SNSD all about being beyond beautiful?”

“I still don’t understand. What are you talking about? Please!”

“Tsk. Tsk. Are you stupid as well? Do you not have a brain?” he mocks.

“I HAVE A BRAIN. THAT’S HOW I KNOW THAT YOU DON’T! LET ME GO!!” I scream.

“Okay. Okay. Calm down. Let’s forget about this for a second and I’ll ask you a single question. Answer honestly. Have you ever thought you were better than anyone, your fellow members, your fans, your family?”

I have no choice but to answer honestly. It’s best if I cooperate right?

So, with a tone of defeat, I say in a grumpy voice,

“No.”

“Good. Now I’ll let our dear Yoona reflect on her answer while I go grab some things for you from inside.” he says as he struts out of the room. Ok, well, maybe he didn’t strut per say.

But who is he to tell me to reflect on my answer? I know that I’m better than most people; that’s why I’m kidnapped. That’s why I’m here. I am Yoona. I am great. I am epic. I am a legend.

Screw him. I’m going to think of more ways to escape!

But, thanks to my rotten luck, as soon as my brain starts functioning, the crazy man appears, with a box in hand.

He places the box on a table near him and then, with his hands behind his back, starts to examine me. He eyes me up and down, as if I’m some sort of display at a museum. ert.

“Have you thought about your answer?”, he asks in the greasiest tone I’ve ever heard. I think I’m going to be sick.

Pshhh. It’s time to rebel, bit ch.

“I’m going to ask you one more time. What. Are. You. Planning. On. Doing. To. Me.”, I huff, enunciating every syllable clearly.

“My, my. Someone’s impatient. Since you asked, I’ll tell you. I’m going to see if you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.”

I can’t take this anymore.

“YES I KNOW! YOU’VE SAID THAT! BUT CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FU CK THAT MEANS! OH MY GOD!”

He looks at me and his eyes are fu c king twinkling.

“What I mean is that I’m going to skin you alive.”

If my hands weren’t bound to the metal table I was locked on, I would have given myself the biggest face palm ever.

Skin me alive? He must be joking. He is a psycho. He must be a psycho. Or I am dreaming. Wake up, Yoona darling. WAKE THE FU CK UP!

“Skin me alive? Are you crazy?”, I choke out.

“To answer your questions, yes and no. Yes, I’m going to skin you alive and no, I am not crazy. I am perfectly sane.”

“A sane person wouldn’t do this.”, I say in an almost sing songy voice.

“But a grieving father would,” the psycho replies in the same tone.

I am desperate now.

“Please. Can’t we just work this out in a civil matter? I am sorry for your daughter’s death. I’m sorry for everyone’s death! I take full responsibility! Please. Don’t do this! I’ll do anything! Please, I beg you! Please-.” I cry.

“Now, now. Both of us know that those are just words. You’re just trying to save your neck,” He scoffs.

“I am!”, I admit, “but I’m also serious! I am seriously sorry! Please believe me!”

“I do not believe you and I have made up my mind.”

Why would he believe me when I can’t even believe myself. He’s right, I’m not sorry and will never feel sorry. I am just trying to save myself. That’s what anyone else would do. That’s what I’m going to do.

I know I should feel sorry, but I just can’t bring myself to it. I’m just too proud. If I can’t convince myself, how will I convince him? No matter how hard I try, I can’t do it. I just can’t.

So, instead of protesting, I do the one thing I’ve been trying to keep myself from doing the whole time. 

I let my tears falls.

“I see you’ve accepted your situation. So, why don’t we begin?”

I shut my eyes tight, ready to be ripped apart, but the only sensation I feel is a poke in my inner arm. I peek down and see a syringe being injected into my arm. I look up with a confused face.

“Anesthesia. I am not that cruel you know. I’m not going to let you feel the pain. It’s general though, so you will still be awake. I need you to concentrate,” He says,

For some reason, I sigh in relief. I did not expect this at all.

“I’m a certified doctor. I’m going to do this in a very professional way. Well, as professional as it gets.”

In an instant, I cannot feel my limbs. I have no control over my body below my neck. Maybe I will get out of this alive.

The man adjusts the board I’m strapped so that I am lying horizontally and for the first time I realize that I am wearing hospital clothing.

“What? My clothes? How?”, I stutter.

“My wife changed you while you were knocked out. Like I said, I’m no ert.”

“Oh, okay then. I guess?”

I start looking around and I notice that the whole room looks like a sterile laboratory. In the far corner, there is a small table with a bunch of flowers and a picture. It’s a memorial for the daughter.

I suddenly wish she were alive. Not because her father kidnapped me, because I want to meet her. I want to see what she’s like.

I am too busy pondering about Nari that I’m taken by surprise when I look to see a knife sticking out of my stomach.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

This is not happening.

The man takes the knife and with a skillful hand slices it across my abdomen. I see the blood pouring out and I think I’m going to be sick.

“I need you to relax your mind and concentrate on how dirty your insides are. I am going to proceed to open up several areas and will not talk, as I need to concentrate. I warn you, do not talk.”

From psycho, to crazy, to depressed, to serious, to calm, and now he’s all professional. Wow.

I watch him as he creates flaps out of my stomach. Oh my god. He starts to poke around my insides with one of those doctor tools. I swear I can feel it in my mind. Oh my god, this is so weird.

What the hell is happening to me? He starts slicing down my stomach even lower and to my relief, he stops right before, well, right before my stomach ends and another part begins.

And so begin a million questions in my head?

Is he really a doctor? He looks like one.

How are my lungs working? Oh, I’m wearing an oxygen mask.

Is he going to stich me up? I hope so?

Those questions were bugging me the most.

All this time, the psycho is proceeding to cut me up. Right now he is at my legs. I can’t see clearly, but I’m pretty sure he’s cutting right down to my bone.

Soon, he moves up to my arms and this freaks me out the most. I watch as the flood pours and spills over. I see how the jiggly flesh is being pulled off the bone and can’t help but freak out.

I still can’t believe how relatively calm I am. I should be freaking the hell out, yet strange enough, I’ve come to accept it. Am I the one going crazy?

He is done with my arms, and for a split second, he circles the blade over my face. If I were not numb, I’d piss on myself.

He moves back down do my chest.

I see he’s concentrating. I lift my head to watch closely. I must be insane to actually want to see this. I watch as he carefully slices open where my heart must be. Okay. He is trying to kill me. As of now, I refuse to look.

I shut my eyes tight for who know how long. Praying, begging, yearning, hoping, whatever the hell you want to call it, for this to be over.

I wait for what seems to be an eternity.

When I finally open my eyes, the psycho man is still there, but this time he’s looking at me straight in the eye.

“I’d assume you haven’t seen the extent of the procedure, so please look up. Focus on how you are on the inside.”, he says.

“I can’t see anything!”

Suddenly the ceiling tile above me flips and reveals a full-length mirror.

I gasp

“I am going to get your stiches from inside. While you wait for me to return, observe yourself.”, he orders. And then the psycho walks out.

I am staring at myself. I am , except for a thin sheet covering my lady parts. My skin has been stretched and stuck with needles on top of the board I am laying on. I see my insides.

I see my legs, the exposed bones and lack of muscle.

I see my stomach; it looks absolutely gross. Yuk. I need to lose some weight.

I see the blue veins, looking quite vulnerable

I think those are my kidneys? Maybe my liver?

I see my lungs breathing in and out.

I see my heart, beating slowly, pumping blood and squirting it around every now and then.

I see everything. I see myself.

And I come to a realization.

I am just like everyone else. I am made up of the same things. There is nothing special about me. Who was I to think that I was one in a million?

Theoretically, I am one in a million; there are seven thousand people just like me. What the heck?

I have been so arrogant and pathetic. I have stopped seeing the wonders of this world.

I should not have done what I did. I should have kept my sisters together.

When I get out of here. I am going to make things right!

I shall apologize for what I did. I will bring SNSD back together! Well, at least as a family. We don’t need to be idols. We need to be sisters.

And in the moment of awe and self-realization, the worst thing that could happen, happens.

I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my stomach.

Oh God.

The anesthesia is wearing off.

I am regaining my senses.

Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.

So much pain.

This is happening quicker than I thought.

Damn psycho, where are you? I thought you were a doctor! Stop this!

This pain is nothing that I have felt before.

I can’t even begin to describe.

My muscles are starting to tense up. My body is squirting blood everywhere.

Oh my god. I’m going to die.

Doctor psycho! Where the fu ck are you?

Come on, you need to stich me up!

My body is going crazy. I start squirming and wiggling.

I’m going to bleed out.

I need to relax. I need to do the impossible.

The doctor isn’t coming back. And if he does, he won’t be able to do anything.

I’m going to die.

Maybe I should die.

If I get out of this, I’d be back to old Yoona in no time.

I should die being the new, good Yoona.

I cannot stand the pain anymore; I have come to my decision.

I am going to die.

Oh my God.

There is no point in watching myself bleed out. That could take hours. The doctor isn’t going to come back! This was his plan after all.

So, with that in mind, I start flexing my muscles.

My arms, my legs, my abdomen. Anything that I can move, I move faster.

I watch the blood shoot out of my body.

Strangely enough, through all this pain, I smile.

I will die as a good person.

I’m sorry everyone, for being a complete bit ch.

Oddly enough, I start smiling.

Come on. Hurry up. Any second now.

Isn’t this a wonderful way for an idol to die?

The way the blood is squirting out of my body looks like a beautiful red fountain.

The fountain squirts my last squirt.

And I am completely dry.

I am Im Yoona. And I did not die as an idol.

I died as a person.

Breaking New: Well know actress and singer, Im Yoona, was found dead on a sidewalk in north Busan. Police have refused to talk, but witnesses confirm that the body was bloody and covered in stiches. An investigation is underway.