I awoke with a sudden jolt. 

Something is missing, something is wrong.

“Jess?”

My heart was pounding so fast almost as if it could stop.

I clicked on the light with trembling fingers.

Her bed is a disheveled mess, but she isn’t there.

The door is ajar.

I rush out of the door, stumbling to the roof, without a second thought.

She…isn’t there

I rush to the ground floor.

One whole round around the building. I never covered ground this fast. 

Nothing. I found nothing.

I feel hollow, like my soul has left my body.

It’s my fault. 

My eyes glazed over, I crumpled in a heap on the couch.

I remember yesterday, she was sitting on this very same couch, scrolling through her phone. 

She didn’t see me.

I got behind her and took a peek of what she was looking at. 

I wish I never did. I shouldn’t have done that.

She was reading about suicide methods.

On a suicide forum that was probably illegal.

On a forum that did not try to prevent suicide, but openly encouraged it.

Her head suddenly whipped behind, to find herself staring at me. 

I saw how the blood drained from her face when she realised what I had seen.

She kept her eyes down on the ground as a tear slipped down her cheek.

I tenderly brushed it away and whispered “it’s okay”. Except it definitely wasn’t.

She wasn’t okay, to say the least.

She then rushed to her room, closing the door.

She threw herself on the bed to cry.

Which I feel like doing now.