Author’s Note: This story is set in an alternate universe, in an imaginary town and country, and during an ambiguous time period.

“Can you stop?”

Jaejoong popped his eyes open and looked over at Bryan, who’s eyes were glued to his phone’s screen.

“What?”

“Shaking your legs.”

“Dang! Sorry,” he said with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. 

Bryan laughed and continued his texting. 

His phone buzzed loudly in the car. It was a text from Lani. 

How did last night go?

Guilt attacked him. He sneaked a look at Bryan who was still completely engrossed in his phone.

He did not answer her. And he felt even guiltier.

Jaejoong felt as if he was between a hard place and hell. He desperately wanted to talk to Bryan about Yunho, but even the thought made him feel ashamed. Just like how every time he saw the little red numbers on the WeChat app that he re-downloaded to his phone as soon as he left the restaurant, he felt conscience-stricken.

He resumed his leg shaking. No amount of doom scrolling and the excitement of his trip, and he had a lot, could stop him from his turbulent thoughts. 

"Excited for Korea?"

"Always." Jaejoong looked up from his phone and smiled at Bryan. "This is a big moment, bro. You'll get to meet almost my whole family and friends. I'm most excited for you to meet Lilia."

He scrunched his nose at Jaejoong. "You're so adorable."

Jaejoong laughed. He framed his faced and winked at his friend. "Of course. I've also been called super hot."

Bryan rolled his eyes. "Only hot and not scorching?"

"Stop. You're making me blush." Running his fingers through his hair, he said, "But, no, seriously, I really am. You and Lilia are really similar."

"Equally as fabulous."

Jaejoong nodded and looked away from Bryan grinning face. He unlocked his phone.

Not only was he excited for Bryan to spend time with his sisters and friends, Jaejoong was most excited to be able to spend time with his sister. He loved his sisters and loved spending time with them. Talking on the phone, and even as often as they did, which was a chain of texts everyday and numerous phone calls, couldn’t eradicate the distance between them. Plus, this trip meant so much to his family, especially to his oldest sister, Jinjoo. This trip was to commemorate her getting her master’s in computer science.

Remembering why he was doing this helped Jaejoong calm down a bit and the excitment of his trip started to fill him. He started looking at different places they could visit when they get to Korea on Tik-Tok. They sat in the Uber silently for a few minutes.

Bryan closed his phone and dropped his hands to his lap and looked at a frowning Jaejoong. “What’s up?”

“What? Nothing.” He lifted his shoulders questioningly.

They were on the Uber to the airport. They were flying out to Korea Saturday morning and would be meeting the rest of their companions when they landed.

Bryan stared at him pointedly, saying nothing. Jaejoong grew uncomfortable. “What’s up? You staring at me like that makes me uncomfortable.”

Bryan smiled. “Yes, that’s the goal.”

“Why?”

“So.” He stretched the vowel for far longer than necessary. Jaejoong couldn’t help but laugh. 

“What?” He resumed his leg shaking.

Bryan gave him a smirk. “You ignored my text last night?”

“So? I’ve done that many times.”

“Did you get your closure?”

“What?” He blustered, eyes widening in alarm. He hadn’t told Bryan anything yet. He was hoping to sit on meeting Yunho for a bit longer before sharing with Bryan about their meet-up. In fact, even he himself was still not sure what to think or feel.

The whole thing had been…weird. He felt weird about the whole situation. Grimy even.

What had that smile Yunho gave him as he felt meant? Why was he obsessed with being friends with him? Why was he….

Why did he find Yunho attractive?

Looking away from Bryan, grabbing his phone, he turned it on and decided to play nonchalant. “What?”

“My grandmother’s ghost?”

Jaejoong chuckled against his will. “I don’t need closure and I didn’t see her.”

“I presumed so.” 

After Jaejoong said nothing for longer than a few minutes, Bryan sighed. Closing his phone, he dropped it on his traveling shoulder bag and turned to face his friend. “Yunho?” 

He flinched at saying his name and his heart skipped a beat. No!

“Ooh.”

Bryan rolled his eyes. “The one and only.”

“If I did, I would have told you,” he lied smoothly. 

He did not know why it was so hard to tell Bryan about Yunho, but it just was. He felt soiled by his moral turpitude. It had been so easy to tell Lani about his sticky situation. It could have been because Lani did not know who Yunho was and he hadn’t told her as much about his true feelings for whom he thought he had been, as he had done with Bryan. And now he sits in his shame. 

Bryan sat up and completely turned sideways to face a Jaejoong who refused to look up and make eye contact. 

“I know you’re lying.”

Jaejoong's heart stopped beating for too long, he grew light headed. He looked up sharply. 

Bryan gave him an open, tender smile. “But I won’t ask why or ask for more information. Just know I’m here.”

Jaejoong dropped his head. 

“Always.” Bryan slid his hand on Jaejoong’s knee and patted it. 

Jaejoong’s throat felt like he was swallowing hot, dry sand. With his cheeks roasting, he didn’t know how or what he was supposed to say to his best friend who was giving him an olive branch. He just wasn’t sure if he could accept it. 

“I’m excited for Korea,” Bryan said in a cheery tone. 

He quietly nodded. 

He felt so weighed down with anger, shame, and…regret.