Walking towards Seohyun felt unnatural. I had tried my best to avoid her for the past month. But my heart yearned for her. It didn’t know right from wrong, good from bad, it just knew what it wanted.

Seohyun and her dinner guest were sitting off to the side, close to the entrance which explains why it seemed like an unavoidable meeting. It felt like a cruel fate that we would meet again like this. What were the odds? Donghae had an uncomfortable look on his face as he started talking to the guy that sat in front of Seohyun.

It’s probably a friend. At least, that’s what I told myself as I approached the table. The ambiance of candle lights and romantic Italian music made me feel jealous. There was a chance that it could be Yonghwa or Jinwoon. I stared at Seohyun first and then at the boy across from her. It was then that I realized her guest wasn’t a boy at all.

He was a man, dressed in a powder blue dress shirt with a pair of khaki’s. He had gold-rimmed glasses and looked quite young. He held a leather notepad in one hand and a pen in the other. There was an emblem on the cover of the notepad that caught my eye. I had seen it somewhere before. Reading the English word underneath it, I realized that this wasn’t a date. This was an interview.

Donghae used my arrival to quickly stagger away before the man could ask him anymore questions. He didn’t know Seohyun as well as I did.

Unsure of what to do, I reverted back to the old me, before all this drama started. I greeted my friend with a warm smile. Seohyun smiled back and gave a slight bow. Wearing a fashionable autumn dress, Seohyun had put on some make-up to showcase her alluring eyes, and round cheeks. She looked beautiful.

The man spoke. “Who’s this Seohyun?” He had a calming voice, which helped dampen the tension.

“This is my best friend, Yoona.”

Hearing the words best friend had never been so touching. We had barely talked to each other since the incident. A pool of guilt started to form in my gut. I skipped debate club meetings, and purposely surrounded myself with friends that she would be uncomfortable with.

Not that it mattered anyways, because she was her busy self. I almost felt like she had been avoiding me in turn.                                                                

“Yoona? Oh that’s a pretty name,” he said, excited. “I guess you had a craving for Italian food too?”

This was not the time to be shy. Seohyun needed to look good, and I was positive this recruiter would be very interested in the kind of friends that she had. It was a good thing that Donghae had quietly excused himself when he did.

“Yeah, I love trying a whole bunch of different cuisines,” I replied. “Seohyun always takes me to all these wonderful places. She’s a really open minded girl.”

Seohyun chimed in. “Yoona and I have known each other since we were kids.”

The man nodded at the heart-warming bond that he had perceived between us. He placed his notepad down onto the table. “I’m Hyun Suk Kwon, but you can just call me Joseph. I’m a recruiter from Harvard.” He offered his hand, which I accepted with a firm handshake.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Letting go of his grip, I was feeling a bit of pressure trying to keep a prim and proper appearance. But if this was tough on me, I could only imagine how bad it was for Seohyun.  Always cool and collected when it came to formalities, Seohyun probably wasn’t used to this kind of situation. I couldn’t help but wonder whether my presence made her more or less nervous.

Staring at the plates of pasta that sat in front of them, I started with an ice-breaker. “How do you like the food?”

“Just like Boston,” Joseph said with a chuckle. “Only with kimchi pancakes on the menu.”

I gave him a chuckle, while Seohyun gave a polite smile. She was always respectful with strangers, to the point where some might even find her shy and quiet. Seohyun needed to get comfortable with someone before she could really show her adorable and friendly personality.

“Are you from Seoul?” I asked, surprised with his fluent Korean.

He nodded. “I was born here many years ago. My family moved to California when I was a kid and later to Boston when I got accepted into Harvard. We live and work in Seoul now.”

Pretty respectable. “What’s it like?” I queried, “Harvard, I mean.”

Joseph seemed prepared for that question. “It’s exactly what you would expect. Pretentious, competitive, overrated and expensive.”

I paused in fear. Was it right to laugh at his little joke?

He was amused by the silence between us. “I’m just kidding.”

It wasn’t a very funny joke.

“We’re a good school. We always look for the brightest minds.” Joseph gave a nod over in Seohyun’s direction. “So far your friend seems to fit that bill.”

“She does,” I answered, proud. “Better than anyone I know.”

Joseph seemed to be a pleasant man despite his childish sense of humour. He seemed friendly enough to joke around with, but I wondered whether or not doing so would be like walking on thin-ice. Was I one bad joke away from ruining Seohyun’s dream?

Then it hit me, a vile thought. Revenge was a dish best served cold. This was my chance to get back at Seohyun for breaking my heart and putting me through emotional torment. I remembered the nights that Tiffany spent with me on the phone and in-person after all of it happened. I didn’t cry a river, I cried an ocean.

“So, what are Seohyun’s best qualities?”

There was bitterness inside of me. “She’s brutally honest,” I said, thinking about how she had rejected me. “Even to friends.”

Joseph seemed engaged. “Always?”

“Always. Even if what she says hurts. She never lies.”

Seohyun was listening carefully. I knew she was. This was something that she couldn’t control. It must have bothered her tremendously.

Joseph picked up his notebook and flipped to a page. “What else?”

“Hardworking,” I added, “to the point where she barely even sees me on a weekly basis. She pencils me in when she’s free.”

Joseph started writing things down.

“She’s self-confident, and isn’t afraid to speak her mind." Seohyun had a face of indifference. “She looks quiet, but has a voice that stands up for what she believes in. So she isn’t afraid to nag  or lecture anyone. On countless occasions she told me to grow up.”  The words sounded aggressive as they left my mouth.

Joseph seemed puzzled. “Those are some fantastic personal qualities, but it doesn’t seem like she’s a very good friend?”

“She’s not a good friend,” I said as I turned to stare at Seohyun’s bright eyes.  “She’s the best friend anyone could ever ask for.”

Both of them beamed at me when I confessed how I truly felt about her. There was no way that I could ever destroy Seohyun’s dream, even if she trampled mine.

“That’s the first time I’ve seen Seohyun smile that wide all night,” Joseph stated as he started to jot down some notes on an empty page.

“Add charming smile to that list of qualities.”

Joseph nodded at me. “Anyways, I’d hate to take up anymore of your time, Yoona. Seohyun and I have to continue with our interview.”

I wanted to be there for Seohyun. “Oh it’s no problem; I’ll answer as many questions as you need.”

He grinned and pointed towards the trio that was standing several yards behind me. I turned to see Jessica, Tiffany and Donghae looking in all sorts of directions, trying to act natural by the restaurant lobby.

“Those guys have been gawking at us for the past few minutes, I’m positive they’re waiting for you.”

I let out a chuckle. “Alright, I hope you guys have a good dinner.”

Joseph smiled. “We will.” He took this opportunity to hand me his business card before leaving.

“What’s this for?” I asked, staring at the Harvard insignia with three open books on a bright red shield.

“It’s for you. Harvard isn’t a school that only accepts the most intelligent students, but the bright ones as well. There’s still time to apply.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m not anywhere near the genius of Seohyun. She’s the superstar.”

Joseph shook his head and spoke with a sage like confidence. “Don’t sell yourself short, Yoona. Never sell yourself short.”

It was nice that he thought so highly of me. I politely excused myself, and was about to step away until Seohyun stood up from the table. She did something that caught me completely off guard. She hugged me. Sure it wasn’t her most affectionate one, but it didn’t need to be. It was all I needed. For a moment I had forgotten all the bitterness and pain that had been lingering inside of my heart.

“Thanks Yoona,” she whispered into my ear, her warm body pressing gently against my own. Again she had that intoxicating smell, but I was more worried about her hair or make-up getting ruined. This was an important night for her.

“Don’t thank me,” I whispered back. “You still have an interview to get through. Good luck.”

Seohyun released me from the hug and looked relieved to have bumped into me. She made her way back to the table, waved to the three college kids behind me, and went back to focusing on the interview. Walking away, I struggled to keep my head up for an entirely different reason.

The four of us headed to Tiffany’s car in silence. I took the passenger seat, and Jessica and Donghae sat in the back. Once all the doors were closed, Tiffany and Jessica started bombarding me with questions. Donghae just slouched, dejected.

Harvard? Recruiting this early? How did it go? What did Seohyun say? What did he say? What did you say?

Unfortunately I really had no concrete answers for how it went and only shared the anecdotes that had been exchanged. Tiffany just sat there with her car keys in her palm, well aware that her other beloved childhood friend was in there trying to make her lifelong dream into a reality.

“Should I go talk to him too?” she asked, concerned.

I started to laugh hysterically. Even if Tiffany was helping me get over Seohyun, she couldn’t resist her protective unnie instincts.

I put my hand on her shoulder to calm her down. “It’s fine Tiffany. Seohyun’s a big girl.”

She shook her head in frustration.

“Forget it,” said Jessica, who was in the backseat with Donghae. “Let’s get out of here before Tiffany storms in there and embarrasses the girl.”

Tiffany gave Jessica a fierce and almost territorial stare. She started the car, begrudgingly. We had no plans after dinner, so she drove Donghae home first.

As he exited the car, I waved to him from the front seat with an apologetic face. “Bye Donghae!”

He waved back, but stayed mum.

Now that it was just the three of us, Tiffany invited us to her place for the rest of the night. It was less awkward with Donghae gone. It would just be the girls.

Tiffany’s neighbourhood was a rather long drive away, so she the radio and kept it on a jazz station that mellowed us out while she drove. Jessica made herself comfortable in the back. She closed her eyes to take a short nap. “Wake me up when we get there.”

Turning around, I saw the blonde sprawled on her stomach, taking up the entire backseat with her body. Tiffany remained quiet, but she seemed like she had a lot on her mind.

We drove until we finally turned into her quiet neighbourhood, which wasn’t too far from Seohyun’s place. She stopped the car at the side of the road but kept the engine on. Tiffany turned off the radio.

Facing me, she asked, “Are you okay?”

Apparently she had been thinking about me. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

Tiffany didn’t seem to buy it. “Seohyun hugged you.”

“And?”

 “And you spent the last while trying to get back into friend mode with her. Did you feel anything?”

I pointed to the back seat and whispered, “Unnie. Jessica’s in the back.”

“Don’t worry, when Jessica’s sleeping, she’s out cold.”

“I don’t want her to know about Seohyun, and stop telling your friends about my love life.”

Tiffany seemed apologetic. “I’m sorry, I told her because I felt like she needed to know.”

“Why does she need to know?”

“Just because.”

“Because you like her?”

Tiffany attempted to stay away from the subject. “Let’s not talk about it when she’s in the car.”

At this point, I was beginning to feel a little annoyed. “You said she’d be out cold.”

“This isn’t about me. Not yet.” Tiffany put both hands on her steering wheel and leaned forward as if looking for something in the night. “I just want to know if you felt anything.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s important. Because you asked me four weeks ago about what you should do. Now it’s time for me to answer your question, but first you have to answer mine.”

The question seemed redundant. “Of course I felt something.”

“What did it feel like?”

“A hug.”

Tiffany gave me an annoyed look. “Yoona, don’t give me half-hearted answers. This is important.”

“It felt good, so what does that mean?”

“Describe it.”

The hug was brief, but even now I could vividly remember how it felt. “Her hug was comforting and warm. I was embarrassed that she was doing it for everyone to see.”

Tiffany nodded, expecting such an answer. “Yoona, when Seohyun held you, did it make you feel like everything would be okay? Like nothing could bother you?”

I paused, thinking back on how I felt in her arms. “Yes,” I confessed.

Tiffany shook her head in defeat. “Then it’s hopeless.”

“What is?”

“Your love.”

“What?”

“You’ll never stop loving her, not in this life time.”

For a moment I could feel anger boil inside of me. We had discussed this on countless nights. How Tiffany would help me get over her. How it was just an innocent crush. Puppy love.

“Unnie, it’s just a hug.”

“Pabo.” Tiffany nudged my head like I was a child.

“Ow.”

“You still love her.”

“Well like you said, it takes a while for me to get over someone right?”

“It depends on who that someone is. If they still make you feel like that a month after flat out rejecting you. You love them.”

“Unnie, I feel the same when you hug me.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes, I-“

Tiffany unbuckled her seatbelt and came across to hold me in her arms. It was sudden and awkward, since she was practically sitting on the handbrake.

I was shocked. “Unnie, this is just.”

“Shut up, close your eyes, and tell me how it feels.”

I laughed hysterically. “Unnie that just sounds wrong.”

“Just tell me!” she exclaimed, refusing to release her hold. I couldn’t help but wonder whether Jessica was still sleeping in the backseat when we were having such a weird conversation.

Like a good girl, I closed my eyes and followed her instructions, but it took a while for me to stop smiling. We must have looked so silly. Then I started to really feel it. Tiffany must have held me for a long time.

Her arms were snuggly wrapped around me. I could feel her soft body against my left arm which provided me with warmth that was perfect for such a chilly evening. The smell of her shampoo pleasantly tickled my nose and her long hair caressed my bare skin as she breathed. There was a bit of pressure as she propped her chin on my left shoulder, leaning on me for support.

“What does it feel like?”

“Warm,” I admitted. “Comforting.”

“But does it make you feel secure? Like everything’s going to be okay, even though it isn’t?”

It took me a while to understand the point that Tiffany was trying to make, but this demonstration made sense. Being in Tiffany’s arms felt natural, but it wasn’t the same. Seohyun’s hugs, I wanted them to last forever.

“I-I don’t know.”

It was then that someone interrupted us.

“What are you guys doing?” Jessica stared at the two of us in shock as she awoke from her nap to a rather surprising sight. It was a pretty compromising position.

Tiffany gave a cold response. “Hugging, go back to sleep.”

“I want a hug too,” said Jessica with a needy tone.

Tiffany released me from her embrace and got back onto her seat. She fixed her hair in the mirror, before she buckled up.

“So did you feel it or not?” she asked, as she released the handbrake.

“I didn’t feel it.”

“Then am I right or am I wrong?”

I was reluctant to say it, but I had too.“You’re right, but what does this mean?”

“You have two options Yoona,” she said, realizing that Jessica was awake and listening in. “You be the assertive girl, which means you chase after him and hope that he eventually feels the same way.”

“And my other option?”

“You cut him out of your life entirely. Find someone else that you love.”

I remained silent as I let both options sit in my head. Neither one was appealing.

“Can’t I just stay friends with her? I mean him?” I glanced at Jessica in the back who had a jealous look on her face.

Tiffany turned into the driveway and parked her car. “No.”

I stared at her. “Why not?”

“Because you’ll always want his touch and comfort, because he can make you feel safe, even when your world is crashing down around you. Those feelings won’t just blow over.”

Tiffany got out of the front seat, Jessica followed. They went up the steps to her home and looked back at me as I sat there, frozen. My greatest supporter now told me that it was hopeless, that the last month had been useless. Nothing had changed. I refused to believe that my heart was so stubborn, that it couldn’t forget someone that didn’t want me. Yet even then, as I wallowed in depression, I longed for Seohyun’s hug, just like Tiffany said. I hated that she was right.