I try my best to distract myself with work. Unfortunately, my mind just won’t stop dwelling on a few stupid words that someone decided to say. Putting down my pencil, I slam my workbook shut only to open it again seconds later. The CSATs are next week and I need to get my act together. My hands are itching to write and I pull out a fresh sheet of paper, hoping that a blank slate will encourage me to work, but nothing’s changed in my head. I get up from my desk and jump onto my bed for comfort. As always, I roll around on the slightly cool blankets before I curl up into a cocoon of cotton and silk. I let myself relish in the comfort of something familiar. There was a new mantra that I played over and over again in my head for the past few weeks. “Do this for yourself. Do this for yourself.” It was something that helped motivate me as I studied, but my subconscious decided to remind me of more pressing matters as it replaces the mantra with words that make me cringe. “Yoona, I like you. Yoona, I like you.” Why now? Why did they have to say that now?

The doorbell rings, startling me. I check the clock and it’s obvious that I’ve lost track of time. Rushing to get up, I quickly check the mirror and see my hair in a mess. I try my best to rescue it from looking like a total disaster. I brush my locks as fast as I can. The doorbell rings again. I need to look at least somewhat presentable. It’s at times like these where I wished I had a fairy god mother. Then again, Tiffany was a pretty good alternative. I throw my brush onto the table and run down the steps. My phone rings as I make my way past the second step. “I’m coming!” My words echo in the empty halls of the house. Going through the mess of metal locks, I finally open the door and all my worries fade as soon as I see her. For a moment we stare at each other and it’s hard for me not to feel a small grin form on my lips. She’s very presentable. Then someone else intercedes. “Can we come in?”

My eye twitches when I see who it is. You’re kidding me. Seohyun can sense my uneasiness. She tries to explain herself. “I hope you don’t mind. I brought some people to study with us.” Behind Yonghwa I see two familiar faces. I’m glad that Seohyun at least had the decency to invite other people. I open the door wide and motion them inside. “Come in before you guys let all the hot air out.” Yonghwa waits for the girls to enter first and I smile at Seohyun, Min Kyung and Sooyoung as they step out of the cold in their snow powdered jackets. Taking a quick look outside, I see a winter wonderland of ice, snow, and frost.

Yonghwa closes the door behind him as he enters. I tell everyone to throw their jackets onto a hangar by the door. With such a big group, we have no choice but to study in the kitchen. It’s a big space with a whiteboard on one of the walls which my mom uses to keep an inventory of things for the house. We quickly arrange the chairs so that they face the white board. I leave the four of them there to get my books and return to see Sooyoung looking through my cupboard with a bag of chips in one hand and a box of cookies in the other.

I make my way over and grab the cookies. Waving the box, I ask, “Really Sooyoung? You could at least ask first.” She frowns. “I need to eat something or else I can’t focus!” Grabbing the chips from her other hand, I let her pick a single option. “Chips or cookies - only one - not both.”

She grabs the chips and runs off to join the others. Seohyun is already using the whiteboard like she’s a professor and we’re her students. She’s holding the workbook in her hands and is writing down notes on the whiteboard as she explains a question to Min Kyung and Yonghwa. She’s wearing her glasses today, which was unusual since she switched to contacts at the start of the year. I quickly take my seat and pay as much attention as my mind would let me.

For the next few hours, Seohyun lectures us without relent, going through as many problems as she can, helping all of us as much as she can. Surprisingly, everyone else is pretty focused. During a break, I sneak to the side to try and call my dad. “Hello, this is Im Sushi how may I help you?” Only a few lines need to be exchanged.

“Dad it’s me.”

“Oh hey sweetie, how is everything? Is Seohyun over?”

“Yeah, we’re doing a group study type of thing. You’ll need to bring more food.”

“How many people are there?”

“Five, but-“

He interrupts me. “Sooyoung’s over, isn’t she?” I let out a laugh and can hear him do the same on the other line. “Alright, I’ll definitely bring plenty of food.” After exchanging a few more pleasantries we hang up. Before I turn back to the rest of the group I see Min Kyung waiting for me.

“Yoona, a little bird told me something and I’m wondering if it’s true.” Was she talking about what happened earlier? How did she know? Then again, Min Kyung knew a lot of things about almost everyone at school. She had social connections, but knowing so many people was both a gift and a curse. She had a lot of social leverage but had to monitor her bases and maintain an image.  

Still, I act blissfully innocent and assume that she is just asking about something else. “What is it?”

Min Kyung leans in and whispers, “Nichkhun asked you to the semi-formal right?” I was laughing in my head. He did a lot more than that but it wasn’t my place to say anything more.

“He did.”

Min Kyung scoots beside me, leaning on the wall at the far end of the kitchen. We’re by ourselves and Sooyoung is so loud as she eats, that it’s impossible for anyone to make out our whispers.

“And what did you say?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Min Kyung raises one of her eyebrows. “So you don’t like him?”

That was the question of the day. It was obvious that I did, but not in any romantic way, shape or form. My love was reserved for someone else, someone in the same room. “I just don’t know how to turn him down.” Min Kyung nods her head and looks up at me. “So who are you going to the dance with?”

“Nobody.”

Min Kyung scrunches her face. “Yoona, how could you go to the dance alone? That’s social suicide.”

I roll my eyes. “Seriously? I don’t care about what other people think. He’s not who I want to go with.”

“Who do you want to go with then?”

Seohyun. Her name pangs in my head when Min Kyung asks, but I see her talking to her date for the dance in the middle of the room and I feel a sharp tinge of pain in my chest. “Someone,” I answer.

“Geez Yoona, you can tell me anything.”

I’m sure I could tell her anything, the question was whether or not she could keep anything private. Min Kyung probably had that capacity, but I didn’t want to leave it to chance. “I’d like to keep it a secret. They know how I feel.”

“Yoona, just tell me. I could probably help you out.”

Turning to her, I place my arm around her shoulder. “When it comes to love, you shouldn’t need someone to help you out.”

Min Kyung’s silence tells me she agrees. “Yoona, Min Kyung! We’re going to start again,” beckons Seohyun who waves us over. Min Kyung asks a rhetorical question. “She’s something isn’t she?”

I play dumb. “What do you mean?”

“She’s pretty, I mean I never noticed it before, maybe it was her dorky glasses, but it’s no wonder guys are talking about her now. And damn is she smart. Skipping a grade and now she’ll be going to Harvard next fall.”

My jaw drops in shock. “How the heck did you-“

Min Kyung puts a finger to her lips and has a sly look cross her face. She walks off leaving me completely stupefied. Shaking it off, I head back to my seat as we spend the next hour wrapping things up.

My parents arrived almost on cue, coming into the house with leftovers from the restaurant, much to Sooyoung’s delight. Everyone exchanges pleasantries and they seem thrilled to have people over. The five of us eat at the kitchen table while my parents head off to the living room with their own takeout trays. Seohyun takes the seat beside me and Yonghwa takes the seat beside her. Sooyoung and Min Kyung are at my other side and everyone seems excited to eat. There’s plenty of Japanese to go around thanks to the call I made earlier, including some desserts which I eye with desire.

“Sooyoung, chew when you eat,” jokes Min Kyung as she nurses a bowl of unagi don. The skinny girl nods her head as she stuffs another salmon nigiri into her gullet. “Yoona, be sure to thank your mom and dad for us for the food,” Min Kyung adds as she eats a tiny scoop of rice.

Seohyun nods in agreement and catches Min Kyung’s gaze who’s eyeing her with fascination. “Seohyun, are you going to the dance with anyone?” Yonghwa’s eyes light up. “She’s going with me,” he answers. I scoop Seohyun some sashimi rice and she smiles at me. I wish we were alone to our own devices. Min Kyung continues her interrogation. “Oh? Is that so? Are you guys an item or something?”

Seohyun shakes her head. “We’re going as friends,” she says.

Min Kyung gives a cute smile. “That’s cute. Is Yonghwa your type?”

That was pretty direct.

The only boy in the room is eyeing Seohyun with massive interest. She answers honestly, “He’s not my type.” I can feel Yonghwa’s pain and it's oddly satisfying it.

“Do you have an ideal type?” Sooyoung asks, finally taking a break from her meal.

Seohyun has an air about her when she’s around others that makes her seem quiet and shy, but she seems different tonight. “I don’t believe in ideal types.” Sooyoung and Min Kyung stare at each other and giggle. “You’re not interested in dating are you?”

I knew this answer better than anyone. But there’s silence as I take another bite of my scoop of seaweed salad. Finally, I hear her typical answer. “Not right now.”

“Have you ever liked anyone?” asks Min Kyung. Sooyoung continues to eat but everyone is pretty engaged in the conversation. Seohyun couldn’t have liked anyone right? This was Miss Innocent after all. Did she have a crush that I didn’t know about?

“I like a lot of people,” she answers.

“I mean like like, you know, like love?”

“What’s the difference between liking someone and loving someone?”

Min Kyung and Sooyoung stare at each other again until they both gaze at me like I have the weirdest best friend in the entire world. Min Kyung puts down her chopsticks. “When you love someone, you want to be there for them and live your life with them.”

Seohyun didn’t buy it. “I want to be there for my friends and live with them too. Why is it so important for me to find love now? We’re only in high school. I can just meet someone later.”
Sooyoung, who’s a hopeless romantic, joins in on the conversation. “Love isn’t so simple,” she says as she puts down her own set of chopsticks.  “It’s just something that happens; you might miss your one chance in life to be with that special someone if you’re complacent.”

Seohyun puts down her own set of chopsticks. The debate club president was coming out. “In a world with seven billion people, you’re telling me that there’s only a single person out there that I’m meant to be with?”

Sooyoung nods her head. “I’m sure you can fall in love with all sorts of people, but there’s only one person you belong with and if you make the wrong decisions you might miss being with someone that truly makes you happy.”

Seohyun seems reluctant to continue with the debate. “People look back at their lives and say, ‘I never should have left him or I should have left him,’ but how do you know that the choice you made wasn’t for the best? Maybe the other option was even worse. Nobody knows for certain.” Seohyun picks up her chopsticks and puts a few pieces of sushi on her plate. “I think love is just a feeling that we experience for another person. There’s nothing definite about it - it’s not something that needs to be examined or discussed in detail - Love is simple,” she says, “It’s people that make it complicated.”

There was a huge feeling of irony that resounded in my head as she uttered those words. She certainly made things complicated for me, but then again, didn’t I make things complicated for her?

Yonghwa somehow manages to steer the topic to a more light-hearted discussion and we end up finishing dinner much later than we anticipated. Min Kyung and Sooyoung seemed to get closer to Seohyun as the night progressed. She was always awkward around most people because they were her seniors, but now she seemed at ease with the two of them. Everyone starts to pack up there things after cleaning up the kitchen. Yonghwa is the first to head home. “Thanks for having me Yoona. It was productive.”

I nod my head. “Have a safe trip home.”

Sooyoung, Min Kyung and Seohyun are all sitting on the steps leading up to the second floor, talking amongst one another. I join them until Sooyoung’s mother comes to pick her and Min Kyung up. They leave with warm goodbyes for both me and Seohyun. 

As I close the door behind them, I realize that Seohyun and I are alone for the first time in the evening. “Seohyun, you should have slept over today.” Seohyun points to the CSAT workbook that I’m holding in my hands. “I need to study and take care of some other things.” She was busy, which was expected. My parents were still awake, and it felt weird to talk when they were just in the other room. I stare at her and can see myself as a reflection in her eyes.

“I know it’s not my place, but you already got accepted into Harvard. Why bother writing the CSATs? I mean aren’t you already going to your dream school?” Deep down, I was hoping that she would say that she wanted to stay in Korea and be with me, but she gave a simple and almost predictable answer. “It doesn’t hurt to have options.”

I get up and stretch after sitting on my for a little too long. “Thanks for helping me out by the way. I know it’s not easy for you to find time.” Seohyun waves it off. “It’s fine Yoona. I’ll always try to make time for you.”

I hear the old grandfather clock in the lobby ring as it strikes midnight. Seohyun hums the familiar piano tune that it plays and once it ends, she asks, “Did anyone ask you to the dance?”

The semi-formal was always on the Friday after the CSATs, and I always loved going to them when I could. Unfortunately, this year was different. Everyone was going with a date because it was the grown up thing to do. Some people were even hooking up just because everyone would be off on their own in a year’s time. For me, I didn’t see it like they did. I wanted to be with someone special, someone that I actually cared about and I was staring at her right now, wondering what I needed to do for her to feel the same.

“Nichkhun asked me,” I answer, “But it’s not a big deal. I’m going to tell him I’m not interested.”

Seohyun furls her brow. “Yoona, you should go. It’s more fun with someone else right? You could just go as friends like me and Yonghwa.”

Unlike Min Kyung, I know I can tell Seohyun everything. “I can’t go with him as friends.”
Seohyun’s expression changes from one of encouragement to one of surprise. “What do you mean?” I sit down and lean in close to her. With a whisper, I reply, “Nichkhun confessed.”

“Really?” she blurts out.

Sitting up straight, I do my best impersonation of Khun that I can muster. “Yoona, I like you. You know, as in more than a friend.”

Seohyun lets out a laugh. “You’ve always been terrible at impersonations.”

“Hey!” I shout. “That’s not true at all.”

“Oh yeah?” she jokes, “Prove me wrong.”

She waits for me to get into character, but I feel embarrassed. “This is stupid.”

Seohyun mimics me. “This is stupid.”

“You’re just as awful.” Laughter fills the hall and I feel like everything’s right again. “I’ll learn to do a really good impersonation. I swear.”

Seohyun has a look of doubt across her face. Nonetheless, she says, “I look forward to it.” Her phone vibrates which means her mother’s here.

“I guess it’s time for you to go."

Seohyun gets up upon hearing my words, but before she takes another step, she asks, “So what are you going to do?”

I lead her down a few steps. “About what?”

“Nichkhun.”

“I told you. I can’t go with him.”

“No, I mean he says he likes you.”

“But I don’t like him.”

“Is it really ever that simple Yoona?”

Opening the front door, a chilly breeze enters the house but it dissipates into warmth as it lingers in the heat for too long. Seohyun puts her winter garments on and slips into her winter boots. She takes a step outside into the cold and shivers. There’s plenty of snow and wind blowing all around her so she wraps her scarf around her neck to stay warm. Maybe it was poor judgement, but I reply by saying something that brings back painful memories. “Wasn’t it simple for you, when you turned me down?” It was the first time I talked about it with her since that one miserable day.

She brings her hood up over her head for warmth and snaps at me. “What do you think?”

Before I could say anything more, Seohyun turns into the cold winter night and walks off without any hesitation. Even if it was only a dozen icy steps or so to the car, I knew she would hate every moment of it.

She should have stayed.