Part 4

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It only got worse over the weeks. 

On the better days Hakyeon didn't had to stay after practice and was allowed to go the dorm with the rest. 
But since everyone was angry with him because of his harshness during practice he only got the silent treatment there. Nobody talked to him during their meals together, which made him completly loose his appetite.
After a few days of being ignored he just stopped showing up to their meals. 

Which only helped him, since Junghoon had ordered him to lose some weight for the comeback. 
He'd told him it would help him to look better and more gracefully during dancing. 
At first Hakyeon thought the other was joking. He'd been perfectly comfortable with his body shape.

But in some way the older one was really good at making him fell insecure about himself. 
He told him that his dancing wasn't that good. That he had to much body fat for a dancer. That his skin was to dark. And Hakyeon slowly started to believe him. 

He even managed to make him feel insecure about stupid little things, like the fact that he was sweating to much or that his hands were to plump and small. 
Things Hakyeon wasn't really aware of, now never really left his thoughts. 

So he started eating less, to reduce his body fat. He tried his best to avoid the sun, to make his skin paler. 

His dislike for Junghoon slowly started to get replaced by just pure fear. 

He felt bad about it. In the end their teacher never had done anything 'really' bad to him. 
He often got scolded by him for flinching when he got to close to him, whenever they were having his late night training.

"Stop acting like I'm doing something really bad to you. There are people who have it much worse than you around the world. And you’re complaining because I'm a bit mean to you. You're such a crybaby."  He got often told by Junghoon.

And slowly Hakyeon began to feel ashamed for his behavior. He was the only member their dance instructor treated like this. So he had to be the problem, right?

And so he stopped to complain about the fact that he was barely able to sleep anymore. He stayed behind the rest to work hard on the dances. He listened quietly to the insults Junghoon was throwing at him. At the drama shootings he tried his best to stay motivated and do his best, despite the fact that he only was able to sleep on the 2 hour car ride. 

He knew that his body wasn't able to handle all those things. So he honestly wasn't really Suprised at the sudden back pain that was shooting through his body, while stretching. 

Since his back injury he always had to be careful to not overwork himself, or he would be in pain. But it had never been that bad. He was pretty sure that he'd lost some muscle because of his dieting, which could be the reason for the sudden pain. 
That, or that he hadn't sleeped in his own bed for 5 days. 

For a few seconds he had to focus on breathing to not whimper out load. Everyone already thought that he was a drama queen, so didn't wanted them to more about this. 

The pain actually was quite okay during practice. He just had to move a bit more carefully. He'd once performed with a strained back, so he should be able to handle practice. 
But he felt like he was going to cry as Junghoon requested him AGAIN to stay behind for more practice. 

He could hear the other members mumbling about how unfair this kind of special treatment was, but he was way to stressed to actually acknowledge it. 

Maybe he'd been able to handle normal practice. But there was no way that he would be able to stay for another 4 hours. 

"Please...not today." He actually begged the taller. The light aching in his back had changed to a painful pounding. And for the first time he felt like he would actually collapse if he didn't take a break. 

But Junghoon didn't listen to him. Instead he went over to the speakers to put on the music. 

Hakyeon tried his best to follow it. But his limps just felt to heavy and he was well aware of the fact that his movements were sluggish. It almost pained him everytime he missed a beat. 
The sad performance luckily only lasted through three songs, until Junghoon had enough. He stopped the music and looked at Hakyeon with an angry spark in his eyes. 

"This is even worse than your usual performance. Are you now fully giving up on dancing?" He went closer to the leader who tried his best to catch his breath. 

"I'm sorry...I..." A coughing fit interrupted Hakyeon's answer. It came out of nowhere and made him dizzy. 

"Are you really this weak? Maybe you should just quit your job as an idol and do something that your good at." Junghoon teased while coming closer to him. 

"Hey! Stop ignoring me when I'm talking to you, brat!" He shouted, as he didn't got any reaction from the younger, who was to busy fighting off his dizzy spell. 

"Oi!" Angered about the lack of response he was getting, he pushed the younger, hard enough for him to loose his balance and fall. 
Hakyeon only had time for a Suprised yelp, before he landed right on his back. 

Before he could stop himself a loud scream ripped itself free from his throat. He felt like he couldn't breathe as the pain radiated trough his body. For a second he feelt like he was going to throw up. 

"Stop acting like you're dying!" A kick into his ribs brought him forcefully back into reality. 

Junghoon stared down at him with a murderous glare. 
"You can go home if you want to. But let me tell you. If you keep on acting like this nobody will like you anymore."

With these words he left the room, leaving Hakyeon lying alone in his misery. 

After some time, the leader rose to his feet. He felt completly numb. The pain of his back was still there, but it kinda feelt like it wasn't a part of him. It seemed to be so far away, through the fog in his head. 

Slowly he started to collect all of his things from the practice room, before he left the building. The pain and his dizziness prevented him from moving to fast, so he walked like an old man in the direction of the dorm. He didn't wanted to call his manager to pick him up, since it was in the middle of the night, and the man was probably sleeping. 

The dancer shivered slightly.

It was mid January, and way to cold to be outside without a coat. But Hakyeon didn't cared. Never before had he feeled this bad. There was  no one he could talk to. He felt incredible hurt and insecure. The feeling was terrible, and he would do anything to stop it. But he didn't knew how to. And at the same time he felt complete  empty. As if showing any kind of emotion would just be to exhausting for him. 

And so he just continued his slow journey, back to the dorm. It started snowing along the way. But even that didn't made his mood better. Maybe a few weeks ago he would have been excited, but now he only could feel how it soaked his clothing.

As he finally arrived at the dorm, he felt again like crying. He'd made it. Now he only had to go back into his room and he was safe. The knowledge that he could just change into comfortable, warm clothing and go into his bed made him move faster. He couldn't think about anything else but sleep right now. He needed it....He needed it so badly that he just couldn't imagine to have to wake up again in 5 hours. 

He felt like an addict who was finally able to take his drug again, after he kicked his shoes into the corner of the room. Not caring if it was messy. 

In his daze, he didn't noticed the members, who were all sitting in front of the TV, staring at him.
He just stumbled past them, nearly falling on his way towards the room. As he finally made it, all he wanted to was to fall into his bed. But he knew that he, at least ,should change before sleeping. So he just messingly pulled Random clothing items out of the closet and changed quickly. 

The pain in his back was increasing everytime he lifted an arm, making him wince. 

Slowly he crawled into the bed, putting every blanket he could find on top of him, in the hope that it would give him comfort. 

And it didn't took long for him to fall asleep. 

Later that night Taekwoon knocked softly on his best friends door.  He was feeling  guilty for ignoring the slighty older one the past week, after he'd seen him tonight. 

But he didn't got an answer. So he decided to let their leader sleep. The main vocalist wasn't sure when he'd seen the other resting the last time. 

"Good night, Hakyeon." He whispered to himself, before going to his room. 

The other's state he was in had scared him a lot, and he planed to talk with him in the morning. 
Something just wasn't right. And Taekwoon would find out what exactly.