As days go by, I’m starting to change for the better and I can proudly say that I am already better now than ever. I’ve been working my of almost all day and night, and the most unbelievable thing there is that, I’m not even complaining. Two weeks of being in this wonderful city of Seoul has really been a blast. I’m slowly learning a lot of things that my suffocating world never taught me. My brother told me that he can already see the change in me for I listen to whatever he says and whenever he tells me not to go clubbing, I won’t even bother to push it. Life now is light and it’s unpredictable unlike before, I always end the day fighting with my dad but now, everyday seems like a new page of my book is being filled with different experiences.

“Wake up Clarise! Wake up!”

“Please…five minutes” I said and covered myself with the duvet.

“You’ve been telling that to me for the last twenty minutes already….we have to be at the airport now…our flight is in two hours” Charles said and I looked at him with half opened eyes.

“Did you know what time Big Bang’s photoshoot ended awhile ago? I feel like I’ve just gone to bed just now…I’m so tired and sleepy” I said and buried my face on the pillow again.

“You can sleep on the plane….please…we can’t afford to be late….Sajangnim will be there…being late is really the last thing on my mind right now” he said.

“Go ahead first” I said.

“As if I’m gonna let you go to the airport by yourself! C’mon! Get up now!” he said and carried me to the bathroom.

My brother can really be annoying at times for he carried me to the bathroom and placed me in the tub with cold water in it just to wake me up. Awesome!

“Damn you Charles!” I shouted.

“Thanks Clarise!” he said and closed the door.

I swear! I’m totally pissed with him right now. He just woke me up from a beautiful dream and now, that dream will just fade away like bubble. Well, my dream is about that rude guy, we were at the beach, sitting on the sand while talking but I can’t understand what he’s saying coz he’s speaking in Korean. These past few days, I’ve been dreaming about him all the time and sometimes I’ll wake up smiling and there are times where I feel like it’s really happening. It’s really freaky and I can’t understand why I’m having this dreams.

After my forced bath, I got ready and stared at myself in the mirror. Wow! I look like a panda already with my super visible dark eye circles, and I look so thin and fragile. This totally ! My skin doesn’t look good as well.

“I’m really going to rest BIGTIME!” I said to myself while looking at the mirror.

“You have to get that old beauty back” I continued.

“WOW! You look like Barbie in that outfit!” Charles said while checking on his suitcase.

“Yeah…the ugliest Barbie EVER!” I said and he laughed.

“Oh I guess my baby sister is having insecurity problems” he teased while rubbing my back gently.

“I don’t! It’s just that…when I looked in the mirror awhile ago…I feel like I’m seeing a different person” I told him.

“Huh? What do you mean?” he asked.

“Look at me! I’m thin…my skin is not good as  before…my eyes are so puffy even though I didn’t cry…my dark circles are shouting “Heyah! Notice us! We’re dark!....in short…I don’t look good at all” I said and he laughed.

“That’s what you think…Clarise…you’re still the same…you lose a lot of weight but when it comes to your face…it’s still the same beautiful little sister that I’m seeing….don’t worry…you can still mess with guys using that face” he said and I smirked.

Charles is really my brother, of course he won’t tell me negative things coz he doesn’t want to make me feel upset.

“Gosh! I haven’t been in a relationship in ages!” I said while we’re on the car.

“Little girl…I thought you want to change for the better?” he asked.

“Yes…but I’m a relationship lover…remember? I can’t take it out of my system” I told him.

“Oh well…it’s been weeks already…and you’re not even looking for it” he said.

“What will you do if I tell you that I’m hungry for it already…that I’m just too busy to go out and play…what will you tell me? How will you react?” I asked and he glanced at me and shook his head.

“You know what? It’s better for you to stay single up until you find that right guy for you…don’t play with guys anymore…how many times will I have to tell you that you’re just going to be in huge trouble if you’ll continue with this game of yours” he said and I nod.

“Charles….how many times will I have to tell you that there are no right guys…all of them are the same…they will hurt me in the end…it’s better to play along with them instead of waiting for them to hurt me and make me cry” I said and he smirked.

“You’ve been heartbroken once and it’s only ONCE…and guys are all different…there are boys who acts like men and there are men who acts like boys…you’ve been playing with men who acts like boys and I think this is the right time for you to find someone who is a boy but acts like a real man” he said and I chuckled.

“Boys….men…men…boys…it’s still the same…trust me…if they feel like throwing you out…they’ll certainly will…you’re lucky if they’re gonna keep you…but still in the end…they will get tired taking care of you and you’ll just find yourself alone in your room…crying while the man that you love is having with another girl somewhere” I told him and he laughed.

“I guess dad really is the one to blame on this…you have this thought that all men are like him…Clarise…our father is really a douche bag and maybe there are a lot of men like him in every part of the world but I’m telling you…there are also a lot of men who are not like him” he said and I nod.

“I know that…it’s just…dad really is a bad guy in my eyes…I mean…he never sticks with one girl…he always plays around and I grew up seeing him like that” I said.

“I know…that’s also the reason why you’re doing the same thing…you’re following his footsteps…I wouldn’t be shocked if one day…you’re going to find yourself married with a rich man then the next day you’ll find out that you’re pregnant but the it is not your husband’s baby” he said.

Well, I guess the reason why I hate guys and never take them seriously is because I don’t want to end up with somebody who is like my dad. And the reason why I’m afraid to enter a serious relationship is because I don’t want to be hurt like my mum who was left and played by my dad.

“I can fully understand why you’re doing all this…I know where you’re coming from…I promise…I’ll help you change your views on men” Charles said and I hugged his arm.

“I don’t know….I think I just have to believe that it works” I said.

“What works?” he asked.

“Love…couplehood…partnerships…the idea that people who come together stay together…I have to take that to bed at night…even if I’m going to bed alone” I said and he laughed.

“And I don’t really know if you’ll succeed but I’m up for that….just let me hook up for the very last time” I said.

“Are you being courted by someone right now?” he asked suspiciously.

“No but I’m about to m