[2018]

Those rare tears of yours

Changmin doesn’t cry easily, he never had and never will. However there has been few times in which he hasn’t been able to hold back those salty drops of water which rolled down in rivers on the guy’s untainted cheeks.

The first time was during the MKMF award ceremony back in 2008 when he finally allowed himself to be the 20-years-old kid that he still was and tears covered his face, unable to stop themselves. He tried to hide them, but emotions were making his soul tremble and he found it impossible to win over them.
He felt Yoochun’s hand circling his waist trying in vain to calm him down while Yunho was giving his speech for the best-album-of-the-year-award. Right after he noticed Jaejoong’s soft looks and he felt four pair of arms over him, tangling him in a big group hug that finally made his heart at peace.

Another time was during the WITH tour back in 2015 right before their enlistments. This time it was slightly different: they were in Tokyo and they were alone, the two of them. There was no Yoochun, no Junsu, no Jaejoong coming over him with reassuring words. And he wasn’t the only one crying. Yunho began it all, infact, breaking down over the sweet notes of With Love and screaming to the big arena for the years coming ahead of them. And he broke down with him, eyes burning under the night sky, remembering the years that went by instead of thinking about the ones that were waiting for them; remembering the pain and the joys and that bright color that was always there to remind him of what they were: a five-stars-constellation shining in the darkness.

The last time was during a meeting, somewhere lost in 2018. Ten years had passed since that first time and this time it was completely different: they were in a small apartment he wasn’t familiar with, with faces that belonged to the past. There was Yunho, but there were Yoochun and Junsu and Jaejoong too, and Changmin couldn’t think of a good explanation to describe what was happening. It wasn’t until Jaejoong approached him with that warm smile of his that had always brighten his days, embracing him in a tender hug, that he realized he was crying. Tears were falling down from the depth of his soul, exposing feelings he didn’t know he was repressing, while he grabbed on his hyung’s shoulders for any kind of support. He heard Yoochun making a joke sobbing between laughs and only then did he realize they were tears of joy, as unexpected as the reunion that was finally taking place. Changmin mentally cursed them for the best surprise he could have ever asked for for his 30^th birthday.
“You are so annoying, but why have I missed you so much?”

And from then on, having given it a whole new meaning, Changmin decided that crying was not so bad anymore.