[2011]

Second chances

Jaejoong loved clubbing: sparkling colors and loud music, the mess of what surrounded himself making him forget about the mess of what he was feeling. The resounding beat flowed through his veins like it belonged there while the spinning room welcomed him to the land of amusement, rebellion and madness.

On the other hand, Yunho hated clubbing: it was dirty and noisy and he couldn’t even hear clearly what people were saying, making him smile like an idiot for half conversation. He could hear the notes of songs scratching the surface of his skin while the vision of so much chaos blurred his mind and made him feel dizzy.

.

Heechul had been bragging him to go out for months so when Ho Jun showed up at his house and started babbering about going to a certain club in Itaewon, he didn’t complain and joined the old friends almost smiling.

As soon as they entered the place, however, he blamed his hyperactivity and wondered why he couldn’t have just stayed at home, chilling on the sofa with some stuffed animals and soft background music.

The club was full. Well, full wasn’t even the right word to describe it: the place was explodingwith people.

He felt touched and hit and he almost managed to trip on his own feet too. He was very tempted to just turn around and run away, but Ho Jun grabbed his hand and led him to the bar. If there was no way out, he would get drunk at least.

Jaejoong was texting one of his sisters when one of his Japanese friends called him asking to go out: he was in Korea for a short period of time and wanted to make the best out of it. Jaejoong didn’t wave a second and agreed meeting him in Itaewon right in front of that very famous club everyone was talking about lately.

As soon as they entered the place, he found himself glowing: some strange neon lights were lighting the room at the same rhythm of the music, and people were everywhere, dancing, singing or making out in some more private corners. Jaejoong decided that that night he would have forgotten about the emptiness of his life, filling the void with the chaos that was raging on around him instead.

.

It was around two in the morning, but the club still didn’t seem willing to let people go. Jaejoong was drunk, well not really really drunk, but the few drinks he had were strong enough to make his head dizzy and loose up a bit. He was enjoying the night like he hadn’t for months, almost years.

At the same time, Yunho was starting to relax a bit too, letting his body move along with the different rhythms of the songs, breaking hearts here and there and laughing with his friends about the silliest things going on all around them. He was having fun after all, he had to admit.

Neither of them expected meeting the other, nor had they thought about what to say, where to look, how to move if they were ever to. So when a totally drunk guy almost fell on Jaejoong and the latter was forced to back off, unintentionally bumping into Yunho, they both stared at themselves with big eyes and a shocked expression painted over their faces.

Jaejoong almost screamed, or maybe he did indeed, but the noise of the club covered his voice. He found himself unable to move, unable to speak, unable to do anything in front of what he knew was the tragical lost love of his life.

Yunho, on the other hand, wasn’t better off. His legs were shaking and his hands trembling in the night air that smelled like alcohol, people and some really ed up fate.

Some seconds passed before either of them could do anything, just staring into space, and as they were about to part and run the away from each other the furthest possible as they did for the past months, almost years, someone kicked Jaejoong again and this time he found himself falling into Yunho’s big supportive arms.

And this time, he didn’t move at all, lost between that warmth he had missed so much, daydreaming about what he knew that couldn’t happen, but still yearned for with all his being. He knew that this was just the messed casualty of a one-night meeting, he knew things couldn’t just be fixed with a random hug in a smoky club, but still he closed his eyes and waited.

Yunho was as startled as Jaejoong at that unexpected contact, but as the other was, he found himself unable to let him go. He could feel Jaejoong’s soft hair tickling his chin and his light cologne reaching his nose and only then did he realize he didn’t want to do anything more than circling his small waist and holding him forever. He knew as well that things wouldn’t suddenly change after that night, that he would still find himself crying over a past that seemed so far away, but he knew as well that he could award himself with some moments of undisturbed peace, some moments of just feeling home, after all those tormented months.

As he hugged Jaejoong, he felt the smaller boy closing his arms behind his back and they slowed dance on a unheard melody, rocked by their fighting emotions in the middle of the chaotic club.

They stayed like that, close enough to feel the other’s heart beating but not close enough to hold it, for what seemed eternity and when they finally parted, hours later, they came back to the familiar uneasiness of an unwanted reality and when their eyes met again, regrets resurfaced too.

They knew they couldn’t be together, even though they still wanted to be, and they knew as well that the regrets in their eyes weren’t for the choices they had made, but for the side effects that came with them and it somehow helped them to go on.

They let go of each other, and they started to walk back, eyes still locked as they melted with the screaming crowd. Both Yunho and Jaejoong knew the world wasn’t ready to welcome them back and they themselves weren’t strong enough to face it yet, but they also knew that time would have healed their wounds sooner or later and the faith they shared wasn’t something that could be so easily broken.

Jaejoong looked up to the night sky, eyes teary and a sad smile decorating his tired face.

When all the pain and struggling would eventually be over, when they would be able to look back without feeling anger, frustration and regrets, he was sure that then the sun would probably rise again too and they would finally be granted that so long awaited for second chance.

Ps.

I wrote this drabble like years ago, but i've recently found it in some deep folder of my computer, so i wondered why not sharing it? it really has no claims, but i hope you enjoyed it anyway.