I was awake now, the news had sunken in and I couldn't stop crying. I had fainted and fallen to the floor, but I had woken up a few seconds later.

"Why... why is this happening?!" I screamed between my tears. I hit the floor as I sat there, hopeless.

Jiyong picked me up off the ground and carried me around the house. He bounced me like a baby who was crying for food and patted my back attempting to calm me. I latched onto him; wrapping my legs around his waist as I bawled.

For hours we stayed like this; he wiped my tears, I coughed and choked, heaving for more air and cried some more. He finally sat on the couch and I sat in his lap, curled up like a kitten with it's owner. He my hair gently and I sobbed.

I cried throughout the night, and Jiyong slept beside me in my bed in case I needed anything. If i had been thinking logically, i wouldn't have let him sleep in the same bed as me. But at this moment in my life i could care less about what was happening.

The next day I stumbled around and my mind was in a haze. I wasn't functioning like a normal human being; I would cry most of the time, not eat, and sit on the couch like a zombie while Jiyong cared for me.

Over the next few days, people called to send their condolences and my younger brother, Sanghyun and little sister Doorami called to talk, and we said we would meet each other soon to plan a funeral. They were extremely upset and it was hard for us to conduct the call at all.

TOP and Bom stopped by, and Bom tried to settle me down, but I couldn't pay attention. Ji told them they should probably go, so they left after we said our goodbyes. I clung onto Jiyong again and pulled him down on the couch with me.

I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in, my breath hitching a few times. I had cried all of my tears out and now all I wanted to do was forget about what was happening.

He kissed me on the cheek and tried to calm me.

"Shhh, it's alright Dara, see? It's ok." he hugged me closer. He was also grieving because my eomma was like a second mother to him since his had passed away when he was very young.

I pulled him in and breathed his familiar scent, I felt very safe in his arms. For a moment I forgot what was happening like I had wanted and almost felt peaceful. But his voice snapped me back to reality.

"Dara, it's almost midnight, we should go to bed." he whispered softly.

"Please... s, stay with me again tonight. I had a bad dream and I'm scared it's gonna happen again." I gripped his shirt and rested my pounding head on his shoulder.

He lifted me up and carried me bridal style to my room where he carefully lied me on the bed. He slipped off his pants and slid in beside me, pulling the covers over us. When he went to kiss me on the cheek, I burst into tears once again. He fanned my face with his hand and grabbed a tissue to wipe my eyes. After I had cried my last tear, I was exhausted and fell asleep right away.

"Night Ssantokki." he said smiling pitifully.

After I was asleep, I thought about Eomma watching over me now and how I would never get to see her again. I woke up panting and crying as I screamed her name. He pulled me closer to him and we fell asleep together, although I occasionally would awaken from a nightmare.




































That week was one of the hardest of my life. I spent it grieving her death, and luckily Jiyong was by my side to comfort me. I didn't want to see Bom or TOP or anyone else besides him. I needed him to help me get through this.

I had met with my brother Sanghyun a week after her death to plan her funeral and he was still pretty upset as was I. Doorami was at school so she couldn't come, but she wasn't taking this easily either. We set the date and went over details of her will and funeral.

 I had grieved for a while now and was pretty worn out; my eyes had no tears left to cry. I hadn't been in school this whole time, and life was becoming bleak and gray very quickly.

It's a weird feeling when you wake up every morning and deep down in your heart you are aching. You stumble around aimlessly; your heart aching, yearning. The days go by so grudgingly slow, it's almost painful to be alive. But you can't show those feelings to anyone, so you act like everything will be ok and just look at the next day with a new outlook and perception on life. I sure hoped that soon this act I put on would become how I actually felt, and that life would become easier to live.




















I woke up one morning feeling better than I had in a long time. The light shown through the window and landed on my bed, forming shadows around the sleeping body beside me. I watched Jiyong as his chest rose and fell with each breath he took. We had been sleeping in the same bed since my eomma had passed because I felt protected with him next to me and I didn't want that feeling to go away. I was absolutely vulnerable without Jiyong, and luckily he didn't seem to mind my constant need for him to be there. I traced his arm and laid back down next to him face to face. Not knowing what I was doing, I kissed his nose and ran my fingers through his now black hair. He woke up and realizing what just happened, he sat up.

"What are you doing?" he asked touching his nose where I had kissed him.

"It's a good day today, Ji." I explained with a tiny smile, the first time I had smiled in weeks.

We both got up and ate breakfast.

I could see him staring at me from across the table so I spoke up.

"What are you looking at?" I shoved some eggs into my mouth and chewed, not taking my eyes off of him.

He picked up his empty plate and cup and placed them in the dishwasher. He pulled a chair up so he was face to face with me.

"How are you feeling today?" he asked, resting a hand on my cheek.

"I'm fine Ji, I'm actually feeling better than I have in a long time." I tugged his hand off and sat it in his lap before standing to put my dishes away. I hadn't eaten much that morning, but I felt ok.

He gave me a once-over and shook his head..

"Dara-ah, look at you. You're a twig. Are you sure you got enough to eat?" he asked, looking suspicious. I pushed past him to my room and sat on the bed; arms crossed.

He sat next to me and waited until I broke. The well of tears in my eyes brimmed to the top and finally overflowed. I covered my face with my hands embarrassed, and rested my head on his shoulder.

The truth was I hadn't been eating much because in the past few weeks I was feeling depressed. The realization that my mom was gone sank in deeper than before and my heart was being ripped apart.

He cupped my chin in his hand and I stared up at him.

"We're gonna get through this ok? Let's just take it slowly." he kissed my nose and I nodded my head.

I went to meet with a psychologist for a while until all of the stages of grieving were complete. I felt much better now, and I started eating normally again. Things were looking up after this tragedy happened, and I was very thankful.

Thank you for reading, commenting and subscribing! It really means a lot to me, I'm very thankful for you guys for appreciating and reading my first story. I'm sorry for my extremely slow update... ☞☜ Due to AFF being down the past few days, my update was delayed. I will try better to put the chapters up earlier so you all can enjoy them!  ^-^

Kamsahamnida!

~xoxemily