Days turned into weeks. And then those weeks passed by without another word from Kyuhyun. Even the media was quiet, meaning no new scandals or sightings. In fact, it seemed as if he had simply vanished.

Those weeks felt longer than the entire year apart.

Ryeowook didn’t try to reach out, but for the first time, he truly felt alone. Pining and mourning for their failed marriage had been his constant companion and suddenly—closure. Was it closure? He replayed their encounter in his mind constantly. Every word had been dissected and every expression memorized. But it did nothing to make him feel better.

People told him that closure would bring an end to the frustration and bitterness. They told him that it would feel like ending the chapter of a book. Perhaps a bit melancholy, but satisfactory in the end. So, why didn’t Ryeowook feel that way at all? Why did he feel as if his heart had been torn to shreds and in its place, a vicious wound festered? Hadn’t he said exactly what he always wanted to? Weren’t those the words that had been bubbling inside of him, aching to be released?

Or had he merely wanted to hurt that man?

Had he wanted to see Kyuhyun crumble? Watch someone he supposedly loved to lose all semblance of dignity? Was this really the last impression he wanted to leave?

It was those thoughts that lingered in his mind as the present faded and the past pulled him in. Rather than relieving his many regrets, it seemed that his regrets had strengthened and with them, his trips to the past had become more frequent.

What was he supposed to do in this period?

Ryeowook took a moment to take in his surroundings, confused by the unfamiliar bedroom. Shaking his head, he looked down at himself and found an arm wrapped around his waist. A familiar scent tugged at his memories and suddenly he was fully aware of where he was. Shooting upright, Ryeowook scrambled to pull away from Young Kyuhyun who groggily rolled over.

A low groan rumbled through the college student’s chest. Blinking bleary eyes, he turned back around to glare daggers at the one who dared to wake him. With an annoyed grunt, he snatched up a pillow, weakly hitting Ryeowook with it. “God, sleep in your own bed,” Kyuhyun growled, slumping back into his sheets.

“What?” Ryeowook muttered, pushing the pillow down and reaching out to shake the man again.

“Was I not clear enough?” he slurred, one eye peeking out from where he had his face stuffed into another pillow. “I meant get out.”

Completely at a loss, Ryeowook tried to recall similar incidences to this one and couldn’t think of any. Had Kyuhyun ever uninvited him from his bed? No. Calming down, he assessed the room, noticing that none of it was familiar. It appeared to be an off-campus apartment, but beyond that, he had a hard time thinking of such a place in his memories. Further, it appeared to be a single room.

Why had he demanded that Ryeowook sleep in his own bed? They had never been roommates in college, despite dating. It had been Kyuhyun who refused to do so, citing that it would be a hindrance if they ever had a falling out. Ryeowook had agreed, knowing that Kyuhyun hadn’t lied about his behaviors and desire. Fully understanding the circumstances, Ryeowook had chosen to try and make a relationship between them work.

Had this whole thing begun out of his own willfulness?

“Are we…roommates?” Ryeowook asked slowly, prodding Kyuhyun with a pillow.

“What kind of dumb—oh.” He suddenly sat straight up, eyes wide and taking in Ryeowook’s appearance. Dark hair stuck up in wild chunks, framing his clumsy expression. “Why are you in my bed?”

Ryeowook huffed. “I didn’t choose to do so. I didn’t choose to travel back in time either, but here I am.”

“Lord,” Kyuhyun sighed, climbing out of bed and opening his door. In a loud voice, he shouted for Young Ryeowook, but no one replied. Cursing softly, he turned around but kept a safe distance from the elder version of his roommate. “I swear it’s been years since I’ve seen you. I thought this wacky time travel stuff was over.”

“What year of college are you in?”

“I’m in my last year. You graduated already,” Kyuhyun responded, clearing his hoarse throat. Walking to his nightstand, he took a swig of water before continuing warily, “We’ve been living together since last year though.” He paused, as if thinking, and then quickly added, “We’re not living together, we’re roommates. There’s nothing going on, I swear.”

Ryeowook wasn’t sure if he should amused that Young Kyuhyun was so worried about his reaction, or if he should be thankful that the boy remembered their conversation so many years ago. “I see. That’s good to know.” The words sounded unconvincing to even his own ears.

Almost immediately, Kyuhyun was asking, “What? What did I do this time?”

“No,” Ryeowook shook his head, “not you. It definitely wasn’t you this time. I…think I said something unnecessarily cruel.”

“What was it?”

He shook his head. “I refuse to repeat it ever again.”

Kyuhyun nodded slowly, softly, but his eyes remained unconvinced. Setting aside the water bottle, he gingerly took a seat at his desk across from the bed. “Uhm…so, how are you and me doing? Y’know, in your time?” He awkwardly played with the long sleeves of his shirt, avoiding eye contact.

“We…could be better,” Ryeowook admitted quietly. “I thought getting closure would make it easy to move on.” He laughed, but it sounded strained and broken even to his own ears. “But all I’ve managed to do is make things worse. Not to mention…”

“What?”

Ryeowook dropped his head, laughing mirthlessly. “I can’t believe I’m admitting this to you of all people.” He his dry lips, voice nearly inaudible as he said, “I postponed my remarriage to Jongwoon.”

“What?” he repeated, head suddenly pounding. “I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but if memory serves, you specifically came to me years ago to ask for a blessing. Why are you putting off the marriage? And just how much time has passed in the future?”

“For us, it’s only been a few weeks,” Ryeowook explained, toying with the fabric of his pants. “But you’re right. I did ask for your blessing. And I’m happy you gave it. But, I just couldn’t go through with it while my head was full of…the future you. I thought I said what I needed to say to him, but now, I only feel like I’ve done the worst possible thing.”

Kyuhyun merely remained quiet, eyes focused on the older man as if searching for something.

Slowly, Ryeowook leaned his head back against the wall, stretching his legs out on the bed. “How do you feel about the prospect of love? I can’t remember anymore what you were thinking at this age.”

“I don’t know what your Kyuhyun is thinking, because we didn’t go down the same paths,” he responded carefully, “but I…think maybe love is possible.” The admission was soft, nearly inaudible. Despite the darkness of the room, Ryeowook could make out the faint coloring of his cheeks. “Love isn’t as scary anymore, but isn’t that a normal revelation to make as you grow older? I’m not sure if I’m ready for commitment, and I definitely wouldn’t be ready for marriage by next year,” he gave Ryeowook a pointed look, “but…maybe someday.”

“Anyone in mind?”

Kyuhyun smirked. “Nice try.”

The older man laughed, shrugging. “I had to.” Sobering, he gave the young man a long look. “What made you reconsider love? That’s something you weren’t able to come to terms with even after an eight-year relationship.”

He frowned, crossing his arms. “Honestly, I don’t know how different he and I are, but I have a hard time imagining being with you,” he locked eyes with Ryeowook, “and not falling in love.”

“What does that mean?”

Kyuhyun sighed. “It means, after eight years of your pampering and people pleasing and coddling, I couldn’t ever be unfazed.” His smile was breathtaking in that moment. Had Kyuhyun ever been able to smile like that? Or was it something reserved for this new Kyuhyun in this new timeline?

Ryeowook blinked, trying to steady his thoughts. “You…think that I did reach him? Somehow?”

“Not sure,” he responded calmly, looking down, “but every time I’ve met him, he’s always been a desperate, pathetic mess. Whether or not he loved you isn’t really the question, in my opinion. His—My? Whatever.” He rolled his eyes, “Our ability to express those feelings is limited, I think. Even now, I don’t know when I’ll have the courage to face—” he cut himself off, turning red. “Yeah.”

Even if his Kyuhyun did love him all those years, why did he purposefully sabotage everything? What was the point of his behavior? “Even if he did love me,” Ryeowook began, “why did he try so hard to make me give up on him?”

The younger man raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t the answer obvious? You’re the expert on me—him.”

Immediately, every possibility raced through Ryeowook’s head.

Doesn’t think anyone can love him.

Keep a distance, don’t get hurt.

Doesn’t trust anyone will stay.

Doesn’t want to think anyone would stay.

Doesn’t want to be alone.

“He should’ve just trusted me then,” Ryeowook snapped angrily. “Is it my fault every time? Is it my responsibility to heal a man who doesn’t want to believe in anyone?”

Suddenly, a warm hand was pressing against his cheek. Ryeowook’s eyes widened as he looked up, seeing the younger Kyuhyun’s unsure expression inches away. “Hey,” he murmured, thumb swiping across the older one’s tear stained cheek, “you don’t have to do anything. It’s your choice. I—He’ll be fine.”

Ryeowook shook his head, fingers curling around the familiar fingers caressing his face. It felt good. It felt right. Even if this wasn’t his Kyuhyun’s hand. It was the closest thing. The tears ran down harder and faster. “He won’t be fine. I hurt him more than I’ve ever hurt him before,” his voice curled in on itself, shrinking and cracking. “Was it because I’ve always rushed him? If I hadn’t proposed…if…if I had just let things go their course, would we have turned out better?”

The mattress sank slightly, and then strong arms were wrapping around him. Ryeowook immediately clung to the heat and presence and memories. Sobs racked his body as Kyuhyun softly cooed into his hair, his back gently. “Our stories are different,” he whispered, “there’s no way you can change what happened. You did what you thought was right. Even if…he reacted poorly in the end, I know that he regretted it. Hell, if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have shown up and tried to force me to change his future.”

Ryeowook pressed his face against Kyuhyun’s shoulder. Was that really enough? Did his regret make up for the heartache he caused? How much of this was Ryeowook’s fault for being persistent and how much was it Kyuhyun’s fault for being untrusting? And why, for the love of all that was good in the world—why was his scent and presence always the most calming?

Why couldn’t anyone else replicate this feeling?

Even with the mountain of problems and traumas accumulated between them, Ryeowook could think of no one else whose comfort he wanted. If it wasn’t Kyuhyun, it would never be enough.

Ryeowook inhaled slowly, eyes falling shut as he wrapped his arms tighter around the man holding him. “You know,” he laughed quietly, “I’ve always loved you far too much.”

“Yeah,” Kyuhyun murmured, “I’m getting that feeling.” He tried to pull him closer, but suddenly, the weight in his arms was lessening. Looking down, he watched as Ryeowook’s form began to fade. Within the blink of an eye, Kyuhyun was alone once more.

It wasn’t just silence that met him though, it was emptiness. A hollow existence. Kyuhyun flexed his arms and fingers, trying to understand himself.

The front door swung shut and light footsteps were coming down the hall. His bedroom door opened, revealing his own Ryeowook with a flushed face from the cold. “Hey! You’re still asleep?” he complained, entering without permission. “Doesn’t your internship start in an hour? You’ll be late at this rate.”

Kyuhyun just stared.

Slowly, Ryeowook’s expression softened. Leaning down, he pressed a cold hand to the younger man’s forehead. “Are you coming down with something again? Do you want me to call in and tell them you’re not feeling well?”

Without warning, Kyuhyun wrapped his arms around Ryeowook’s waist, burying his face against the man’s stomach.

Kind fingers combed through his unruly hair, curly lightly at the nape of his neck. Another hand rubbed his shoulder affectionately. “Did something happen?”

Pause. “A nightmare. I had a nightmare.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Ryeowook offered, voice soothing.

Kyuhyun shook his head. “I don’t want to relive it.” Losing you in one lifetime is more than enough.