Remember when we first met? How long has it been since I first saw you? I suppose about two or three years ago. Sorry if I don’t remember when too fondly. But I do remember how it happened.

It was a beautiful day. Autumn had just begun and I had felt the need to go out that day. Back then, I didn’t know why it was so important that I escape from dance practice to for a jog, but now that I think about it, I guess it’s because I was going to meet you.

I was jogging on the pathway outside the SM building that held our practice studios. I liked jogging around there because there weren’t a lot of cars passing by and it was right next to a river that I could look out on when I felt like I needed a breather. As I was whooshing past pedestrians, feeling the harsh October breeze slap against me, I stopped.

You were in my way. You were crouched down, a mess of papers flattened against the pavement as you try to keep them in place. One or two sheets were flying by with the wind and I hastily caught them as they winded past me. Taking the loose papers, I walked up to you.

“Do you need help?” I ask you, you were looking down so I couldn’t see your face. But when you looked up, I noticed your little nose was red because it was so cold. Your eyes were so blown up and big and I felt weird. Does it always feel weird when you meet someone so beautiful? My breath hitches and I clutch the papers too tightly that it crumples inside of my fist. I apologize about them later on.

Shyly, you nod. I bend over to help you pick up the papers that have been blown around you by the wind. You’re holding them down it with the palm of your hands and your knees. I help you pick them up one by one and stack them together for your ease. You tell me that you tripped while racing to your tutoring session, which is why all these papers are scattered around you. I notice that there is blood stains on some of the papers you were kneeling on, and then I look down at your left knee.

“You’re bleeding,” I said dumbly, pointing at the wound that the cement has caused. You twist your leg around as if to hide it from me. I can still see a trace of blood trickling down your leg.

“I’ll be fine,” you tell me, taking the papers from my hand. “I’ll get it cleaned when I get to the tutoring center.”

I hold onto the papers tightly, not giving them back to you. You look at me, confused.

“No,” I said suddenly. I’m surprised at how authoritative I sounded and I’m sorry if that scared you back then. “It might get infected by the time you get there.”

“It’s fine,” you shake your head, pulling the papers from my grasp. “The place I need to be is only a building or two away from here.”

“What number is it?”

“491.”

I shake my head. That’s a building away from my practice studio, and right where we were standing at, it was a little too far for you to walk. It was two blocks away, but you were bleeding. I know you’d be limping, too, with a scrape like that. I take you by the wrist, and pull you to the restaurant that we were standing in front of. You’re lucky I knew the owner of that restaurant. Otherwise, I would’ve carried you all the way to the SM building. Even to this day, I still would carry you anywhere if you ever needed me.

I asked the owner for a first aid kit, and she offered to apply the alcohol and the Band Aid. I shook my head politely and said I’d do it. She smiled at me, and I knew something was going on in her mind. I think she thought I liked you.

I couldn’t blame her, though. You were so pretty. How would a guy not like you? However, I’m sorry to say that I didn’t like you like that back then. Although I found you to be incredibly beautiful, my heart didn’t fluster and my world didn’t stop.

I’m sorry to say it like that. But let me assure you that it was only what I was feeling back then. As of right now, my heart flusters and my world stops.

You hissed as I dabbed an isopropyl alcohol-soaked cotton ball on your scraped knee, and you gripped my shoulder unintentionally. I laughed a little at your reaction.

“It hurts,” you whined like a little child. I blew on the wound before tearing the Band Aid open and plastering it on your knee.

“You’ll be fine,” I said, patting on your wound gently for security. I wish I could’ve said more. “You’ll be fine”? Doesn’t that sound like I didn’t care? Did I sound too mean? I’m sorry if I did; I don’t mean to sound so cold.

You got up, thanking me for helping you. As you gathered your things, I noticed that your wounded leg was bent and that when you tried to make your way to the exit, you were limping. I didn’t like the sight of that. You looked like a wounded puppy. The ahjumma who owned the restaurant told you that you were in no state to walk alone. I thought she was going to offer you a ride, but instead she told you to have a seat and drink with me.

She thought you were my girlfriend or some other girl I was trying to win over.

You hesitated for a moment, and even though I had a blank face on, you looked at me and accepted the offer anyway. I wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty or anything. I really didn’t mind if you chose to go to your tutor instead. But you said okay and the ahjumma drew a table for two just for the both of us. I sat across you and waited for the owner to race back with a tray of her famous watermelon juice.

And I guess, thanks to the most random string of events, we became friends.

***

Taemin and I had lunch today and we talked. I don’t usually tell you things like this, because I know you wouldn’t feel too happy to hear about them. Nowadays, whenever we would talk, our conversation would always somehow divert to that one girl he likes. I don’t tell this to you because you’ll get hurt and I don’t like that. I don’t like it when you get hurt because of him.

“I talked to her the other day,” he said to me. He invited me over to have some lunch at his dorm. His hyungs weren’t around, and it was just us two. You’d wish you were in my place, right? Having lunch at his dorm, just the two of you alone.

I looked up at him. “Oh?”

He nodded as he took a bite from his spoonful of rice. “And I was thinking that I should ask her to be my girlfriend soon.”

“How soon?”

“Maybe tomorrow.”

My breath hitched. Tomorrow you’re going to be away all day for a class trip down to Suwon. While you’re out exploring the Hwaseong Fortress, Taemin will be here in Seoul asking another girl to be his girlfriend. A girl that is not you.

“How are you going to do that?” I ask almost excitedly. Taemin notices my enthusiasm, so he smiles widely and puts down his bowl of rice and spoon.

“Maybe I’ll take her out on a date, but I haven’t thought of where our date will be. Probably just a walk outside at the park when the weather is nice and cool.”

I make a face. The weather is terribly cold; it’s the middle of November and it doesn’t look like tomorrow will be a good day to walk outside. But I don’t tell him this.

“Who is she?” I finally ask.

“Not yet,” Taemin shakes his head with a small smile. “I don’t want to jinx it.”

“Oh come on. You don’t want to tell me?” I chide. “I’m your best friend.”

“I do, I do. I want to tell you, but I really like her and I just don’t want to spill anything. It’s going to be so embarrassing if I tell everyone who this girl is and then she just ends up rejecting me.”

“Is that what you think?” I ask him delicately. “You think she’ll reject you?”

Taemin looks down at his bowl of rice and contemplates. He’s tapping his fingertips on the table and when he finally reaches a thought, he inwardly sighs.

“It’s because I think she likes someone else.”

“Who?”

“It’s – ” He starts, but immediately cuts his own sentence off. “Nevermind.”

We remain silent for awhile because I’m too exhausted with trying to find out who he likes and because he isn’t talking. It’s only a minute of silence, but you already appear on my mind. Every single minute of every single day, whatever it is I’m doing or whoever it is I’m talking to, you’ll somehow always appear in my head. I’d ask you to stop, but then again, I wouldn’t stand the sight of not seeing you in my thoughts.

“What do you think about Hye Rin?” I ask suddenly. It comes out like word vomit, and I only want to clean it up. Why did I ask that question? I didn’t even have an intention of asking.

Taemin looks up at me from his lunch. “What do you mean?”

“Like, do you like her?”

I’m asking stupid questions. Questions that shouldn’t even be bothered with. What’s wrong with me?

“She’s alright,” he shrugs. I want to slap him across the face. You worship him and dote on him and you treat him like he’s the best ing thing in the world and all he says when thinks of you is that you’re “alright”. You’re not beautiful, you’re not intelligent, you’re not amazing. You’re just “alright”. To me, you’re not alright. You’re more than that. I know it.

“That’s it?”

“I mean, she’s nice,” he says. “But I don’t like her in that way.”

“Why not?”

“What do you mean?” He says again. “Why are you asking me this?”

“It’s because, because – ” I stutter, but I decide to give him the same treatment by cutting off my sentence without continuation. “Nevermind.”

“Do you like her?” He asks me. I don’t dare to meet his gaze. I continue to eat my lunch, not answering his question.

And then he gets it. Taemin is my best friend, so he automatically gets it. He doesn’t need to ask a second time. I hear him chuckle lightly and I turn my head up to glance at him.

“I never knew you’d end up liking her,” he said amusedly. “You two are like brother and sister. I never thought that you would end up out of the ‘friend zone’ with her.”

I felt dejected. Really? That’s what he thought of us? Do you think the same way, too? Do you think of me as your brother?

He continues, “But she’s pretty cute. If you like her, go for her.”

“Yeah,” I finally spoke. “But I think she likes someone else. No, I know it.”

“So what?” Taemin brushes it off nonchalantly. “If you don’t take your chances now, then she will never know. You’ll only hate yourself more if she ends up with the guy she liked just because you didn’t tell her how you feel.”

I stare at him. He doesn’t know that you like him yet. I don’t know why, but it’s strange for me to hear him encourage me like that. It’s like he’s telling me to make you stop liking him. He clearly doesn’t know that he’s the other guy.

“So,” I say when he starts to clear the table. “Are you going to tell me who you like now that I’ve told you who I liked?”

He shakes his head. No.

“Not until I’m certain she’s my girlfriend.”

***

You were crying. I want to punch myself for being the one to tell you this, because as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t like seeing you hurt. Especially not because of him.

You weren’t sobbing, but I could hear your voice quaver over the phone and the way your words came out so wet and stifled. I knew you were crying.

“Why did you have to tell me that?” You said to me. I asked the same thing to myself. Why, why did I have to tell you that? Why did I have to tell you that Taemin was going to ask out his crush tomorrow? Why did I have to make you cry? I remained quiet. I have no answer to give you. I’m sorry. Now, you’re crying and you probably won’t stop crying until you fall asleep. Tomorrow your eyes will be red and puffy because of all your tears and your whole day will be ruined. I’m so sorry.

On the other end, I hear as you try to wipe your tears and succumb them from falling anymore. But I know it can’t be stopped; I know I’ve unplugged a fault in the pipe and there’s no fix.

“How is he going to ask her out?”

I’m surprised you even have enough courage left to ask that. Are you not jealous or hurt enough? Why do you want to know?

“I – I…” I can’t speak.

“How?” You sound so strong and full of intent.

“I – I don’t know…”

There it is again. I hear your weeping and I want to cry, too. I want to cry for you and for me.

“It’s o-okay,” I say dumbly. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. “Maybe he wasn’t the right guy for you.”

You don’t stop crying.

“Maybe Taemin would be too much for you to handle,” I try to say. “You know how he’s such a big idol nowadays. If you and him end up together, it would be hard for you to cope with his busy schedule. I know you wouldn’t like that. I think – I mean, I know you deserve a guy that will be there for you all the time.”

And I can be that guy for you is what I wanted to add. But I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t.

“Maybe he just didn’t like me,” you begin to say. “Maybe I’m too ugly. Maybe because I’m too fat, or not skinny enough. Maybe because I’m too much of a know-it-all. Maybe because I bore him too much. Maybe because I talk a lot. Maybe – ”

I hung up on you. Because I’m tired of you. I’m tired of how you always put yourself down when you know that all of the things you assume are not even true. I’m so mad right now. Is that what you think? You think Taemin is asking out another girl because you’re not pretty enough? You think that he’s asking out another girl because you’re too smart or too fat or you talk a lot?

Maybe because you’re not confident enough. Maybe that’s the reason why. 

A/N: THANKS SO MUCH FOR SUBSCRIBING. ♡ I know most of you are all tentative about this story because EXO hasn't even debuted yet... but I hope that when they do, you can all be more enthusiastic about y Kai as much as I am right now *_*

Anyway, I was worried about Kai being very hyper and outgoing in real life (as opposed to how he is in this fic, which is mainly him being moody and quiet and shy and awkward). But I'm glad to say that after watching him interact with Taemin in the recent SM & W Live photoshoot clips, he's just like what I described in this fic! ♡ WUUUAAAAHH AM I A PSYCHIC OR WHAT?! He's so quiet and shy, while Taemin likes to talktalktalk. Which is exactly how it is in this story. Also, I've noticed that Kai sounds like Taemin+Minho's love child. Haha you should hear him talk! His voice is so deeeeep and he's quite tall. (while Taemin - who's supposed to be older than him - sounds more girlish and stands a head smaller than him haha). 

OMG. Sorry for spazzing. But if you watch the W Live clips, then you'll definitely know what I feel. ♡