No Tag Warnings apply.

After a brief moment, his heart seemed to settle. He’d had no warning that this would happen, so his body instantly went into fight or flight. His heart felt like it was about to fall out of his chest and he felt air catch in his throat, but he maintained his composure as best as he could. For a second he contemplated slamming the door in his face and locking it, but the small part of his heart which still had strong feelings for Baekhyun pushed that thought away quickly, leaving him awkwardly stood there, silent.

He’d thought perhaps after ignoring all his calls and texts that Baekhyun would have taken the hint and left him alone. He’d thought that leaving would give himself a clean break to focus on something new, and allow Baekhyun to be happy with his own choices. He’d wished that he’d be allowed time to heal and be content with being on his own without having to rely on anyone else. Once again, he was wrong.

Eventually, he built up the courage to talk. “Why are you here?” but instead of it sounding harsh like he’d wanted, he sounded tired.

Baekhyun seemed to squirm, looking to the floor. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

The urge to slam the door was strong, but Jongdae ignored it. He didn’t want to air his dirty laundry in the corridor of his apartment complex, so he sighed, before wordlessly opening his door up wider and stepping back.

Baekhyun took the hint, silently stepping in. Jongdae didn’t really want to turn back and acknowledge him but he knew he had to, so he let the door shut on its own, wrapping his arms around himself. In all the time he’d known Baekhyun he’d never seen him so sullen, so despondent. It gave Jongdae a slither of joy, Baekhyun had caused him endless amounts of pain so it only seemed fair that Baekhyun was now the one hurting.

Grinding his teeth, Jongdae looked to the side, ending up looking at the birthday decorations that his family had left in his apartment. “Just say what you wanted to say.”

He heard Baekhyun swallow, then stumble over his words for a moment. “I- I’m- I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry.”

Looking back to him, Jongdae had to pinch his sides to keep his composure. Baekhyun’s eyes were dewy and he was nervously picking at his nails, a habit that he’d had for years. If things were different he’d have felt compelled to comfort Baekhyun, but things had changed. He’d changed.

Baekhyun took the silence as a cue to continue. “What I said to you was horrible, and I wish I could take it back but I can’t. My behaviour has been inexcusable and I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I couldn’t leave things how they were. I was so wrapped up in my own life that I neglected our friendship, I have no excuses, it was my fault and I’m sorry.”

He wanted to stay strong and tell Baekhyun to off, but he had to admit that Baekhyun had pretty much said exactly what he wanted to hear. Of course, it was only the tip of the iceberg, but he still felt a small part of himself warm up to him again.

“It hurt me a lot, Baek,” he admitted.

“I’m so sorry, Jongdae.”

Jongdae could practically hear the hurt in Baekhyun’s voice, but he knew after everything that happened he couldn’t just let him off that easily. These things take time, he wasn’t going to be able to act as if nothing had happened. Regardless of Baekhyun’s apology, he knew in his heart he wanted more than friendship which was something that Baekhyun couldn’t give him. He’d made the mistake of thinking he could pretend that nothing was wrong and that he wasn’t harbouring a big crush, but he’d learned from his mistakes. It would just be too painful for them both.

“I know, I know you are.” he found himself saying.

“Do you forgive me?” Baekhyun tried, Jongdae could see how nervous he was as he picked away at his nails.

He sighed, awkwardly scratching at the back of his head. “I don’t know, I know your apology was sincere but you hurt me bad, and I know I hurt you bad too. Maybe we need some time apart.”

It was a lie. Despite everything, he still didn’t want to see Baekhyun hurt. If he had to lie and give the other a false sense of safety then that was what he was going to have to do.

The disappointment in Baekhyun’s face was unavoidable. Jongdae knew he was being harsh, but it was for the best. In his heart, he knew he’d want nothing more than to be able to spend time with Baekhyun like their argument never happened, but the wounds were fresh, he still needed more time to heal.

“I don’t want to lose the friendship we had, Jongdae. You were the only person truly there for me.” Baekhyun seemed to plead, and Jongdae’s resolve cracked.

“Baek… these last few weeks, there wasn’t even a friendship. Please, just give me some time, I’ll text you. We can meet up and talk about all of this properly, it’s not something we can just gloss over and act like it never happened.”

Baekhyun sighed. “Okay… Okay. Just, know that I’m sorry and that I do care about you, truly.” he ped his shoulder bag, tentatively pulling out an envelope.

Jongdae watched him closely, before looking slightly amused as he was handed the envelope in question. “What’s this?” he asked, turning it over a couple off times, Baekhyun had sealed the back with some random stickers, some colourful stars and a couple of Spider-man ones in the centre. Only his name was on the front.

“Even if we absolutely hated each other, I’d still never forget your birthday. Goodnight, Jongdae,” he said with a smile that Jongdae thought looked sad, before taking his leave.

Closing the door gently, he rested his back against it. It had been a long day, and now he knew he was totally alone, he let out a shaky breath. For the first time that day he’d got some peace and quiet, which he was grateful for because he had a ton to think about. His fingers ghosted over his own name on the card, feeling the dip in the paper from the ball-point pen. Even after everything, something as simple as Baekhyun’s handwriting made his stomach jump, he knew it made him a love-sick fool, but he just wanted to feel closer to him.

The card itself was something cutesy that Baekhyun had probably got from artbox, and the inside didn’t have much writing, but it was the metaphorical olive branch of peace that he needed. Without even realising, he lifted the card to his lips, touching the ink and just holding it there. He’d realised now that he wasn’t ever going to get what he wanted because that’s just the way the world was, but it didn’t stop a small part of himself hoping for more.

Damn him. Damn him for making his heart race even when they’d fallen out.

♡♡

Kyungsoo had actually been having a good day, for once. Which, of course, hadn’t gone unnoticed by his colleagues.

Minseok had commented on the fact that Kyungsoo was smiling when he greeted him, which kind of offended him. Was he nor