“Is Fate getting what you deserve, or deserving what you get?” 

―Jodi Picoult

"What brings you here today, madam?" 

"I-I... I don't even know—where am I?"

"How fascinating... Are you saying that you do not have the slightest clue where you are?" 

"D-Do I have to know?" 

"Hmm... very well then. Do you happen to know what people do in my shop?" 

"I'm telling you, I don't know!!!"

"No need for hostility, madam. I am merely trying to decipher what I am currently working with." 

"Can you please just tell me where I am?!" 

"May I please take your hand?"

"W-What? Why—No! Don't touch me!!"

"I am not going to hurt you, madam. In fact, I will be doing the opposite. I aim to cure you."

"What are you... talking about?" 

"Please let me know if you feel anything so I will be more gentle with the procedure."

"What—"

"Please tell me what you last remember."

"I... w-what's happening? ... why... am I...?"

"Please tell me if it hurts."

"I-It... hurts." 

"How much, madam?"

"It hurts a lot." 

"You want the pain to go away, yes?"

"I don't know..."

"Surely you must hate feeling in pain, no?" 

"Yes. It hurts too much." 

"Yet you still want to feel the pain?"

"I... do...."

"Are you afraid, madam?" 

"I don't want to be."

"But you always tell them that you are fearless." 

"I don't want to die." 

"Do you want to live, madam?" 

"I don't want to die."

"Even if it will give you endless pain?" 

"M-Make the pain go away... please." 

"How much did it hurt?" 

"It made me want to die."

"And you do not want to die, yes?"

"I don't want to die." 

"Very well. The pain will go away soon but the scars will remain. There is only so much I can do. I deeply apologize, madam."

"I-I'm... sorry." 

"There's nothing to apologize for—"

"Jiyong... I'm so sorry..."

"Jiyong is the one that hurt you, yes?" 

"I'm so... so... sorry." 

"Please do not cry, madam."

"I want to live."

"And you will live." 

"I want to be with Jiyong."

"And you will be with him." 

"But the pain—"

"Will make you stronger."

"Jiyong." 

The woman wiped away the tear that fell unknowingly on the man's cheek. Her hand, as was the rest of her body, was already fading but she still managed to swipe away the lone resemblance of misery from his eye. 

"Save me." 

"Always." 

And a second later, the woman before him disappeared into thin air, leaving him in a state of agony and confusion.

-when she was 14-

Dara stirred from her sleep when she heard loud chattering from outside her door. , she pushed herself up only to realize that a certain Kwon Jiyong was snoring on the foot of her bed. An unconscious sneer marred her face when she noticed the drool stain he was making on her sheets. Seeing as they were situated in the opposite ends of the bed, Dara gave him a light kick on the , unto which he dutifully replied with a small toot. 

"Gross." she grimaced.

She carefully peeled herself out of bed, all the while glaring at him for being a little pest. They were watching movies earlier and they've seemed to have dozed off since her TV was back to the opening screen. She dutifully turned it off, her whole attention turning to the indecipherable voices from outside. 

Glancing back at Jiyong, Dara scowled when the boy released another fart. What the hell did he eat? Frowning once more, she quietly opened her door and stepped out. She needed to used the bathroom anyway so she might as well eavesdrop and do something 'productive'.

Her ears perked up at the sound of her mother and grandparents' voices. Dara's grandparents always visited at least five times a month to spend time with them. She believes that they had these visits because they were worried about her mother and how she was overworking herself. Sunmi has been working two jobs so that she could maintain the house and take care of her daughter. Everything had to deal with money and it seems like Sunmi's been taking that a little too extremely hence why her grandparents were showing more frequently. 

The girl met the dimly lit hallway while their voices grew clearer as she tentatively padded over the creaky floors. They only had one floor so she couldn't hide in the stairs like she could in Jiyong's house. Her only means of spying at the moment was leaning against the wall beside the kitchen entrance.

Dara almost tripped on her feet when she thought she heard her name in their conversation. Hurriedly, she sat on the wall and tucked her legs in so that they wouldn't notice her. 

"Omma." That was her mother. "I-I don't know what to do!" Dara flinched slightly at the sad desperation that was laced in Sunmi's voice. She felt the need to comfort her but abruptly stopped that urge when she heard her grandfather speak. 

"Sunmi-yah, you came into this knowing what you'll get yourself into." came his deep sigh. "Wooyoung already warned you... and now you're only left with pain. You know what they're like, Sunmi. You should've thought this through! And with Dara already here—"

Dara's hold on her legs tightened, her heart growing heavy at the sound of his grandfather's irritation. 

"How can you even say that?!" That was her grandmother talking to her grandfather. "Sunmi didn't do anything wrong! She wanted to be happy and she deserved to be happy. Wooyoung made her feel alive!" 

"I know, I know. Our Sunmi was happy with him... but that happiness was really only temporary. I mean, where is he now? He's dead, Cheol-su!" 

Her eyes started to sting with tears but she didn't let them fall. Yet she felt those same traitorous tears betray her since she could feel her cheeks grow wet. Dara was about to put her head in her kneew when she jolted at someone's touch. Her tear stricken face darted towards a yawning boy who was silently sitting himself beside her. 

"What are you doing?" she hissed in a whisper. 

It was clear that Jiyong was still half-asleep because he started nodding off and ended up putting his head on her shoulder. She scowled at him amidst her dread but then he suddenly hooked their arms together and held her hand. He didn't say anything after that. Dara even thought that he went back to Dream Land. But the soft caress of his thumb against her knuckle told her that he was awake and listening. 

"And Dara..." 

"Sandara is alive and well." her mother snapped. "I'm giving her the best of everything. I deserve to be happy but she deserves it even more. Wooyoung deserved it too!"

"Sunmi—"

"I wanted my daughter... I want my daughter. She's the best thing that happened to me after Wooyoung." Now she could hear her sobs. "I just... why do they have to die?!" 

Dara's heart thudded painfully against her chest. Why do they have to die? She sounds like Dara was already dead to her. Maybe that's what it is. Sunmi saw her as a walking reminder of death. Dara wasn't alive so that she could live like everyone else. She was alive to go through what her father did—attain a short amount of bliss until she has to fulfill what she was destined for. 

She lived in order to die. 

"Hey." 

She felt her shoulders shake and she wondered if what her mother said affected her that much. She knew she was supposed to be sad or hurt but there was nothing... nothing but acceptance. 

"Dara."

"Then why did you have her?" She heard her grandmother ask in the softest voice yet her words stung more than it should have. 

"Hey." Jiyong repeated. 

"Because I wanted Wooyoung's legacy to live on." came her mother's gentle murmur. "I want my baby to live a life where she's always happy—that she's not afraid of fate. I want her to experience life because that's the best gift that anyone can get... to breathe, to love, and to live. I want her to experience all those things because I know that I'll regret it even more if I didn't allow someone else to live because I was too scared." 

"Dara."

She finally turned to him and saw that he was in front of her, hands on her shoulders and eyes looking desperate and a little irritated. 

"Let's go." he bit out.

"No one should be born in fear." her mother said faintly. 

Dazedly, Dara let him take her hand to guide her back to her room. Jiyong closed the door behind him with an annoyed huff while Dara just stood there with her hand in his. She noticed the huge frown on his face when he looked at her. Thinking that she'll get his sass for being to sensitive, Jiyong surprised her by catching her in a hug. He embraced her so tight that it hurt but she still felt too... resigned. 

"I don't know what to d-do," Dara blinked at his stutter, and she suddenly felt his body shake. "I w-wouldn't know what to do without you." 

She could feel him drenching her shoulder with his soft crying and the sound triggered something in her. A sudden wave of emotion engulfed her and made her let out a deep breath that soon turned into a choked sob. 

"I want you here." He started weeping like the child that he was and somehow that fact made everything more genuine. Jiyong didn't like crying. He said it was embarrassing. Yet he still cried, baring his true feelings to her. Jiyong cried like a child but he endured like an adult. 

"You belong here." It was almost indecipherable because of his wheezing but his tightened embrace made it clearer to her. 

Dara closed her eyes and cried. She buried her face in his shoulder and hugged him back. 

"Don't leave us, Dara." he sniffled. "P-Please!" 

Her heart thudded erratically as they both cried and cried until the burden of their worries were long forgotten by a tiresome sleep. They lay there in bed in the same position unlike last time. They slept in different poses—Dara curled up to her side, facing him, while he lied on his stomach with his head buried deep in her pillow—yet they were still connected by their hands that simply lied against one another. 

However different they may be and no matter how small the connection was, there was still something that somehow drew them together. 

And with him, she didn't feel scared. 

"No one should be born in fear."

Because why would you fear life when all you need to do is live?

Her eyes opened at someone's touch and she looked up to see Jiyong's eyes on the TV screen as he absently played with her fingers. They were in her room watching from her old dinosaur like always since Jiyong apparently has a kink for retro technology. 

Dara was tucked comfortably between his legs and she stretched her arms, making her press herself back to his chest and let out a contented hum from his warmth. She knew his attention turned to her because she felt his lips on her temple while his arms circled her waist. 

"Why do you always fall asleep when I'm with you?" he murmured sulkily, eyes still glued to the movie. "Clearly, it's not because I'm boring. Maybe that's what old age does to people—Yah! No pinching!" 

She glared at him menacingly before she snuggled back into him and patted his bent knee. "Not my fault I feel the most comfortable when I'm with you." Her tone was dismissive but he couldn't help but soften at that. He kissed her head once more and she let out an instinctive happy hum that made him smile. 

It's been about more than a month already since they started being 'more than friends'. They both decided to take things slow but Jiyong was being a little hypocrite with his surprise marriage proposals. Yup, he still hasn't given up on it. Jiyong said he was only being prepared. Dara said he was being an annoying .

Thankfully, his irritating persistence in the matter didn't deter her from their relationship. Dara admits that it's kind of amusing—especially the ones when he clearly didn't have anything planned and just felt like it. She thought back to that one time when Dara just got out of the bathroom, only to see Kwon Jiyong kneeling while he held up a ring. Unfortunately for him, Dara's bathroom trip was... well, it did the job, if you get her drift. And the 'job' was evident when a faint stench emanated from the bathroom. She would've laughed at his expression if she wasn't so embarrassed. 

But then there were times where his proposals made her physically and emotionally hurt. They were the kind of proposals were he had everything planned out to a T. She remembered one time when he took her out to dinner in a private space that overlooked the nightlife of Seoul. The food was amazing and so was the view... and she wasn't talking about the city. It was a formal setting and Jiyong wore a fitted three piece suit, paired with a sleek, new haircut that he had styled into a messy perfection. Everything was perfect... until he got down on one knee and stopped him before he could say anything. 

After every rejection, Jiyong always gave her this smile that assured her that he wasn't giving up so easily. But his eyes—god, those eyes—they held so much emotion, so much pain, that she couldn't help but feel that same ache with him. 

It wasn't that Dara didn't like him. She loved him—loved him even more than he loved anyone that wasn't family. It was just that she didn't want to give her the same pain that her mother felt for her father. Marriage meant that they won't be individuals anymore. They would be united in body, mind, and soul. She would be a part of him and vice versa. Having part of you taken away is the most painful agony anyone can experience. 

"What are you thinking?" he said, lacing their fingers. 

What she doesn't know is that they already had a strong bond that didn't need a marriage to make them one. 

"Just wondering where you got that ring."

She felt him stiffen behind her and before she knew it, Jiyong was cupping squeezing her cheeks together as he looked at her with wide eyes. "Is this my cue to propose to you?" 

Dara snorted and flicked him on the nose, making him wince. "Get your head out of your , stupid." 

Jiyong scoffed, shaking his head. "Jesus... you and that mouth." he mumbled.

Dara couldn't see what he was doing but she could feel him move behind her. She was about to look back when he suddenly showed her the familiar velvet box she's seen countless of times now. He positioned it in front of her, chin resting on her head as he opened it. Jiyong let out a small smile when he heard that same intake of breath she always does whenever she sees it. 

"Can I look at it?" she muttered unsurely. 

He chuckled faintly. "Knock yourself out, babe. You're gonna wear it someday anyway." He got a pinch in his arm for that. 

Dara took the silver band tentatively with both hands. It twinkled against the overhead light and it felt as though it weighed a lot even though it wasn't even a gram. She studied it carefully like it was some cryptic thing that needed a team of experts to crack its mystery. Dara almost missed it but she saw something—an engraving—written on the inside of the whole ring. And without thinking, she read it aloud.

"Take care. I love you. Have fun." She looked at him with an incredulous smile while her heart drummed painfully against her chest. They were the same words that she always said to her mother—the words that held more meaning than anything else. 

"It was yours." he said and she looked at him with that confused brow furrow that he always thought was cute. "You made that ring for me." 

"W-What? But it's my size..." 

He put a lock of hair behind her ear and looked at her fondly. "You have mine." he said. "I made that one for you."

Now she was even more confused. "What do you mean I have yours? Where is it?" 

Dara released a whine earlier when he tried to stand up to get a drink so he was thankful that he managed to reach her nightstand without leaving his needy girlfriend. He groaned as he repositioned himself back into place and he handed her the same-looking velvet box but she could tell the cheapness of the material. She opened it carefully and took out the same ring, only bigger than hers. And there, she saw the same exact words etched on the inside of the band. 

"I... gave you this?" 

He kissed her head. "And it's the second best gift you've given me before you." 

"Wow." Jiyong didn't know if that was meant for his cheesy line or for the ring because she wouldn't stop looking at it. "And you told me I proposed to you?" 

"You can even ask Seunghyun and his dad if you don't believe me but yes, you've proposed to me more than once." he said. 

She glanced back at him curiously. "And now the table's have turned." 

Jiyong swore he saw her smirk. "Karma's a ." he shrugged. "Should've realized the best thing to ever happen to me was you asking to marry me so now it's my turn to do that