From: Fany

Subject: 10th month!

Date: Sun, 08/27 08:00

Good Morning! 
 
It’s our 10th month today TAETAE! When you look at it it’s like it doesn’t seem that bad right? We’re doing really well so far.

So how’s everyone? I hardly get any emails from them lately. Except Sooyoungie, but only when it’s 3am and she’s a little loopy about her boyfriend and all. Sometimes I don’t know what she’s talking about. Actually I don’t even know if she knows what she’s talking about.

Hey, you’ve been counting the days too, right? Tell me it’s not just me.

Love,

Your Fany

To: Fany

Subject: Re: 10th month!

Date: Sun 08/27, 08:10

There’s nothing much news here Fany-ah, they’re all the same...like Yoona winning an award, Maknae having another drama, Hyo being Hyo and Sunny having a date to another rookie idol.Oh wait, I think Yuri met Sica the other night. They’re probably catching up so it’s nice.

If Sooyoung’s bothering you at 3 am, I’ll tell her to stop. You need to get your rest! I’m sure you’re already working too hard right now.

Well, I’d better get ready for work. I love waking up to your emails! It really encourages me to do my best everyday.

It’s 1 am there, You should sleep NOW! I don’t want you to get tired ok? Sleep! Good night!

Love,

Your TaeTae 

It wasn’t until after I just pressed the send button that I realized my mistake. If Sooyoung was sending Tiffany her messages at 3am Korean time, then Fany would be getting them at 5,6,7…8pm Paris time. She wouldn’t be a bother at all, Ugh…this is really annoying! I just waste a precious text talking about something irrelevant. Letting it go I tried to shake it off and instead set myself to get dressed for work.

As the day passed in a blur, as it always was. My mood seems kind of improving, and the atmosphere during shoot whereas fun and stimulating as ever, but of course as always my mind is still fixed on the phone in my pocket, heavy and silent. I came to wish fervently that Tiffany would have sleepless night and email me to work through her insomnia. Then I would feel guilty, and chide myself for my selfish childishness, though I wouldn’t take back that wish.

From: Fany

Subject: Romantic <3

Date: Mon, 08/28 07:20

One day will go to the Arc de Triomphe! It’s really beautiful! Today is my first time to saw it up close! Also we can stroll down to the three-lined Champs-Elysées, which is the most famous street here. Imagine walking there at night it’s sooo romantic, don’t you think? We also shot at this famous restaurant called Gare de Lyon’s Le Train Bleu. I don’t know if I gave it my best, since I was too busy staring! Ha ha ha

So, yeah tell me about work? Did you know that most people here in Paris dressed in a sophisticated fashionable style! And that’s everyday! I swear TaeTae this would definitely my 2nd home now! I think I’d made a right choice? Right? But of course nothing beats home, especially since you are there <3.

It’s really weird though, emailing each other when it’s so late for me and so early for you. I know we’ve been doing that in the past because of our individual schedules...But not as longer as like this you know? I somehow feel like we’re really living in a different worlds… :(

You’re busy, getting ready for work. And I’m just here in my room wearing my pajamas, with nothing to do.

I miss you so much TaeTae. Do you miss me?

Love,

Your Fany 

To: Fany

Subject: Re: Romantic <3

Date: Mon, 08/28, 08:05

Sorry, Fany! I was in the shower. I thought I had my phone volume up really loud, but I must’ve forgotten to turn off the silent mode, I hope this isn’t going to wake you up?

I’m so jealous that you get to see all those places as often as you like. Don’t worry one day we will have that DATE you’ve always wanted, okay?

Work is going well thank you! SM wants me to release another mini-album, So it’s gonna be really hectic again. Hopefully not as the same as last month like the Asian tour me and the girls just finished. Imagine the time difference you and I go through, yeah?Ha ha ha, tho I’m not complaining.

Anyway, sleep well tonight, Fany-ah. It’s good that we can say good morning and good night to each other.

Love,

Your TaeTae

Running a little late this morning, I rushed off to work with that last email fresh in my mind.

I really wish I can go and see Fany the way we casually talked about yet never actually discussed. But we both knew that there were too many barriers. I would really love to have that time off work, which is much more difficult right now. And even if I did manage it, she wouldn’t be able to do it on her part as well. And then I would just be bothering her while she was supposed to be working.

Tiffany always asked these little questions: Have you been counting the days? Do you miss me?

And I always ignored them, and replied as if they had never been said at all. Because how could I answer truthfully? Yes was too small and too weak for a word to fully express the extent of my true feelings, the obsessive counting and re-counting of days in any spare moment of my time. The truth was much bigger, tangled, and worst that something that I couldn’t share with her! Yes it was meaningless... 

So I said nothing.

From: Fany

Subject: TaeTaeeeee!

Date: Sat, 09/02 22:01

Surprised?!

In a late lunch meeting right now! Though I’m starting to suspect that it was just an excuse to get drunk in the middle of the day! Ha ha ha I mean you know me right? I don’t easily get drunk but the French really know how to live!! 

Are you home right now? Are you free? Would it be okay if I call you? I bet I can slip away for a few minutes. These people won’t even notice!

You know, you’ve been a little cold lately. Don’t you think? Why don’t you email me back and tell me that you love me? Say, Hello I’m the famous Kim Taeyeon and Tiffany Hwang is MY most gorgeous and y wife in the world! Then I can show it to these French men that I’m taken and not available!

Wow, I am really tipsy..It’s kinda

To: Fany

Subject: Re: TaeTaeeeee!

Date: Sat, 09/02 22:11

Ha ha Fany-ah! I think that you hit the send button too early.

Looks like meetings in Paris are way more fun than in Korea, huh? Be careful not to drink to much, though it might be too late to say that!

I’m recording right now, so I can’t really talk on the phone. Maybe some other time?

By the way please do tell me the names of those French guys that try to flirt with you okay? 

Love,

Your TaeTae

I sighed and put the phone down, turning my attention back to mixing my drink. That had really thrown me off, getting an unscheduled email from Tiffany in the middle of the night when I was most desperately trying not to think of her.

Cold, she had called me. Maybe that was true. But then what was the alternative? An outpouring of pathetic emotions that would only make her feel guilty or annoyed or otherwise distracted from her dream.

No, I can’t let that happen, better to keep going forward as I had been. Keep everything inside, where it couldn’t hurt anyone.

Be positive, be always there for her, and be strong. That was the mantra.