First, I want to thank everyone who stay tuned. I am thankful that you haven’t forgotten this story. I’m sorry if I can’t reply to much at the comments and statements in my walls. I love you guys.

Jennie is everything to me. Her opinion matters the most to me. Her scent is ingrained to my recognition. Her hair is something I worship. Her clothes are what I treat with utmost care. I treat all the little things about her as big. Her glares hurt me so bad. Her touch is torture to my heart. Her words pierce me the most.

Her happiness is my joy.

Her sadness is my despair.

Her pain is my agony.

She matters too much to me. No matter what I would try to pull, I will always come back. She has trapped my heart in a leash. She has made me hers from the moment I laid my eyes upon her. No matter how mad I am, I still care for her, I will always care for her.  That’s why I have to get away.

The moment Jennie touched me, I knew what I had to do. I only looked with emotions that weren’t even half of its’ magnitude. I swear that if she only knew what she made me feel, she’ll never be able to look at my eyes again. Jennie was shivering a bit. Her face of hurt and astonishment did wonders in torturing my heart. She always possessed the skill of reaching out to my deepest and most guarded walls. She broke our stare and she let go of her touch. In the midst of silence, the scent of my favorite noodles seeped in the air.

“L-lisa, I cooked for you”, Jennie stuttered.

The moment everyone was seated at the table, everything became quiet. It lasted for about a full-on 3 minutes. It was awfully wrong seeing that silence wasn’t present in a day-off. Suddenly, the silence was broken.

“Lisa, I’m sorry. It was insensitive of me. It was wrong of me to do what I had done to you. You are perfect. I know that even when you were hurting and in pain, you still didn’t leave us. You were strong and you are our pillar and our little maknae. Lisa, your eonnie is sorry. I understand if you don’t forgive me but I’ll try my hardest for you to.” Jisoo choked the words and sobs.

“Unnie, I will never be able to hate you, I’ll always forgive” but I can’t forget.

Jisoo stood up from the table and hugged the friend that she has caused so much pain upon, the member who always tried her hardest, the pillar of the band. The hug released so much pent up emotions.

“I’m sorry”, Jisoo kept repeating.

Jisoo wouldn’t let the girl go as if she was the most prized possession she had. Jisoo kissed the top of her head as a tear fell from her eye to Lisa’s cheek.

“I love you”, Jisoo choked back a sob.

“I love you too, Unnie”, Lisa couldn’t hold back her tears.

In the tremendous pain she has suffered, she was now more warmly welcomed but despite it, bruises from the past still remain intact. Marks are hard to remove and scars are even worse. Things like this can’t be forgotten, no matter how much she tries.

---------------------

 My voice is so tired. I’m tired of trying to sing this repetitive notes and it hurts, it hurts so bad when I hear the flawless voices of Jisoo, Jennie and Rose. It hurts when they hit the notes perfectly and it hurts when I can’t sing as high as them. Vocal lessons have been hell for me. It feels like repetitive slapping of reality on my face. It hurts and my only way of escaping is by the time. I’m limited as a rapper and a dancer, I’m not a vocalist. The anxiety slowly creeps in again, the feeling of how low I am compared to my members, compared to her.

“Time’s up”, I hear the vocal coach dismiss us as he left from the room.

I went to the van dejectedly, tired and humiliated. The frown on my face feels like it was there permanently. I felt the leather dip low as I saw Jisoo-unnie sitting beside me.

“Lisa, do you have a problem”, she asked me worriedly.

I’m drowning in them.

“No, none at all”, I replied fakingly.

“Come here”

Jisoo s her arms around me and trapped me in a hug. I never knew that it will actually lessen my sadness. She hugged me tight with a cute sound coming from her lips. In an odd sense of way, it feels like alcohol. I can’t seem to remember the word to describe it. What was it? Oh- comfort. By some weird urge within me, I hugged her back. It was the first time I got hugged with a sense of comfort. Usually, it was pain and sorrow.

I hate the feeling. I hate that this made me feel a slight glimmer of hope that everything would be okay. I hate the feeling that I now have expectations because it would hurt a lot more if I was wrong.

The thoughts occupied in the whole duration of the ride and once I stepped in the dorm, I was determined to finally set things straight. I would get my things when Jennie isn’t in the room to prevent being distracted. Then, I would immediately go to Rose’s room and that would make things permanent.

Jennie was still in the room which forces me to be in the couch where I was alone. Jisoo was taking a bath and Rose was at the kitchen cooking for us.  Thank god for Rose, if it wasn’t for her, we’ll probably be ordering takeout. I was waiting for Jennie to leave the room so I could finally come in and get my things but that proves to be too long. I fished for my phone at my pocket. I checked for Blackpink news and issues and one stood out. It was posted recently, actually just hours ago.

“BLACKPINK Jennie, seen buying painkillers and bandages”

The article talked about how Jennie was seen buying those from the nearby mart at the dead of night yesterday. Comments filled up asking how Jennie was doing or if a member was injured but what clogged Lisa’s mind is if Jennie was injured. Her caring and loving side of Jennie resurfaced.

Jennie

Lisa went to her room hurriedly, finding Jennie staring at her.

“Jennie, are you injured?!” Lisa asked.

Jennie was shocked by Lisa’s presence and more so in her question.

“No, why do you ask?” Jennie replied calmly.

Lisa showed her phone to Jennie. Lisa was surprised at how fast articles were made, even at a miniscule thing like buying at a mart. Her thoughts stopped when Jennie’s voice sounded in the air.

“Actually, I bought them– for you” Jennie said in a low whisper.

Lisa was stunned, stunned at the fact that Jennie had cared for her. No, stop it.

“They weren’t actually used as I saw Rose fixing you up already. B-but they’re still here, you know. I c-could apply them for you” Jennie suggested.

And there goes Lisa’s will and determination. All fading and biting the dust. She couldn’t refuse, she could never.

Jennie pulled her down to sit in front of her. Lisa couldn’t help but stare at her eyes, they were the most captivating thing she have ever laid her eyes upon on. Her stare was broken when Jennie asked her to t-take her shirt off. She immediately glowed red. She couldn’t help but look down. Oh god, you look stupid Lisa. She turned her back to Jennie, still beet red as she lifted her top off, mimicking her position with Rose as she lifted the blanket to her front. She felt Jennie remove the old bandages, revealing her wounds at the back.

She felt vulnerable and weak, like she was revealing her whole self to her. Jennie finally finished removing the old bandages as she applied alcohol to a cotton ball to clean the open cuts.

“Lisa, I’m sorry” No, please don’t

“Lisa”, Jennie sobbed. Lisa could feel that there were tears in her eyes by her change of voice.

“Lisa, I know that you heard what I said at the kitchen but please know that I regret saying every bit of it.”, Jennie struggled to say in the middle of tears

Lisa’s tears couldn’t be stopped as they fell alongside Jennie’s. She turned to her. The bandages and wounds were long forgotten.

“I- I was wrong. I shouldn’t have hurt an angel like you. It killed me. It killed me to know that I was the one making you suffer. It made my heart drop.”

 “You are my friend. You are a person that makes others laugh even when you’re humiliated. You are a person which suffers instead of others.”

“You are my sunshine, the person I wake up with, the person who I talk late at night with, the person who I practice rapping with.” Jennie managed to smile in the midst of tears.

Beautiful.

“You are the person I hurt, the person I undeniably care for. The person who welcomed me in the world of furballs and cheesiness” Jennie chuckled which resulted in more tears.

“You’re you and you get more perfect every moment I see you” Jennie smiled.

“Lisa, I love you”

Jennie stood up to give Lisa a chaste kiss on the forehead. Lisa could feel Jennie’s tears her face and then and there, Lisa’s walls came crumbling down. All that she planned were gone and she was reminded once again that she was hers.

“Please forgive me. Don’t leave me. Please stay at our room” Jennie spoke with her lips still pressed at Lisa’s forehead.

Jennie was her strength and weakness, her sadness and happiness. She won’t ever say no, she can’t. Lisa’s tears were flowing down the bed. She felt happy that the one she cared for treated her importantly. She felt happy that her friend could say the same about her being one. She was happy to know that the one she cherishes the most, cherishes her. More tears came down.

She could never stay mad with her. No matter how much she tries to get away, to hate her, she’ll always return to her.

“I’ll stay, I always will.

To be continued, I’ll update shortly after. I promise.