CHAPTER 3- SICKLY

That schedule was nothing but a lie and that was one of the best lies ever. I walked into the city and I was instantly consumed by the sight. It was an escape. I wandered around but aimed nowhere specifically until something caught my sight. The glowing building full of screams and shouts and of course, alcohol attracted me. I went inside the so called “escape” and the multitude of lights blinded my already tear-dried eyes, it was a late night bar. Hopefully, no one will recognize me I look ugly anyways. I sat at the stool for hours just staring in plain nothing and thinking all the happenings. Once or twice, I’ll feel anger again and I hate it. I feel angry because I was always the only one suffering, the only one who makes efforts in their friendship, if it was even one.

All those hugs

All those cuddles

All those late night talks

All those nicknames

All those calls and waves

All those sorry

All those interactions

Everything about her

Never made her happy

It was always one-sided

She stayed like that for hours repeating the phrases like a mantra. When it was 1am, she stood up from the stool, figuring that she had enough. She walked into the dorm, thanking the heavens she wasn’t damaged except the bruises from sleeping at the couch.

She went inside the dorm silently and she was very sleepy and eager to get to bed, seeing that they had a 6am schedule. She was heavily dizzy and of course, sleepy.  She stood outside of her door, ready to open it.

WAIT!!

Jennie is inside

Lisa suddenly realized that Jennie was inside the room, obviously but she also remembered some worse things.

She feels uncomfortable around you, remember?

She hates you, remember?

She doesn’t like you remember?

Her hand which was clasped at the doorknob suddenly loosened as realization hit her hard. She let go of the cold object and she slowly walked back.

She sat at the couch she sat at awhile ago. The couch wasn’t comfortable at all, all because of Jennie. She wondered, why am I even doing this? She thinks she’s doing this because she was starting to hate Jennie but realization dawned.

I’m doing this because I’m scared of Jennie. I’m scared to make Jennie uncomfortable. I’m scared that Jennie will hate me even more. I still care for Jennie. WHYYYY?!

I’m the only one who is damn suffering!

She forced her eyes shut out of frustration and she forced herself to fall asleep. The bruises in her body wasn’t going to heal and more bruises was coming for sure.

5:30 am

Lisa was waking up and she noticed that no member was awake Perfect. She could pretend that she slept at her room like a normal person and that she just woke up early. She quickly paced back and forth.

But where should I go? Should I cook? Should I take a bath? What should I do?

She was walking around until familiar footsteps echoed. She shivered and feared the thought of Jennie coming but fortunately, it was just Rose.

“Lisa, what time did you come back?’

“I wasn’t able to notice, really”

Lisa acted the best she could so Rose will believe her. The moment Rose’s mouth started to open to say something. A loud footstep echoed and a familiar fragrance filled the surrounding. Jennie. The awfully attracting scent compelled Lisa to do anything but Jennie’s eyes locked with Lisa. They’re heavenly… God Lisa, stop looking! Lisa quickly averted her eyes because she was scared that Jennie will hate her even more.

“What time did you come back?” Jennie questioned.

“I wasn’t able to keep track of the time” Lisa answered.

Jisoo arrived at the scene and Lisa bowed her head out of pure reflex. Out of shame. The 3 left Lisa at the scene as they all went to the dining area. Lisa reluctantly followed. She was hesitating because she feels that everyone hate her. I can’t wait for night time once again.

The dance area was eerily quiet. No one was shouting and talking while the instructor gets mad at stuff anymore. Everyone was just following the dance moves but Lisa seems to be struggling. No, she knows she’s struggling. The words just keep coming back to her like bullets.

Burden

Burden

Burden

“I’ll just go out for an hour, I have to meet with the producer. Practice some more and I’ll come back later.” The instructor said. The words didn’t even register in her mind because the words “Burden” keep returning to her like a mantra.

“Lisa?” Jisoo questioned.

Lisa’s senses heightened as she feared another humiliation coming her way.

“Where were you last night?” Jisoo asked

“Out the city, at a restaurant” Lisa answered. I can’t get caught

“What were you doing?” Jisoo asked further.

“I just ate dinner with a long time friend who visited Korea” Lisa answered.

“Is it a boy or girl? Who was it?” Jisoo questioned.

“It’s- it’s a girl and she was a friend from where I grew up and she grew up with me as well, her name is- her name is Sally.” Lisa answered.

“What’s your relationship with her?” Jennie’s voice shocked Lisa.

“The closest person I am with.” Lisa answered. Sally is me.

The conversation was dismissed and they remained quiet until the instructor came back. Lisa still can’t memorize and follow the steps and her moves had gone mellower.

“Are you sick Lisa?” the instructor asked Lisa privately.

“No, I’m just a little bit drowsy.” Lisa answered.

Lisa pretended not to hear but her ears can’t control themselves from listening. Jisoo and Jennie were talking about her. Why? Why hurt me this way?  The voices were audible.

“She’s getting lousy. I mean, going out that late just to eat even before practice.” Jisoo said to Jennie where Jennie didn’t reply. If only you knew, that you caused every bit of it.

The practice was a complete disaster for Lisa. Everything was.

The past days, Lisa had been leaving the dorm at night frequently because she can’t bear the pain anymore. Her members were hating her but she needed the freedom of the night. She keeps going to the bar and comes home either mad, sad or drunk and she’ll sleep in the uncomfortable couch which gave her multiple bruises on the body. She’ll come up with different excuses.

It’s Sally.

It’s a favor.

It’s a schedule

Reunion

Dinner with long time friends

Whatever I can think of

She’ll hear all the whispers of her members but escaping is the only way for her. She didn’t want to suffer anymore. She escapes the whispers for a moment but the catch is, they get louder when they’re away.

It was the 7^th day straight where she was leaving the dorm and this time, she was so stressed because Jennie complained to her and it hurts.

“Lisa, don’t just leave. Where did your “I’m sorry” just go to?” Jennie said. Worse, Rose didn’t protect her like she used to. She said the words again but differently. She said it with worry that makes her feel empathy and not like Jennie’s which makes her feel fear.

She drank so much that walking is even hard and it was even raining. The droplets of water feels like drums to her ears. She likes it when the rain gets even harder because the coldness blocks the pain. She looked up and stared at the night sky. Bits of her hair fell to her sides.

“It hurts”

She toppled and slid into the doorway of her dorm. The door crashing a bit. She looked at the clock that greeted her upon arrival. 2 am. She fell in the couch where she screamed in pain because her suffering body had finally reached its limit. The bruises were all hit upon laying at the couch. The rain was making her drowsy and sick.

Lisa didn’t know that her members were still awake because they were trying to see what was really happening to their member every night.

------------Rose

Her scream was sending daggers to my heart. The members were alarmed but as I faced them, I placed my finger in my lips which all made them quiet.

“I’ll talk to her”

She approached the sleeping, wet and drunk figure and every alarm in my body ticked. Her clothes were soaking wet, she was coughing and her arms were covered with black spots. I ran to her and hugged her but a low hiss came from her lips which signaled that she was indeed, in pain. I stared at her eyes which looked so sad and lifeless. I carefully lifted up a small fragment of her shirt in alarm and I noticed it, more bruises and red spots were present. She was physically injured but I can tell why. It was all because of Jisoo and Jennie- unnie. It was going to be impossible for Lisa not to hear what they were talking about. Without knowing it, tears were flowing out from my face.

My closest friend

The one who welcomed me

The one who talked to me

Everything

Is in pain

I called onto her name a lot of times before she awoke in a drunk state.

“Why Lisa?” Rose questioned with tears streaming.

Unknown to Rose, Jennie and Jisoo was staring at the scene as they were behind the wall.

“I didn’t want to make you guys uncomfortable” Lisa smiled.

More tears poured

“I know you hate me”

“I know you don’t like me”

“I know you don’t care about me”

No, none of that is true!

STOOOPPPP! Rose screamed at Lisa for the first time. She hugged her so tight, forgetting the bruises and red spots. The pain in Lisa was screaming to get out but she smiled, smiled like her smile when Jennie was around. A small tear have fell onto Rose’s hair locks.

“Don’t hurt me”

YUPP….I’m leaving it for the next chapter to tell who spoke those words.. Unfortunately, I have school and at weekends, my sister comes home and I’m preventing her from seeing this because she’ll tease me endlessly. But I might, still write a few. I’m trying to update everyday.