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Chaeyoung POV.

 

It’s already 8 am in the morning when I arrived at my house as I alarmed my phone early so I wouldn’t be beside Mina when she woke up. Good thing, she’s still asleep when I left. She normally exercise in the morning during weekends but I guess, liquor knocked her down real hard. I was surprised to wake up having her in my arms and our feet tangled up. Oh I love how close she was to me. It was a nice view and a nice feeling to see her face first thing in the morning. If only we could be like that but I’m just creating an illusion, a fantasy that will never become a reality.

 

I still feel guilty after I kissed her last night knowing that she’s drunk.  I don’t want to take advantage of her but my feelings for her betrayed me. I couldn’t stop myself. How can I? She’s simply irresistible. I’m just praying to God and to all the saints that they would grant my wish. Hoping that Mina will not remember what I did, and if she does, I hope I could have the courage to face her again and most importantly, she could forgive me.

 

 

I look at the mirror and saw my swollen lips. Damn, we kissed so much last night. Is she really drunk? If she isn’t, she wouldn’t kiss me back right? Why do I need question that anyway? Of course she’s drunk! I’m really getting pathetic.

 

 

I get my phone and was about to send her a message but my mind is holding me back. What will I tell her? Should I open the topic so I could explain and apologize?  I decided to take a shower first and try to think for my next move. I can’t screw this up. I wouldn’t want her to get mad at me and for her to end our friendship. 

 

 

I couldn’t risk losing that too.

 

 

After a good hour of shower, I wore my favorite tiger pajama and quickly grabbed my phone just to see a message from her.  My eyes almost popped out and my heart was beating so fast.  I did not open it right away as I’m scared to know what she has to say. After a few minutes of holing back, I decided to read it.

 

 

 

From Mina Penguin:

 

Chaeyoungie.. are you home already? Sana eonnie told me that you took good care of me last night. I’m so sorry if you saw me in that kind of state. I’m so embarrassed to burden you; I hope you can forgive eonnie. I’ll make it up to you. 

 

Text me when you’re home.

 

 

Okay. So this means she doesn’t remember at all? So she’s indeed drunk last night. Why do I sound disappointed now? Aish..  At least I don’t need to explain myself. This is for the better.

 

So she isn’t sober when we kiss? For a moment, I really thought she was. How can I forget the way she looked at me last night?

 

Stop Chaeyoung. You’re just complicating things. Arrrrg!

 

 

 After debating with myself, I sent her a reply.

 

 

To Mina Penguin:

 

Mina eonnie, how are you feeling now? I’m sorry I left before you wake up. I needed to do some stuffs and besides you need to rest. Don’t apologize; I’ll do the same thing for others too. What are friends for right?  I hope whatever you’re facing right now, you can soon over come it. I know you’re strong.. I believe in you!  Fighting! See you on Monday!

 

Monday came and when I saw Mina, I was hesitant to approach her.  While I’m deliberating how to make my move, she approached me first.  Once our eyes met, I could feel the warmth in it. I mean, I believe I always felt that even before but today, it felt warmer. I might be wrong but there is something in the way she looks at me.  Before, I could mostly see puzzles in it aside from the warmth, but nowadays, I felt different in her eyes and as stupid as I am, I couldn’t pin point it out. Or maybe because I no longer want to assume things; it can get really painful after.

 

Ever since our last kiss, I couldn’t help but get drowned to her more and more. Even if I try to resist it, my actions say it otherwise. They say actions speak louder than words and so am I. I can’t help but look and admire her from a far if I was lucky to see her not looking. Although I find it funny, because most of the time when I’m about to look at her, she’s already looking at me. Through out the week, we were stealing glances from each other and ended with us getting awkward. I mean even before, we were almost always like that. As Jeongyeon eonnie said, we are not Mina and Chaeyoung if we’re not awkward with each other.

 

It’s already snowing  as winter season officially started. It is freezing – 18 degrees and staying outside and walking in the street during this time was really hard. Its 5pm in the afternoon and class finally ended. As I was walking in the hallway, I saw Mina on the other end. We both stopped in our spots when we saw each other. It’s as if we’re both thinking what to say and what to do next. Waiting to see if who would make her first move and since I don’t want to get more awkward, I made my way to her.

 

 

Mina eonnie..  I started and waved my hand..

 

 

Chaeyoungie.. are you done for the day?

 

 

Yep.. I was about to go  home.. how about you?

 

 

Me too.. I just get some books from the library and I’m leaving to.. Would you like to go home together?

 

 

Of course.. Let me help you with that.

 

 

I brought some of her books as we made our way to the school gate. We have a comfortable silence until someone broke it off.

 

 

Minari…

 

 

I saw Bamabam waiting at the gate . How could I forget, he would always fetch her every day. I shouldn’t have agreed on joining Mina going home.

 

 

Oppa.. I thought we agreed that you won’t fetch me, I’m already doing fine..you don’t need to worry too much.. Mina seemed a little bit surprise.

 

 

My friend lives nearby so I decided to fetch you instead. And hey, is this Chaeyoung? The one who saved you the last time? I haven’t introduce myself to her ..

 

 

Mina seemed a bit flustered but she managed to introduce the both of us.

 

 

Ah..yeah.. Bambam oppa.. this is Chaeyoung..

 

 

Chaeyoung this is Bambam.. she shyly said

 

 

It’s nice to finally know the famous Chaeyoung.. Mina’s been saying a lot of good things about you. I’m sorry I haven’t introduce myself to you the last time and I wasn’t able to say my thank you for saving my future girlfriend… He reached for my hand and shook it. I can see the sincerity in his gestures and his voice. So I return the gestures.

 

 

I’m glad to finally meet you Bambam oppa. You’re quite popular in our group too. It was nice to know that my eonnie have someone like you.  I answered him politely.

 

 

I hope she doesn’t talk about me all the time though…. He jokes, earning a slapped from Mina.

 

 

 

How about I treat the both of you a coffee? I hope you won’t decline my offer…                He said almost pleading.

 

 

I guess I don’t have a choice then.

 

 

If it’s your treat, then I won’t say no!  I tried to sound enthusiastically because I don’t want him and Mina to get upset.

 

 

I saw how Bambam aimed to hold Mina’s hand but Mina didn’t let him and instead hold him in his arms.

 

 

Chaeyoungie.. lets go?  She asked me and then she reached for my hand just to intertwine it.

 

 

Her action shocked me but knowing how nice she is, I know that she just didn’t want me to feel left behind. 

 

 

One of the many reasons why I’ve fallen in love with her.

 

 

 

Her hand never left mine until our drinks arrived. I thought I wouldn’t need to drink the hot chocolate that Bambam ordered for me as I was already feeling warm on the inside. Love can really do magical things.

 

 

We tried to get to know each other. Mostly me and Bambam were speaking and Mina was there just listening. After an hour, Bambam received a call and unfortunately, he needs to leave because he’s needed in his school’s training.

 

 

Is it okay if I won’t be able to send you in your apartment? He asked Mina.

 

 

Don’t worry, I’m gonna be okay. Chaeyoung’s with me.

 

 

It was nice meeting you Chaeyoung. I hope we can hang out longer next time. Don’t worry, it’s still on me!

 

 

I would never forget your promise Bambam.. please have a safe trip going back.

 

 

He gave me a grin and waved at me as he return his attention to Mina.

 

 

I’ll call you when I’m already at school. And please, message me when you’re home. We still need to talk remember?

 

 

I can see how serious he is while talking to Mina. He seemed a bit worried and pleading. He was about to kiss Mina but I didn’t know where it landed because I chose to look away.

 

 

 I don’t have the heart to see that.

 

 

 

Mina POV.

 

 

Chaeyoung and I are now seated at the back part of the bus.  We decided to take a bus instead of a cab as we’re having a hard time getting one.

 

 

Do you remember the first time we met? She suddenly asked me.

 

 

How could I forget, it was the reason why we’re together right now and became friends. What she didn’t know was that I’ve been crushing on her even before that happened.

 

 

Yes.. the only difference was that it’s snowing instead of raining and we exchanged our seats. Iam currently in the window side. We both had a good laugh after.

 

 

Ah! I remember I have my headphones with me listening to a music. So why don’t we try to do something like that also? She continue to ask. Do you have your ear phone with you? Can we use it?

 

I can see that she’s somewhat excited so I speedily get my earphone and gave it to her.

 

Chaeyoung plugged it in her ipod and place the right ear speaker to my right ear and the left ear speaker to her left ear.

 

 

I composed a song few days ago and I would like you to hear it. Maybe you can give me some feedback after. Can you do that for me? She asked me seriously.

 

 

Of course Chaeyoungie.. anything as long as I can help you.. And she started playing it.

 

 

IF  sang by Taeyeon. (But I chose the English cover sang by Juris: a Filipino singer because the lyrics matched my story well.)

 

Link:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbWOGk4Aeno

 

Here I am, standing close to you

And it's still so far away

So many times, I tried to say

But my heart was afraid

II
Look at you is all that I can do

Like a silly girl, I stare

'Coz you might leave me when I reveal

What my heart is really feeling

CHORUS

If I could just say the words

All the secrets in my heart and in my soul you'll hear

Will you take me in your arms or let me go

Our lovely days will they just fade like whispers in the wind?

If I could just say the words

All the secrets in my heart and in my soul you'll hear

Can't you see the love I hide slip through my eyes

This silly girl so scared she just can't say "I Love you."
 

III
Here I am, holding on to fate

What we have may never change

'Coz you might leave me when I reveal

My lips will seal the love I'm hiding

 

Repeat Chorus.

 

 

I wasn’t able to open my eyes even after the song ended. The lyrics once again moved me in everyway possible because all of them were exactly my feelings. Is there a possibility that she knows what my heart truly feel?

 

I felt a nudge and I slowly opened my eyes. She look a little bit worried maybe because I wasn’t able to react instantly.

 

Is my song that bad eonnie? I thought you’ve fallen asleep already. She’s now pouting. I want to badly erase that pout by kissing her but I gathered all my courage not to.

 

 

I stared at her a little bit longer before I finally speak up.

 

 

I like it Chaeyoungie. Honestly, I love it. Now tell me, have you already fallen in love? I asked her.

 

 

I didn’t expect you to ask me that question eonnie.  She chuckled and then continue.

 

 

Have you ever ache for someone so much.. that even if you’re together, seeing that person is just not enough? She started.

 

Because you want to hold that person in your arms tightly, to get intoxicated with that person’s scent, to kiss her endlessly as if that person’s lips is your oxygen and without it you won’t be able to breathe.

 

To feel undescribable feelings that you never thought existed.  But being with that person, it makes everything possible?

 

If all of these answered YES..

 

Then..

 

I guess, I’ve already fallen in love. She ended her answer looking at me directly.

 

 

Do I know him?  is all I able to ask her.

 

She chuckled again before she gave me her answer.

 

 

I’ve fallen in love with someone I should not love because that person cannot love me back.

 

 

I don’t know what to feel.

 

 

Do I feel hurt because I discovered that she’s in love with someone right now?

 

 

Or do I feel hurt because the ache and pain that she’s feeling was exactly what I’m feeling too?

 

 

The bus all of a sudden makes a crazy curved and with that I bumped my head to the window glass. Chaeyoung managed to hold me but because of the strong force, I still hit my head. The bus stopped as the driver was supposedly avoiding an over speeding truck.

 

 

 

Mina.. are you okay??  I saw how terrified she was as she’s inspecting my head.

 

 

 

Where are you hurt? Are you feeling dizzy? She continue to ask. When she didn’t get an answer from me she stood up and said something.

 

 

 

Yaaaaaah! Mister bus driver! Can you drive more carefully? You can get us into an accident. If my friend here got a single bruise, I promise to report you to the police.

 

 

 

How can I forget how brave, blunt and confident Chaeyoung is? She’s someone that looks so fearless. Always ready to speak her mind if she wants to.

 

 

 

I can’t help but laugh by her antics.

 

 

 

Yahh.. why are you laughing eonnie? I can see her confused expression.

 

 

Are you really so brave and fearless Chaeyoungie?

 

 

Is there something you can’t say or afraid of?  I continue to ask her.

 

 

She looked at me still confused and guided me outside the bus.

 

 

Let’s go eonnie, we need to get out now. The driver seemed to be dangerous. I think he’s sleepy.

 

 

I could have walk my way to my apartment but Chaeyoung insisted to send me home by taking a cub. She believed I was badly hurt from what happened a while ago so she stubbornly ignored my excuse.

 

 

Thank you for sending me home Chaeyoungie even if you don’t need to.. I’m teasing her.

 

 

How could you say that eonnie.. I can tell that you’re dizzy, you can’t lie to me you know?

 

 

It’s getting late Chaeyoungie, Thank you for taking good care of me, as always. I hesistate a bit as  I hug her for a few seconds before I let her go.

 

 

Make sure to message me when you arrived home.  She just nod and when I was about to enter the door..

 

 

 

I love you….

 

 

I wasn’t able to move my body.. I thought I got paralyzed.. my heart starts to beat uncontrollably. And then she said it again..

 

 

I love you…

 

This time, I slowly look at her. Am I hallucinating? Is it because I bumped my head awhile ago?

 

 

 I can see her slowly walking towards me with an expression I could not decipher.  And then she said it again, straight to my face.

 

 

 

I love you…

 

 

 

Those are the words that I couldn’t say… and the words I’m afraid to say.  She told me.

 

 

 

I am feeling really dizzy and confused right now.

 

 

 

You ask me awhile ago, if there is something that I can’t say and I am afraid to say… I just gave you my answer eonnie. You better go inside now, it’s really freezing here. Good night Mina.

 

And with that she disappeared and left me dumbfounded.

 

 

 

I entered the apartment and saw Sana eonnie drinking wine. It’s the first time that I saw her drinking inside our apartment.

 

You’re already here Minari… she said.

 

 

Yes eonnie.. it’s freaking cold outside. Is that the reason why you’re drinking?

 

 

I guess it’s one of my reasons too but I need the alcohol to give me the nerve to admit something to you..

 

 

I see.. what do you want to tell me then?  I don’t know but I’m starting to get nervous.

 

 

Remember when you ask me if I find a girl attractive?

 

 

Ah..ah.. yes? Why? I have a feeling that I won’t like where this conversation is heading.

 

 

I recently realized that I don''t only like them because I simply wants to be like them.  It is way more serious than I thought…

 

 

 

 

Okay… was all I could say.

 

 

 

 

She drank all the wine on her glass and straightly looked at me in the eyes.

 

 

You’re my best friend right? And I want you to first know this…

 

 

 

 

I just nod.

 

 

 

 

I think I like someone… and it’s a girl…

 

 

 

OMG.. please don’t say …. I’m speaking in my head…

 

 

 

I think I like Chaeyoung….

 

 

 

I’m officially getting dizzy. This can’t be happening…

 

 

 

Sana eonnie are you sure? I mean wh… why Chaeyoung?

 

 

 

 

Why not Chaeyoung?

 

 

 

 

 

I .. I .. do.. don’t know…  because … She’s..she’s not gay?...

 

 

 

Who told you so? I don’t thinks she’s straight either. I spent my time with her longer and I don’t think  she’s straight…

 

 

 

 

Wha… whaat?  She.. she’s not.. straight?

 

 

 

She needs someone who will be brave to pursue her. I’ve known a lot of people who also have interest on her but sadly they’re too afraid and coward. And even if she was indeed straight…

 

 

 

I’ll do everything to make her bend.

 

 

 

I’ve never felt so scared in my life not until today.

 

 

 

 

The thought of someone stealing her from me.

 

 

 

But she isn’t mine. How could I lose her if she isn’t mine?

 

 

 

 In my heart, in my soul and in my mind, she is.

 

 

 

I’m so scared Chaeyoung. What should I do? I can’t lose you…

 

 

End of POV.

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Hello everyone! :)

Another update.. I don't know why my fic became angsty but mayb because of my recent mood. But you should always remember that in love, the struggles and hardships that they will experience will lead them to a stonger relationship. :) I hope you won't hate me for having this kind of twist but I promise that this will all be worth it. :)

 

I'm enjoying reading your comments so I hope you all would continue doing it.. if you have questions etc.. you can ask me.. :)

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Enjoy and Thank you in advance!