I can't hide it, Can't help myself

I love you.. I want you..

All this month passed, i've been holding back myself. Everytime i see Ryeowook, my hands want to reach him. Everytime we sing together, my eyes can't escape his. Everything we did together, can't leave my memory. His touch giving me a strange feeling, like butterfly gone through my stomach to my chest. He is a special friend of mine, of course i will be happy everytime Ryeowook on my side, right? Well at least that is what i think. Until one day, we got into big fight for the first time because of my selfishness.

"Stop meeting her!" I shout loudly in his room right after i see his tears fell down.

"What are you talking about, Kyu?!" He shouted back to me and stand from his bed. Sungmin-hyung who tried to calm down Ryeowook earlier just sit dumbfounded in Ryeowook's bed while watching us throw curse to each other.

"For God's sake, Ryeowook! She is not deserve you! I told you many times before to just forget that damn girl! Look at you now cries in front of Sungmin-hyung!" I raise my voice than before, kicking this stupid door of Ryeowook's room. I'm sure hyungs in living room could hear it.

"Because i love her for many damn years! It's not even your business, Kyu! Why would you angry to me?!" Ryeowook cries even more than before.

"Why would i?! Just look at this! You never tell me anything, just one time! Am i not your friend?! You hide it and you instead crying in front of Sungmin-hyung!" I pointed to Sungmin-hyung, my eyes feels like burning.

"When i tell you, you just got annoyed and want me to get rid of her! I'm avoiding to tell you because i know we will just got into fight! And what's wrong with Sungmin-hyung?! He is my friend too!" Ryeowook looks like he is going crazy answer my nonsense reason. And just like that, hyungs coming over Ryeowook's room with concerned look. Teukie-hyung stand beside me and patted my shoulder, trying to stop me for another shouting.

"I just want you not get hurt by that damn girl! You know better she is not love you.. i know Sungmin-hyung is your friend too but i just think.." My words can't come out, i don't know what i'm going to say.

"What are you thinking?!" Ryeowook shout once again. Donghae-hyung come to him and touch his shoulder, "Ryeowook-ah.." he called Ryeowook softly, trying to calm him down. Ryeowook took a deep breath and sit in his bed.

"I'm tired.. can all of you get out of my room now?" Ryeowook said with weakly voice.

"Come on, Kyuhyun. Let's go." Teukie-hyung dragged me out of the room and told the other left too.

Tommorow evening after that day, me, Teuki-hyung, Shindong-hyung, and Eunhyuk-hyung goes to Sukira. I can't forget my fight with Ryeowook, some part of myself still mad at him, but then again i have no right to get mad after all it's his life, why should i? Why i feel so burning seeing him hurt and close to Sungmin-hyung like that? I want to say sorry after this broadcast end. I want to go home faster, that day feels so long for me.

Finally we finishing Sukira, and got into car. I just want to say sorry and have a good night sleep today. Until i hear loud voice from everywhere, scream and crashing. Before i knew, my body lying down in street. I can't feel my legs, pain goes through all of my body. It's hurt, too hurt. My mind goes flashback to all of my memories, f