The next morning when I stepped out of my house, I didn't bother to wait for Kai to walk with me to school. I needed some time to myself to think. I wasn't in a mood, or feeling guilty, I just needed some space to understand everything that I had done the night before. I had made up with my sister, deciding that I would be the most supportive sister in the world now, had rung up a guy I barely knew late into the night (which was bound to be hot gossip) and had confessed that I used to harbour a flame for my best friend. I could barely get my head around it all, let alone pretend everything was peachy between the two of us. I had broken the barrier of our friendship now. People say that guys and girls can't be friends and I never used to believe it, but now I understood. Once feelings got involved, everything was different. 

I made sure to walk the scenic route rather than the normal one we took, which although it was twice as long, gave me time to think. I had even managed to squeeze in breakfast on my way there, stopping to buy a chocobun and a can of cold coffee. I purposefully left my phone at home, having prompted Kai to head to school with his friends as I was 'busy'. When I arrived at my locker, I hoped to have a moments peace before getting whipped up into a crazy routine but I was unlucky. I was already late for homeroom and had been given a tardy slip which I had to take to the headmaster. 

"I didn't see you in homeroom", Minki began, "You weren't in your seat..."

"I wasn't feeling well this morning" I dismissed, piling my books and binder into my arms. I nodded towards my locker and she shut it for me. I hesitated, not knowing whether I should tell her, but I had to get it off my chest.

"Min?"

"Yep" 

"I need to tell you something"

Minki and I had different classes this morning but she followed me all the way to mine as I retold her of last nights events. Well, not everything. Not about my sister, and not about Kris. I told about Kai's visit to my room and what I had mistakenly blurted out to him. Looking at her face, she was clearly shook.

"Say something Min"

"I don't know what to say" She was digesting this very juicy nugget of information very slowly and it was driving me insane. Catching my eye, she frowned, "So he just sat there"

"He couldn't really do anything else. I mean, how do you react to your best friend saying they used to be in love with you" I lowered my tone as a few students passed. There was never any way to tell how much people were listening into your conversation until it was broadcasted across the school.

"You were in love with him?" I narrowed my eyes at her.

"I wasn't in love with him!" I whispered harshly, my words mocking me. 

"But that's what you just said-"

"I was 14. It was a school girl crush, but I can imagine that's how it sounded to him" Minki shrugged and I felt so frustrated I could have screamed. Where were the pearls of wisdom I needed? Or even better, the magic powers to remove last nights events from my head?

"Say something" I begged, searching for resolution.

"I don't know what you want me to say" I must have looked incredibly flustered because Minki reached for wards and gave my hand a quick squeeze.

"Look, I need to get to class cos if I'm late again I just know I'm going to get detention, but call me later. I want to process this" Minki disappeared down the corridor in a cloud of confusion. 

The morning seemed to be split into two time frames; ridiculously fast and painfully slow. As soon as my mind dared to drift to Kai, the time would slow down and I would have to wallow in my feelings of discomfort; when I was able to focus on the lessons ahead of me, time whizzed forwards, meaning I was barely able to jott down any notes before I had to move to my next class. I conciously chose the difficult routes to classes, avoiding the routes I knew Kai and his friends would take, even though I tried to persuade myself I just needed the exercise.

When it came to lunch, I knew I could avoid Kai no longer. I always sat with him at lunch. ALWAYS. In my head, we'd still be eating lunch together when we were old and in our nursing homes. It seemed a given. However, that gave me limited options when it came to lunch company. I had never really put in the effort to make friends and sit with other students, there was never a need. I would have sat with Minki were it not for the fact she always ate with the band students and the closest I had been to a musical instrument was a recorder during nursery.

I stood frozen. Kai was seated with his friends, deep in conversation. The usual space where I sat was empty, right beside him but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I needed to build things for myself, friendships outside of him. I scanned the hall and found Kris, who had seated himself at an empty table and was pushing his food around his plate absentmindedly. A few students motioned to sit at his table but a quick glance from him sent them retreating in the other direction. I found myself walking towards him, almost smugly, as if I was proving something by sitting near him. I slid into the seat across him, my tray clinking slightly as I set it down. He looked up and broke into a smile.

"You'll never make friends if you scare everyone off like that" I remarked

"Hey Rose"

"Hey Kris. Mind if I sit?" It was a pointless question as I was already sitting but it only felt fair to go through the motions. Kris smiled again and nodded, pushing his tray away and placing his hands on the table.

"So how come you're not sitting with the boyband today?" I stuck my tongue out.

"Well I saw you sitting all by yourself looking like a sad puppy so I decided to grace you with my presence" Kris smirked. I took a mouthful of food, chewing slowly. Good god it was bland. I really needed to start bringing my own lunch in. Kris was still grinning when I finally swallowed it.

"I can sit where I want anyways" I reached for my water and snapped the cap open, taking a long drawn out sip. Kris just watched, maintaining eye contact throughout. If I hadn't already spoken to him on numerous occasions, I might have found him quite threatening, "What?"

"I believe you, it's just that your boyfriend is burning his eyes into the back of my head" My sight diverted to the table across from us, where I usually sat. Kris was right. Kai's sight was fixed directly at us, pointedly and steady. No. He was looking directly at me. And now that I had caught him looking, I couldn't not catch him looking. I felt myself start to sweat under his gaze. It was too late for me to go and sit with them and pretend I hadn't been caught with Kris. Even if it wasn't I couldn't bear to sit with the boys after everything I had said to Kai last night. It would just be too much. I loosened my tie shakily, trying to get as much oxygen into my body as possible.

"You alright Rose?" Kris enquired, his brow furrowed as he looked between their table and ours. Reaching forwards, he opened my water bottle and handed it to me.

"I think you should drink some water. You look flushed" Grabbing the bottle from his hand, I squeezed too hard and a large jet of water shot out, landing on my shirt. Had it landed on my skirt it would have looked worse but the fact that I had chosen today of all days not to wear a bra meant that this was the worse possible outcome. I shot up, sending what was left in the bottle into my lunch as I hurriedly tried to cover my chest from unwanted eyes. I could hear the sound of quiet chuckling starting up and the whispers. Like an idiot, I had also left my blazer in my locker leaving me completely exposed. Overwhelmed, I darted a look towards Kai and made a step towards him when Kris stepped into my path. He was holding his jacket out to me.

"Oh god"

"Here" 

Kris wrapped his jacket around my shoulders and zipped it up, allowing me to drop my arms and wiggle into the jacket. My shirt was sticking uncomfortably against my skin and people were still staring. Fidgeting slightly, I smiled sadly at Kris.

"Thanks" 

"No problem" he rubbed the back of his neck, also aware that we were the centre of attention, "Do you want to get out of here? I think I have a clean shirt in my locker" I nodded and followed Kris as he headed towards the doors to the concourse, my bag hanging off his muscular arm. I struggled to keep up with him as I trotted behind him. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Kai standing equidistant between our tables facing me. I half smiled and jerking my thumb at Kris, turned and fled the dining hall. 

Kris's shirt was just a plain white tee but it felt a lot better to wear than my soaking wet shirt. I wrung my skirt out in the bathroom sink and pressed it angrily into the bottom of my bag, scolding myself for being so clumsy. His jacket rested on my shoulders, smelling faintly of expensive aftershave. When I finally excited the bathroom, Kris was waiting for me, leaning coolly against the opposing wall. I motioned to hand his jacket to him but he shook his head.

"Hold onto it. You might spill something else on yourself" I pulled a face, trying not to laugh. I really did have bad luck. Aiming to hit the trifecta, my stomach growled. Self-conciously I grabbed my stomach, trying to squish it and stop it from screaming in the empty hallway.

"Sorry" I blushed, "I haven't eaten since breakfast"

More and more students were starting to peel out of the lunch hall, meaning most of the good food that was served at school was already gone. I nibbled my lip. Did I want to wait til I got home to eat or hope that there was something possibly digestable waiting for me? The latter sounded less appealing. 

"Let's get some food then" Kris offered, picking up my bag again and pulling onto his shoulders. I grimaced.

"I'm not really in the mood for cafeteria food. I'll just wait"  Kris frowned before realisation hit him. 

"I meant, let's go out to get food"

"As in off school grounds"

"So pretty yet so slow"

"I'm not sure whether I should be offended or complimented right now"

"How about you decide on the way to food?"

"I'm not sure we shou-"

"What's the point of being in sixth form if you can't cut class sometimes. Besides, I know you already have a tardy slip. If you're gonna get in trouble, shouldn't you at least get some food out of it?" 

He had a fair point. I nodded and grabbed my bag from him. He lead the way towards the gates, as nonchalant as possible. Kris walked with a calm confidence which meant he could do whatever he felt so he didn't hesitate as he walked through the gates that stood open. I stood tentatively on the threshold between tardy and truancy. Kris had already reached his vehincle, a motorbike and was straddling it waiting for me.

"Afraid?" I marched over to Kris and yanking away the spare helmet, jammed it roughly on my head. 

"I'm not afraid of anything"

"Prove it"

I no longer needed to battle with the uncontrollable fervor of excitement. The chatter of shocked students was growing behind us spurred me on as he switched his bike on and it began to purr. Swinging my leg over the himming machine, I settled into the seat behind him. My fingers grasped for something to hold on to.

"Put your arms around my waist" My natural reaction was to refrain but I was given no such chance as Kris reached behind him and pulled my body forward, placing my hands just above his belt buckle. I in a huge gulp of air, trying to force down the huge grin that was threatening to break out across my face. I could only imagine the looks on my schoolmates faces as we sped away.

Kris brought something out in me I didn't know was there. I had never felt the desire to ride a motorbike, or a 'wheeled deathtrap' as my parents referred to it as, but the wind blowing through my hair excited me. I had been completely abstinent from anything remotely wild my whole life. I rarely drank, I had my athletics career to think about, I didn't smoke, had never tried. I'd barely scraped the surface of things a teenage girl should do in rebellion, yet here I was allowing a guy a barely know to indulge me in debauchery. I peeked over his shoulder, capturing glimpses of the road ahead of us as he weaved the bike in and out of cars. The speed dial read 70mph.

"This is amazing" I yelled, demanding to be heard over the noise of the city. Kris squeezed my wrist softly before returning to the handle bars.

"You think that's amazing?" He revved the handle and pulled the bike into a wheelie, forcing myself to grip tightly to his body. I could hear his throaty chuckle as he brought the bike down and sped up. 

Our tumultuous journey ended near the bay. We slowed to a halt near the promenade. I took a moment before climbing of the bike as Kris propped it up with the kickstand. Who knew when I would next get a chance to do something dangerous like this again. The crunch of gravel wove in and out of my thoughts as Kris moved around me, busying himself. He avoided any contact with me and when I no longer felt his presence I opened my eyes. Leather sticking to the backs of my thighs, I climbed off my seat and searched for him but found noone.

I wandered to the railing that lead to the bay beneath us. Even though I barely knew Kris, I knew he wouldn't leave me, or at least I had to believe that. I was familiar enough with the area but it struck me that no one knew where I was now. I could be murdered seven ways to sunday before anyone even knew I was missing. As the thought began to concrete in my head, Kris appeared in the distance, holding a blue plastic bag in his right hand, his slender body framed by the sunlight that followed him. 

"I bought you some snacks" he offered, handing the bag to me after selecting a drink and snack. I chose my refreshments and placed the bag between our feet before unwrapping the chocolatey goodness. We bumped snacks as cheers and munched away, our chit chat mixed in with the sounds of life. I allowed my thoughts to carry me away, to places I had readily avoided.

"Who you mean-mugging?"

"Huh?"

"Your face. You look like you're having one of those imaginary fights"

"I'm fine"

"Is it your boyfriend?" I flushed scarlet. 

"He's not my boyfriend?"

"Then why are you stressing?" Kris implored, his tone almost accusatory. I wanted to retort, to tear him apart into tiny pieces at his accusation but I stood motionless, mouth slightly open. I, I didn't know why I was stressing. I felt oddly powerless next to him.

"You know what I think your problem is? I think you over think stuff a lot of the time"

"No I, uh, don't" The only way my clever shakespearean tongue could defend me was to deny. What a waste debate club had been.

"I guarantee you'd be happier if you just cared a bit less"

"That's the worst advice I've ever heard, and I how am I supposed to suddenly stop caring about stuff"

"Not stop caring completely. Just care...less. It's simple. I just look at a problem and think ' it'"

"Yet more bad advice"

"I'm serious. Why would I stress myself about something I can't control? Like making friends, I'm not going to fuss about getting people to like me. If they want to get to know me it has to be organic. I mean look at you, you just can't stop yourself following me around " he teased. 

"Urgh, Kris" I retorted, swinging a playful punch at his elbow which he easily avoided and grabbed my fist.

"I'm serious. Just, don't give everything so much weight. You'll never see anything properly if you focus on the small details"

"How did you ever get so smart?" I mocked, swinging my fist in his. He shrugged, his face a smug picture.

"It works. it. Just it"

"Yeah" I breathed, " it" Of course he would have such a simple mantra, a way to cut through the pretense. He wasn't wrong. I couldn't stress myself out worrying about things I couldn't control. I couldn't stress about my actions after I'd done them. Kai wandered into my mind as I thought about last night. I couldn't beat myself up about the way I had felt about him, nor hate myself for what would happen between us in the future. It was all out of my control.

"Louder"

" it!"

"Louder! You can do better than that!"

" IT!" I hollered, throwing my body forward across the railing. Kris grabbed the back of his jacket as I shrieked with laughter, the faces of horrified onlookers staring aghast up at me. The giggles had a firm hold of me as I burst into peels of laughter, yanked back by the jacket. My feet pressed back onto the floor and my sight settled on Kris's face. He was laughing with me.

"Better?" he grinned, nudging my elbow as he laughed. As we lost ourselves in laughter, I followed his eyes out to sea. His sight was set on something across the water, a something I didn't have the insight to see. I toyed with the idea that this was how it felt to be seen for the first time. None of the bull. It felt nice to be seen. 

Kris dropped me home on his bike after we had finished our alfresco lunch. I sensed the angry parents waiting inside for me, but for a strange reason it didn't matter. I had had a genuinely good time with him and nothing could burst my bubble. I clambered off the bike as gracefully as I could and retrieved my bag from Kris. I imagined my phone buzzing furiously on my bedside table, all manner of accusations flying about. The meer thought excited me.

"I'm in so much trouble" Even with the promise of impending doom, I could help but beam. I had played hooky for the first time in my life. I was exhilirated. Kris broke into a smile immediately.

"Not bad for a first date, huh?" My eyes widened as he chuckled, 

"This was a date?"

"Not unless you didn't want it to be?" he teased, leaning closer to me. His bike swayed slightly but he managed to keep it in place as he invaded my space. He stopped a few inches away from my face, mischief sprawled across his face. His usual demeanour had returned. I had felt so exposed earlier, when he had read me for what I was. I had felt so vulnerable before but he was acting as if nothing had happened. I felt secure. He didn't think I was a mess. He just told me to chill. His smirk prompted me to be cheeky.

"Afraid, Kris?" I mocked, daring him to bring his face closer. He scoffed and climbed off his bike, pulling out the kickstand. He squared up to me, towering over me and undid the helmet before softly pulling it off my head.

"I'm not afraid of anything"

"Prove it" I urged, eyes sparkling. So this was what chemistry felt like. Pushing a strand of hair away from my face, Kris leaned in again, closer, to whisper in my ear. He smelt like expensive aftershave, cigarette smoke and bad decisions. I didn't know I liked that combination of smells until now. 

"Your father is watching us"

I whipped around to find my father watching, arms taut across his chest, standing in the doorway leading to our house. A strange car sat in the driveway but I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to ask about the owner judging from my fathers stance. I trotted obediently over to my father and moved into the house, avoiding eye contact. There were two women sitting in our living room across from my sister and family. I recognised the first, she had been there when I was sent to my room in disgrace, but the second women I had never seen before. She looked about Sophie's age and was reclining in my favourite chair, cupping a mug in her hands. 

"Hello?" 

"Rose, come. Sit" I slid into the seat next to my sister and scanned the documents spread out across the table. The words gestational, embryo and surrogacy stood out to me. I knew what that was. This was a surrogacy contract. As my family sat and discussed the documents in front of us and the possibility of the new woman being our surrogate, I read over the contract. Even though there was a niggling doubt in my mind that something was wrong, I stayed quiet and read the pages as Sophie chatted away, paving the way for her new life.

We took a break from the discussions around 6.30pm. The topic of a new generation of our family was obviously too much for one sitting so my good parents decided on giving the good doctor and the proposed surrogate a break. The good doctor was deep in conversation with my parents when I evacuated to the kitchen to catch my breath. I couldn't understand how Sophie and Seokmin were making such a big decision so easily. I thought I was getting second hand nervous, but I was clearly the only one in the room who felt even a glimmer of nerves. I headed into the kitchen to make a drink, allowing my thoughts to wander. 

This all seemed too good to be true. How does one simply decide they want a surrogate and then get the perfect one the next day? It took me at least three days to decide whether to buy trainers I liked, so it made not sense that my sister could just pick a woman out of thin air to carry her baby. The air around this whole situation was permeated with a tension it was apparent only I could feel. They were rushing into it. My bruised prize had taken a seat and I was determined to support them but this was happening to quickly. Sure, she looked good on paper, but who was she really? What did she do on her evenings out? What secrets was she hiding? Who was she?

"You're Rose right?" She questioned. She stood no less than ten feet away, the marble island separating us. Her arms were folded against her chest, her face bearing a look that said she expected me to know who she was. No doubt my family had been blowing smoke up her behind. it Rose, just it. 

"Mmhm"

"I, uh, we weren't properly introduced. I'm Jihee. My friends call me Jiji" she explained. Her stance had changed now, more apprehensive now. Her arrogance had depleted rapidly.  My seriousness always broke down barriers. 

"I'm sorry?" 

"Jiji. Like the cat from Kiki's delivery service"

"Ok" With a curt nod, I began to look for a clean mug. I was hankering for a hot coffee, hopefully one hot enough that I would burn my tastebuds off and be rendered unable to speak. At least then I'd know my tongue wouldn't betray my inner thoughts. 

"Could you tell me where the bathroom is?"

"Just down the hall there" I pointed across the table to the doorway that lead to the back of the house, barely sparing her a glance. I was going to be civil, but I didn't have to be friendly. A soft patter on the marble service however, piqued my interest and I couldn't help but look. She had placed her phone on the countertop and following my instructions, went off to find the downstairs bathroom. Sitting on the kitchen table like the holy grail, was the answer to my prayers. 

I pushed the promise to the back of my mind. I would be a better person tomorrow. If there were any secrets, I would find them. Holding her phone under the counter light, I thanked my lucky stars that this woman owned a Samsung. There in all its glory was the grease pattern her fingers had left on the screen. I traced it carefully and watched as her phone unlocked. Now that I was in I needed to find something incriminating, or lack of. If there was nothing to worry about, it would all be fine. I would step back and let Sophie take the reigns. But I had to be sure. Opening the messenger app, I scanned for a sweet little lie or a cold hard truth that would either cement or disprove my suspicions. Scanning the options, I clicked on the most recent message.

Judging from the messages, she was planning a night on the town with friends which could be purely innocent but I was already shrouded in suspicion. If she was really up to something, I bet I'd catch her in the act when she was relaxed with friends. No one was going to make a big mistake when there was a huge stack of money at stake. The sound of the tap running and the bathroom door opening shortly after brought me back to my sense. I clicked the phone off and slid it back to the place she had left it. Launching across the kitchen, I switched the kettle on and tried to strike what was a 'natural' pose as she turned the corner.

"Oh there it is"  She picked up her phone and smiled at me, "Thought I'd lost it" 

I watched her leave the kitchen befor pulling out my own phone. My fingers dwindled between the two numbers, darting. Instinctively, I pressed the number my eyes were drawn to. He would help me. The call starting ringing, but he picked it up almost instantly.

"Hey!"

"I need your help. Can you pick me up?"