five

The party was booming when we entered. Our school was well known for well off kids but Yongguk was on the higher end of the scale. The flawless marble floors were pounded against by the feet of party goers, throwing back drinks faster than you could count. I was still slightly irritated by Kai's outburst earlier but he was acting as if it had never happened. Arm slung across my shoulder, he steered me around the party, weaving our way through party goers in search of our friends. I wrapped my arms around my waist, pulling my jacket tighter to my body. Even when there were girls wearing skimpier outfits than me, I still felt . Eyes were on us as we walked through and although they weren't on me, I felt the heat of the spotlight shining down on me. It was Kai. I scanned the crowd expectantly.

"Is she here?" 

"Who?" Kai drifted. He was scanning the room, looking for someone. His eyes darted backwards and forth, searching. She had to be here. A tiny pinch collected in my gut. I was nervous. 

"The girl" I replied, placing a cautious hand on the arm slung across me and gently pushing it away. The movement disturbed his search as he looked down and frowned at me, ever so slightly.

"The girl you like" Recognition crossed over his face and the tips of his ears flushed pink. He smiled, embarassed, and looked away. He reached down and squeezed my hand softly. My skin buzzed, but I put it down to anticipation. This was to be the rager of the school year. I knew I would be drinking a lot of alcohol. He rubbed the back of his neck and averted his eyes.

"Yeah..I'm sure she's somewhere" his voice trailed off quietly and I wondered if he could see her, "I can see Baek and Chanyeol. Let's go"

Kai and I squeezed our way through the party guests until we were face to face with our friends who had settled into a corner and were deep in conversation. They perked up when we approached. Kai and Chanyeol greeted each other, while I exchanged a quick hug with Baekhyun. Even  though he was the shortest of the trio, he still managed to swamp me in size and I was greeted with a faceful of shirt. 

"I meant to congratulate you on your first win. That's a great way to start the year"

I beamed. While the boys were in the performance arts dept and I was in the athletics and science, we always did our best to support each other. We barely had any classes together besides homeroom, so it meant a lot that they put their time aside to watch my events. I always watched their performances. I took a glance at Kai, whose concentration was firmly fixed on Chanyeol telling him a story. Minki had joined the duo and offered me a curt wave before turning back to Chanyeol. Now was as good a moment as ever

"Hey Baek, can I ask you something"

"Yeah sure whatever"

"Who does Kai like?" Baekhyun halted before taking a sip from his drink. He scanned my face, trying to find a trace of invisble trap I was setting yet there was none. I just wanted to know. He rubbed the back of his neck. 

"You know I can't tell you that"

"Come on!"

Baekhyun smirked and tapped his nose. 

"Baekhyun!" I whined petulantly. I hated being on the outside looking in. I wanted to be in the know but Baekhyun showed no sign of moving, "Can you at least tell me something about her?" I took a glance at Kai to make sure he wasn't listening. His eyes were still firmly glued to Chanyeol, his attention anywhere but at me. Seeing this, Baekhyun conceded.

"What do you want to know?"

"What does she- I mean is she- Does she like-?"

"One question only" I took a deep breath. There was only one question I really needed the answer to.

"Is she-is she good enough for him?" My voice was shaking in anticipation. 

"She's perfect" Thank god. I forced a smile out. At least I knew Dream girl was good enough for him. I chanced a look at Kai who was talking now, deep in the conversation. I wondered if he knew how perfect he looked. I was so glad Dream girl was perfect. He didn't deserve anything less. 

"Oh my god! Jongin! Jongin? Is that you?" A female voice reached over the crowd and landed in our group, splitting the conversation in half. We all turned, myself, Kai, Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Minki to find the owner of the voice. As people moved to let the girl through, my heart sank. This had to be her. Long dark hair that fell straight to her waist. Pale skin and a slim figure. Not exactly, but almost the opposite of me. She wore an aubergine babydoll dress that showed off her legs. She was tall too, as she neared our group I realised she almost matched Kai for his height and she wasn't wearing heels like I was. 

"I can't believe it's you!" she declared, before throwing her arms around his neck and embracing him. An uncomfortable pause settled on the group. It wasn't unusual for girls to recognise Kai. He and Chanyeol and Baek were sufficiently popular, afterall, they were performance art students and they were amongst the higher calibre students. I was used to being deep in conversation and having to shuffle away when a girl came to talk to one of them, or begrudgingly having to stomp away when they wanted to confess to Kai. It wasn't the recognition that had put the group at ease. It was the hugging.

Kai...wasn't much of a hugger, or a toucher in general. I mean, he had no issues hugging his family members, his friends and me, but we were very close. Kai tended to keep everybody else at arms length. There was a fascination with him at our school and with all the confessions it was a wonder the female population that fancied him weren't constantly him like a pedigree cat. But Kai had an almost professional manner about everyone he wasn't close to. So I was understandably bewildered when the unknown female practically bowled us out the way and embraced him like a long lost lover. 

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" I asked incredulously, the shadow of a sneer creeping on my face. I had a loose control over my facial expressions at the best of times, but for some reason tonight I was geared to have no control whatsoever. Her arms retreated from around Kai's next and she took a long look at me. For a moment it was anything but friendly.

"I'm Areum. Jongin and I go way back" I almost had to stop myself from glaring at her now. Who even was she? I was suddenly overcome by a feeling of emptiness, as if my mind had been wiped clean of every piece of knowledge I had ever obtained. I thought I knew Kai, knew him better than I knew myself. Everyday, I was finding out that there were more and more things I didn't know about my best friend.

"Well how do you know each other then?"

"We met in May at the auditions"

"What auditions?" I interjected. 

"Oh" She laughed softly, "The auditions for the entertainment company-can't say which- Jongin is such an amazing dancer, he just sailed through, I know they just loved him. Didn't he tell you?" I sensed the slightest tone of arrogance as she spoke, mocking me for not knowing about that section of Kai's life. I smiled, blatantly aware that I was bristling to the touch. I felt fingers trace the outside of my wrist, searching for some sign that I was alright but I did not reciprocate. I couldn't stop the balling of my hand into a desprate fist so I drew it behind my back, sliding it into my pocket. I really hated secrets.

"I didn't know you went for an audition Kai. Why didn't you say so?" I asked rather pointedly. I felt him stiffen beside me and turn his head to look at me. We knew how to read each other and he knew I wasn't happy.

"Who's Kai? Your name's Jongin"

"Jongin" Kai repeated blankly, avoiding the fiery glare I was sending him. I couldn't help myself. I wore my heart on my sleeve.

"His name's Jongin sweetie" She smiled at me as if she thought I was mentally deficiant and returned her attention to Kai, "Oh he's just being modest" Areum declared, drapsing her arms across his left shoulder and laughing. Her laugh seemed to twinkle as she faced Kai and leaned into his body. I felt a prickly heat rising in my chest and as I looked away to find some sort of comfort, found Baekhyun looking an me, an unreadable expression on his face. I turned away, only to be met with Areum hanging off of Kai. I swallowed roughly and bit the inside of my cheek. She didn't seem like the girl. I don't know what I expected, but I had expected more. People might think I was being jealous but it was far from that. I just wanted the highest quality girl to be in his life. Even Aphrodite would barely pass the standard I had set for the next woman in his life.

A shallow ache had set in my stomach. I needed something to drink. I hadn't eaten earlier so I knew it was a stupid idea but I didn't let that phase me. I clapped my hands together.

"Well this has been lovely, but I want a drink. Anyone else want a drink? Minki!" Before letting any replies reach me, I had grabbed Minki's wrist and was frogmarching her over to the drink table. I weaved through the partygoers, who were rocking it out to the latest Drake, and only slowed when my hip was pressed into the bar. It was only when Minki tapped me on the shoulder that I realised I had been scowling. 

"Seriously Rose, fix your face" I stuck my tongue out and rolled my eyes, allowing my face to relax. I didn't want frown lines. I doubt they would look good in pictures. Instead, I leaned against the drinks table and gazed over at Kai, our friends and the girl who suddenly had all their attention. I didn't like it. I didn't like her. I

"I can't believe him" I spoke through a clenched door. Look at him over there. Kai was leaning against the wall now, chatting to his mate and her, looking as cool as a cucumber, oblivious to the fact that I was a burning ball of misplaced rage. 

"I don't like her either. Look at the way she's throwing herself at him" I scowled, watching as she Kai's arm. She was being way too friendly and it was taking all my willpower not to storm over there and separate them. Minki raised her eyebrows at me, taken aback.

"Jeez Rose, tell me what you really think" I turned to face Minki, a look  of pure concentration written across my face. I needed her to understand. I wasn't just being crazy.

"Listen Min" I leaned in, not trying to give away Kai's secret, "Kai admitted that he likes someone. Like really likes someone. And I don't want her getting in the way of that" I jerked my thumb in their direction and scoffed. I mean, I understood where she was coming from. Kai was... Kai. Girls wanted him, guys wanted to be him. He had this magnetism that no one else had. I understood why she was leaning into him, hanging on his every word. But I didn't have to like it. Running my fingers through my hair, I reached for a plastic cup and scanned the table. There was a lot more alcohol that I thought there would be. One thing could be said about rich kids. Daddy's money sure did talk.

"What's your poison, Min?"

"Can I just get some punch?" 

I dared to look at her through the side of her eye and saw her nibbling the corner of her lip. At least one of us was bothering to follow the carefully set out athletes diet that coach had chosen. I poured some punch into the cup in my hand and passed it to her, before grabbing another cup  and reaching for a fresh bottle of rum. I watched the golden liquid tumble into my cup and didn't stop until it was over the reasonable limit. I could feel Minki watching me but I didn't care. I topped the drink up with some coke and took a sip.

"Sweet Jesus, that's strong" I took a second gulp and felt that familiar heat coming over me. Something was bound to happen tonight. I gestured towards Minki,

"Fancy a sip?" Minki leaned in and sniffed. Her nose wrinkled and she stood backwards,

"That smells disgusting, Rose" I shrugged and took a few more big gulps. Minki was right. This drink was way too strong. I turned to reach for more cola when I collided into a tall figure. My drink decided to defy the law of gravity though I tried to stop it and sloshed over my hand, my jacket and the stranger's shirt. I in a breath and froze. Oh god. I looked up as the stranger lifted his hand to his mouth and took a tiny . Oh god. My drink had gone everywhere.

"I am so sorry" I breathed. My drink was definitely too strong. I slammed it down on the table and searched desperately for napkins. 

"Rum and coke...Nice drink choice" He smiled and I relaxed. I smirked back and mellowed out. I pointed at his shirt. 

"I'm sure I can get you a napkin for that or something. Come" I motioned to walk away but realised the crowd was thick in front of me. Cursing myself, I wrapped my hand around the strangers wrist and started to walk away from the table. Minki was watching me with the smuggest look I had ever seen. I squinted angrily at her. 

"Oh shut up!" I growled mockingly and pushed past her. It look a lot longer than expected to find the kitchen. And so I was holding onto the stranger a lot longer than I had expected. When we finally reached the kitchen, a few party stragglers were with us. I was boiling from the heat of the party and the heat of my jacket. Removing my hand from the strangers, I ed my jacket and slung it over the counter, searching for something to clean up the mess I had made. As I pulled open a cupboard I could barely reached, I spotted napkins and strained to reach them. Sensing movement, I turned to find the stranger leaning over me, reaching into the cupboard himself, reaching so easily what I could not. I leant back, the shock more than anything forcing me backwards. He smirked down at me, paper towels in hand and took a step back.

"Sorry" he held a hand up, still smiling, "I noticed you were struggling". He placed the napkins on the table and started to dab the wet material. 

"Let me" I trotted over and grasping a fistful of napkins, started to dab at his shirt. It was only when he started shaking that I realised the futility of it all. I was basically just running my hands over a stranger.

"Stop laughing" I reddened, wishing I had bangs to cover the embarassment. I gestured lacksidasically at his shirt, "I think it would be better if..."

"Should I take it off?" he was smirking now, definitely teasing me. I stuck my hip out, resting one hand against it and ran my sight across him, staring from his shoes, all the way to his eyes.

"Do you want your shirt clean or not?" He laughed and turned away, ing his shirt lightning fast and placing it across the marble kitchen surface. He leaned his long physique against the counter as I started to press the napkins against the material, forcing myself not to look at him. It's always hard not to when you know someone is looking at you. 

"Do you always throw your drinks over guys you think are good looking" The question broke the silence and I couldn't help but take a look at him now. Was he flirting at me? I scoffed, mouth open, my tongue pressed against the roof of my mouth. eyes bright. He was daring me to respond, a devilish look in his eyes.

"I prefer to know the names of the guys I flirt with" I quipped, pressing fresh napkins against his shirt. Most of the drink was gone now, leaving a sticky dampness behind. I picked the shirt up and gave it a shake, motioning to give it to him.

"Kris"

"Hm?"

"The name's Kris"

He was definitely flirting with me. I chucked the shirt at him, which he caught and slung over his shoudler. Kris was watching me expectantly. Oh. He wanted my name. This stranger wanted my name. As I looked at him, I couldn't help but compare him to Kai. He was tall, taller even than Kai. He had dark hair, slicked back and his ears were pierced. I hated to reach for stereotypes but I sensed the taste of danger looking at him. Maybe he was adrenaline junkie like myself. Kris reached over and touched one of my curls, taking a deep gaze into my eyes. I couldn't help myself.

"I'm Rosalie, but people call me-"

"Ro" I jumped and whipped around to find Kai watching us from the kitchen doorway. His hands were buried deep in his pockets and he was watching us with a look I had never seen before etched across his face. I suddenly felt tiny under his gaze. I took a step away from Kris, my lock of hair falling from between his fingers. I swallowed nervously.

"Kai, this is Kris"

"Hey, man" Kris leaned forward, pushing his body away from the counter and stuck his hand out. The look disappeared from Kai and he shook Kris's hand. Kai looked away from me, giving Kris his full attention and for a moment, the boy I knew reappeared.

"I'm Kai, nice to meet you" Kai nodded in my direction, "Mind if I steal her for a bit?"

"She your girlfriend?"

"Yes"

I stared at Kai, eyes wide. What the hell did he just say? Kris leaned back taking in Kai's answer and chanced a look at me.

"No I'm not" I blurted, my eyes darting between the two of them. What the hell was Kai doing? "We're best friends. Excuse me" An angry flush was spreading over me as I strode towards Kai and gripped his arm, yanking away from the kitchen and into a closet . The closet was big enough for us to wander around in so when I found a space empty of coats, I stopped and spun around to glare at Kai. He was glaring back with quiet indignation. What had gotten into him tonight? 

"What the hell is your problem?" I demanded, searching Kai's eyes for an answer. He was looking at me but not really seeing me. I almost didn't recognise him. His lips were pursed together in a straight line and I knew in my heart of hearts that I wasn't going to like the answer he gave me.

"Who was that guy?" I grimaced at the excuse and turned away, wrapping my hands under my elbows. I my lips slowly, trying to think of a reasonable response. That anger that I had felt earlier was bubbling up again and this time I couldn't control it by running away. My heckles were up. It wasn't jealousy. It was anger at Kai's pedestrian sense of loyalty. What happened to being in love with some girl? I refused to believe it had been the one who had treated me like an idiot earlier. I hoped he at least liked girls with manners. I twisted my mouth, doing my best look of indecision I could muster but it was no use. Balling my fists up, I turned back to face Kai.

"I don't know why I have to explain myself to you!" 

"I thought I was your best friend-"

"Well I thought I was your best friend too but apparently we have very different definitions of friendship considering the way you're keeping secrets"

"Ro, it's not like that-"

"You can't just keep doing that to me Kai! You have someone you like, why can't I!" I snapped, wanting to melt him with my gaze. But Kai was impervious to my anger. He walked over and with gentle hands, cupped the sides of my face, lifting it to meet his. Looking deep into my eyes, he spoke, words escaping from those perfect rose lips,

"I'm sorry" Unable to look away and knowing it, Kai pouted, sticking out his bottom lip as far as he could. I growled.

"If sorry fixed everything there wouldn't be laws and police" I couldn't stop myself from breaking into a smile and neither could Kai. His hands slipped from my face to his side and he burst out laughing. Shaking his head he laughed and spoke,

"I never should have showed you that drama"

"Let's get out of this closet" I waved my hand, trying to waft any dust that could be floating around out of my face. I pushed the door open and exited, Kai following close behind me. A few faces were turned in our direction and I could only imagine the suggestive thoughts going through their heads.

"Dance with me" Kai's breath was hot against my skin. Even though I was still mad at him for what he had just done, something in me couldn't resist. His hand was pressed into the ball of my back and as we were surrounded by people, I had no choice but to remain there. I glared at him.

"I'm still mad at you"

"Well can you stop being mad at me for one song?" I allowed Kai to drag me onto the dancefloor, slipping through the other dancing party goers until we reached the center. Kai started to rock to the beat, moving his body in time. With my hands still in his, Kai forced me to move with him, tangoing with him. Movement happened so easily for him. Even when he was messing about, Kai moved like an angel. He could dance circles around me at a square dance. Every step was effortless yet calculated, every roll of shoulder, flicker of his eyelashes. It was all part of the dance and I tried my best to keep up. As Kai spun me, the beat of the song changed into something more familiar. Wild thoughts. I loved this song and evidently many people who hadn't been on the dancefloor were thinking the same.

As another dancer pressed into my back, nudging me for more space, Kai s his arm around my waist and pulled my closer. Instinctively, I brought my arms up, pressing them against my chest, the only barrier between Kai's chest and mine. Kai smirked, the smile travelling to his eyes. We were almost nose to nose and I couldn't deny that it felt electric. We were never this close. Heck, I was never this close with anyone, and with the alcohol mingling in our spirits, I only wanted to get closer. Sliding my arms loosely around his neck, I let Kai pull me closer until I was pressed against his chest, my lips inches away from his neck.

A great wave of heat was rushing over me and I couldn't tell if it was the alcohol in my veins or the smell of Kai's aftershave that was killing me. I shuddered softly, feeling the way his handprint burned into my skin, hairs standing on end. It never felt like this when he touched me. It was strange, yet intoxicating. For a moment, I let my mind go blank as I let Kai lead me in the dance. His hips lead mine into the beat and as I dared to take a look into his eyes. Drinking me in, Kai slowly brushed his nose against mine, our lips a whisper apart. 

"Kai?" 

"Jongin!" A hand reached in through the darkness and just like that, the look was gone. I turned to find Areum beaming at us. Her hand was resting on his arm and while it was no business of mine what went on between them, an angry prickly feeling was settling in the back of my mind. I was a woman obsessed. I had so many dreams for Kai, and she was getting in my way.

"You don't mind if I steal Jongin for a moment do you?" 

Almost automatically I released Kai from my grips, my body slinking out of his grasp. The spell was broken now. Areum popping up between simply reminded me of the expiry date hovering over our friendship. Kai had someone that he felt closer to than me, and no matter how close I got to him, Dream girl would always come between us. I shrugged reluctantly, nodding at Areum.

"Yeah, I'm gonna get some fresh air"

I had been sitting outside in the cold, the throbbing of the base for company for a good while before Kai found me. I felt him sit down next to me on the cold pavement. I couldn't tell whether the cool feeling was from the night air, the rain or the frosty welcome I was giving him. 

"Where's your jacket? It's cold out" Kai asked, nudging me softly with his elbow. I took a swig from the bottle I had swiped from the kitchen on my way out. A noxious concoction of whatever alcohol the owner could find, I choked down the liquid and had to stop myself from gagging. Kai opted out of taking a swig when I offered the bottle to him. Instead, he took it from my hand and sat it down beside him, far from my reach.

"When are you going to tell me who Dream girl is?"

"Who now?"

"The girl you like?" I desperately wanted to be let in, to not be blind-sided when the time came for our friendship to fizzle out. Kai meant the world to me, but I knew that as soon as he got the girl of his dreams I would be phased out. It was one of the things I loved about him. Kai was committed to the things he loved.

"She better not be it though"

"Who better not be it"

"Areum" Kai scoffed.I nodded, ferociously. 

"Don't you dare laugh Kai, don't you dare"

"Ro, how much of that did you drink" I grimaced at him and looked away. I was angry, so very angry I almost couldn't understand it. I felt loyalty towards this girl he liked. So much had happened tonight that I didn't understand.

"I can't believe you Kai. Dream girl was here and you were just flirting with everyone!" I reprimanded. I hated how boys could proposde undying love to someone and then change their mind as soon as the next pretty skirt walked past. I didn't think Kai was like that but people changed. I felt angry tears filling my throat and I knew I had drunk too much. Why was I feeling this so intensely? Kai grinned at me, shaking his head. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me towards him until my forehead was resting against his. 

"Ro, do you think I would do that to someone I love?"

"Urgh, you're so clumsy. Give it here!" The second girl snatched the large glass from the first girls hand, sloshing the mixture over their shoes. She tutted loudly, 

"If you can't carry the bloody thing, I'll carry it for you"

Carry it for you. In a cloud of haze, there was the answer. Something so simple. Clarity reached me, breaking apart the alcohol that had got me entangled in Kai and endless possibilities. I struggled up onto my feet, pulling my skirt hem down as it had ridden up and started to run. I had to get home. I needed to get back. Calls of my name echoed after me but I was fast and determined. Even though I paused to take my boots off, I flew through the street lights, heels beating against my back in search of my home.

When I reached my home, my feet were red raw and my body was covered in the dewy glow of sweat. Heaving husky breathes, I reached for my pocket, only realising at that moment that I no longer had my jacket. I fumbled around on my hands and knees, searching until I found the spare keys. Forcing the door open, I slid across the floor, my feet floundering under me. I struggled to close the door. The house was dead quiet, the ticking of the kitchen clock offset the sound of my feet padding up the stairs. My feet were tender and the landing seemed to rock left and right but I knew the house well enough to reach the room my sister I was in. I leaned on the door, trying to catch my breath forgetting entirely the ridiculousness of my alcoholic strength. I heard an audible click as the door swung open and the floor swung up to meet me.

"Ow" I groaned, rolling onto my back. From upside down I could see Seokmin and Sophie shoot up in bed, searching frantically for the source of the noise. Seokmin had placed his arm protectively acrosss Sophie's body. I couldn't help but aw but it came out as a drunken murmur.

"Rose?"

Sophie and Seokmin had transported from the bed to my side, leaning over me like concerned parents. The worry was written across their faces. They both looked so tired. Seokmin gingerly toughed my forehead.

"She's alright. Just a bit drunk"

I grabbed Seokmin by the shoulders, shaking him ferociously. He attempted to lean away but I was holding on for dear life. 

"Seokmin!" I hollered. His eyes were darting back and forth as I dug my nails in, "Give me your baby"

[A/N Apologies for taking so long to update. There was something that wasn't sitting well with me about this chapter and I couldn't figure it out until now]