*Hanahaki's disease is a disease where a person would throw up flower petals if their love is unrequited

N loves s so, so much. More than he should, actually. He loves them more than just friends, more than just family; he loves them as a part of himself. In fact, he loves them more than he loves himself.

And he always thought that they love him as well but they just doesn't show it because of their pride. He always thought that deep down, they actually do love him back. He always thought that he means something to them. 

But that one morning, when he goes into the bathroom and throws up 5 petals of different flowers, he realize that he was wrong. 

They never love him. 

"You smell like flowers. "That is what Leo tells him when he sees him that day and N smiles. 

"Really?" He asks, clenching his hands tighter to hide the white petals he just coughed out a few moments earlier. 

Leo nods. "Did you change your perfume? "He wonders. 

"Yup! Do you like it? "N lies and just smiles wider when Leo shakes his head. 

"I hate flowers. "He admits. 

"What about me? "

"You? "

"Do you like me? Or do you hate me like how you hate flowers? "N demands, voice suddenly serious. 

Leo stares at him, shrugs then simply walks away, leaving him without answer that he actually already have. 

"Wow. Your room look like those room for newly weds couple. "Ken comments when that night, he enters N's room to talk to him only to be met with a sight of 5 different coloured flower petals scattered all over the floor. 

Startled by Ken's sudden appearance, N quickly sits up, panic written over his face. "What do you need? "He asks because he knows, they will never come to him unless there's something that they need. 

"Nothing. I just want to tell you that I'm going out and I'm not coming home tonight so don't call me. "Ken says nonchalantly and N nods. 

"Take care. "He says just as the younger leave and Ken merely scoffs at that. 

That day, N volunteers to pick Ravi and Hongbin up from their photo shoot site to their next schedule as their manager has to send both Ken and Leo to their musicals. 

As soon as he enters the car, the first thing that Hongbin says is "You look awful, hyung. " Yes, N looks very awful, his face is pale and sickly not to mention how prominent his features are thanks to his drastic weight loss. 

As usual, N just smiles. "I'm fine. "He says but soon after, he coughs loudly and the cough even last longer than it should, making both the same aged friends grimace, as if disgusted. 

"If you're sick then you shouldn't come and pick us up. You'll get us infected. "Ravi states matter of factly but instead of answering, N just covers his mouth with a handkerchief, sighing bitterly when he pulls it away only to see purple and red flower petals adoring it. 

It is Hyuk, it is the maknae who found N in his weakest state. Both him and N were in the dorm since they have the day off and when N still haven't come out of his room even once eventhough it's already late in the evening, Hyuk comes looking for him only to see the leader curled on his bed with flower petals of different colours all over him; on the bed and floor. But what's shocking about the sight isn't all that flower petals, but the trickle of blood steadily flowing down the leader's nose and mouth. 

Even when Hyuk screams in fear and shock, N doesn't even budge, his eyes stares blankly at nothing. 

And even when the ambulance comes and takes him away, N doesn't utter even a word as the only things that comes out of his mouth are blood and flower petals. 

Surgery. 

That is what N has to go through once he's admitted to the hospital. 

The doctors has told them if they doesn't perform surgery to remove the root of the flower immediately, N won't survive the night. 

So, their manager, who's the one in charge at the moment, is forced to allow the surgery.

Eventhough they know the risk that comes with the surgery, they had to allow it, for N's sake. Or perhaps theirs?

Loveless.

That's the best way to describe N now. 

After getting his weird disease fixed, N is now unable to love or even to feel love. 

He can still feel anger, hurt, disappointment, sadness, and even happines but not love . 

To him now, love no longer has any meaning. 

"Hyung, we love you. "Ken has said when they are finally taking N home from the hospital. 

Instead of saying that he loves them too, N smiles. Yes, he smiles, just like he always do but there's no affection in his eyes. 

"Its too late for that. "