CHAPTER 61: Special Chapter 2

Hanna pov

I was sitting in front of the mirror, looking at my swollen eyes bag.

God, how can I cover this up?

Ah, whatever! Jonghyun had seen it, anyway.

I sighed. My gaze was still on my reflection in the mirror, but my mind wanders.

He left, Hanna.

He decided to leave.

He didn't even give you chance to tell your feeling.

So just let him go.

This is the closure.

I put a smile on my face before telling myself, "You are Kim Jonghyun's beloved girlfriend, Hanna. Don't think about other guy starts from now."

I got up, took my sling bag and went out her room, ready to have a date with my beloved boyfriend.

-00-

As we walked together to the bus stop, Jonghyun asked, "Hanna .. this morning when I finished delivering milk, I saw you out of Minhyun's house."

I cursed myself in my mind as I remembered my foolish action.

"Why’d you go there?" Jonghyun asked carefully.

"I .. I'm just surprised to read Minhyun's message that he goes to Busan. He rarely takes a vacation there, right? So I go to his house just to make sure."

I'm not lying. I really went there to check whether he already left or not. But I just don’t tell Jonghyun what happened the night before.

Jonghyun seemed understanding my reason. "Aaah yes. I was also surprised to know that he suddenly went to Busan. I wonder what would happen with his salt allergy if he stayed there long."

I nodded. That's what I've been thinking of, why Minhyun had to force himself to spend holiday in Busan when the weather in Busan didn’t suit him.

The talk about Minhyun ended there. Jonghyun didn’t ask why I went to Minhyun's house still wearing pajamas and barefoot. Jonghyun also didn’t mention the piece of paper that was in my hand. I was already relieved by that.

But then Jonghyun asked, “Hanna, you look tired. Do you want us to go back home? "

Oh? Do I look really tired?

I cursed myself again.

Hanna, don't make your boyfriend worry!

I shook my head, "No. I want to walk with you, Jonghyun ah.. I wanna spend this day with you." I told him firmly.

Fortunately Jonghyun smiled. "Alright then."

Jonghyun opened his hand, beckoning me to hold it.

I looked at his opened hand as I think, I should stop thinking about Minhyun, Jonghyun is the one who open his hand for me.

In the end, I held his hand tight.

In order to get rest, Jonghyun decided to take me to a place that is not too far from our houses, which is to the elementary school where we have studied together.

We just sat on the edge of the field while staring toward the building, because the school building is locked considering that day was holiday. Jonghyun started the conversation with asking me if I still remember how I was in elementary school.

He said I was cute and we started to reminisce our memory back when we were kids. And if we talked about our childhood memory, that certain memory when we played as Snow White and Prince is inevitable. I asked him whether he started liking me since, but he answered no. He liked me since I comforted him when his mom left. He even explained it by taking my hand and placed it on his cheek. "Like this .. I wish you'll stay by my side for a long looong time, Hanna."

As my hand on his cheek, I stared at Jonghyun's eyes and somehow caught the sadness.

It was like he scared that our relationship won't last long.

But as I think about it, I was also scared. I was scared that our relationship won't last long, because even in this situation, I can't help but to think about Minhyun. My mind wandered to the time I was chosen to be Snow White and Jonghyun chosen to be the Prince. That time, Minhyun whined that he wanted to be the Prince instead of one of the dwarfs. That time when Jonghyun refused to kiss the Snow White, Minhyun came and kissed my cheek. That time I hit him while screaming, "I don't want to be kissed by dwarf!!"

That memory.. that precious memory that often overshadowed by my memory with Jonghyun.. why suddenly showing up again?

We continued the trip to our original destination. Everland. A recreational park that is often used as a place of dating.

But once we arrived at Everland, we should be surprised by the large number of visitors. Since we already bought the tickets, we decided to just go in.

The first ride that we tried was Hurricane rides. A rotating pendulum roller coaster that allows riders to feel what it's like to be caught in a hurricane. We laughed as we held hands as the pendulum swirled us with dizziness. Finished with the rides, we moved to the more challenging rides, The Double Rock Spin. The rides made us feel what it was like to be in a washing machine, because the ride would rotate at 360º for 5 to 6 consecutive rounds. Jonghyun was quite sick after riding those two rides, but I insisted on riding the Rolling X train. The rides boosted spiral rotations and two complete 360º loop-to-loop sections. I insisted on riding that ride because I need to lose the tense in my body more. Riding those two previous rides weren't enough to let go of all the emotion inside my heart. I need more challenging, more thrilling ride that can make me scream so loud without looking strange. I wanted to scream so loud without Jonghyun knowing the real reason behind my scream. After riding three rides, I was quite satisfied, even though there was still some uneasy feeling inside my heart, but it has lessened.

I was ready to walk together with Jonghyun again, but he made a mistake. A big mistake that made me go back to square one. He offered me an ice cream.

A simple offer of ice cream could drop my mood hard.

"Hanna, do you want ice cream?"

"Oh?" I shook my head and told him firmly, "No."

"Why? It's so hot. I think a scoop of ice cream will be refreshing."

I firmly shook my head signing a No.

No. I don't need to buy something that remind me of him. Only hearing the word ice cream, my mind already flight back to the time when he deliberately eat his ice cream messily just to take my attention.

No. Don't remind me of him again, Jonghyun ah. I've worked so hard to forget him today.

Then we continued to look for a food court for us to have our late lunch. Because there were so many people, all the food court was full of visitors. We just found the food court that quite empty in the arena near Safari World.

. Why we need to eat here? I directly cursed beneath my breath.

Why we need to have our lunch near the Safari World? It reminds me of him again. It reminded me to the time I had lunch with him and Grace in the zoo. We saw so may families having lunch together, and how we looked like them. I’m as Grace's mom and he’s as her dad. And the sight I saw at this moment was the exact copy of that time. I hate it, why everything reminds me of him!

Stop it, Hanna! You're with Jonghyun now. Stop thinking about other guy!

So I ate really fast, in order to make us leave this food court sooner, to make me not thinking about that moment again.

After eating, I asked to get out of Everland. Unexpectedly, Jonghyun took me to Yeouido Park.

"Yeouido?" I was surprised when Jonghyun mentioned the place.

"Yeah, Yeouido. We haven’t been there at that time. I want to replace the loss of opportunity by going there with you now."

Why Yeouido out of all the place? I'm scared, Jonghyun ah. I'm scared it will remind me of him, again.

But I can't say no to Jonghyun.

Jonghyun will replace that memory, Hanna, don't worry.

I nodded as I agreed.

We took a bus to Yeouido Island. Once there, we look around and luckily the situation is not too crowded. Of course, Yeouido Park is the most crowded in spring, not in summer.

Then somehow, Jonghyun asked me, "Hanna, do you want to ride around on a bicycle?"

Bike?

I shook her head firmly. "No."

I could see Jonghyun was quite confused with my answer, but I firmly objected that idea.

I don't want to remember the time Minhyun took me for a bike, Jonghyun ah. I'm sorry. I don't want to do the things we have did together.

Seeing Jonghyun's disappointed face, I hastened to add, "If we walk, we can hold hands like this, Jonghyun ah.. That's what I want."

Jonghyun smiled as his hands intertwined with mine.

Accompanied by a bright sunlight and a warm breeze, we walked around Yeouido Park side by side while our hands intertwined.

Jonghyun then started a conversation. "Hanna, don’t know why, but I feel like I want to thank you. Thank you for being by my side. Thank you for this moment."

I wanted to cut Jonghyun’s words, but he continued.

"I know you don’t like me to thank you, but I feel I have to say it, because you have given me more than I asked for, Hanna."

I was silent as my stare lost in how Jonghyun calmly thank me.

He added, "You must be surprised when I suddenly confess. Not even a week since my dad's departure, but I'm already looking for a romance. That sounds bad, right?”

I told Jonghyun firmly, "No, I understand that. There’s no such things called too soon or too late for you to be happy. You deserve to be happy whenever you want, Jonghyun ah."

A smile painted on Jonghyun’s face. "This is why I like you, Hanna. You can always understand me.” Jonghyun paused for a moment to look at my eyes deeply before then continued walking, “Yes, you're right, I deserve to be happy at any time, but even in my happy time I'm also afraid. Will it last long?"

Jonghyun’s last sentence hit me hard.

Moreover when Jonghyun continued, "If you look back, you're always there when I need you, but I don’t think I have really given my time to you, Hanna. I'm not with you in your crucial moments, I'm too busy with myself."

I looked at Jonghyun deeply as I said, "I understand that, Jonghyun ah. You can be survive with your circumstances for me it's already great."

"But I want you to need me too, Hanna.” Jonghyun responded fast. “I want to be the one you can count on."

"I like to be the one who you can count on." Suddenly the words Minhyun said was replaying in my mind.

I paused walking and stared at Jonghyun.

Hanna, can't you stop? The one who's with you right now is Jonghyun, not him!

Calmly Jonghyun asked me, "Did I ever say you are my first love?"

I nodded. "Yes, you said that when you confess your feeling to me. I still remember, you give me orange rose that means first love. "

Jonghyun laughed softly. "Yes, that orange rose. Ah, I should've bought you a bouquet full of roses, why did I just give a single rose?? I'm such a fool! Things like that what makes me often feeling regret. Hanna, I should be able to do more for you, but because of my lackings, I cannot give the best for you."

"It's okay.. That has already made me happy." I said it soft and sincere. "You should know that you're also my first love, Jonghyun ah."

Jonghyun smiled. "Really?"

I nodded. "I have told you, that I started to like you since the play in our last year in elementary school, right? I like you since then."

But listened to what Hanna saying, Jonghyun sighed. "See? You even like me before I like you."

Listened to his respond, I was speechless. "Jonghyun ah, what’s wrong with you? Why are you being like this?"

Jonghyun let go of his hands on me and started to caress my cheek. "No. It’t just.. I feel honored, Hanna."

I was silent, didn’t know how to respond him.

Jonghyun then continued, "But, Hanna .. people say that first love won’t be last. What should we do? "

I held Jonghyun’s hand that caress my cheek. "No, it will work for us." I told him firmly.

It will work. It must.

Jonghyun nodded and smiled, he invited me to walk again as he said, "I hope so, Hanna. But there's an interesting thing." He turned to see me and asked, "Do you ever read a graph of a radioactive decay?"

“Uhm?”

"The radioactive decay is a perfect example of exponential decay.” Here, Jonghyun started to say the scientific things again. “In short, it never decays completely. The same thing is there with first love, if you're lucky then your love will last, but either way it never completely decays."

I was still confused. "What does it mean?"

Jonghyun tried to conclude, "For the first love that does not last, it will stay."

I was silent. That words suddenly reminded me that Minhyun ever said that I'm his first love. And the thought of his feeling never completely gone distracted my thought. I shook my head as I firmly said, "Ours will last, Jonghyun ah. It's a must."

Jonghyun tightened his grab on my hand as he responded, "I hope so, Hanna. Let the others not last. But ours is different. Let's be selfish this time. "

Yes, let's be selfish. Because he chose to leave. Because he's already gone.

I nodded firmly.

We continued to walk again as we watched the sun setting down.

"But Hanna, I'm sorry." Jonghyun started again.

"Why apologize again?" I heaved a sigh.

But Jonghyun looked so serious. "Back then, I .." He bent his head down as he felt difficult to complete the sentence. “Back then I refused your invitation to get here. I’m sorry.”

I was silent. Actually I didn’t want to remember it again, because when I remembered that moment, another person come up in my mind.

But Jonghyun continued his sentence, "No matter how many times I think of it, I'll always feel regret. If at that time I accepted your invitation, we could be together longer."

I was silent for a moment before taking courage to ask, "Did you lie to me then, Jonghyun ah?"

Jonghyun slowly nodded. "Actually I didn’t have to go helping Chef at that moment. I was just confused, what I should do if you confess your feelings to me. I’m.. I’m not ready. I am really a fool, right? You must be very sad then."

"Yes, I was really sad and really mad at you then. I felt that your Chef is much more important than I am. I’m nothing to you."

"That’s why I asked Minhyun to come to you."

What??

I suddenly stopped walking. "Wait. So then, you asked Minhyun to come to see me?"

Jonghyun slowly nodded. "That's because I know he can make you smile again."

Please, it's enough that I hurt him, Jonghyun ah. You don't need to hurt him too.  

I heaved a heavy sigh before saying, "Never do that again, Jonghyun ah."

"Uhm?" Jonghyun was surprised to hear my response.

But I repeated firmly. "Don’t drag Minhyun on our relationship, ever again!"

The emotion that was inside my heart was spoken.

Jonghyun was silent, but a second later he smiled. He walked closer to me and slipped the strain of my hair to the back of my ear softly. "You don’t like me doing that?"

I nodded. "I'm your girlfriend, Jonghyun ah. You should be the only one who can make me smile. You should be the only one who like me."

You should be the only one. He shouldn't like me. I shouldn't like him too. You sh