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THE PAST

So we ignore each other and pretend the other person doesn’t exist, but deep down, we both know it wasn’t supposed to end like this. He was my secret, my beautiful secret and I was his. That was how our story began but not quite how it ended. 

Being a part on the entertainment industry meant I had absolutely no privacy whatsoever. I was fine with that until him. We knew each other since I started out as a trainee at the company and it was the hardest days of my life but he was there for me every step of the way. He helped me learn my dance moves even after he debuted and barely had any time to sleep. He brings me food when I practice all alone at night. He calls me regularly to make sure I was motivated and doing good. It’s those things that gets to you, you know? The effort he puts into our relationship was so precious to me. By the time I was starting to be able to cope with being away from home he was a part of one of the most well known K-pop boy bands. That’s right, he’s a part of BigBang. It’s cool isn’t it being so close with one of the most well known boy bands in South Korea. But no one else knew. We kept our friendship to ourselves. No one knew. He saw me after staff working hours or outside the company which was why no one ever suspect or found out. Like I told you, being well known doesn’t always mean you get what you want.

The first ever time he ever said he loves me was on my birthday that I have completely forgotten about. I spent the whole day practicing and by 10pm I was still at the company practicing. It was around 11.30pm when Jiyong turns up with a cupcake and a lit candle singing me happy birthday. It was the first time since I left home that cried with the tears of happiness. I made a wish and blew out the candle. We shared the cupcake he got me and lied on the floor of the room talking till almost 2am. As he was walking me back to my apartment, he held my hand which was the first time. By the time we got to the front door of my apartment, he stopped me before I open my apartment door and told me he loves me. It might not have seen like something special or magical but it was to me. After he told me he loves me he placed a soft kiss on my lips before opening the door for me to go inside. He left before I could even said anything. The first time I said I love him was after his first ever was after his first ever tour. He was tired and exhausted from the performance but he came over to my apartment to see me because he said he wanted to celebrate it with me. So while he was performing I cooked his favorite food. My apartment wasn’t big but it was cozy. When he got to my apartment he ate the food and moved to the living area to watch a movie. I don’t know how we got to cuddling but when I woke up he had his arms around me as we were lying on the couch. I turned around to face him but his eyes were shut close and his breathing was soft. That was when I said I love him but I guess he wasn’t as sleep as right after I said I love him he gave me a peck on my lips saying he knows which made me blush like crazy. He then slowly holds me tighter and placed his lips on mine. His tongue invades my mouth and I soft moan without realizing. One of his hand was in my hair and the other was roaming around my waist and back. It felt amazing and I was burning up as his hand slides further up my waist to the side of my then he stopped. He said that we should wait a little longer so I don’t regret anything which we did. 

We spent as much time as we could together and never got bored of each other. It was some of the best times of my life. He would take me places he went during his trainee years when he was stressed and when he needed to clear his head. I remember that night so clearly like it was yesterday.

Looking out at the bright lights from across the Han River, for a moment I almost forgot all the things I was stressed and worried about.

“Don’t you just feel better already?” He asked

“Thank you Jiyong.” I said looking at him. It was such a beautiful and peaceful moment.

“You know I would do anything for you.” He replied with a bright smile and put his hand on my head shaking it adoringly. He loves doing it and I love it when he does. 

“I love you, yea? Whatever happens just know that I do okay?” He said which caught me by surprise. Not that he have never said he loves me before but the fact that he said that whatever happens he always will as if something was going to happen.

“And I love you too. Is everything okay?” I asked

“Yea. I just wanted you to know.” He said and gave me a reassuring smile which I gave him one back.

After the Han river, we went to Jiyong’s new apartment he got after 3 years of his hard work. It was beautiful and huge. He decorated with paintings, sculptures and modern furnitures.

“Ji” I called out his name as I was looking for something we could eat 

“Yea?”

“There’s literally nothing we can eat here!”

“I know I know I just haven't been home in a week so I haven’t had the time to go grocery shopping. I’ll go buy something from the supermarket downstairs. What do you want me to buy?” He asked. He have been on tour for the past week in Japan which I’m very proud of him.

“No, I’ll go. You stay here and have a shower. I’ll be back and cook us dinner okay?” I said as I grab my bag from the couch in the living room.

“Are you sure?” He asked

“Yea” I gave him a smile

“Alright, be quick. I have missed you.” He said gave me a peck on the lips and squeeze me tight around his arms.

“Hehe, I’ll be right back.” I said and left to get ingredient to cook some light late night meal.

When I got back, Jiyong’s hair was went and he was lying on the couch watching TV.

“Hey, you’re back!” Jiyong said excitedly which made me smile

“Yea, are you hungry?” 

“Starved. Need help?”

“Sure.” I smiled and started cooking. It took us awhile as Jiyong kept distracting me with his kisses and hugs.

I place our soup on the dinning table and we started eating. He loves the egg soup I always make him for late night meals.

“Thankyou!” He said as he swallowed the very last drop of the soup.

“There are more if you want.” I said

“No, no. I’m full but I’d love it for breakfast.” He never gets bored of it I’m telling you!

“Alright I’ll put it in the fridge for you to heat up tomorrow morning before I leave.” I said and got up to take the bowls to the sink.

“Please stay.” He said as he wraps his arms around my back as I place the bowls into the sink. He then make me turn towards him.

“I missed you. I haven’t seen you in so long and we barely talked when I was in Japan.” He said with a sad face. I slowly place both my hands on his cheeks.

“Just tonight.” I said and then wrap my arms around his neck and and face on his chest breathing in his cologne. I miss this and I miss him. My tears slowly came pouring because I felt like all the good things between us are slipping away. We don’t really see each other as much and we don’t talk as much either. 

“Hey baby, what’s wrong?” He tries to wipe the tears off my face with his thumbs.

“I just miss you. That’s all.” I said sobbingly

“I know. I miss you too.” He said and placed his lips on mine. I wanted this. I want him. He lifts me up onto the kitchen island and explore my mouth with his tongue. I let out a little moan and wrapped my legs around his waist so we are closer. I tried to lift up his shirt before he stops me.

“Are you sure?” He asked and I nodded. I just want to feel him. He then pulled off my shirt then his lips was on mine again. He moves his lips to my neck and I let out a moan. His hands then went to my back and unhook my bra.

“Sandara, you’re so beautiful.” Making me blush he the lifts me up with my legs wrapped around his waist and head to his bedroom. He put me on the best and stripped leaving only his boxer on. He then went on to my shorts and pull them off of me. Then he was on top of me with his lips on mine and his hand slowly pulling off my undie.

“Baby, I need you” He said with his rasp voice.

When I woke up, Jiyong had his arms wrapped tightly around me and I felt safe and like I was home. He was my home.

“Goodmorning, beautiful.” He said kissing my .

“Morning.” I said and turned around to kiss his lips.

“I love this.”

“What?”

“I love waking up to you giving me good morning kisses.” He was so sweet making me blush.

“Well I love you.”

“Well I love you too.” He then gave me another kiss.

“I have to go practice in an hour.” I said to him

“I don’t want you to leave.” He said making a sad face.

“I have to. We are debuting in a few months. I need all the practice I can get.”

“I know baby. Let me drive you okay?”

“Okay.” I agreed. Usually when he drives me to the company, I make him let me get out to walk to the company.

Our relationship was good but we didn’t really have much time together because of our crazy busy schedule and having to not be seen in public together was not easy as BigBang was getting more well known everyday and so was 2NE1. Even though we spent as much time as we could with each other, it wasn’t enough. We barely saw each other some month. He would to see me and I would fly to see him as often as we could but that happened 6 times in 4 years. We started fighting but even though we make up when we see each other sometimes we don’t see each other at all the whole month and with other things to worry about he put a hold on our relationship. During BigBang’s Love and Hope tour in Japan In 2011, 2NE1 was also there for our Japanese album release. By that point we haven’t been talking at all. I tried calling but either its off or it went to voicemail. It hurts still thinking about it but I guess it was for the better. One of the nights that I was in Japan he called me asking if he could see me and he told me to meet me at a quite private room in a restaurant.

“Hi, D. I miss you.” He said he saw me

“Hi.” I didn’t know what to say. He haven’t talked for at least 3 weeks.

“I;m sorry we barely talked lately.” He apologized

“No Jiyong, we haven’t talked in at least 3 weeks. I called you and it went to miss call or its off. You don’t read my messages so no. It’s not that we barely talked. We haven’t talked at all.”

“D, I’m so ing sorry. I’ve just been so busy with the tour and writing the new album.” He explained and I said nothing not that I didn’t know what to say but that point I realized that his work will always come first to him. Then I get the left over time. It’s a pretty feeling being ignored by someone you love even though it was unintentional. You could say I’m unreasonable and that he had to work and I can’t come before his work but you wouldn’t understand if you haven’t been in my place.

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m done.” I said holding my tears. I’m giving him his freedom to do whatever without having to feel bad about it.

“What do you mean you’re done?” He stepped towards me and grabbed my arm.

“It means I’m letting you go Ji.” I said as I no longer hold my tears.

“The hell you are.”He was angry and hurt. I could tell by just looking at his face.

“I love you okay? but it’s just not the right time. We both have so much to achieve and we can not afford to be distracted.” I said cupping his face with my hands.

“No, we can make this work. I’ll be better. I’ll try harder. Please, Dara. I love you.” He said almost breaking down.

“And I love you too which is why I have to do this. Especially for you. You have so much potential and talent. You deserves to be out on the stage and writing songs after songs without having to worry about my feelings.” I explained

“But I always will because I ing love you don’t you get that? When I see you, you make put everything I do in perspective. You show me why I’m doing this. You’re make everything around me better. Please. I need you in my life to function. I need you to tell me what you need me to do.” He begs and at that moment I almost gave in to him. I moved in closer to him.

“I need you to concentrate on your career and music. Without me, I want you to be able to do all the things you want without having to worry about me. I hope you’d smoke less because its so bad for you. I want you healthy and happy Ji.” 

“You make me happy, Dara!” I said holding my wrist.

“I love you Jiyong but this is for the best.” I said and gave him one last kiss because getting out of his hold.

“Please, don’t leave.” He said with his voice cracking but I had to go. It was for the best of the both of us. I can't be the reason he disappoint his band and best friends and his mentor. I can’t do that to him and I also can’t stay in a relationship knowing that I have to take him away from something that would allow him to achieve his life goals.

FROM THE AUTHOR:

Hellooooooo!

I'm a BIG fans of both bigbang and 2ne1. I hope you like the first chapter of what I have instore for you readers! I want to know if you guys think the love scene was too ual or is it okay...please let me know! Also comment and subscribeeeeee x