eunsook stands at the sitting room window & watches her husband pace the drive.  the road that leads to their house also leads to a path that leads to the lake.  wide gray steps move from the gravel drive down a shallow grassy hill to the water’s edge & the dock.  he’s walking the path now, bypassing the lapping waves that shimmer in the full moonlight & keeping to the soft dirt.  the moonlight was what had drawn her to the window & minho’s movements have kept her there.  a single hand waves through the air, the other buried in a pocket, his lips move in a passionate conversation with someone only he can see.  abruptly he squats down & buries his face in his hands, shoulders shaking.  it isn’t the first time she has seen him cry in the dark.

junghee.  he still speaks to her sometimes & eunsook has caught pieces of the one-sided conversation that breaks her heart in more ways than one: she cannot compete with a ghost.

stepping away from the window & walking to her room, she slips beneath the sheets, stares at the light of the moon that illuminates the wooden planks of her ceiling, & thinks that it is a nice home; small & quaint, old-fashioned & rustic. 

~

a mere two weeks has passed & eunsook is growing uneasy.  minho’s arrival at the house each night is punctuated with a polite smile & the click of the study door & even the weekend found her in the house alone.  they have no reason to speak, she knows, & the likelihood that he is legitimately busy is quite high.  mr. cho & mrs. cho have come & gone without comment each time & attempts at conversation with mrs. song have been rebuffed with single-word answers & a turned back.  loneliness begins to settle in during her days & in their separate evenings, especially when she sees him walk beneath the moon alone.  junghee’s requests had been clear & the suspicion that she is failing them both is deepening.

their reception tonight is the first time that they will be in a room together for more than five minutes since they were married.  an elegant affair that had gwiboon squealing & a knot quickly tightening in eunsook’s stomach.  in contrition for ignoring the suggestions presented for her wedding attire, eunsook had agreed to allow gwiboon to choose what would be worn this evening with the firm stipulation that neither cleavage nor stilettos would make an appearance. 

though her cousin had pouted & swiveled her shoulders, attempting to appear cute & demure while she held up the shiny black shoes, eunsook had never wavered in her determination to never place three inch spikes beneath her heels.   exasperated, gwiboon muttered something unintelligible & sat on the leather bench as eunsook scanned the shelves for something that would please them both, something “as y as dowdy can get” as gwiboon so astutely grumbled.  the joy in gwiboon’s eye didn’t go unnoticed & she couldn’t help but laugh out loud when her cousin turned her head & shrugged her shoulders, muttering “they’re ok”.

the suggestion of contacts was nearly dismissed when the thought occurred to her that she had never actually tried them & now was as good a time as any; she’d already done so much.  the bonus of being unconstrained by her glasses was also appealing.  tonight she wishes they sat atop her nose as a shield against the stares.  the nervous habit of pushing them up leaves her finger poking her nose & making gwiboon chuckle.

the heads that turn when they enter the reception hall is a response that has been witnessed many times by eunsook to gwiboon’s presence.  a sense of awe is often drawn from strangers at the sight of her cousin & tonight is no exception.  gwiboon wears a muted gray dress with bright green heels, a splash of color that matches the elegant jade earrings hanging from her ears.  a smile lights her face as she glances back & gently tugs eunsook away from the doors.  a deep purple dress clings to eunsook’s curves, cutting just below her knees & held tight by a thin black belt.  diamond studs sparkle from her ears beneath hair that has been lightly teased & gently curled (“just a bit of texture” gwiboon had assured her as she gleefully began eunsook’s makeover).  a thin silver bracelet hangs from her left wrist & twists beneath her palm absently as she searches the room for her husband.

minho was meant to arrive with her, the bride & the groom making an entrance together at their reception an obvious conclusion.  things had gone slightly wrong & timing had been confused & he is on his way now while she waits with a nervous smile & fidgets with her bracelet.     

gwiboon stands beside her as women she’s known most of her life, or at least most of their marriages, approach her with unfamiliar smiles on their faces & generic congratulations, jieun among them.  they were one of junghee’s closest friends, if not her closest, & the smile on her face is far too saccharine to be true.  eunsook smiles back & wonders why junghee hadn’t left her final words with her friend.

“eunsook is that you?  you look amazing.  what a bold choice.”  the backhandedness of the compliment is not lost on eunsook, nor on gwiboon if the minute narrowing of her eyes is any indication.  “such a surprise to see you all dressed up tonight.  who knew that marriage would suit you so well?”

“yes it’s...very nice.”  she grimaces at the lame response, watching the smile on jieun’s face deepen into a smirk.  gwiboon moves to speak & eunsook cuts her off, slipping her arm through her cousin’s & excusing them both, telling jieun to enjoy herself & wishing her a good evening.

gwiboon is frowning as she murmurs, “you shouldn’t let her talk to you like that.”

“she just lost her best friend, gwiboon,” eunsook sighs, still searching for minho, “& i married her fiancee.  one remark is nothing in comparison to what she must be going through.”  a pat to gwiboon’s hand has her cousin nodding reluctantly & giving her a weak smile. 

eunsook thinks that either gwiboon has succeeded beyond expectation or failed beyond forgiveness when minho walks past them with only a curt nod & a polite smile while his eyes graze the room. 

“minho!  hi!”  gwiboon places her hand on eunsook’s & gently moves it off her arm as she steps forward to grab minho’s shoulder & place a chaste kiss to his cheek.

“gwiboon!  hi!  have you seen eunsook?”  gwiboon laughs & eunsook flushes, stepping forward.

“hi minho.”  

time passes painfully slow as he stares at her, as though he was laying eyes on a stranger imitating her voice.  the effect her appearance is having on him is far more dramatic than she’d anticipated & his silence is beginning to make her uncomfortable.  

“eunsook?  you look...”  his eyes move down her form slowly & she feels a heat creep into her cheeks.  suddenly he steps forward with a hand to her elbow & a concerned, “where are your glasses?”

“oh.  at the house.”

“can you see ok?”  nodding, she chuckles & points to her eyes.

“yeah.  contacts.”

“are they comfortable?”

“actually, yeah.  it was weird at first but i got these plastic ones that slip over my eyeball.  it’s really nice to be able to see so clearly.  though i do keep trying to push my glasses up.”  her finger pokes her nose in an imitation of the action & they both laugh.  suddenly there’s an arm around eunsook’s waist & gwiboon is resting her hand on her shoulder.

“doesn’t she look pretty though?”  eunsook’s eyes widen in embarrassment as minho nods.

“yes, you look very pretty.”

“thanks.” 

“come on,” he says, putting out his elbow, “let’s go work the room so we can go back home.”  laughing, her hand slips through the crook of his elbow & a quick wave good-bye is sent to gwiboon who gives her a flirty smile. 

his father is the last they bid farewell to.  he entreats them both to stay the night but minho declines before eunsook can give the same answer.  they hug & he kisses her hair before the pair leave in minho’s car.  they ride in a neutral silence with minho’s eyes on the road & eunsook’s on the moon as it plays peek-a-boo in the ink black sky.  it’s minho’s key that unlocks the door & he holds it open for her before disappearing into his study.  eunsook heads up the stairs & has reached the landing when she hears the door open & minho’s voice call her from below.  her hand rests on the banister as she glances back over her shoulder.

“yes?”

“you really do look very pretty.”

“thanks.”

“you don’t have to, you know.”

“don’t have to what?”

“look pretty.”

“oh.  ok.”  he nods with a tight smile & disappears back into the study, the door clicking loudly in the house.  there’s a pause before she moves towards her room, closing the door before slipping off the bracelet from her wrist & placing the earrings back into their velvet box.  the shoes she’d fought for clatter into the corner by the chair & her body falls heavily onto her bed & she stares at the ceiling.  the chance that he’d meant it to sound the way it had was small but it still stung a little.  not something to cry over either way.  she sits back up & slips out of her dress into a cotton nightgown, heading to the bathroom to wash her face & brush her teeth.  ten minutes later she pops out of bed to take her new contacts out.

~

after a month of watching from a window as minho walks in the rapidly growing dark, eunsook brokers the courage to join him.  the red knit shawl that has begun making an appearance at the cooling of the night air is wrapped around her shoulders as her bare feet slip into the leather sandals lying haphazardly on the floor.  the warmth of summer is still felt in the air though it is now tempered by the loss of the evening sun & the steady approach of autumn.  the night sky glitters with starlight above her & the glow of a moon that is nearly full.  the crunch of minho’s steps on the gravel fade & return as he makes his rounds, a darkened form that fades into the black & reemerges as a man.  the third time he disappears she steps out onto the gravel & waits for his return with plans to ask if she might be permitted to join him on such a lovely night. 

infuriated.  that is the only way to describe his reaction when he sees her wave & hears him call his name.  stopping dead in his tracks, staring at her though she can’t quite yet see his face.  her hand is slowly falling when he abruptly moves towards her, nearly running, his eyes dark & narrow.  no words are exchanged as he grabs her by the elbow, pulls her up the stairs, throws open the door & pushes her into the house, slamming the door shut behind her.  moonlight streams through the window overhead onto the stairs before her as his footsteps thud against the patio onto the gravel & swiftly disappear. 

no move is made from where he left her, too shocked to do much other than stand & wonder what had just happened.  the events that have brought her to this empty hallway are analyzed again & again & she can think of no action taken that should have caused him to be so violently angry.  though he had not hurt her, she was quite shaken to see how quickly he had moved to make her disappear.  slowly she steps forward & begins climbing the wooden stairs that will lead her to the safety of her bedroom & thinks in wonderment of just how right junghee has been. 

~

eunsook ignores the knock at her door, keeping her eyes on the tablet in her hand.  it would be a more aggressive gesture if her door weren’t open & minho standing in the doorway weren’t visible out of the corner of her eye from where she lies on the bed.

“eunsook.”  she remains silent & stares at the blazing white screen, wishing she’d turned down the light level before entering into this staring contest.  there had been no further interaction between them after their disastrous encounter in the dark yesterday & his arrival back at the house this evening had not been noted until just now when his fist had tapped at her door.  the impulse to slam it in his face is tempered by the knowledge that an apology is forthcoming.

“look, i was a complete jerk last night & i’m very sorry.  especially for grabbing you.  are you hurt at all?”

“you’re not that strong,” she mutters, her eyes beginning to burn.

“that’s not the point.”  the tablet drops to the mattress & she sighs at the clear remorse in his eyes. 

“no.  the point is that you’re apologizing & i’m forgiving you.”  he nods as though he doesn’t quite believe her & she doesn’t blame him; her tone is hardly kind.

“that’s good.  thank you.  um..” he glances over his shoulder & back, asking, “would you like to join me this evening?  i thought it would be nice to...you know...walk...i guess.  together.”  she watches with a bemused smile as he stumbles over his words.

“this isn’t coming out right.  i was a jerk & should never have touched you.  i’m really sorry.  would you like to join me on a walk this evening?”  she watches him for a moment, analyzing, making him wait.

“sure.”  the bed creaks beneath her as she rolls over & her leather sandals clatter against the floorboards as they head down the stairs.

they don’t talk.  eunsook wonders if minho has asked her out of guilt, if he has forgotten that she has joined him, or if he just can’t think of anything to say.  “baby steps,” she thinks, holding her arms tight around her waist.  just asking her has been enough.

~

eunsook’s progress with mrs. song is slow but steady, culminating two months after their first meeting with a tentative friendship & a happy visit.  mrs. song begrudgingly allows eunsook to assist with the modest meals that she prepares & eunsook takes the opportunity to tend to the upstairs bedrooms (under the guise of care for the older woman’s arthritic knees).  she doesn’t take over her work completely, leaving her with the dignity to earn her pay & keep herself busy with duties that have been hers for more years than eunsook has been alive. 

they chat as she cleans, eunsook knitting in the living room as mrs. song dusts & lifting her bare feet as the elderly woman pushes the roaring vacuum across the floor.  their relationship is nearly a secret & a bond between a woman who is being a bit ignored by her husband & one who is losing ground in the world.

minho finds them one afternoon slicing vegetables for a salad & laughing in the kitchen.

“what’s this?” he asks, surprise & confusion on his face.

“a salad,” eunsook replies with a smile.

“you’re helping?”

“yeah.  i mean,” a quick glance to mrs. song & back at minho.  “that’s ok, right?”

“of course i just...i didn’t realize you could,” he waves his hands around, “cook.”

“did you ever ask her?” mrs. song snips as eunsook replies, “this is hardly cooking...”  mortified, her eyes flit to mrs. song who is staring minho down with a look that dares him to argue.

“uh...”

“why are you home?” eunsook cuts in quickly, wiping her hands on a towel & walking towards him, placing herself as a buffer between the other two.  “are you ok?”

“yeah i just forgot some papers & came back to pick them up.”

“oh!  i could have brought them to you.”

“oh i just...yeah i don’t know what i was thinking.”  a palm rubs the back of his neck as a sheepish smile lights his face.

“do you want to stay for lunch?”

“no, i need to get back. 

“ok.”  they stand awkwardly facing each other, not certain how they should behave now that there is a witness.  eunsook steps forward & kisses minho quickly on the cheek.

“see you tonight.”

“yeah.  see you.”  he stands a moment longer until a subtle nod of eunsook’s head reminds him why he is in the house to begin with.

“bye.”  turning, he crosses the hallway & heads into his study.  eunsook turns back to the cook with a tight smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes & begins slicing her vegetables again, asking mrs. song a question about her grandson that she knows the older woman won’t be able to leave unanswered.  neither of the women notice minho’s hesitation in the hallway & the sound of the disappearing car is overwhelmed by the noise of their knives & laughter.

~

“you can join me on a walk tonight, if you’d like.”

“i guess i could settle for conversation.”  the lights shut off & he waits for her to slip on the red shawl over her shoulders before they step out into the cool autumn air.  it has become something of a routine for them, a nightly stroll that starts with less & less light as the warm daylight of summer slowly melts into the cool dusk of autumn.  laughter has begun to permeate their walks & little anecdotes are shared about their separate lives.

tonight he follows the line of her finger as she points out a pattern of stars that light the night sky.  the sun was nearly set when they began their walk & the moon is now standing guard as they breathe in the night air. 

back inside, he follows her up the stairs.  an awkward pause cuts between them when they reach the landing, not quite sure how to say good night now that they are becoming friends.  they each step forward & then retreat, startled by the other’s movements & uncertain of their own.  finally, minho touches her arm & says “good night”.  the sentiment is returned & he steps away into his own room, closing his door & listening to her footsteps fade away.

~

minho groans when he wakes to the sound of knocking on his bedroom door, groaning louder as the banging increases.  he really, really doesn’t want to move & it takes him a few moments to remember that he lives with eunsook now & he should probably see what she wants.  he is halfway to the door when a bolt of lightning lights up his bedroom followed by a deep roll of thunder that sounds as though it is directly overhead. 

opening the door, he finds eunsook curled up on the floor with her knees to her chest & her hands pressed over her ears, eyes squeezed shut.  as he squats down beside her he is startled to discover that she is crying.

“hey,” he says, reaching out to touch her shoulder.  she jerks away, eyes wide & glistening, before flinging her arms around his neck, gripping him tightly & he’s startled by how violently she’s shaking.  he moves so that she sits in his lap & he wraps his arms around her, hands rubbing up & down her spine.  another bolt of lightning has her grip tightening & her tears turning to sobs.

“afraid of lightning?”  she nods into his chest & hiccups.  “ok.  shhh, it’s ok.  i’m going to stand up & we’re going to go lay down in my bed, ok?”  another nod & she grips onto his bicep as he stands up.  an arm is kept around her shoulder as he leads her into his room, pulling back the sheet & letting her slide in.  he goes to the other side & climbs into the bed, laying down beside her and her hair as she rolls over & clings to his chest.  they lay that way, his arms holding her close until she finally falls asleep.  an hour passes before he does as well, too busy thinking about how he’s never seen eunsook frightened, how he didn’t even know she was afraid of thunderstorms, & wondering what else he doesn’t know.

~

eunsook wakes up alone in minho’s bed.  a crinkle of white paper against the charcoal gray sheets holds his handwriting & a note that makes her smile.

~

“what are you doing?!”

“shopping!” eunsook calls over her shoulder, the feel of the air rustling through her hair delightful.  both feet are up on the bar at the base of the cart & she is leaning to the right to keep it from veering too far to the left.  a foot drops to the ground & slaps the linoleum a few times before popping back up as she rides to the end of the canned goods aisle.

the cart stops with a few skids of her shoe & she turns around, slightly breathless, grinning at her husband who looks mortified as he walks up to join her. 

“do you always do that?!”

“do you never?”  he bristles at the question & she laughs at the indignation on his face.

“i’m an adult.”

“and?”

“and adults don’t do that.”

“i’m an adult & i just did.”  a proud smile crinkles her eyes.

“well you shouldn’t.”

“why?”

“because.  just because.”

“are you telling me not to or are you telling me i shouldn’t?”  he sighs, pressing the can of tomatoes in his hand to his forehead, muttering, “what does it matter?  you’re going to do it anyway.”  the smile falters & she looks down at her feet, embarrassed to suddenly feel ashamed.

“i won’t.  not if it really upsets you.”  he turns, peering at her with one eye, standing up fully & watching the way she unconsciously twists her foot against the linoleum.

“let me have a try.”

“are you sure?”

“if i’m going to have an opinion on the matter it might as well be informed.”  laughing, she steps away, watching as he awkwardly presses his hands to the handle & braces a foot on the bar. 

“so i just...”  he takes a few tentative pushes with the other foot, letting the cart roll slowly up the aisle.

“yeah, just like that.”  a few more & he begins to get comfortable, picking up speed & leaning over the bar as it moves swiftly down the aisle.  it’s eunsook’s turn to be embarrassed at her spouse’s antics when minho cries out “whoo hoo!” as he nears the end.  when he comes back he pops off & throws up his hand that she eagerly slaps.

“i take back everything.  that was amazing.  truly the only way to shop.”

~

he can feel a shift in their interactions, how he is noticing her more & more & that it isn’t any change on her part but just that he is finally seeing her for the first time.  he has always thought of her as his father’s dowdy friend, when he thought of her at all; the girl who disappears into her clothes & into her books & whose name he always forgets until his father introduces them again.

it is embarrassing to think of how many years they have known each other & how he knows nothing about her except that she is an orphan & that his father loves her, perhaps more than his own son.  he’s never understood what it is about her that makes his father light up upon seeing her but he is beginning to notice the reasons why she makes him smile.

it is true that she is quite shy.  he’s noticed how she grows quiet, sometimes silent when they are out in a crowd, her eyes sometimes travelling towards spaces that are devoid of people.  the thought strikes him that she may miss hiding in crevices & he tries to not push her into social situations where too much conversation will be held: now that the social season has waned it isn’t such an issue.  it is different, however, when they are alone.  still quiet around him, she is also bold & growing bolder.  he laughs at her jokes & admires her wit, watching in amazement as rolls of yarn turn into elaborate designs that grow into beautiful blankets.  he glowers petulantly when her victories tower over his at games of both skill & chance & suffers her laughter at his defeat.  he’s unsurprised to discover she is quite smart & a piece of his heart aches watching the way her relationship with mrs. song blooms, the smile when they are together brilliant.  he wants to be the recipient of that smile, that laugh: she is so beautiful when she laughs.

the clothes she wears are still a size too large & she usually wears her hair up in a mess: the times she lets it down takes his breath away.  watching her habit of pushing her glasses up her nose when nervous is endearing, though he often wants to take them away so that they’ll stop bothering her. 

minho has a crush on his wife & it is playing with his head.

little things are happening between them, little touches when they go on walks in the chill night air.  autumn has fully arrived & the gravel still crunches beneath their feet as hands brush against each other & neither of them acknowledge it.  he lets his hands linger on her shoulders when he helps her with her shawl & her fingers travel down his arm as she leans against him & points to a deer.  he’s caught her watching him & he’s caught himself watching her & he doesn’t know what it all means but it doesn’t mean nothing. 

he’s made an agreement with her, spelled it out on paper, & while there is nothing directly said about physical relations he definitely feels the implications were that there would be none.  he can’t ask, can’t say anything at all.  he’s brought them into this situation & he won’t risk their precarious relationship because he is lonely.  that’s what he tries to convince himself it is: just loneliness.  it doesn’t stop him from letting their fingers brush together or his hands from lingering.  it only keeps him from kissing her hair or holding her hand or brushing his thumb against her cheek & asking if he can kiss her.  it keeps him from the important things.

~

it’s a frosty evening when he comes home to find eunsook in a mess of a kitchen, his plain black apron covered in flour with metal cups & spoons scattered over the counters.  the oven warms the tiny room & the smell of sugar cookies wafts through the doorway.

“is that my apron?”  she jumps, little granules of sugar spilling to the floor & he laughs at the shock on her face.

“minho!  i didn’t even hear you pull up!  yes, i guess.  it was the only one in the cupboard.”

“what are you making?”

“i...”  eyes flit around the chaos in the small kitchen & back to him before crinkling in a sheepish smile. “i was just making cookies.”

“from scratch?”

“yes i...  there’s something lovely about making things, about being able to follow a recipe & having it come out just as you’d hoped.  i just really enjoy it.  if i had known you were going to be back so soon i would have started earlier.”  minho leans against the doorframe with crossed arms & a chuckle.

“why?”

“i didn’t want you to see the kitchen like this.  it can get pretty...” her hand waves around as her forehead crinkles in concentration, searching for the word.

“it’s a disaster, sook.”  another sheepish smile & a shrug of her apron-clad shoulders.

“i know.  but don’t worry, i’ll get it all cleaned up as soon as i’m done.”  dishes start piling in the sink as she moves around the kitchen & gathers them up, the water roaring as the bits of batter & powders wash away.  “the bowl & the spatulas i still need, but everything else can get set up in the dishwasher.”

“it’s fine to make a mess, sook.”  the water shuts off & eunsook turns back & sighs.

“i just didn’t mean for you to see it.”  a shrug & a shy smile that surprises him.  “a point of pride, i guess.”

“ah.  well then i’ll pretend i saw nothing & act surprised when i come out in...”  the smile he wants for himself shines. 

“an hour should be enough.”

“an hour.”  he reaches his hand out & she slaps their palms together.  eunsook’s begun loading the dishwasher when he turns back & braces his hands against the doorway, leaning in.

“sook?”

“yes?”

“save me some cookies.”  this time a laugh joins her smile.

“of course!”

the plate is warm beneath his fingers when he picks up a cookie that is almost too hot, making them both laugh when he blows on his fingertips.  a hum & closed eyes are his reply to her query “good?”,  a nod & a soft “so good” soon to follow.  the sound of a gentle chuckle breezes against his ears & as he opens his eyes he asks if he can have two more.

the bite of the last cookie is in his mouth & he’s still smiling at the flavor bursting on his tongue.  eunsook sits on the seat across the table from him with her legs crossed & her elbows on her knees.  they’ve been talking & eating cookies for the last ten minutes & laughter had ebbed & flowed while they munched on the sweets.

“thank you.  they were delicious.”

“you’re welcome,” she replies as she rises & leans in to take his plate.  “there’s more hidden throughout the kitchen.”  a chuckle puffs through his lips as she winks.  the air shifts abruptly when she leans forward to brush a crumb from the corner of his mouth, her finger brushing against his skin twice more than necessary & her eyes are on his lips two seconds too long.  turning his head towards her hand causes his lips to brush her fingers & it still takes another one-one thousand for her to reluctantly pull her hand away.  when he looks up she’s watching him with flushed cheeks.  then it’s her back disappearing across the hall, the plate dropped haphazardly in the sink, & the fading echo of her footsteps up the stairs ending with the sound of a door closing shut.

~

eunsook sits on her bed & stares at the door & waits for her heartbeat to settle.    thoughts have been dancing through her head the last few weeks & tonight they almost took control of her actions.  they’re winning now if she’s honest.  a chance remains that everything that makes the thoughts dance through her head are misinterpretations of incidents that are actually insignificant.  the fingers his lips had brushed now brush her own & there’s just enough hope that she’s not wrong to move her to her feet.  

~

eunsook steps out of her bedroom just as minho reaches the top of the stairs & they stand on the landing watching each other in the dimness.  the energy that had crackled between them earlier that night electrifies the air now & her arms tingle at the sensation.  as he begins to turn away with a murmured “good night” & a quick smile, she takes the opportunity to say, “i know that this is a contract marriage & all.  but two years is a long time & we...”  the words she wants to say slip to the side & fade away, taking her breath with them & it’s only the darkness of his eyes & the bob of his throat as he swallows that gives her the courage to continue without them.  “we can be close.”

another swallow & his eyes are guarded as he repeats her words in the form of a question.  a careful step toward him, the floor cold beneath her bare feet, moving as one would toward a deer they didn’t want to startle away.

“close.” a whisper now that he’s near enough to hear.  he watches her quietly, unmoving, his eyes widening slightly as his hand is taken in hers & placed on her hip with a smile before she rises onto the tips of her toes to kiss him gently, willing him to kiss her back. 

a gasp breaks through her lips on his as the hand at her hip moves to the small of her back & pulls her flush against his body.  another hand reaches up & cradles her neck & opens with a moan as their kiss dances away from its chaste inception.  fingers clutch at his waist, grasping at the material of his shirt & her feet carry her across the threshold that lies between the landing & his bedroom with a familiarity that does not exist.  he pulls her down onto the mattress with him & she laughs as they roll over & he quickly scrambles to brace himself over her prone form.

the shirt she’d gripped has been banished to the ground in the blackened room, only the pale light of a three quarter moon glowing through the open window guiding their actions.  their lips burn & his hands have already been up the thin nightshirt she’d slipped into before taking this chance when he suddenly stops & leans back.  

“wait, wait.”  fingers scratch bluntly down his chest & she wiggles her hips as he pauses.  “are you sure?”

“yes, yes.”  hands grabbing at his shoulders are ignored & he doesn’t move.

“no, eunsook.  are you sure?”  she quits fidgeting & looks up at him, at his eyes.  even when he’s asking, when he’s reminding them both of the magnitude of what they’re about to do, she’s certain.

“yes.”  a solemn nod & he’s kissing her again, moving his lips down from hers to her neck.  her legs spread & a finger runs through his hair as he begins caressing her s beneath her flimsy nightdress, pulling one out & on the sensitive flesh, the other soon to follow.  a moan escapes into the warming air as he moves back up & she tastes his mouth, biting her lip as he pulls away.  kisses sprinkle down her body as he moves between her legs, his lips laughing against her thigh when he finds no underwear.

one hand braces against the headboard & the other twines with his hand at her hip as minho & & does everything so very, very right.  it isn’t necessary but it is a nice bonus. 

“you, you,” she whispers as she sits up, pulling him up, her fingers already tugging down his flannel pants.  the mattress shifts as he kicks them off & then moves away. 

a quiet, “” is murmured by explanation as he pulls a sleeve out of the bedside drawer.  shaky hands tear the packet & roll the up as he kneels before her on the bed.  when she leans forward to do more her face is taken into his hands & “another time” is whispered against her lips.

the sheets are soft against her back & minho pulls away only long enough to push into her & then her heels are braced against the mattress as he begins slowly working his hips.  hands roam everywhere over his body; up & down his back, through his hair, against his chest.  “more, more,” she whispers, groaning when his movements quicken, pulling him towards her by the neck, her lips scattering marks across his shoulders, collarbones, & chest, receiving the warmth of his breath against the crook of her neck in response: the ghost of kisses against the quickening beat of her heart. 

“right there, right there, god, yes!”

they don’t say each other’s name because this isn’t about that & enough is being spoken through the way their lips & nibble & everything in between as minho’s s deep to make acknowledgment of who else they are superfluous. 

her palms press against his chest as her hips shift, pushing him up & rolling them over so that she is on top, one hand braced against the headboard & the other in her hair as she bounces in his lap.  thin fingers run up & down her sides, up to her s where he cups them, sitting up to mark them with his lips, an arm around her waist.  the hand in her hair falls to his neck & she holds him close when she feels his tongue swirl around her s.

“soon,” she whispers, her limbs growing soft.  heavy swallows ebb against the moans spilling over her lips & she does her best to catch her breath, movements becoming desperate in all the heat.  the neck in her hand is damp & her body is everywhere warm & wet.  he nods against her s & pulls her closer & her fingers tighten in his hair.  toes curl as her back arches & her breath is lost for a moment, coming back with a guttural moan that vibrates through her quivering body.  her eyes are still closed as he rolls them onto their sides, pulling her leg above his waist & ing in slow.

“good?”  she laughs, opening her eyes & leaning in to his lips into , an arm curling again around his neck.  they lay like that for a while, minho giving eunsook the chance to catch her breath before moving them again. 

her knees are tucked against his sides, his head buried in her neck when he cums, little moans that ring hot in her ears.  she kisses his cheek & runs her fingers through his hair.

“that...was really good.  we should definitely do this again.”  she shrieks when his fingers tickle her sides & moans when lips at the sensitive skin just above her collarbone.

“no time like the present.”

the mattress is firm beneath her stomach, a hand linked with his & the other cupping his chin the next time his skilled hips make her toes curl.

~

eunsook wakes up warm & soft snuggled beneath blankets that cover her from her head to her feet.  a deep breath & gentle sigh as she kicks out her leg in a quick stretch, shrieking when her ankle hits something solid to her left.  it takes a moment to fight her way out of the coverings & she gasps & ducks again beneath them when she sees minho’s open eyes blinking at her.

“i can see you, you know.”

“can you pretend you don’t?” comes her muffled reply.  “just until my heart stops pounding?”

“regrets?”  her brow crinkles at the question because no, no regrets & he sounds a little sad.  the covers are tucked over her head & under her chin, only & eyes poking out causing him to laugh.

“no.  just startled.”  he props his head up on his hand & gives a little pout.

“forgot me already?”  a little snort as she sits up wiggling her eyebrows.

“you could always help me remember.”  he begins to lean towards her & she presses a finger to his lips with a gentle smirk.  “after we brush our teeth.”

~

“i met someone.”  eunsook taps the ceramic mug in her hand with a finger & smiles knowingly at her cousin.  there were only three things that would have kept gwiboon from asking more questions about eunsook’s marriage & a man was one of them, though rarely had one kept her so occupied, so distracted.  even now she had been late to the cafe & was still laughing on the phone as she struggled with the door.

now they sit on opposite sides of a worn wooden table with mismatched mugs of opposing temperatures & eunsook basks in her secret & gwiboon’s excitement.

“we met at a house-building project our churches are working on together.”

“a good christian boy,” eunsook says with a raised eyebrow.

“catholic even.”  mutual chuckles as gwiboon taps the table & eunsook takes a chilly sip.  “it’s only been a few weeks but they’ve been...”  dreamy eyes drift away from eunsook & her own roll as she waits for her cousin to remember they’re still together.  it’s a few moments & laughter bubbles up when gwiboon’s expression suddenly shifts & her cheeks blush as she glances back at eunsook.  “really nice.  he’s a widower & he runs a dance studio he used to own with his husband.  he’s got a little boy who’s-”  a wave of a hand & a few quick swallows has eunsook catching her breath.

“husband?”  gwiboon’s eyes narrow slightly & eunsook’s a little surprised at how defensive her cousin’s “yes.” is. 

“oh.  ok.  a little boy who’s...”

“he’s seventeen months.  haven’t met him yet but i’ve seen his picture.  he looks like his dad.”  she leans down to take a sip, looking back up before her lips reach the rim of her cup.  “his other dad.”

“ah.”

“his name is taemin & he’s 23.”

“cradle robber!”

“minho’s younger than you!”

“yeah but he-” eunsook catches herself & her cheeks burn at gwiboon’s salacious smile. 

“he what?”

“no idea.  tell me more about your taemin.”  gwiboon snorts & takes a sip, glancing at the chalkboard menu over the till before looking back.

“not my taemin yet.  sort of hope to be his gwiboon though.”

“sap.”

“hmm.  anyway, he’s ridiculously clumsy.  just...i have never met another human being ever who manages to lose their possessions as frequently he does.  & so awkward.  when we met he was so quiet & he kept fumbling with the paint.  but once he got a hang of it he was unstoppable.  the focus he has.  we got to talking because we were the only ones not drinking the coffee.  he made some lame joke about the smell of stale coffee & laughed when i told him his joke was lame.  so...  afterwards we went out for some good coffee & just talked for about three hours.  that was about six weeks ago.”

“six weeks?!”

“i know, i know.”  eunsook watches amused as gwiboon blushes into her drink.  “so tell me, how’s married life?”  there’s a cinch in eunsook’s chest, a little twinge to remind her that the truth requires discretion because the totality of it is too complicated for a friendly cup of coffee on a sunday afternoon.  & she’s not ready to reveal it if she doesn’t have to.

“good.”

“good?”  it’s eunsook’s turn to raise an eyebrow & smile lasciviously.

“so good.”