eunsook watched the woman slip gently over the edge of the canoe, managing to fall into the water without knocking the wooden boat over.  it bounced in the waves her submerging form left behind, drifting away from the last place eunsook could see her.  she stood frozen, watching, the letter junghee had left her crinkled in her fist.  it was too quiet, there were too few people at the lake today: the perfect day to disappear.  eunsook glanced up the beach frantically, her eyes landing on a trio of men on a dock with fishing poles attached to the lake with thin lines & willed them to look up, look up, look up & see that there was a woman dying in front of them.  a lifetime passed before her silent plea was heard & then suddenly the beach was swarming with people.  the stillness of the morning was shattered with voices screaming, waves splashing, & the shrill, piercing sound of a whistle blowing.

everything unfolded before her in slow motion, a surreal display of life unimaginable a mere two days ago.  the pain in her chest spread to her fingertips & toes as she watched them dive & emerge, dive & emerge, over & over without junghee in their arms.  time was an illusion & it could have been seconds or days before they finally pulled her up.  given what was in the letter, it was a miracle they found her at all.

junghee’s body lay limp far too long on the sand, her raven hair & rose-colored sundress drenched & glistening in the cool sunshine.  an ambulance & its team of paramedics were forced to push through the crowd of onlookers who didn’t seem to understand that the lights & siren were indicative of something vital, that their fascination was not of greater import than the medics who saved lives.  what little hope eunsook held, despite junghee’s own words, evaporated quickly & her feet had still made no movement when the coroner finally arrived.

the beach was nearly empty before she was finally able to take a step.

~

eunsook stands in a room full of people mourning at various levels a tragic accident that has led to the loss of a woman who was pretty & often kind, who listened enraptured to any story told, & who had published a book of poetry only a year before.  it felt like a deception to be at the funeral, as though she were complicit in junghee’s death despite knowing that she had done nothing to cause it.  all she had done was receive a letter from a woman who had never been a friend, only an acquaintance.  the things junghee wrote within the pages she sent to eunsook were things so private that eunsook could almost imagine that the years upon years that they had known each other were filled with false memories, that she had misunderstood their relationship from the start.  almost: there was too much evidence to prove such an idea false.

to say that eunsook had envied junghee would be too strong a word, that she admired her too weak.  the ease with which junghee spoke in groups was never begrudged because eunsook recognized within her the same desire for isolation, for quiet & for solitude.  if it were possible such a desire might have drawn them together, but the desire itself kept them apart & they didn’t have enough in common beyond their age & quiet discomfort to draw them together.  so eunsook kept to herself & occasionally glanced at junghee, wondering what it was like to move through society with such ease.  now it was her fiancé that eunsook watched, the man who would mourn a loss he might never understand but that had been laid out in detail in a letter eunsook had hidden in an old journal. 

it wasn’t her place to explain to him what had been explicitly stated to be a secret she needed to keep, an explanation only as a reasoning for what she was being asked to do in the coming weeks.  so she maintained her silence, shaking his hand & hugging his father, a man whose gentleness had been a comfort during a childhood fraught with loss, & walked away, hoping that honoring the wishes of the dead would not come back to haunt those who still lived.

~

a crisp april morning finds her in his home sat at the dinner table beside his father. 

“he’s not well, not since junghee...”  he lets the sentence hang & she leaves it alone, nodding in understanding & placing her hand over his.  he looks haggard & worn when he joins them, a brief nod in eunsook’s direction & then he’s gone again.  an appearance, nothing more, bites of food to placate his father enough to be allowed to grieve alone.  her glass grabs her interest because it is stationary & holds no emotional turmoil & it hasn’t asked anything of her other than to enjoy.  time passes unmeasured & she’s still staring at her drink when his father pats her hand & asks if she would like to join him for a stroll.

~

attempts to engage minho in conversation are met with varying degrees of success & she knows she isn’t the only woman expressing interest in the now single man.  it’s difficult to know where the line is that will indicate her intent & that her sudden interest isn’t motivated by the same desires as many of the pretty women who now flutter nearby.

it’s gradual & stilted, her end of the conversation disjointed while he remained quiet.   the sudden shift from the vibrant man who was tethered with eunsook in filial devotion to his father to the morose man whose narrowed eyes often stared at the floor made every move even more difficult to navigate.  & junghee’s words more truthful than even she may have been able to predict.

a memorial day bar-be-cue is the first time she makes him laugh.  progress in pieces & she thinks junghee would be proud.  

~

eunsook waits for sunyoung to greet the customer as the soft chime of the bells ring overhead.  when there is no greeting, she suddenly remembers that the other clerk had taken a long lunch that day & the book in her hand is placed back on the shelf as she makes her way to the front, wiping her hands on her pants. 

“hello, welcome to...”  the words die on her lips as she is greeted with the sight of choi minho in a business suit standing in the little used bookstore.  she glances around to see if anyone else is in the shop but it is just them & she looks back at him with a confused smile, absently pushing up her glasses.  they’d never spoken of where she worked & there was no reason for him to be so far out of town in the middle of the day. 

“hello eunsook.”

“hello minho.  can i help you find something?”  her eyebrows are still furrowed but she hopes she doesn’t look angry.  she’s been told she looks murderous when she is confused or concentrating.  or just not smiling.

“i need to ask you something, something personal.  is there somewhere private we can talk?”

“um...”  at that moment she catches sight of sunyoung coming up the sidewalk, her phone to her ear & a smile on her face as she nods animatedly at whatever the speaker on the other end of the line is saying.  “let me get sunyoung to cover the register & i’ll be right with you.”  she can see him glance around the empty shop but he only nods.  the midafternoon heat stings after the cool of the shop as she waves sunyoung down, explaining that she needs her to keep an eye on the till while she deals with some private business.  her head shakes & she sighs when sunyoung catches a glimpse of minho in the storefront window & her eyebrows waggle, laughing brightly as eunsook steps back inside.  the hallway is narrow & stacked with hardbacks, the tiny office that doubles as a break room just as crowded.  the two vinyl dining chairs are bare & she gestures at one as she takes a seat in the other.

“will you marry me?”  eunsook’s eyes widen as she impulsively leans back. 

“will i what?”

“i need your help.”

“i don’t think i’m qualified.”  she regrets it the minute it slips out of & she is ready to apologize but he doesn’t seem to notice.  the way he’s looking at her is confusing: he really is serious.  “why me?”

“you’re the only one i trust for this.”  there’s a certain sting in a marriage proposal that comes without words of adoration or affection & there’s a certain pride in knowing that her actions have earned his trust.  “you’re my only hope.” 

“did you just quote ‘star wars’?”

“did i quote what?”

“never mind.”

“you’ll get a stipend every month, i don’t want you to think you have to ask to buy anything.”  a slight tilt of her head is the only indication of her disappointment at how little he knows about her.  “it won’t be forever.  just two years then an annulment.  just long enough to get the looks of pity off of everyone’s face.” 

“a pretend marriage.” 

“a contract, yes.”

“we’ll live together?”

“at the lake house, yes.  oh...uh...unless that makes you uncomfortable.”

“no, it’s fine.  i trust you.”  she laughs lightly.  “neither one of us wants to hurt your dad.”

“yeah, i guess not,” he says as he rubs the back of his neck with a sheepish grin.

“does he know about this?”

“he thinks i’m here asking you out on a date.”

“which technically you are.”

“yeah.”

“so a quick little courtship & then he can finally have us wed.”

“basically.”  her smile drops.

minho’s father has been the closest thing she’s had to a dad for the majority of her life.  the last eight years found him trying to bring her & minho together, introducing them to each other year after year at christmas, each time seemingly the first for minho.  a tradition of sorts, something like a game.  the homely daughter of his former business partner was of no interest to him, his eyes glittering when they fell upon junghee’s petite beauty & no woman had a chance when his heart was so hers.  it wasn’t a stinging rejection, just a bit of an annoyance that his father continued to push when the son was so clearly not going to budge.  now circumstances have horribly changed & they sit in a small office negotiating a marriage contract.

“i don’t like lying to him.”

“then don’t.  if he asks you directly don’t lie.  but i don’t think he will.  i think he’ll be too happy to ask too many questions.”  he chuckles.  “i think he believes you could heal my broken heart.”

her eyes narrow & she stays silent.

“anyway,” he continues, looking back up, “do we have an agreement?”

“yeah,” she says slowly.  “we should probably write something out, get it notarized.”

“seriously?”

“yes to the writing it out, no to the notarization.  just to clarify things, make sure we understand each other on this.  i don’t want to make assumptions.”

“it’s really simple.  i basically pay you to live with me for two years.”

“right but i’d just like to have a bit more of a conversation than what’s feasible in a back office in the middle of the day.  besides, it’ll look like we’re on a date if we go to a restaurant or something.” 

“ok, sure.  um, tonight?”

“yeah, that sounds good.  8?”

“yes.  pick you up or meet you somewhere?”

“mmm...pick me up.  the more conspicuous we make this courtship the better.  we actually want the neighbors talking on this one.”  she laughs & he smiles.

“all right.  see you at 8.”  he stands to leave.

“wait, where will we be going?”

“it’ll be a surprise.”  he turns to leave & then turns back.  “just...you might want to wear something a little nicer.”  she looks down at the oversized tunic & loose pants she currently wears & back up at him, her pride a little hurt.

“a dress?”

“that would be good.”  he smiles tightly & steps out of the office.

he hadn’t said anything but she’d caught the way he’d looked at the messy bun at the back of her head.  she sighs. 

~

when he comes to pick her up on the corner she is dressed in the same clothes with her hair falling loosely down her back & over her shoulders.  she pushes up her glasses in a nervous habit & waits for his response.

“i thought you were going to wear a dress,” he says with confusion, coming around the car to open her door.

“never said that.”  he laughs & she smiles.

“no, you didn’t.”

“where are we going?”

“wherever you want to go.”

“you said it would be a surprise.”

“you get to pick.  surprise!”  a quick snort & a declaration of a hunger for indian food finds them twenty minutes later sharing a basket of naan.

~

“there’s a housekeeper & a gardener.  mrs. song has been with my family for over thirty years, well before i was born.  she comes twice a week, mondays & thursdays, & is very keen on running the house her own way.  that’s not been a problem since it was just me.”

“shouldn’t be a problem at all.”

“she’s not great with change so i hope you’ll be sensitive to that & not push her.”

“do i seem like someone who would?”  he sighs & rubs the bridge of his nose.

“no.  just something i’ve put her through & don’t want to again.”  eunsook nods, not knowing how else to respond.  “mr. cho is the gardner & he typically comes on thursdays & he likes to bring his wife with him.  she usually sleeps while he does his work.  her health isn’t great & they don’t like being apart from each other if they can help it.”  eunsook nods again thinking how nice it must be to have someone to want to be with at all times.

“should i do anything for them?  make them lunch?”  he looks at her with a crooked grin.

“that’s mrs. song’s job.  she cleans & she makes meals.”

“oh.  so you won’t be cooking for me?  well that’s a deal breaker.”  laughter takes her breath at the confusion on his face.  “i’m kidding.  i am a good cook, though.  not great but still pretty good.”

“that’s up to you.  now we should talk about-”

“what do i do then?”

“what do you mean?”

“if someone else is cooking & cleaning & taking care of the yard, what am i supposed to do?”  minho shrugs.

“whatever you’re doing now.” 

“ok...”, she says slowly.

“what?”

“it just feels weird.”

“weirder than a contract for an annulment?”  she laughs.

“no.  so basically i just live in your house for two years & go as your date to things that require a date & that’s it.”

“basically.”

“hmm.”  he sits up.

“if you want to back out it’s fine.”

“no, i’ll do it.  it’s just weird.”  she sits back & then sits back up again.  “won’t she notice that we have separate rooms?”  minho looks at her, his eyes widening.

“damn.  i didn’t think about that.”

“we’ll have to find a way to make it look like i sleep in your room, some way to keep her out of mine.”

“we’ll say it’s a guest room.  that you decorated it for when your family comes to visit.”

“ok, that could work.  i’ll just make sure to clean it up before she comes by.”

“yeah.  damn.  can’t believe i missed that.”

“well that’s why you’re marrying me.”  he looks up at her as she wiggles her eyebrows.  “for my brains.”  he laughs softly & turns back to the list.  “did you have a date in mind?”

“august fifth.”

“that’s pretty specific.”

“it’s a nothing day.”

“perfect for a wedding.”

~

a fourth of july picnic two weeks later has him sitting beside her as the ring on her finger glistens in the sunlight.

~

“mrs. song this is my fiancée eunsook.”  eunsook reaches out her hand that the elder woman doesn’t take, eyeing her with a mix of suspicion & surprise.  she pulls her hand back, glancing at minho, & lets it drop to her side.

“it’s nice to meet you.” a timid smile is pressed on her lips that is acknowledged with a silent nod & eyes that turn away from her & narrow at her husband.  the tension is palpable between mrs. song & minho & a part of her wonders if it is her presence that is the cause.  without comment, minho moves into the hallway & begins walking toward the back.  eunsook gives mrs. song a little wave as she follows.  the back door opens out onto a little patio & she steps through as he holds it for her.  it sits in the middle of a large green lawn spotted with blooming rose bushes & the air is rich with their perfume as butterflies & bees fly freely in the soft summer breeze.  an older woman, about mrs. song’s age, lays out in a chaise in the shade & an elderly man is pushing a motorless trimmer through the grass.

“mr. cho!”, minho calls, heading towards the man who stops & looks over his shoulder at them.  a smile blooms on his face when he sees minho that grows confused when he sees eunsook with him. 

“mr. cho this is my fiancee eunsook.”  again her hand reaches out & this time it is taken & shaken vigorously.

“it’s good to meet you eunsook.”

“it’s nice to meet you too mr. cho.”

“that’s my wife over there,” he says pointing at the woman who appears to sleeping.  “she comes with me & takes a rest while i work.”  a glance at minho & a nervous shift.  “that won’t be a problem, will it?”  eunsook blinks & shakes her head, wondering why he would feel the need to ask.  especially her.

“no!  not at all.  i think that’s lovely.”  he smiles & nods & they let him get back to his work.

back inside, minho gives her a brief tour of the home, starting with the dining room whose doors they’d just stepped through out onto the yard.  it’s elegant in a simple way, delicate chandelier hanging over a dark table & matching chairs with a patterned rug beneath & a watercolor behind.  the kitchen is how she remembers it; tiny with a farm sink & old-fashioned stove & refrigerator, a round wooden table worn with age tucked in a shady corner in the back.  they pass the front door & the door to his study ending in the den that is no longer the family room of their youth.

an enormous television set hangs on one wall & there is a large sofa & matching arm chair angled in front.  a bookshelf stacked with game machines & controllers catches her eye.

“that,” eunsook says, taking in the sight of assorted gaming systems stacked on shelves & the boxes of cartridges organized alphabetically in the tv room, “is a lot of games.”  minho shrugs.

“i like playing.  helps me unwind.”  she leans in & reads the titles through the clear canisters.

“i’m noticing a theme.”

“i like soccer.”

“i’ve noticed.”

“you disapprove?”  she looks over at him, confused.

“of course not.  why would i?”

“some people think it’s a silly hobby for a grown man to have.”  a half-smile/half-frown as she stands up, turning towards him.

“no one gets hurt & it makes you a better person because it makes you happy.  nothing silly about that.”

“huh.”

“what?”

“i’ve never thought of it that way.”  eunsook shrugs.

“happy people are nice people.  nice people make other people happy.”

“yeah, i guess you’re right.”

“of course i’m right.  i’m the wife.”  wiggling her eyebrows, she laughs which causes minho to smile himself.  “will you teach me some time?”

“to play?”

“yeah.”

“no.”

“what?  why?”

“because you’ll win.”  she laughs again as she follows him out of the room. 

 minho takes her into his study & shuts the door, gesturing to a chair that faces his desk.  the coverings over a small window to her right are half-open & warm daylight falls to the ground by her feet.

“i think that went well.”

“mrs. song hates me.”

“no.  she doesn’t trust you yet.  give her time.”

~

eunsook stands straight in her ivory shift dress & matching flats with a loose braid resting against her spine & teardrop pearls dangling from her ears.  the lit eyes & bright smile of her cousin at the announcement of their engagement had been followed with an elaborate description of what she felt eunsook should wear on her wedding day; advice that had been refused.  eunsook had borne her cousin’s persistent pout for the last week because anything more than the simple outfit she wore this afternoon would have felt fraudulent & cruel in the face of what she was about to do.  it was a real wedding but a fake marriage & the groom had been engaged to another less than six months ago.

eunsook blushes when minho leans down & kisses her gently on the lips, her eyes open for their first kiss.  this part of the ceremony had not been addressed during any of their preparations & she had actually forgotten the tradition, surprised now that minho hadn’t brought it up.  the whoops coming from his friends & her cousin startle her out of her confusion & she smiles awkwardly at her husband. 

“lady & gentlemen, mr. & mrs. choi minho.”  minho stretches out his hand & she takes it, following as he leads her towards their witnesses.  gwiboon grabs her up in a tight hug just as minho high-fives his friend jonghyun.  they’re still holding hands as minho leans into his father’s embrace & as his father places his hands on her cheeks & kisses her forehead murmuring, “we are all better for having you in our lives.  congratulations.”

minho holds her hand all the way to the car, opening her door & watching as she seats herself before finally releasing her fingers.  the drive is short to the restaurant where they hold a brief, informal reception with only their witnesses as guests.  a formal reception has already been planned to be held at the choi estate at the end of the month; a celebration that had eunsook nervously biting her lip & pushing at her glasses if she dwelt on the matter too much.

a delicious meal followed by jovial conversation ends with eunsook smiling at the glint in gwiboon’s eye (& the suggestive waggle of her eyebrows) & accepting a hug from her father-in-law & a handshake from her husband’s best friend.  soon enough they are again in the car heading this time to the house they will now share as husband & wife.

~

eunsook watches out the window as the landscape morphs from concrete & steel to dark earth & heavy woods.  the soft crunch of gravel beneath the tires marks their arrival as does the lake coming into view before disappearing again as they come down the drive.  minho parks on the rounded driveway directly between the front door & a path that leads down to the lake. 

she steps out & looks out at the water shimmering beneath the summer sun.  a cool breeze blows their way through the trees & the quiet is punctuated intermittently by the faint sound of birds.  a dock stretches out into the lake with a pair of metal chairs that will need to be brought in once the weather cools. 

“eunsook.”  she turns at the sound of her name & follows her husband into their new home.  as a child there were many visits made to the choi lake house, especially when minho’s mother had still been alive.  scattered memories of b-b-qs & boat rides with their parents & her siblings brings a bittersweet smile to her face & she pauses at the base of the stairs as minho unlocks the front door. 

a wooden deck stretches uncovered from the front of the house to the back with a gliding bench & small table between a pair of wooden rocking chair resting on its planks.  as she steps inside she’s struck by how twenty-five years had passed since she’d last visited & yet nothing had changed. 

the wood panels she remembers still cover the walls & the floor.  enormous windows let sunshine stream through the house to the upper landing & another through the main door to the base of the stairs.  a small country kitchen is to her immediate left, a large study to her right, & she knows that just down the hall, behind the stairwell, there is a dining room & a den.  she presses her hand to the banister & looks up the stairs.  there are four bedrooms up there & a small sun room that looks out over the lake.  a full bathroom sits just to the left of the head of the stairs & there is a half-bath in the master bedroom just to the right.  the bedroom that is now hers is directly across the hall from his & half the size, though the bathroom with the enormous whirlpool tub will now be for her alone. 

of the two rooms left one was furnished as a guest room & the other a sitting room, reminiscent in some ways of the playroom it had functioned as when they were young, when she was called ‘sookie’ & he was called ‘min’.  suspicions had risen that it was set up for her when she had seen the lamps, sitting chairs, & a medium-sized television that was no match for the giant screen that sat in the den below.  his sudden appearance behind her when they had visited the house the week previous, asking if she liked it, had been met with a nod & a grateful smile.

the stairs creak beneath their feet as they make their way to the top.  without speaking they each step into their respective bedrooms & shut their doors, the click of the doorknobs settling in unison. 

it is a small room, less than a foot between the edge of her bed & the window, just enough between the foot & the dresser for the drawers to open with ease, & a mere two steps from where she will sleep to the doorway.  the bed sits on a cream-colored rug that cools the warmth brought by wooden planks above & below. an enormous window across from the door glows beneath white vertical blinds & lace curtains.  the ceiling slants sharply with the same deep wooden slats as throughout the rest of the house. 

eunsook steps out of her flats & lets the shift she wears fall to the floor.  both are placed on a soft mauve chair in the corner of the room before a breezy tunic & a pair of loose pants dug out of the tall dresser across from the foot of her bed are pulled on.  the brass frame squeaks softly as she sits on the mattress & steps into her brown leather sandals.  stepping again into the hallway it occurs to her that they hadn’t actually discussed what they would do at the end of the day.  the ceremony was over & they had had supper.  the sun would be setting in a few hours, but there was still plenty of time to play a game, watch a film, take a walk, or just talk.  his door is already open & her hand is at the railing when the click of a door being shut reaches her.  looking down she sees that it was the study door & the only thing he had asked of her when they had come to the house last week was that he not be disturbed when the door was closed.  she watches for a bit, mulling things over, then she steps back in, grabs her tablet, & heads down the stairs & out the front door.  the rocker is warm from the sun & shifts gently as she absently moves it back & forth.  the sandals lay haphazardly on the deck & her feet are tucked beneath her as she begins to read, the ring on her finger glistening in the sunlight.